Conversations and Observations
by PitViper
Summary: The power of conversation - it takes on a whole new meaning when applied to the Children of Evangelion. AU Fic - right before the 13th angel. Enjoy. Please remember to R&R. Chapter One Part 12 - November 21th
1. Prologue: A Tear in the Universe, A Univ...

Conversations and Observations.

NGE fanfic.

By PitViper

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Ok, this is going to be an NGE fanfic.  Although you may not understand it (Hell, I don't and I wrote it!), I hope you enjoy it.  Besides, anyone who has watched Babylon 5 knows that Understanding is a triple-edged sword - something very difficult to grasp without getting cut on one of the blades.

Of course, Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by Gainax, and is distributed in the US (And most likely elsewhere) through ADV.  I had no part in creating NGE, and I hope no-one sees fit to punish me for borrowing the characters for a little fling in their universe.  May you enjoy the words I have written here and may they make sense. BTW, to any large corporations out there seeking to make cents, please don't sue me because I am not going to make a penny off of this. 

Remember, its all for fun - enjoy it.   

Oh, by the way, there are SPOILERS for just about everything in the EVA universe in here.  Keep that in mind while reading this.   Also, this story marks a departure from the normal flow of events in the NGE universe at about the 13th angel.  

Also, Rei and Shinji may seem to be out of character.  I will try to keep this to a minimum, but just the fact that this is a story which involves a great deal of reflection between the characters, Rei has to open up a bit - at least to Shinji.  Also, you will find that Shinji is not the spineless wimp he appears to be in the series. 

New character alert - I have added a character to the story.  Known as the Guardian, he is an observer.  I promise, though this character will be powerful, he will also be fallible and most certainly will not be the central focus of the story.  His actions, however large or small, will have consequences, both good and bad for our heroes.   I am aware of the Ensign Mary Jane/Marissa Picard syndrome that plagues Star Trek fan fiction - which is the primary reason I focus on main characters and not the ones I've created.

I hope that I've done at least a passable job... I am working on several other fanfics as I speak, but I don't know when I'll be able to update.  But, be assured, unless I receive nothing but negative responses, (All I need is one, somewhat kind - or at least helpful - review) I will be updating this to the bitter end.  

Also, for those of you that want to know, this is going to be a Rei/Shinji fic.  I know that this combination gets a lot of flames - mostly from people who love Asuka... (btw, I'm working on a fic or two with her as Shinji's interest as well) Just note.  Flames on the Pairing alone will have no affect on how this story proceeds.  I will ignore direct attacks of individuals who simply want me to pair Shinji with Asuka.  For those who think S/R is incest - I do not support incest, I think incest is repulsive - and I don't think that pairing Rei and Shinji is incestuous.  The explanation will be in the story (Not in this prologue).     

Finally, I haven't contacted anyone to beta or pre-read my work.  So what you are seeing is straight from the author's fingers.   I plan on doing at least one spell check before I post - and hopefully my grammar is passable.  :) 

Reviews are welcome.  Flames...  I have my own way of dealing with those, but you may send them anyway if this fic disturbs you that much.   Any suggestions and criticisms pointing out my many flaws are openly welcomed. 

Thanks, Sit back, and enjoy the ride! 

PitViper

4/17/2002 – 

Well, I'm updating the Prologue to my story by putting it into a much more readable format – and using Microsoft Word.   I've been so used to JED (A Linux Console based plain-text editor) that I've forgotten how helpful the functions in word can be to write a coherent story.   

I am going to be re-posting the prologue in parts.  Hopefully this will make the reading far more enjoyable and easier on the eyes.  I plan on having the Prologue re-written in about a week to week and a half.   Once it's complete, I'll repost it in its entirety – replacing the existing one.      

-PitViper  

4/21/2002

I have finished the complete revision.  This post shall replace the Prologue in Conversations and Observations.  Please remember, read and Review.  

Thanks, 

P.V.

4/24/2002

Ok, I've fixed a little part of the dialogue below.   It's for the Class Rep – Hikari Hokari.   I used her last name in dialogue by Shinji.  I'm pretty sure that Shinji uses her first name when talking with her.   So that makes the sentence sound awkward.    

Of course, I could have the last name wrong:  If Hikari's last name is not 'Hokari' please, someone point it out to me.  

As for the date in chapter one: The date is correct, I did not make a mistake :)   I will say this once, it may smell like VoaT now, but I'm well aware of where that fic was heading, and this one's going to end up in an entirely different ballpark.    

Did I ever say that Path of Tears is related to this.  Somewhat in a background way…  Hum… 

Thanks, 

P.V

4/28/2002

Yes.   I have converted this one as well.   The formatting is a pain.  I can't believe that I didn't notice it until now.   I hate having to edit at midnight!!!

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Title                  :**Conversations**** and Observations**

Author               :PitViper (pvalpha@yahoo.com)

Universe            :Neon Genesis Evangelion Alternate Universe

Type                 :Drama/Romance

Rating               :NC-17 (For later Chapters)

This Fic contains Graphic Violence, Strong Language, Disturbing Descriptions, and Adult Situations not suitable for those under the age of 17.  (Although you've probably seen much worse)

Version             :2.00.2

04/16 - .1                      -           Minor editing changes.  

04/16 - .2                      -           Removal of the -kun (Since I don't know how the use it.) 

04/17 – 1.01.0               -           Conversion to MS Word from plain ASCII text.  Grammatical improvements as well as adding some –kun's back into the story.  Broke it down into smaller pieces    

04/21 – 2.00.0               -           Compiled back into a large chapter once more.  Enjoy.

04/24 -  2.00.1               -           Fixed a minor flaw in the use of Hikari's name.  

04/28 – 2.00.2               -           Fixed formatting issues by converting to HTML from Word.   

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**Prologue: A Tear in the Universe, A Universe in a Tear **

"The 'Trinity of the Impacts' is one of the most unusual temporal sequences in the multiverse.  This particular causality loop is considered one of the most long standing quandaries in the study of multiversal human evolution. Through observational calculation, (Since we do not know the exact origin of the causality) we believe that nearly forty iterations have occurred since observation began.

The Angelics are the most recent species to attempt analysis of this particular mystery.  Please note here that the 'Angelic' species that is performing the analysis is not to be confused with the 'Angel' species encountered in this multiversal sub-domain. (For a detailed description, please see the Species Volume IV, entry 'Interon-Angelic', and Volume XV, 'Homo-sapien-angelic') Detailed analysis of known iterations will not occur here.  We will focus on the last iteration before the loop was broken..."

--          Chronicles of the Merging, Vol XXVI, chapter 214

Entry by Gar Hardin, Of the Galactic Council. 

Ayanami Rei stared out the window.  A simple statement of truth, one that every student acclimated to room 2-A understood without question.   In fact, any other action that the First Children might take would most likely fill the class with abject fear and dissonance, as Rei rarely paid attention to anything during the school day.   

Of course, the lack of attention was simply an illusion.  Ayanami had perfect recall of every word their sensei had decided to impart.  In her mind, the fact that she had perfect recall of every word was disturbing.  Why would someone want to remember a falsehood?

For, as Rei knew, the information that the Sensei possessed was false.  An elderly history professor, the sensei had no knowledge of the truth behind Second Impact.  Lies were woven into an intricate web, designed to ensnare, entrap, and entangle people who sought the truth.  The more anyone struggled to grasp the true meaning of Second Impact, the more ensnared they became. And like the real webs Ayanami had occasion to see in nature, this web of disinformation had more than its share of poisonous spiders - Spiders that could only be described as swift, silent, and deadly. 

Once, Rei supposed, classes like this might have had meaning.  She had snippets - fragments - of similar experiences to this.  But those were shallow and distant memories of a life that was not hers.   But she knew enough to know that her life before her first death was far better than what she possessed now.  

However, the existence of the first Rei was a pointless one.  The child Rei existed simply to exist back then, and served little to no useful purpose.  Rei blinked as she watched sun beams chased away shadows across the grounds outside the school.  

'It is darker outside.  It shall rain.' Rei told herself.  As if to confirm this sudden insight, a droplet of water caught the window she was peering from. 

Rei was captivated by the droplet.  The sun was still out, yet this tiny visitor from the sky had seen fit to land on the window.   It was not that Rei had never seen such a thing before - it was simply that she never had stopped before to actually think about a drop of rain.  Immediately, her mind began to dissect the droplet. 

Perhaps, for the First Children, eviscerate would be a more appropriate word.  Her placid face hid the tremendous processes that drove her mind, and its pursuit of its perceived goals.  Examine, analyze, calculate, and execute. Those were the four primary steps she followed in every task she undertook. Piloting Eva was no different for her than learning schoolwork or analyzing a drop of water.  It was a vicious cycle that would wear down any opponent or problem - given time. 

For this moment, Rei was intrigued by a drop of water.  'What was water?' Rei asked herself, beginning the process.  Water was the medium of life.  It wasn't really a building block - for it composes no intricate part of a living organism other than for the fact that it and it alone, is the most perfect solvent known to mankind.  Given time everything will dissolve in water.  What water does not divide by molecular and ionic activity, it erodes.  

The fluid, each molecule a tiny boomerang of destruction and life, tears at everything it contacts.   It is dipolar; it will always bend towards charges.  Mountains become molehills in its wake, as billions of years slowly allow the water to take the mountain away, particle by particle.  In its simplest form it was one Oxygen and two Hydrogen atoms bound together in one of the most stable molecular configurations known to man.  Yet there was more to it than this.     

'How did the drop get here?' Rei continued.  A drop of water formed by the condensation and cooling of water vapor in the atmosphere, pulled by gravity to the Earth. Rain is the lifeblood of most of the world, and brings relief to those who toil on hot farms and in paddies of wet rice.  The water follows a cycle.  It falls from the sky as rain, as a result of cooling in the atmosphere.  It proceeds to fall and strike the earth at some point. After striking the earth, the water tends to flow from high ground to low ground, simply following the path of least resistance.  As the drop grows into a small puddle, then a tiny brook, then a small stream, and finally a river, the droplet finds itself carried to the ocean, where warm air in tropical zones cause it to become water vapor once more.   

'It will never die.  It will continue onwards, dying and being reborn ad eternum.'  She narrowed her eyes at the tiny droplet.  'It is alone, on the window - As I am alone in this world.' Suddenly, the droplet had a companion.  The next droplet was much larger than the other, possessed far more intricacy, and as gravity tugged at it, slowly moved to engulf the other droplet.  'The cycle…  Two become one.' Rei, in an unusual expression of emotion, sighed ever so softly - neither her countenance nor stare changing direction, but the soft gasp revealing the slightest inkling of the emotions swirling beneath. 'The water has found unity with others of its kind.  Where do I seek unity?'    

Of course, even this small, almost imperceptible flicker of an emotion outside the norm was immediately recognized for what it was, and Ikari Shinji turned his head slightly towards Ayanami Rei's form.   Imperceptible to others, the slight downturn in blue-haired girl's expression struck him like a fist.  'She is concerned.  I wonder if it is another angel about to attack.'  Soon, however, even this minute trace of discomfiture was washed away from her features as rain drops began to pelt the window with something approaching consistency. 

One is tempted to ask, 'Precisely how did Ikari notice such a small thing as Rei's sigh?'  For Evangelion pilots, empathy is a part of what allows them to do what they do.  The more 'synchronized' with their Eva's they become, the more the empathic sense grows.  While Shinji could not perceive this analysis at quite that depth, he could reflect that he was overly sensitive to the states of the pilots - In particular the emotional states of one Ayanami Rei.  'Perhaps it is because she shows so little of her true self,' Shinji reflected, 'that is why I feel her so much more.' He focused on this thought as the rain increased in intensity.   

Shinji allowed his glance to drift to the window, which showed the rain, and interspersing columns of bright sunlight.  The sunlight in the distance shown through brightly for a brief moment revealing one of nature's natural wonders.  'A rainbow…  An almost perfect and beautiful rainbow.'  He enjoyed the view for a fraction of a second; then he redirected his gaze to the designated pilot of Unit 00, who by now had noticed the refracted light.   To Shinji's eternal surprise, he noticed that the natural optical trick had indeed washed away the concern he witnessed earlier upon the placid face of the albino girl.   While not a muscle on her face had moved, her eyes reflected the sight of the rainbow.   And despite the girl's best efforts, a small smile reached those eyes - a smile that would never grace her face in any other place due to the iron control she wielded upon her body when not in the presence of the Commander.

'Why is she so…' Shinji thought, 'so…'  Further contemplation, however, was interrupted by a sharp pain.  

-Thwack!-

"Baka! Shinji," Asuka Langley Sohryu admonished between clenched teeth.  "You and your little hentai mind are always undressing Wondergirl!"   

'Wondergirl…' thought Shinji, slightly perturbed at the sudden pain from Asuka's strike.  'What is it about Rei that so infuriates Asuka?'  Shinji asked himself, finally turning back to the Sensei's lecture.   

Asuka, not one to leave Shinji with an easy escape, added to her soft-voiced tirade: "I should know better, Little Shinji obviously likes to play with dolls.  Perhaps you play dress-up with the Doll?"  Her tone of dislike obviously was directed at Ayanami, and it left no doubt whatsoever in Shinji's mind what the Third child thought of the First.  "Maybe that is why you pilot EVA, Eh, Shinji?  Ikari-sama, hero of the planet, the greatest puppet master alive!  See him and his amazing EVA do tricks!."  Asuka's cruel eyes narrowed at the back of Shinji's head.  "And in this tent, see the most amazing wonder of the natural world: The living doll, Ikari-sama's greatest masterpiece, Ayanami Rei.  The doll that can control dolls!  See her strip buck-naked for you as she follows Ikari-sama's orders."  

"Please, Asuka." Shinji whispered, practically begging the redhead to stop. 'Is it possible, in a sense I did pilot for Ayanami-kun.  At least the first time…' Shinji thought to himself.       

This brought a devilish light to Asuka Langley Sohryu's features.  'Soon… I just might get under his skin enough…' She thought, "You and your little hentai mind.  What can you possibly see in that doll? Eh Shinji-kun?"  Asuka thought hopefully, 'Maybe… just maybe…'  

Asuka expected many things from the young Ikari.  Foremost on that list was silence.  Next to that was another impassioned plea for her to cease her taunting.  The last thing she expected Shinji to do was grow a spine, although she hoped for it secretly.  But of all the possible combinations that entered Asuka's head, she didn't expect what came next.  

"I see many things in Rei." Shinji defended without tearing his gaze from the instructor.   Had he looked back, he would have noticed a very soft rosy hue forming on the pale Pilot's cheeks.  "She is a beautiful person.  I just wish I could see in a little more, and that she would let me."  Shinji rested his head upon on the desk, "I would like to be her friend, Asuka.  I feel as though I fail her each day I do nothing."  'Just as I feel I fail you each day I do not live up to being your friend, Asuka.'  

These simple words seemed to hit Unit 02's pilot like an AT-Field.  "Mein gott.  You actually like that little... little... windup toy?"  

Just then, the classroom bell rang, as Hikari quickly guided the class through the 'Stand, Bow' Routine before lunch.  Seemingly sensing the fiery German's temperament, the students quickly filed out of the room.  As the crowd thinned, Ayanami redirected her attention towards Asuka.     

"Shinji no BAKA!" Asuka flared, not noticing that Rei was still in the room.  "How dare you?  What am I saying?  Spineless Shinji!  You can't even stay around for long.  Poor little Shinji hates getting in his little toy day in, day out.  Idiot!  Shinji the great defeats angels - even if he doesn't want to!"  

"Eva is pain, Asuka." Shinji said softly. "Don't I have a right to be… hesitant when it comes to Eva?"  Before fully comprehending the consequences of his next words, Shinji muttered, "Sounds like you're jealous." 

Asuka, in full form, quickly displayed her outrage at the thought: "ME!  JEALOUS OF YOU!  HA!" She flicked her hair back quickly.  "I'm worth ten of you, Ikari.   You remember that!"  

As Asuka stood haughtily over Shinji, who had refused to move from his desk, Rei decided to take action.   Asuka, Second Child, was now the sole focus of her attention.   For a few, long seconds Ayanami simply stared at the Second Child's  back, standing less than a few inches from it, then finally reached her conclusion about the Second Child and the statements she was making. 

"You are incorrect, Pilot Sohryu."  Rei stated softly, but with enough force to cause Asuka to literally jump in the air and crash into her desk.   

For his part, Shinji raised his head and looked at Ayanami standing nearly toe to toe with Asuka.   The first Child's impassive gaze penetrated deep into Asuka's clear, blue eyes as though those azure orbs were mere puddles of muddy water below the drill head of an oil rig. 

"Wha..." Asuka stuttered, recovering from the shock of having the enigmatic First Children standing so close without even realizing the girl had still been in the same room with them.   Ayanami's crimson eyes were doing a great job of piercing her own with deadly effectiveness.   She felt as though she were an onion, and Rei was peeling back each layer, examining what was there, and throwing it away to proceed to the next.  Asuka felt her control slipping, and didn't like it - so she countered the only way she could.  "So someone charged up Wondergirl's batteries?  Good for what, say, five minutes or so?  Same as that pitiful excuse for an EVA you call Unit 00!"   

Rei's eyes narrowed.  "You are incorrect.  I surmise that you are worthless compared to Ikari-kun."  

"First Child!  How dare you!  I am Asuka Langley Sohryu.   If I am so pitiful, Ayanami, then why do I have a higher sync rate than all of you!" Asuka spat.  

"You pilot for glory." Rei said, allowing her eyes to return to a normal impassive stare.   "Yet you have been defeated on the battlefield numerous times.  It only stands that your core reason for piloting is flawed, and as time progresses, will not support you as you continue to fail."  

"I won't fail." Asuka countered, 'I never fail.'  

"You already have." Rei said, her tone of voice declaring the statement as absolute fact.  Then she looked at Shinji.  "Ikari is at least honest to himself.   He knows what limits he has, and makes few excuses for his behavior.  He does not wish to pilot EVA for EVA.  He knows this in his mind.  But he does not wish to see humanity end.  Shinji's conscience drives him to pilot Unit 01.  Since his purpose is clear and his cause just in his eyes, he will succeed."  

Shinji, listening to this, softly contradicted Rei, "If only it were that simple." Shinji whispered.  He took a long glance at Rei before continuing, "I pilot Eva… for him - For the chance that by doing well, I could possibly… Know my father again.  It's a foolish wish.  I wish I piloted for the reason that you said.  I think…" Shinji paused before continuing, "Sometimes I pilot for the people of the world.  But I still do it for the hope that Father might recognize my worth, in some small fashion." Shinji admitted.   

"Still, Ikari is better than you, Pilot Sohryu.  Shinji faces his truth." Rei said unblinkingly.  "Ikari can face and confront his truth in many ways.  In what ways do you face your truth, Pilot Sohryu?"    

"I don't need to face any truths.  I am who you see before you, Asuka Langley Sohryu, Second Child, and Pilot of Evangelion Unit 02!"  

"It is just a name and title." Rei observed.  "You have no purpose.  No direction other than Eva.   Remember, Eva consumes that which tries to possess it.  Unless you face yourself and accept your truth, you will always fail."  

"I will not fail, I will be great!  You will see, all of you, I am Asuka Langley..." Asuka stopped to look at the young girl who just closed her eyes.  "What!"

"You lie." Rei accused. "My words are wasted," Rei admitted almost sadly. 'I hate wasting my efforts.' She thought.  She looked at the clock, "Ikari. We should eat; there are synchronization tests after school.  Hunger would be an unwelcome distraction."  Asuka no longer occupied a single iota of Ayanami's attention - for in Rei's mind, Asuka Langley Sohryu had no purpose.  

Shinji nodded, and moved to gather his lunch.  He moved slowly, realizing that Asuka had simply collapsed back into her seat.  'Why did Ayanami do that to her?' he asked himself.  He realized that a shadow was standing over his desk, and looked up from gathering his things to stare at the shadow...  "Ayanami?" He asked, noting her staring at him.  

Rei, softly, very quietly: "May... I walk with you to lunch, Ikari-kun?" 

"Umm... Yes, sure Ayanami. Of course you may." Shinji noticed that she appeared to be nervous and slightly concerned.  'Perhaps it was the confrontation with Asuka, after all - before this she had barely said more than ten words of her own volition in the classroom.' 

Asuka watched as the pair walked out of 2-A together.  A small part of her mind realized what was happening, but her selfish pride refused to allow it to manifest as jealousy.  Instead an irate anger gnawed at her, until several minutes later she gathered her food and went to lunch.   

- 

Rei walked slowly towards the cafeteria, Shinji beside her.  "You said you wished to be friends." Rei stated, her face as impassive as ever.     

This entire situation was very weird for Shinji, noting that Rei had never acted this way before, and it felt completely alien for her to be acting like this now.  Although he could not place exactly what the source of this nagging feeling was, he understood that he cared for Ayanami, and wanted to be friends with her.  'So why does it disturb me?  Is she any different?'  Shinji reflected upon this for several moments when he became aware of two red orbs observing him quietly.  'Best not to let her think that you're ignoring her, Shinji.'  "I'd like to know you better." Shinji finally stated.   

"No... you wouldn't." Ayanami said at barely a whisper.  "You don't know how terrible..."  

"I don't care," Unit 01's pilot quickly countered, "Ayanami, being friends - having friends, is important.  We can't keep all this, what we do, and everything else inside ourselves.  Without friendship... we'll break from the stress.  I have no one that I can talk to besides Asuka and Misato.  But Misato is an adult, and I can't always relate to her - Asuka is... Asuka!  She's more frustrating than keeping these things inside.  You don't know how much I wish that wasn't true, but it is." 

Rei nodded. "You like Pilot Sohryu." She looked at him. "Despite her hostility, you still like her."     

"I like you too, Ayanami.  I care for you."  He stared into her eyes, "I care for both of you.  But Asuka was hostile against my attempts at being friends, and you were indifferent.  It was so hard, Ayanami.  But I can't give up, because I consider both of you to be friends, even though I don't really know you... either of you."  He stopped and they turned into an empty classroom, short of the cafeteria.   

Ayanami looked at him suspiciously, but followed him in anyways.  

Inside, Shinji sat on the edge of a desk and looked at Ayanami while pulling out his lunch.  She found a desk and did the same.   

Shinji turned himself to face her, "Tell me about yourself Ayanami, what was your childhood like?" 

"It was... Difficult."  Rei started.  "I'm... not like other children." She opened her own lunch and began to pick at the food absently.  She finally ate a few bites, not bothering to elaborate.  Shinji realized that she would not do so on her own. 

Shinji nodded.  "You don't have to tell me if it bothers you so much, Ayanami.  It's usually that people who are friends share things about each other.  You must have had good memories, even if they were just a few. What is the happiest memory you have?" 

Rei's eyes narrowed.  Then a small smile lifted the corners of her face, "The day you rescued me after the 5th angel attack.  Smiling was pleasant. It is probably the most cherished memory I have.  That and the day Commander Ikari rescued me from my plug.  Those two memories are my most precious."  

"Nothing else?  Have you no memory of your family?  Any brothers?" She shook her head in the negative.  "Sisters?" Rei hesitated.  "Rei, do you have sisters?"  Somehow he had always imagined her as an only child.     

"I... I can't tell you.  Literally, I have no family." The stoic Evangelion pilot felt tears tempting the edges of her eyes.  'Why does this hurt now, this truth?'  

"A-Ayanami? You have no-one?  No memories of family?" Shinji knew she had no family now, but never? 

"I have none.  Commander Ikari is my guardian.  He is the closest thing..." Rei took a deep breath, focusing herself before speaking again, "Closest thing I have to a father."   

'My god, that my father is the only one?' "That is sad, Ayanami.  Terrible. It should not be." He saw her analyzing her hands very carefully.  "It is worse than what my father did to me."  

"He told me you ran away from him, Pilot Ikari." Rei stated bluntly, almost accusingly.  She wanted nothing more than to move the focus of Ikari's inquisition from her past. 

"He- He told you I ran away?" Shinji said aghast, then calmed down noting Rei's impassive stare, "Well, I guess that's how he perceived it.  He told me that he had no use for me, and sent me to live with my Uncle." He looked at his own hands, "It must be how he saw it, that I didn't try to stay with him so... In his mind I ran away.  In my mind, I simply went where he told me to go."  

Rei looked into his eyes, "He lied to me." Rei said, and in her mind it was true.  "He lied about you.  When you first arrived, I asked why he did not allow you to stay with him.  He told me that it was because you ran away from him."  

"It's probably because I am a reminder of Mother." Shinji admitted.  "He threw everything related to her away.  Not even a single picture of her - she has faded from my memory, I no longer know what she looked like.  He'll probably dispose of me in the end.  Just like my mother's things, useless."   

'I believe he will.' She thought, then moved closer to Shinji, noticing that even though his food was there, he had not touched it.  She touched his hand, and knelt before him.  "He had lied to me.  He does not deserve my respect anymore, Ikari-kun."  She grasped his hand and used her other to lift his face to hers ever so slightly.  "I think, though, I would like to be friends."   

-

The Tokyo 3 Junior High School cafeteria was a place rarely used by the student body for anything more than a source of semi-edible nutrition. Even then, the students who purchased their lunches rarely chose to eat within the confining walls of the room. The primary reason for this disuse was simple: The eternal summer of Second Impact made being outdoors far more pleasant than being jammed in the institutional setting of the school.  

Of course, Asuka was well aware of this fact, and rarely partook of the peculiar atmosphere of the cafeteria.  Unfortunately, for her, she had little choice.   The rain outside prevented her escape from the hallowed halls of learning and forced her to share her eating space in the jail-like environment.   

Upon entering the scholastic home of intestinal displeasure (If someone had to buy their food there), Asuka quickly noted two facts about the room that defied all logic.  (At least the logic Asuka was capable of generating.) 

First, there was no sign of 'baka Shinji'.   She spotted the dynamic duo of Aida Kensuke and Suzahara Touji quickly enough.  They were having an animated discussion – arms flailing and gesturing rapidly.   Asuka paid attention to it for exactly three seconds, before turning her head away in disgust.  While the conversation seemed quite lively to Asuka, she knew that it concerned things that she would likely never care to know.   

Her gaze continued to roam the confinement zone that was her current location.   The second fact, while noticed quite quickly, became blatantly obvious.  The student population interred in the room was distributed evenly.  This made no sense whatsoever – there had to be a space devoid of all but one individual.   A space, for all intents and purposes, that was like the event horizon of a black hole.   A null zone that radiated from the individual in question that kept all normal people at least a table-length away.    

Ayanami Rei was not in the lunch room.         

Shinji and Ayanami were both missing.  And this made no sense to the headstrong Evangelion Pilot.   'Where are they?' She asked herself, hoping that the answer involved several degrees of separation (Preferably measured in kilometers) between the object of her detest and the object of her frustration.   Just as she was about to turn to leave and search for the wayward individuals, Sohryu felt a hand upon her shoulder.    

"Asuka!  I was starting to think that you weren't coming to lunch.  I was about to come looking for you." Hikari said.  As Asuka turned around, the class representative quickly noticed her friend's distress, "Asuka-chan, what's wrong?"

"Ayanami and Shinji…" Asuka said softly as though it were all the answer Hikari needed.  Her head again swept the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of either one.    

"I noticed they aren't here.  It's not so unusual for Rei, but Shinji rarely misses being with the stooges." Then the truth of that simple fact hit the be-freckled youngster, "Asuka, you don't think?" 

"No!" Asuka said quickly, "No.  I don't even want to think about _that_, Hikari.  I can't believe...  Even Shinji wouldn't be so... so... lame as to do something with Wondergirl."  

Of course, the open ended question could have had a hundred different endings.  Thanks to Asuka's reaction the Class Rep now clearly understood the problem. "It's not as though you let your feelings about him be known, Asuka." Hikari said.  "In fact, it could be said you go out of your way to make him feel unwanted."  

"He's a boy.  He's a pervert." Asuka claimed haughtily, then became sullen. "It's not that I don't like him..."  

"Could have fooled me," Hikari muttered under her breath to her friend.  "Asuka, Even I am not so... hostile to Touji.  You are downright nasty to Shinji.  I heard that slap from across the room today!" Hikari shook her head at Asuka's infuriated expression.  

"He was... was... staring at... at her!" The venom in her words left no doubt as to who 'her' was.  "That doll... she doesn't do anything, and she captures his attention so completely.  They were just staring at the rain for God sakes!"  

"There was a rainbow, Asuka.  I can't believe you didn't notice." She said, "Even I stared at it for a few seconds.  Such things are rare."  

"Uh..." Asuka said.  'Perhaps he was looking at the rainbow, not Ayanami. I can't believe I didn't notice.' "I guess... you might be right.  I- I didn't even see it, Hikari.  Was it pretty?"  

Hikari nodded in the affirmative.  "Very." 

"But why isn't Shinji here?" Asuka asked her softly, finally moving to sit down and eat.  As she began to focus on her body, she realized that she was quite hungry.  She quickly pulled out her lunch.  'The lunch Shinji made for her.'  It wasn't the greatest thing, but it was better than buying lunch.  He always seemed to take care in making her food.  But he was just a boy, after all.   

"You hurt him, Asuka." Hikari said, having moved her food to sit with her friend.  "He may have decided to try to talk to Ayanami because he can't talk to you.  Just imagine what stress he's under? He has to talk to someone who won't berate him every other word.  He can't talk to us, because we're not pilots.  He can't talk to you because you won't let him.  Ayanami's the only one left, as sad as that is to say."   

"Not true!  He can talk to Misato anytime!" Asuka countered.   

Hikari looked at Asuka with a sideways glance.  "You think so?  You think that Shinji could open up to someone who has to report everything she sees and hears to his father?  The father who wouldn't give him the time of day?  Who abandoned him?" Hikari realized that she shouldn't have said that. Touji had told her that in confidence, after he talked about it with Shinji at length. Needless to say, Hikari had little doubt that Shinji hated his father, and even EVA. "Perhaps he does talk to Misato about some of his problems.  But she is an adult, and he needs one of us to talk to."   

"I- I just... don't like the idea of him being with... her." Asuka said, at a loss to express it any more clearly.  "She's just so... cold. No one even makes an attempt to penetrate her shell.  I tried and all I got in return was the cold shoulder.  We're pilots, and she completely ignored me."  

"One thing about Ayanami, Asuka, she may appear to not pay attention, but she does.  She's the number one student in class.  She gets A's in every subject, and still stares out a window 99% of the class time.  Whatever her problems may be, they are not from not paying attention."  

"Perhaps it's because Commander Ikari never ordered her to make friends. Maybe in absence of that command, she chooses the path of least resistance- she thinks everything and everyone else is irrelevant.  Everything and everyone is irrelevant except Shinji." Asuka said, eating her rice.  "Why Shinji? Half the idiot boys in the class would kill to go out with her since they can't go out with me!  But she remains indifferent to all of them except Shinji..."  Asuka finally noticed her friend's stare.   "What!" 

"You _are jealous of Ayanami." She said in a whisper.  "You really like Shinji but the way you treat him..."_

"I am _not jealous of that Doll, Hikari.  I can't believe you'd even suggest a thing like that.  Ayanami accused me of lying before we left the class, of lying to myself for all the stupid things!"  Asuka mentioned as she stared at her food.  'Could it be true?'  _

"Maybe you should ask her to explain." Hikari suggested, "I've never known Ayanami to be cruel to anyone.  Indifferent, yes.  But cruel - never."  She looked carefully at the pilot, "And you should tell Shinji how you really feel, before you lose him.  Once Shinji gives his heart to another, there will be no getting it back."  

"Shinji would never be so stupid as to do something like that.  After all, Hikari, I am the most desirable female in 2-A!" Sohryu proclaimed, a thousand-watt smile glowing on her face.    

Hikari simply shook her head back and forth, "Shinji may end up realizing eventually, but not before trying the 'path of least resistance'.  Ayanami is such a path.  I have the feeling that Shinji does care for her - for now it is just as a friend, but ask yourself this: What would you do if you ended up loosing him to _her_?"  

The part of her mind that kept that very thought shielded from her consciousness never bothered to think that it could come from Hikari.  So when the words were processed and heard in Asuka's mind, a primal scream threatened to erupt from her mouth.  If the cafeteria were not so loud with the varying conversations of children making the most of the lunch period, a slight gurgling whimper would have been audible.  Asuka couldn't even open her mouth for fear that the scream would be released.   After several long minutes, she finally managed to quiet the emotion.  "Hikari..."  She was interrupted as two people entered the lunchroom.   

Rei and Shinji entered the lunchroom - hand in hand.  The silence that would have allowed Asuka's earlier whimper to be heard then descended upon the cafeteria in a wave spreading from the entrance and quickly moving to the back, as the entire student population contained in the cafeteria looked up at the couple.  

Some would say, 'That was the day the world ended.'  Shinji had a slight smile on his face, and seemed very happy that Rei was holding his hand. If someone were to ask why this was so, they would not believe the answer.  Instead, the thought fell into every student's mind at the same time: Shinji and Rei - a couple.  Now they were boyfriend and girlfriend, because there could be no other explanation for the amazing scene playing out before them.  The great Ikari Shinji had penetrated that binding steel-like energy that encompassed Rei's heart.  So in gratification, she was now his girlfriend.  It wasn't until they saw that an ever so tiny smile was mirrored in Rei's appearance the class began to believe this was one of the signs proclaiming the end of the world as they knew it. 

Even one of the few teachers who monitored the lunch period was shocked by this scene.  A foreign teacher, the man began to recite a passage from the bible to himself:  'And lo, I looked on as he opened the sixth seal, and there was a great quake.  The sun became as sackcloth and the moon as blood.  The seas boiled and the skies fell...'  

Of course, the truth was that Ayanami still shared Shinji's sense of shock at the revelations that they had both experienced during their brief interlude.  She held his hand as much for her own support as for Ikari's.  'Yet I like this feeling.  It is warm.  It feels right.' Ayanami told herself.  She did not care what the other students saw, heard, or felt at this moment.  She knew the student body was staring at them, and did not care.  Only one person mattered right now, and that was Shinji.  

Shinji was happy, because he had the opportunity to be Ayanami's friend. Although the feeling wasn't quite as liberating as he'd wished it was - considering that he found even more to dislike about his father - it was a form of freedom.  If he died tomorrow and was brought to judgment for his life, he could say that he honestly tried to help someone who needed it.  In reality, he helped Ayanami as much as he helped himself - and if she wanted to hold his hand because of it, then so be it.   Still though, the stares from everyone reached across to him and painted embarrassment on his face.  

It wasn't until after a full minute had passed in utter silence that Shinji began to feel that entering the way they did was not the right thing to do.  However, when he went to look at Ayanami's face, what was there completely washed away any apprehension about the situation.  There was a smile there, not a large one, but a smile none the less.  

"A-Arigato, Shinji."  She said, and the smile grew a little more, "Domo Arigato."  

"Hai, Ayanami."  Shinji said, and the hand was released. 'It does not feel right to call her Rei...  Perhaps someday it will.' He thought.   For a few more seconds, the two stood there before the class, in complete silence. Then something happened that Shinji wouldn't have expected in a thousand years – not.  Really, Shinji had expected it the moment he came in the room, but to his surprise, it took this long for the Devil to react.  As he looked back towards the cafeteria, he saw Asuka standing before him, tears rimming her reddened eyes.  He saw her lip trembling... 'She... oh no...'   

-Slap-

"Du... Du Hure!" Asuka whispered, having hit Ayanami full force in the face. "I hate you.  I can't believe... I refuse to believe... I DID NOT LOSE HIM TO YOU!"  She reached her hand back to slap Ayanami again, but something stopped her motion - painfully.  

Shinji held Asuka's arm in his iron grip.  Although physically weaker than Asuka, even he could leverage what little weight he had to stop the blow - as long as Asuka did not re-direct the fury towards him.  "Do not ever hit Rei again, Asuka."  He said it so calmly that it shook Asuka to her core. 

Rei made no motion, and showed no emotion related to the slap - although the smile she had for Shinji had disappeared.  "You lost nothing, Sohryu." Rei said in a monotone voice.  "You never had anything to begin with.  Especially Shinji."  

Shinji, feeling Asuka grow slack, released his grip on her hand.   He took a good look at Asuka's face, and noticed tears brimming there. He looked at Ayanami, and saw something else.  It wasn't anger; it was more like - disappointment.  Still, though, Shinji was confused, "What did you mean that you lost me to Rei, Asuka?"   

This brought Asuka back to the present.  Her eyes narrowed on Shinji, "Baka, Shinji.  You know what I meant.  It's obvious, you holding her hand on the way to lunch.  Disappearing for half the period!" Asuka's anger returned, "So, Shinji, did your little Doll do everything you dreamt of?  Did you play dress-up?  Or, perhaps, it was dress-down!  Must have been something, because she calls you by 'Shinji-kun' now."   

"I am not a Doll," Rei countered, "And you don't understand what passed between Pilot Ikari and me.   You don't deserve his friendship, Sohryu." Not 'Pilot Sohryu' but just 'Sohryu'.   

Asuka whipped back around to Ayanami, ignoring Shinji, who was pale. "You're a windup toy, a Doll, Ayanami!  You will do anything that Commander Ikari tells you to do.  He manipulates you and plays you like a violin, you little Doll.  And this hentai over here is probably screwing you to the floor!"  

"Why would Shinji attempt to 'Screw' me to the floor?" Ayanami asked innocently.  "It would serve no purpose if I were fixed in one position, and I am sure that it would be uncomfortable as well.  If I were to be 'screwed' into anywhere, it would be in my entry plug."  

Shinji gaped at this, 'She really doesn't know what Asuka was trying to say.'  Had it not been so embarrassing for Shinji, he would have laughed. 

"You want to do IT in your entry plug?" Asuka asked, dumbfounded.  

"Do what in my entry plug?" Ayanami asked, 'I do not understand.'   

"Asuka, you don't understa..." Shinji tried to interrupt, but was greeted by Asuka's fist.  

"Quiet, Third child." She raised her hand again to strike him, but suddenly Asuka felt the wind leave her chest.   With a grunt, she collapsed to her knees, attempting to catch the breath that Ayanami forced from her.  

"You may speak all you wish, Second Child.  But you will not harm Ikari-kun." Ayanami said in a deadly whisper to the fallen Asuka.  "Attempt to strike him once again and I will ensure that you never get another opportunity."

"Ayanami!" Shinji said, recovering from the first strike.  "Stop, don't hurt her."  

"She'll be fine, Shinji."  She looked around at the audience they had gathered.  "It is obvious we will be unable to finish our lunch here, Shinji.  Perhaps we should return to class."  Ayanami turned around, and touched Shinji's hand, "There is nothing you can do for her now.  She must figure it out on her own." Her voice was soft enough that only Shinji could hear.  

Shinji looked down at Asuka, who was now curled in a ball.  "I can't leave her like this, Ayanami..."  He went to reach down, but his hand was slapped away by Asuka.    

"Stay away, Third Child.  I don't want to see you again - EVER." Asuka said between sobs.  By this time Hikari had moved next to the young girl.  Shinji looked at the Class Rep with a soulful gaze.   

Hikari looked up at him, and motioned with her eyes.  "I'll take care of her..." She whispered, beginning to comfort the young pilot on the ground.  

Shinji nodded as Ayanami touched his hand again.  He grasped it, and felt her squeeze it slightly.  She gently guided him from the room, breathing rhythmically to attempt to calm herself down.  Had anyone been looking closely enough, one would be able to see a very light orange light flickering between the light touch of their hands.  

Ayanami did her best to send Shinji's soul warm and soothing thoughts, and found that Shinji was also sending re-assuring waves back through the light contact they had with each other.  'I should not be doing this, the Commander explicitly forbade me from using my AT field in such a way.  Shinji deserves comfort; he has earned my respect where his father has lost it.'  She focused on Shinji's soul, sensing its contours and flows. 'He cares deeply for both Asuka and me.  I should not have hurt her, but she must come to understand that she will always fail until she accepts herself and her EVA.  If she continues this lie, she will fall far indeed.'  

Finally, Shinji allowed his gaze to break with that of the fallen Asuka.  'This should not have happened.' Shinji told himself, but realized Ayanami was right, 'but Asuka needs to face facts.  Until she admits to herself what her problems are, she will continue to falter.'  

-

The success of any mission rests solely on the existence of a good plan.  Although even the most intricate and foolproof plan can fail, there cannot be success without some form of preparation.  

Gendo Ikari and SEELE are the masters of creating such scenarios.  These individuals focused tirelessly on ensuring that for every conceivable occurrence there was an exhaustive, well prepared, plan.   

Let it never be said that Ayanami Rei was not a good student.  Her quiet, calm, and unobtrusive nature allowed her to remain completely inconspicuous while the 'Adults' proceeded to create their plans and their schemes.   So, with Commander Ikari as the ultimate role-model for such things, the First Children considered herself well versed in the art of creating a plan.   

As proof of this, Rei formulated _her scenario for the Second Child.  Rei bore no malice towards Pilot Asuka Langley Sohryu; she simply didn't want her being hostile towards Shinji.  Every day since the day she had arrived, Sohryu had verbally and physically abused the Third Child.  _

Such situations were deemed to be 'intolerable' by the First.  Recently, Rei had become aware of this remote feeling associated with the presence of the Third Children.  While vague and subtle, the feeling was oddly reassuring – a simple comfort.  Shinji's safety equated to her comfort.  Ever since the Fifth Angel, this is how it had been.  Shinji's mere presence was comforting to the First Children. 

Rei's purpose had always been intertwined with Eva.  She was bonded to it, Eva was inseparable from her.  Yet, this purpose – while giving meaning to her life – was not enough.   Having only Eva was to have only pain.  The incident with the Fifth changed all that – Rei had been ordered to protect Ikari.   Before that order, Eva was her only purpose.   Now, she had a purpose which overrode even Eva – to protect the designated pilot of Unit 01.    

Of course, Rei understood that the order was only for that particular mission.  But it hadn't been rescinded yet. For the first time in her life, Rei had a purpose that existed outside Eva – outside pain.   Protecting Pilot Ikari was, for her, comforting.  A life was being preserved through her actions – and through that preserved life, the entire world was being saved.  Rei knew that Unit 01 had the best possibility of defeating the angels.   She also knew what Unit 01 was.   So by protecting Ikari-kun, Rei was protecting human civilization.    

Today, however, changed the blue-haired albino's perspective of just why she protected Ikari Shinji.  Rei discovered that whatever comfort she felt in Ikari's presence was magnified a thousand fold through the simple contact she had shared with him in school.  She took comfort and warmth from his touch.  She felt warmth from his company.  She knew that Ikari-kun's friendship was something she wanted to protect.  She would give her life to protect him - even without the order from Commander Ikari.

For the first time in her existence, Rei did not have a gnawing sense of emptiness within that place she equated with her soul - a soul created from pain. 'Loneliness,' she mused.  That was her pain, the pain of Ayanami Rei, 'I was alone.'  When she was around Shinji, the pain vanished, and was a forgotten memory until she was parted from his company.  'It is painful to be without him.'  

She had previously thought that this pain was simply the pain of Eva.  She knew now just how wrong that particular perception was.  The pain of Eva was the pain of loneliness.  She reflected on these thoughts while walking to NERV. 

She had to return to her apartment to change her underclothes, while Shinji wished to make a vein attempt to reason with Asuka.  'Even though it is a wasted effort, he still tries.  He tries like that with me as well.  Although I never showed interest before, he still made the attempt when others would not.   That is friendship.'  Rei reflected more and corrected her statement.  'Perhaps that is caring... perhaps that is what may become love?'    

Love was the one emotion that Rei believed that she could comprehend.  It was absolute warmth.  She recognized it clearly, because it was so powerful a memory.  She at one point 'loved' Commander Ikari.  She knew she felt a strong bond with him, she remembered _that_ from her previous existence. She also knew that the void that was her current soul was the direct opposite of this feeling of warmth and comfort.  This void only served to heighten Rei's certainty that what she was feeling was indeed love.   There were differences between the love that she previously felt for the Commander and the love she held now for Shinji. The bond between her and Ikari Gendo was more like the bond of that was between Child and Parent.  The feelings Rei experienced with Shinji were different.  She felt warmth from him, and it stirred her in ways Commander Ikari's company never had.  'His warmth was different from Shinji's.' As she focused on those feelings, 'I want Shinji's warmth.  I want his company.'   In the end, she realized, so did Sohryu.  

So, for Shinji, she created a master plan - a manipulation of the powers that be.  Because Shinji cared for Asuka, she would find a way to resolve Asuka's problems.  Besides, they really did need Sohryu's piloting skills.  A replacement would take too long to train to the level of Sohryu.  'I will not allow the world to end because of a temperamental child.' She reflected as she met Shinji at the test facility entrance.  She offered him a delicate, warm smile; a smile which he enthusiastically returned for a few seconds before revealing that he could not find Asuka.  He appeared downcast, fearing for the Second Child - Ayanami was sure that he blamed himself for the situation.  She calmly told him that it was not his fault, and once they were in an isolated corridor, she squeezed his hand affectionately.   

Rei understood that Asuka had feelings for Shinji.  She also understood the importance of solving the Second Child's problem.  But she was unsure if she would feel comfortable with the second child becoming emotionally involved with Shinji.  She knew it was what Sohryu wanted, but something inside her disliked the thought intensely.   That Shinji could have similar feelings for the redheaded pilot caused a little of the pain to return.  'I may help Sohryu now, and permit her to be Shinji's friend - However, I will not give up the opportunity to explore this closeness I wish to experience with Ikari.'  

Now, Rei found herself waiting patiently as Major Katsuragi looked at her and Shinji; the major nervously awaiting the Second Child's arrival.  'She will be disappointed.'  

Major Katsuragi Misato stared at two of the three children.  She noted with some apprehension that the two children had entered together and had been holding hands upon entry - only breaking contact once realizing her presence.  She would have been mildly interested in this apparent behavioral change in Ayanami, had it not been for the conspicuous absence of Asuka.  It was then that she noticed that Shinji had a black eye, and Ayanami had a hand-shaped welt on her face.   "What happened to you two, and where is Asuka?  She's rarely late for Synchronization tests; she loves any chance to show off her skill."  

Timidly, Shinji spoke up first, "She left school early today."  

"Pilot Sohryu and I had a confrontation." Rei said quietly.  

"Explain." Misato demanded of Ayanami, who was wearing her 'impassive' face.  It made it easier for the Major to interrogate her.  Besides, Misato could not stand to look at the painful gaze Shinji held.  It bespoke of much hurt today.  

"Pilot Sohryu misinterpreted our intentions when Shinji and I entered the lunchroom holding hands." 'I felt warmth from that contact, I enjoyed it.  But why did I tell Major Katsuragi that?'  She decided to continue the conversation, and definitely keep it more professional, "We had taken a few minutes before lunch to talk; and, Ikari and I were a little disturbed by what we talked about.  In any case, when we entered the lunchroom, Pilot Sohryu seemed to take offense at the fact we had entered together."  Ayanami informed Misato. 'Why did I tell her so much? Perhaps it is because Shinji trusts her.  I must remember to avoid using Shinji's first name in the future, it would raise suspicions.'   

Shinji, in a show of courage that would have made Asuka proud (and satisfied one of her ongoing projects concerning the third), took his turn to speak: "She slapped Ayanami because she thought that we were... intimate."  The last word was said at a whisper.

"What!?!" Misato practically yelled.   

"My feelings exactly, Misato!  I would never take advantage of Ayanami like that.  We may be only friends," The glance Shinji spared Rei clearly showed that he might just wish it to be _more, "But Asuka had immediately assumed that the reason for our delay was because we were... doing IT."  Shinji blushed, "Rei and I had only stopped to talk, and that's all, Misato-san."  _

Misato rubbed her temples, "Asuka must be preoccupied with sex if she's accusing _you two of doing 'IT'"   _

"Is that what Sohryu meant when she asked me if I'd want to do... 'IT' in my entry plug?" Rei asked an embarrassed Shinji. 'Sex.  Why do people always talk about the subject in such vague terms?' She watched as Misato's cheeks turned a dark red, but quickly resumed their normal color.  

"Yes." Shinji said softly to Rei, then continued explaining, "I tried to interrupt - to tell Asuka that it wasn't what she thought it was, but she punched me!" Shinji exclaimed, his hand rubbing his sore cheek and jaw.  

"When Pilot Sohryu went to strike Shinji again, I... struck her in the solar plexus to prevent her from injuring Ikari." Ayanami said.  "I also warned her that any further attempt to injure Ikari would not be tolerated."  'I was ordered once to protect Shinji, why does it give me pleasure to do so now?'  

"You threatened Asuka?" Misato asked aghast.  

Ayanami nodded, "Pilot Sohryu is deeply troubled.  She is not a reliable Pilot because the core of her spirit does not face itself for what it is. She lies to herself, Major Katsuragi.  If she continues this, she will soon be unable to control her Eva."  She narrowed her eyes slightly, "Ikari is a far more reliable pilot, and will eventually pass Sohryu as the best pilot we have.  Unfortunately, when this happens, Asuka will quickly cease to have a use.  I surmise that Commander Ikari will try to replace her very soon after her problems manifest.  I defended Ikari because it would be foolish to allow Sohryu to injure him."  'That is not true.  I stopped Sohryu because I did not want to see Shinji hurt, it caused me pain to see him hurt.'

Had Ayanami not explained her rationale to Shinji earlier, the cold words just spoken would have seriously hurt the young pilot.  However, Ayanami correctly assumed that should reports of any intimacy between her and Shinji be delivered to the Commander, neither of them would be long for this world. Still, though, Shinji knew that the explanation was not a lie.  The commander had ordered Ayanami to protect him during the 5th angel attack. That order had never been rescinded.  But what came next out of Ayanami's mouth was completely unexpected.  

Delivered with the usual calm and collective cool Ayanami Rei was so noted for, she began the next part of her calculated plan.  "Pilot Sohryu now sees me as a threat.  This is unacceptable - as we must work together to fight the angels.  Unless she faces her problems, and comes to understand the nature of Ikari's and my relationship, she will be a threat to both of us on the battlefield.  In her emotional state, I doubt that she'd have much difficulty in killing either one of us - especially if she thought she could get away with it." Ayanami rationalized this to herself, 'This will force Misato-san to react.  She will come to the conclusion that it is a problem between us.  I must find a way to get closer to Shinji and Sohryu – if only to protect them from the Commander.  If my plan works, she will try to use the Synchronization training that was done for the seventh angel's attack.'

"I can't believe... Asuka would never..." Misato mumbled, 'This is unacceptable, I cannot have Asuka hating Ayanami.  This will certainly translate to friendly fire.  Knowing Asuka, she'll kill them both.' Misato thought.  

"I know you care for Pilot Ikari and Pilot Sohryu, Katsuragi-san.  But see past it.  Sohryu is a young woman who feels betrayed by the one she loves - even I can see that she has deep feelings for Pilot Ikari.  These feelings are the ones she denies every day, and it is this lie which will ultimately be her downfall." Ayanami paused and looked at Shinji with sad eyes.  "She does care for you, Ikari-kun.  It may not be obvious, but it is there.  But you can't confront her with it as long as she continues to deny it to herself." Ayanami grasped Shinji's hand once more.  "Never forget, Shinji: I care for you as well."  This last statement made at barely a whisper, earned the two Pilots an upraised eyebrow from the Major.  Rei blushed slightly, noticing Shinji's equivalent reaction.  'He didn't expect that.  Neither did I, for that matter.  However, Katsuragi-san will not report this; she cares too much for Shinji to allow this to hurt him.'     

"I don't believe this!" Misato screamed.  "I've got Asuka in self-denial, and potentially a threat to my pilots!"  'And these two mooning over each-other like love-sick puppies!' 

At this moment, Ritsuko entered the room, and held back a gasp when she saw Ayanami holding Shinji's hand.  Having heard the sharp inhalation, Ayanami spun her head around and impaled Doctor Akagi with her formidable stare.  Ayanami held Shinji's hand for several more seconds, and then released it.  Finally, Ritsuko recovered her equanimity, and began to speak, "Where's Sohryu?  There's a sync test in ten minutes."  

"I don't think that today would be a good day for Synchronization tests.  The results would be... inaccurate." Misato said quickly.  

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow.  "Major, need I remind you that the pilot's well-being rests in your hands?  And that it is your responsibility to ensure that they are always ready, no matter what, for anything?  Even Synchronization tests?"

"That's not fair." Misato pouted.  "They're just kids, Ritsuko..." 

"They aren't kids, Misato!  They're pilots.  We're fighting a war, Major. You should think of them in that context!" Ritsuko admonished. "Professional detachment is one of the first lessons you should have learned…"   

"You might be able to detach yourself, Ritsuko, but I live with them.  It's hard not to get attached."  

"Damn it, Misato.  I knew that this would happen when you volunteered to take in Shinji over here…" The now furious doctor made an angry head nod towards the Third Children.  "I have to report this to the Commander.  These children need a guardian, not a mother!"  

Shinji looked fearfully at Misato, while the Major looked incredulously at her best friend, "Ritsuko…"

"The Children are your responsibility.  It's your fault if their performance suffers – and your fault if they fail to show up for synchronization tests!" Akagi accused.    

"This is not Katsuragi-san's fault, Doctor Akagi." Rei stated with conviction. "There was an altercation between the Second and myself.  Pilot Sohryu threatened Ikari.  This was unacceptable, because she would have injured him severely had she continued."  Ayanami's eyes narrowed slightly at the Doctor, 'Just try to report anything else to him.  I know more about you than you do, Akagi4-san.' Rei reflected.  'I will have to make sure that she understands the depth of my convictions.'  Deciding to leave such ruminations for later, she concluded her thoughts: "If you must report anything to the Commander, report that."  

After hearing the First Child's confession, Akagi stared at Ayanami.  "You… Attacked Sohryu?"  Akagi shook her head once, not believing that the Child before not only took the initiative, but physically interacted with another individual.   Still though, "Rei, you know what kind of… did you…" Ritsuko failed to complete the thought; because she suddenly realized that the First Children just might have proceeded further than a simple confrontation.   After all, the Dummy system was based on _her. _

"Pilot Sohryu is unharmed physically.  But her mental state is tenuous.  She has been exhibiting signs of mental breakdown.  She is currently deluding herself about her abilities, and her feelings towards Ikari.  If it continues, she will suffer a complete breakdown.  She also now considers me a threat simply because I took a few minutes to talk with Pilot Ikari before lunch." Although the entire monologue was delivered Ayanami's usual placid monotone voice, Rei felt a slight flush of anger. 'She believes I'd be foolish enough to severely injure Sohryu?'

"Why would Asuka consider you a threat... she's not... Oh no…" Ritsuko once again trailed off, realizing what Rei was trying to tell her.  One part of her sighed in relief. The other part of the doctor, however, screamed in terror at what she was witnessing - Ayanami was behaving outside her normal psychological parameters. 'What is Ayanami playing at?  She is doing something to manipulate us!'  Ritsuko knew Ikari Gendo too well not to recognize the tell-tale signs that Ayanami was following a scenario.  After all, she had been on the receiving end of this very same manipulative stare for far too long. 'She has learned well from Gendo, for now I'll play her game.' "She... Asuka... has feelings for Shinji?"  

Ayanami nodded.  Shinji looked ashamed.  Misato simply sighed.  

"Did Shinji reject her?" Ritsuko asked openly, meanwhile continuing to herself: 'Or were you and Shinji engaged in some… other activity?'   

"No! I didn't..." Shinji defended himself. "She saw both Ayanami and I entering the cafeteria at the same time and leaped to an assumption on her own.  Had I even an inkling that she liked me in any way... I mean... she never showed it!"

"This is becoming... Inconvenient." Ritsuko muttered. 'Especially if it was Ayanami and Shinji having sex - I don't think that I could imagine an occurrence more disturbing.' 

"She is a threat." Rei admitted.  "If we are forced to fight together on the battlefield, she may try to kill one or perhaps both of us.  Unless she learns to trust me, I fear that we must remove her from pilot status." She thought to herself, 'Doctor Akagi will not like that.  But that is irrelevant, she will react accordingly.'  

"We can't just remove a pilot!" Ritsuko said.  "I can't see... how... we've got to solve this problem fast.  If the commander catches wind of this…"  

"He will dispose of Pilot Sohryu." Rei said.  'After all, it is his intention.  He probably intends it for all of us, eventually.' Rei's red eyes leveled upon Doctor Akagi's visage, 'I fear you will be the first to fall, Akagi-sempei.'    

Misato stared at Rei, then at Ritsuko, "What exactly do you mean, 'dispose'?"  

"Eliminate. Neutralize.  Kill." Rei said softly.  "Commander Ikari sees things in black and white.  Things are either useful or useless.  The Commander does not permit useless things to exist in his domain.  Hence, if Pilot Sohryu is untrustworthy, she will be eliminated."  

Misato glanced at Rei in shock, then she looked at the stern face of Ritsuko, "Is this true?"  Ritsuko nodded in the affirmative.   

Had the human mind been a mechanical contrivance, the sound of massive motors starting would have been the indication of the processes being triggered in Misato's mind.  Had one time to compare the process to the one Rei used, they would be shocked at the similarity.  The Major's intelligence was the primary element in Rei's plan.  Misato's mind quickly tore through the possibilities, finding and discarding several possibilities for a solution to her dilemma.  Finally, inspiration intervened in the form of a flashback memory of the Seventh Angel's solution.  Accepting the plan as being proper for the situation, the Major expressed her solution: "Synchronization Training for Rei and Asuka."  

Rei blanched slightly, following her script.  After all, it would not due to have Gendo doubt her. She finally shook her head in agreement. 'I will have to move.' She thought to herself.  'Perhaps it is not so bad a thing after all.  I will be closer to the one who makes me wish to live.'  At this she stole a glance at Shinji, and then quickly refocused her attention on Misato.  "I understand." 'Sufficiently apprehensive,' Rei thought to herself, the mental equivalent to a smirk dancing around in her thoughts.   

-

Commander Ikari pushed up his glasses, and looked at the three figures standing before him.  His son and Rei stood behind Major Katsuragi. She had just finished giving her version of events, and now he was looking at the Children.  "Rei, Shinji, what did you two talk about?"  He had completely ignored Katsuragi's report and was curious as to what transpired between the two children.   

"We just stopped before lunch.  I asked Rei if I could be her friend." Shinji said, watching his father quirk an eyebrow.   

Rei replied next, "I have never had a friend, so I talked with Pilot Ikari to discover what friendship might entail.  The conversation never proceeded beyond the subject of being friends." It was not a lie, but certainly not the whole truth.  But she had trained herself well, and he would not be able to see the truth behind her masks, for her mask was even more impenetrable than his.  'I have no respect for this individual anymore.' She forced her face to remain impassive.  'He allowed me to suffer for all this time.  Had I never become so close to Ikari, I might have never realized it.' Rei understood that her forced isolation was the cause of the pain she had felt for so very long.   It was not a pleasant knowledge.     

"We talked for a couple of minutes, and entered the lunch room together." Shinji continued.   

"Pilot Sohryu perceived our simultaneous entrance as a signal that more occurred than simple conversation."  Rei looked down, unable to keep the hurt from her voice. "She struck me."  She reflected on these words, 'Three simple words.  Nothing special by themselves… yet, I feel pain within my soul.  Is there something I feel for Sohryu as well?' 

"Asuka was going to hit Ayanami again, and I grabbed her wrist." Shinji stated picking up where Rei left off.  He watched his father's eyebrow rise higher. 

"She then said that she had lost to me, and I told her she had nothing to lose in the first place." Rei whispered.  'Sohryu has not yet lost him to me, but the more I consider it, I shall attempt to capture Shinji's heart in that way.  She does not deserve his love.'  "She then made some comments that Pilot Ikari and I had been intimate, and Sohryu punched Ikari in the face when he attempted to interrupt her.  I then prevented Pilot Sohryu from continuing the assault by striking her in the solar plexus.  There should have been no lasting injury from the hit."  

Commander Ikari looked at his son's black eye. He then turned his attention back to Rei, "Why did you strike Pilot Sohryu?" 

"To prevent her from harming Pilot Ikari." Rei replied.  "Had she continued, she might have severely injured him.  I believe Sohryu has repressed feelings for Pilot Ikari, and this is the reason she became so angry with him and me.  It would have been fruitless to allow such a pointless argument to result in the loss of one or perhaps both of the pilots due to avoidable injury.  Since we have no timetable of when the Angels will attack, I followed the most prudent course."  

Internally, Gendo sighed a bit of relief.  Ayanami's motivation was to protect Shinji because he was a pilot.  Not because he was her friend.  "I see.  Under those circumstances, you acted properly, Rei."  

"Yes sir." Rei replied crisply.   

Gendo's face became impassive once more as he directed his attention to Misato, "Major Katsuragi, what is your suggestion as to how we should approach this situation.  I believe we agree that it is a situation we cannot allow to continue?"  

"Of course, Sir.  My recommendation is that we conduct Synchronization Training similar to that which Asuka and Shinji had undergone during the battle with the seventh Angel.  One week of intense training between Asuka and Rei.  This should eliminate the problem... or at the very least ensure that Rei and Asuka can work as a team on the battlefield." Misato smiled internally, 'Serves Asuka right anyways.  Perhaps a bit of Rei's restraint and respectfulness will rub off on her.'

Commander Ikari stared at them from behind his tinted glasses.  "This sounds like an efficient plan, and would probably be a prudent exercise in any case - all the pilots should be able to work as a team.  However, Rei has certain responsibilities that would be inhibited by such a plan." 

"I understand, sir.  However, it can't be avoided if we want the pilots to be able to operate." Misato said, "In addition, they would be required to live together.  I believe Rei's apartment would be impossible for such an arrangement - they would have to be moved into the same apartment.  I believe that the unit across the hall from me is unoccupied; I wouldn't want to be too far away from Asuka anyways.  Considering what she did today, her mental condition is questionable."  

Ikari Gendo looked at the three, and focused on Rei's face.  The apprehension there was appropriate, considering Rei was most comfortable where she was.  But this was an intolerable situation, the plan required that both Unit 01 and Unit 02 be piloted until the end, and it was far too soon to find a replacement for Sohryu.  Still, "Rei, what are your feelings on this?" 

"It would be disturbing to move from my apartment..." Rei admitted, "But it would be even more disturbing to be unable to trust Pilot Sohryu with my life on the battlefield.  Worrying about an Angel attack is one thing, worrying about a fellow pilot attacking is another.  I have few illusions that my unit would be able to survive an encounter with Unit 02." Rei reflected inwardly, 'It is truth.  I know that Asuka's anger would allow Unit 02 to decimate my Eva.'   

Ikari nodded, "Shinji?"  

Shinji, caught off guard by his father asking his views, took a few moments to speak up, "I like Asuka.  It was just a minor misunderstanding.  I would hate for Asuka to be unable to pilot because of it.  It's so important to her."  He glanced at Rei for a moment, "I care about her, Father.  I don't think that she'd survive long without being able to pilot.  And we need all the pilots we have."  

"Your personal feelings about Pilot Sohryu's priorities and survival are irrelevant, Pilot Ikari." Gendo stated coldly to the Third.  In reality, he was glad that his son apparently was taking more interest in Asuka than in Rei.  His son and Rei would be an unfortunate pairing, Gendo reflected. "But you are correct, we do need the pilots.  Implement your plan, Major.  Rei, you may prepare your things to be moved.  I will expedite the acquisition of the apartment for your use."  Ikari looked to Misato, "What are your plans after the Training is complete?"  

"Sir, it would be more efficient to have all the pilots in the same location.  Although my apartment is somewhat large," Misato hesitated, "It was really not meant to have three people living in it.  If Rei and Asuka would room together, it would probably consume less overall resources – and being in the same building would allow us to consolidate the security force protecting the children.  The overall protection would be increased, and we would be able to reduce the total number of men assigned to watch them." Misato prayed to whatever gods there were, 'She has so much stuff... It's frightening.' She realized that Asuka could easily fill the entire apartment with just her clothes.   

Gendo had to agree with that reasoning.  The UN had been cutting their budget for some time. Being able to release a few of the security guards who watched the children would save their budget a considerable amount - more than enough to justify the requisition of another apartment.  Besides, NERV controlled the whole complex anyways, so it was not a surprise that fully 90% of the apartments in Misato's complex were empty.  After all, it would not due to have an accident wipe out the pilot pool - hence the reason that the apartments were located on the outskirts of the city.   As Gendo contemplated this, the door to his office opened - Two NERV Section Two officers escorted a most unwilling Second Child to stand next to Misato and the other children.  "Ah, Pilot Sohryu.  You have arrived."  

"Sir," She spat, stealing angry glances at the other two children while the security guards continued to clamp down on her arms.  

Gendo continued unperturbed, "You have disregarded your duty, Miss Sohryu. Missing Synchronization tests is grounds for severe punishment.  You are an Evangelion pilot, and have a great responsibility." 

"But..." Asuka stuttered, and was quickly interrupted by Gendo.   

"Silence, Second _Child.  There is no excuse for the behavior you exhibited today.  Since it's obvious that there are difficulties between you and the First Children, you are to undergo Synchronization Training with her." Gendo grinned internally as he noted the pilot's sudden blanching.   "We cannot have such childishness on the battlefield; otherwise the world will be destroyed." Ikari Gendo looked at the Second Child's shock.  "You will resolve your problems with the First and Third Children, Do I make myself clear?"  _

"Yes sir." Asuka whispered.   

Gendo pushed his glasses up again, and steepled his fingers, "I trust that this is the last time our paths will cross for this reason.  I assure you that should this issue arise again, you will be removed from pilot status, do you understand, Second Child?" 

Asuka shook, but was unable to do anything but look at him, thanks to the guards' insistent pressure on her wrists.  "Clearly, sir."  

"Excellent." Gendo said.  "Dismissed." 

-

The ride home was silent, but not without tension.  For once, Misato could find no fault with Shinji.  The problem was completely with Asuka.   She allowed her to sit in the front seat, if only to have her in easy arm's reach.  'In case I must disable her... Asuka is worthy of the moniker 'The Red Devil.''  She watched as Asuka took every opportunity to glance sideways at both of them.   

Shinji only looked straight ahead.  He was not looking forward to the coming days.   He was having severe flashbacks to his 'Training' with Asuka.

Every once in a while, though, Shinji would steal a longing glance at Asuka. Luckily for him, Asuka wasn't looking at him when he did take those brief glances.  'I like Asuka.  She likes me.  Why is there this difficulty?  We can be friends, if only she'd stop being so... so... Difficult.'  

Even the ride was subdued, Misato traveling at a far slower pace than usual. 'The one day I wish she'd drive faster, she decides to take it slow.' Shinji reflected. 'Perhaps I will be able to talk to Rei later.'  

Seemingly reading Shinji's mind, Misato spoke up softly.  "Shinji?" 

"Yes, Misato-san?" Shinji replied.   

"I was thinking... Maybe we should go over to Rei's - see if she needs any help moving her belongings." Misato said, feeling the sudden piercing gaze from Asuka.

"I think that Rei will not have much to move, Misato.  She has only a few things to her name."  

"I don't want to move!" Asuka exclaimed.  "Why don't you and Shinji move?" She said.  

Misato sighed, "Perhaps, Asuka, because it's _my apartment." _

"I can't believe that I'll have to be with Shinji's blow-up doll for a week!" Asuka practically yelled.  

Shinji nodded his head back and forth.  "Why won't you believe that Rei and I have not been intimate?"

Asuka gazed at him, "Can it dickhead." She said.  "You're a perverted little boy who likes to play with Dolls!"  

"Rei is not a Doll!" Shinji exclaimed.  

"She is.  She does whatever your father orders her to do.  I wouldn't doubt if he told her to have sex with you!"  Asuka muttered, "Your little doll, your birthday present from your father."

Shinji felt tears stinging his eyes, "Never!  My father... I _hate my father.  He is everything I wish not to be!  I hate what he's done with Rei... That she has had only him in her life to act as a role model... I understand why she is always so alone!  If I had to live with __him I'd be even more screwed up than I am now!   It's all my fault."   _

"Yes. It is, Third Child.  All your fault!  Pitiful little kid who can't see what's right in front of him!  You and your little doll!  You're pathetic!" 

"You're pathetic, Asuka." Misato said.  "Shinji would never take advantage of Ayanami.  But I would understand if they got together.  You've shown them nothing but hate, hate, and more hate!  Stop blaming others for your own deficiencies, Second Child!" She shook her head while driving.  "Don't you want to be friends with Shinji?  He's a fellow pilot, and the nicest person I've ever known!  And you always put him down.  I can see why Rei would say you are unstable."  

"Rei!  Rei! Rei! REI! REI!!!" Asuka said manically, "I hate that whore!" 

-Slap- 

Asuka held her hand to her face, blushing furiously.  

Misato looked at the hand she'd just hit Asuka with as though it had betrayed her.  "I think Ritsuko's right.  I wasn't ready for this, and I am certainly not qualified."  She looked up at her mirror, and caught Shinji's tear-filled gaze.  "I'm so sorry, Shinji.  I tried..." 

"It's not your fault, Misato.  I- I think you've been a good... I... I don't blame you for anything."  He sighed, "I've had worse guardians, Misato-san.  I care for you - and I'm sure Asuka does too - because, you care for us."  

"Speak for yourself, Ikari." Asuka said angrily, still holding the side of her face as tears streamed down.  'If I want to be all alone, then why do these tears still fall?  Damn you, Misato - Damn you for making me care.'  

"Asuka..." Shinji said. "I'm sorry."  

"All you do is apologize.  'I'm Sorry.' or 'I'm so sorry' or 'I'm so very, very sorry!'  Funny, to me it always sounds the same.  'Wimpy Shinji-sama is at it again!  Oh the hurt!'" She stole a glance at him.  "I'm sorry I fucked Rei.  I am so sorry - I'm going to do it again tomorrow!"  

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?  I DID NOT SLEEP WITH REI!!!"  Shinji yelled, catching even Misato off guard. He pulled out his SDAT and put the volume to max.  

"But you want to." Asuka said at a whisper.  "You want Rei.  Not me." 

Shinji didn't hear that; but, Misato did.  "Asuka," She said at a whisper. "You really like Shinji?"  She had noticed that Shinji had retreated to the sounds of his SDAT.  Asuka also noticed this, and nodded in the affirmative. "Oh you poor child." Misato said.  "Why did you treat him so badly if you liked him like that?  Don't you know how much it hurt him... How much its hurting you?" 

"He...He...I..." Asuka couldn't get the words to come out right.  "I'm alone, Misato.  I hurt everyone I'm near.  Mama..." She felt tears falling from her eyes. "You know about mama...  I promised I'd never hurt anyone again.  Mama did that because of me!"  

"Asuka!" Misato said.  "She did not.  You mother was sick, Very sick."  

"And I couldn't help her.  So it was my fault.  I... I couldn't make Mama happy... so she left me.  Everyone leaves me.  So I... I don't give them the chance.  I really didn't want to like Shinji.  I don't need anyone!  But he kept on trying and trying... finally, he... he... I mean I'm finally ready to accept him, because I have no one else... and he just goes off with... HER!  The thing I hate most - that Doll!" 

"Shinji's right about one thing. Rei is not a doll."  Misato reflected on this statement, 'At least not anymore.' "She's changed..."  

"He's changed her!" Asuka exclaimed.  "He must have.  I mean... How could she be so cold and ignorant and all of a sudden show him warmth and kindness?  She does nothing that Commander Ikari doesn't want."  

"I think, Asuka, that you are right.  Shinji's persistence probably did change Ayanami.  But think about it Asuka, these things you've been accusing Shinji of doing... Could you really like him like that if he was the type of person you accused him of being?"  Misato said, her attention fixated on keeping the car somewhere close to the speed limit, she was driving far slower than usual and found that she had to focus to keep the car's speed up. 

"I don't know.  I don't think so.  He had no right to do this to me!  How did he do this to me!  Before I didn't need anyone, how dare he do this to me!" Asuka cried.  "I hate them.  I hate them both.  Why did I have to start caring about him, WHY?"   

'She's not worried about the synchronization training at all.  She's fixated on Shin-chan.' Misato thought.  'This is probably going to be even worse than I expected.'  "Perhaps, Asuka, he cares about you too.  In fact, I know he does.  Otherwise this all wouldn't hurt him so badly."  

"W-what do you mean?  I don't see him crying?" Asuka asked.  

"He hides it well. You wouldn't see Shinji's father cry, either.  You could tear his heart in two, and do it over and over again, and these two wouldn't shed a tear.  They cry over things less important than that.  For things more important, they tie it up inside - push it out of the way.  Probably so that they can solve the problem.  Only when they are alone - by themselves, do they let the tears fall."  Misato said.  'Of course, I'm sure that whatever tears that bastard Gendo had are long dried up - probably calcified stone by now the same as his heart.'  

"Why Ayanami... Why that Doll?" Asuka asked.  

"I assume it's because she didn't push him away.  I'm sure that they didn't do anything explicit.  I'm sure that you're sure that they didn't either.  This jealousy must end, though, because if it doesn't."  

"I'll be joining Mama." Asuka said, staring at the road in front of them.  

Misato chose her next words carefully.  "And, Asuka, it won't be Commander Ikari sending you there... You'll do it yourself."  

If any words penetrated Asuka's mental state, it was those. "You think... I'd never... Commit Suicide... Like Mama? No... That... I can't do that... I..." 

"Insanity makes people do that.  People can make themselves sick, Asuka.  If you continue this path, you will do it to yourself.  You won't even realize it until you are... doing it."   

"I... I want... I want Shinji near, Misato.  When he's near, I don't feel so alone..." Asuka said.  "I think... I need him."  

"Poor Asuka.  All this time, so young..." Misato trailed off as they approached their apartment complex.  'I wonder what Rei is thinking about tonight?' 

-

Not much could be said about Ayanami's dwelling.  That which could be said about it could be summed up in one word – Depressing.  The edifice was an exact reflection of its occupant – barren, cold, and dirty.   

Rei was each of these things.  

Barren – devoid of life.  The Second always accused Rei of being a doll.   While Unit 00's pilot was not a doll, she did not know _how to live.  This lack of understanding of the essentials of existence caused her to be as she was now.   The only thing that she had was her two purposes: Ikari and Eva. These two purposes were so intimately intertwined that it was difficult for her to separate them.   But she was able to clearly separate the two feelings associated with her purposes – Ikari was warmth.  Eva was pain.    _

The cold of the apartment also existed in the First Children.  Only until recently did warmth become a factor for the First – with the realization of her feelings for Ikari.  Before today, Rei had known nothing of comfort – nothing of warmth.   She knew only pain.   She was alone – and this loneliness could only be described as 'Cold'.    

Dirty.   Her apartment was dirty because no-one had shown her how to clean it.   Of course, Rei could have used her intelligence to recognize that a clean, bright room would be preferable to the constant grime that was her abode's current decoration.   Yet, this dirt also was upon her soul.  She felt 'dirty' – contaminated by something she could neither remember or identify.   She knew that she had died, and knew that before she died, she wished for it.  She wanted death.  She felt that she had deserved it.   She knew only of the feeling – not of its source.

Now, Rei sat on the edge of her bed – a bed resting in the center of an almost empty apartment, in an almost empty apartment building, in an almost empty part of town.  Now that she had packed everything away for her 'move' tomorrow, Rei felt the emptiness of her own existence.  

Rei leaned back in her bed.  It was unmade - and not quite clean.  This did not bother her, although living with Asuka would mean that she'd have to pick up cleaning habits.  'I will have to ask Shinji how to do all of this.  No one ever showed me how, or told me that it would be important.' She told herself.  

She looked at her belongings.  She had two boxes.  One larger box contained her clothes, and a smaller box contained her most precious of items, packaged carefully.  She felt empty already, not being able to see her beaker and the powerful thing it contained.  'The light and substance of my soul,' she reflected.   It was not a possession, for her body had no soul of its own.  Her soul came from that water and that beaker; it was who she was and what she was.   'I feel an affinity with the Rain. Perhaps I would one day become one with the water...for it contains my soul.  I am not so different from the water.'  

Of course, if she continued this friendship with Shinji, she would have to tell him about it.  'It is something I have kept to myself - like so many of the things.'  She thought about it.  'The web of lies that NERV's spiders weave - it exists for one purpose: It hides me.  I am at the core of those secrets - Those lies.  My existence may be just that, a lie built to hide the truth that exists behind the lies.'  Of course, Rei also had other questions.  Not even she knew the whole truth behind everything concerning herself.   

'What is the source of my soul?' She wondered.  'Is it true, did they pull it from the water?  Is that the light and substance of my being?  Or did they get it from somewhere else?  Where does one find a soul that can be forced into an unwilling life?  Before I met Shinji, I existed for the day I could end.  It is not the case now.'  She looked at her hands, then up at her body.  'I am Rei.  I am I.  But I am we, and we are I.  We are all Ayanami Rei.  But I am I because I have a soul.'  Commander Ikari told her that, and she felt truth in those words.  'But Commander Ikari has lied. But... has he truly lied to me?  Perhaps it is like Shinji told me, that his father saw things a certain way, and that became his truth.  It did not agree with the facts, but if he believed it as such...'  Rei came to a sudden conclusion.  "I must find my own truth."

She got up off the bed, and walked to the box containing the Beaker and the pair of glasses that belonged to Ikari Gendo.  She hovered over the box for a few moments. 'My own truth, I must seek it.  For Commander Ikari has already shown me that his truths do not always agree with the facts.  My truth and Shinji's truth - given the facts - was that Ikari abandoned his son.  This is truth supported by the facts.  Commander Ikari sometimes believed in truth supported by himself.'  She sighed.  'Is this truly the light and substance of my soul?'  

She searched herself, and looked at the facts.  The water in the beaker was water. She would, from time to time, drink from the water in that beaker, and replace what she took with more water from the tap. What made it special? The glass beaker itself was just that - a glass beaker.  It was one amongst trillions of similar containers existing in the world.  'Can it contain a soul?' She asked herself.  The answer was obvious to her - for she knew what Eva was.

"My soul did not come from water." She said.  'My soul is not contained in a glass beaker of water.'  She picked up the box.  'My soul is contained by flesh, and flesh alone can contain it.'  She took the box to her bed, and opened it.  'Eva was created by humans as a copy of an Angel.  Eva, the copy of an Angel, possesses a soul taken from a human.' She picked up the beaker, "I am a copy of a human created by humans."  'I can generate an AT field by myself.  I do not require Eva to do this.  Angels can generate AT Fields. They do this with their soul alone.  A human alone with their human soul cannot do this. A human with an angel's soul can.' She thought about it, and suddenly knew it to be true.  'Damn you Gendo.  You sent me to place Lancea there.  You knew I could touch that which cannot be touched by Eva.  She did not react when I inserted the weapon, but she was alive.  Souls feel pain.  Souls react to pain.  I have a soul: a soul taken from elsewhere.'  She knew where the true light and substance of her soul came from.  Why they could do with it what they had done. 'I was willing to enter this flesh.  I wanted escape from Life Eternal.  Corpum Eternum for Spiritum Eternum.  I am I.  But I am also an Angel.  I believed I could trade immortality for mortality. Yet you have simply forced upon me another type of immortality.  A never-ending chain of Ayanami clones.  Ayanami after Ayanami, my spirit seeps from one to the next like the water, to avoid returning to that… horrid punishment of eternal existence without change.  I am prisoner of my past, unable to escape or understand it.' Rei blinked a few times.  "But who am I really?" She whispered.

Rei suddenly and violently unwrapped the carefully placed beaker, its water sealed by several layers of plastic-wrap.   Her red eyes danced with fury. "Every moment- a part of the script in your grand play, eh Ikari!"  She grasped the beaker in her hand.  "I play your game no more.  I am not your Doll!"  She wailed the beaker against the nearest wall, and watched with primal satisfaction as the shattered remnants fell to the ground along with the plastic wrap.  She also noticed the water as it dripped down the wall, leaving streaks of 'cleaner' surface behind.  By the time it reached the dusty floor, it was brown with the dust and dirt collected from the wall.  Her breath came in shallow gasps as her mind fought to comprehend this action.  The pain in her heart was still there.  'My soul is still here!  It was never in that damn beaker.  And if it was - it didn't belong there, anyways.  It is here now.  In my heart.  I feel pain, in my heart. But I feel satisfaction in my heart as well.  I know I am free.  Finally free!'  She thought about this as she looked at the wall.  

She reflected quickly, and happily, that Commander Ikari had allowed her privacy in this place.  It was one of the few places she knew she had such privacy.  No listening devices existed in her room to overhear her comments. No video recorders taped to record her existence.  Even those who guarded her did not use techniques of listening over distance to spy on her voice.  Commander Ikari could never take the chance that her words at night during an unremembered dream might reveal some of his most damning secrets.  This was the beginning of the destruction of Gendo's and, quite possibly, SEELE's plans.  

Rei's eyes narrowed as she focused at the wet wall. 'Perhaps that is one way to clean the walls.  Take some water and wet them up.'   She took a cloth and began to wipe the water from the wall, along with a good bit of grime.   After finishing, she looked at the now semi-clean wall, and then moved to reseal the box that had previously contained her beaker.  She carefully placed each of the shattered remains within the box, and looked at the glasses that were next to them.  'I hate you Gendo, but I will keep these, if only as a reminder that you once did something that I appreciated.'  

'Tomorrow I leave this place, Commander Ikari.'  She gathered her things. She had a small amount of money.  'And on that day, I will be able to do what I want to do.  I will destroy your accursed scenario, and I will protect your Son from you!  I will protect Misato from you!  I will protect Asuka from you!  I will protect myself from you!  And I will laugh with pride as I protect this unsuspecting world from you! I will buy another beaker.  This beaker will be just that, a beaker.  I can get this beaker, and know that it is mine.  I can fill it with water, and know that it is just water.  I can be a human being now - because my soul knows itself and where it is at.'  Rei blinked a few times before finally relaxing.  "I understand you, Sohryu."  'You lie to yourself to avoid the truth that hurts your soul.  I accepted another's lie as truth so that I could believe that this hurt was because I had no soul. Both are wrong.  My pain is from being alone in this body.  Your pain is from being alone in yours.  Together we have a truth we can share.  That is where we can begin.'  "We begin tomorrow, Sohryu-san."

-

Shinji cursed his luck.  It was Sunday: a day without school and without NERV tests.  This was a day he should have enjoyed.  Yet, he took no pleasure in his current activity, as he struggled to move one of Asuka's heavier boxes across the hall.  "Aaaasssuuukkkkaaaa- What did you put in here! It weighs a ton!"  

Asuka, carrying some of her more delicate dresses in her hands, looked back at Shinji.  Although there was a frown on her face, she lit up with laughter on the inside.  'He's carrying my box of college textbooks!'  "Baka Shinji. It's not that heavy.  You're just a wimp."  

Sweat poured from Shinji's face.  "I feel...ugh, like my back's... unh, going to..., eek, break!"  

"Weak spine." Asuka muttered.  "Must be literal as well as figurative."  

Shinji took offense to that, "I could make _you_ do this all by yourself, you know!"  

"Ah, suck it up, Shinji." Asuka said sweetly, "Just imagine all the exercise your tiny muscles are getting doing this sort of work.  Think – if you do this enough you'll look like an Adonis.  I might even take a bit of notice!  Well sculpted bodies always attract pretty girl's eyes, ya know?" She left him struggling through Misato's entranceway, as she carried her clothes into the new apartment.    

"If it takes this sort of thing, I don't need muscles."  Shinji muttered between grunts, finally getting into the hallway and struggling to get the box across the passage.  For now, the boxes were going into the living room. Misato had plans for a little competition to determine who got the master bedroom.  Resting momentarily against the wall, Shinji heard footsteps approaching from the elevator area.   Leveraging his knee under the heavy box to help support it against the wall, he took a glance to see who was approaching.   

Ayanami was carrying one medium sized box and one smaller box down the hall.  Her head was tilted to one side, one crimson eye visible around the edge of the smaller box.   She walked purposefully towards the apartment.  The head suddenly changed direction as she walked up past Shinji.  Although her expression remained neutral, some mirth filled those eyes.  "Problems, Shinji?"  Both red eyes swiveled to impale him with their gaze.

"Just a heavy box, Ayanami," Shinji replied, sweat pouring down his face.  

Ayanami observed the box for a few seconds, and noticed that the bottom was ready to fall out.  It would have done so already had it not been re-enforced with at least ten layers of steel tape.  "I would advice getting the box to its destination rapidly, Ikari-kun.  The bottom of the box will not continue to support the contents for long."

Shinji looked down at the cardboard box, the bottom showing stress lines, and already there was a convex appearance.  'She used steel tape to seal this, and it is near its bursting point!'  "Hai... Ayanami." 

Ayanami watched as Shinji heaved the box up, and struggled to access the door.  Had Rei's hands not been full already, she would have attempted to assist him.  Instead, she could only watch helplessly as Shinji attempted to stabilize himself in front of the door.   Shifting the box so that one hand would be free, he tried to reach around to the door control.   His arm was mere centimeters from the access control when the sound of steel-tape snapping reached his ears.  

The tape, no longer able to seal the bottom of the box, let out a small sigh as the contents of the box fell out the bottom.   

-Thawap!  Boom!  Thawap!- A cascade of heavy college textbooks made their presence known to Shinji as mass and gravitational force combined to teach his feet a whole new meaning of pain.   Shinji collapsed in pain, his feet buried under a pile of at least twenty good sized textbooks - some written in English but the vast majority in German.  

Rei carefully put her boxes down, "Shinji!"  She rushed up to him, and moved the books from his now bruised feet.  "Shinji..."

"It hurts... Feet.  Hurt." He mumbled.  "Back hurts too."

She looked at his feet, now covered in bruises - he was wearing only his slippers.  After all, it was not that far of a move.  His shins had also taken abuse from the fall.  

But the most significant thing was the exclamation of pain when Shinji attempted to right himself.  He couldn't move up.   "I must have pulled something." 

Rei, not knowing exactly what to do, but wanting to help, gave an instruction to Shinji, "Roll over."

Shinji grunted as he did so, and was now face down on the carpeted hallway looking down towards the elevator.  "Now what?" 

"Relax, Ikari-kun." She said, straddling him.  She slowly moved herself to her knees, making sure that she had position to leverage, and began to massage his back.  

"Ooohhh..." Shinji exclaimed, "Ahhh..."

"Relax." She instructed again.  She felt the muscles' tension with her fingers, and slowly worked the muscles out with the tips.  Finally, she found the problem.  "This may hurt, a bit, Shinji.  Prepare yourself..." She said, still working the muscles around the problem.   

"Ahh...Ok...Whatever..." 

Rei's hands moved to either side of his lower spine, and pressed sharply.  A slight crack could be heard as the bone that had been slightly jarred by the sudden weight shift snapped back into its proper place.  

"Eek!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhaa!"  Shinji said, just as the door to Misato's apartment opened to reveal Misato.

"Rei!" She exclaimed, noticing the compromising position.

Shinji was still blissfully unaware of anything except the tender pressure that Ayanami was applying to his back, working out years of built up tension with that delicate touch. 

"Major Katsuragi-san" Rei said formally, not bothering to stop.  "Shinji was injured when the box he was carrying collapsed.  I am simply trying to correct the situation.  He strained a muscle in his lower back."

"Ayanami... That was wonderful..." Shinji said, still unaware of anything, not even the conversation 

Just then, the other apartment door opened, and Asuka came bounding out, "Where's that box, Baka Shin...." She noticed she was stepping on her books, which were no longer in her box.  She followed the books to the empty box now sitting beside them.  She went back to the books, and noticed that there was a pair of bruised feet sitting underneath a couple of her larger texts.  She followed the legs up to where they met another pair of legs, and followed that other pair of legs up to a female form that was straddling the owner of the original pair of legs.  She followed the line up the back of the dress of this female form to the light blue hair... "Ayanami..." She said, looking at the girl, and then she noticed the boy: "Shinji..."

Ayanami somehow managed to get her head into a position where her left eye could swivel around to gaze at Asuka.   That left eye impaled her with a stare that could level an army.  "Second Child.  You intentionally did this to Shinji.  You made him carry that box which was incapable of supporting the weight you placed in it.  These books could have been broken up into smaller packages."  Despite this conversation, she continued to lightly massage Shinji's back.  

"I... I didn't... What... What are you doing to SHINJI!"  She practically screamed.  

"Shinji injured his back carrying your books, Second Child." Ayanami said, as she hit another tense spot, and rubbed carefully.  

This elicited a pleasure-filled moan from Shinji, "Perfect... Ayanami.  Ah....I don't want anyone else to do this, you're so perfect...Ah...Ohhh...I've never felt this good before!"  

Asuka had tears welling up in her eyes.  Shinji's words had hurt her deeply.  "You... You... I... You're both perverted!"  She said, and stormed off past Misato and Rei and went to the apartment to get more of her stuff.

"Rei, I think you should stop.  Before you make him feel _too good." Misato suggested. 'I wish someone would do that for me.'_

"Hai." Rei replied.  The blue-haired teenager slowly stopped what she was doing, and got up from Shinji. "Better, Shinji?" Rei asked, hoping that she might have helped the young Ikari.

"Much... Domo Arigatou, Rei-san." Shinji said.

"Well, Shinji, I think that you just managed to tick off Asuka again." Misato said, looking at the boy lying prone on the ground.   

"Misato-san!" Shinji said, righting himself quickly.  "W-what, Asuka?"  "She saw Rei giving you a massage... Hell, I wish I was you!  You looked like you were in heaven itself."  Misato teased, knowing that nothing sexual was meant by the contact.  

"I could give you one, Major Katsuragi?" Rei queried.  

Misato looked at the blue-haired girl. "As nice as that sounds right now, I think that it would be highly inappropriate." 

"I understand, Majo..." Misato interrupted her.

"It's Misato." Katsuragi declared.  "When we are here, you call me Misato.  Not Major.  Not Major Katsuragi-san.  Not Katsuragi-san.  Just Misato. We're neighbors, after all!"  She smiled at Ayanami.  

"But, protocol dict..."  Rei started.  

"Screw Protocol.  Here we're real people.  Not military puppets.  I am Misato here.  I don't need formality outside the workplace.  It makes me feel tense." Misato admitted.  "Here we're friends.  When I'm in my official capacity, then you may use my title.  Believe me, life's too short to go around being proper 24/7." 

"I'm sorry Ma... Misato-san." She couldn't bring herself to remove the –san from the end of the name.  "I've never known any other way of being."

Asuka chose this moment to exit her former home, "Done?" She asked sharply.  Her eyes were puffy red and it was obvious she'd just washed tears away.  

"Shinji should not put any more strain on his back.  He could seriously injure himself." Rei stated, and moved to pick up her boxes.  "What room is going to be mine?"  

"We haven't decide..." Misato started, but Asuka interrupted.

"I'm taking the Master bedroom, I have more stuff!" Asuka exclaimed.

Rei regarded her for a moment, as Shinji stood.  

"Misato-san.  I don't think that would be fair, I mean Rei's never had..."  Shinji started to argue, but Rei placed a finger on his mouth.  

"It's alright, Shinji.  Even the smallest bedroom is far larger than what I had in my old apartment.  I will be fine with one of them." Rei said, looking at Asuka, who wore a triumphant smile.  "I will expect my privacy to be maintained, Second Child.  I will respect yours."  

"I don't care what you do in your room, Doll." Asuka said, seething.  "Just make sure that you stay out of mine!" 

"I have no intentions of entering it." Rei stated.  "But when we are training, we will have to coordinate with each other.  There will be no avoiding it."

"Yeah.  I know." Asuka said, stealing an angry glance at Misato, "So, when this is all over, I get the apartment, and Rei moves back to the pit she came from right?" 

"No, Asuka." Misato said, with a tinge of anger, "This is actually Rei's apartment - It's in her name per the Commander's orders.  She'll be living here permanently.  It's your choice to stay if you want to..."  

"WHAT!" Asuka screamed.  "You mean that Hentai Doll is going to be next door to us after this fucking thing's over?"  

"Watch your language, young lady." Misato corrected.  'Like I'm one to talk.' 

"Ha.  Like you'd watch yours!" Asuka challenged.  "No matter how disgusting Rei is, you'll always be ten times worse in my book!" 

"Cut it out, Asuka!" Shinji interrupted, seething.  "Can't you act c_ivil for just ten seconds?"  _

"Civil?" Asuka said, "But I am, my dear Shinji.  I am being very civil.  Rei's still _Alive_ isn't she?"  She took an angry glance at Rei, then back to Shinji, "Oops. I guess I, Asuka Langley Sohryu, have made a mistake.  I can't kill Rei, she's just a doll.  Dolls aren't alive.  You can twist the head right off and watch the stuffing fall.  Screw the head back on, and she'll be her old self in no time!"  Her eyes narrowed, "She might be a little lighter though."  

Shinji began to get angry.  He felt the emotion boiling within and hated it.  It was not Shinji's way to get angry.  He would always take a problem and analyze it, then find a solution.  Even if that solution was for him to just run away, it was the way his mind worked.

Rei noticed Shinji's anger.  Not only did she notice it, she began to feel it seething out, breaking like a terrible darkness from his soul.  'Do all humans have this dark light within that consumes everything?' Rei asked herself.  All were needed were a few more words of hate from Asuka, and Shinji would crack.  Underneath all that caring, Rei knew, Shinji was much like his father.  She did not like seeing the Gendo in Shinji.  "Silence, Asuka." 

"Why?" Asuka turned on Rei.  

"If you drive Shinji to anger, you will discover that you do not like the person beneath the caring soul we know." Rei practically whispered.  "In fact, you might just discover that the Commander is the more lenient of the two."  

At this, Misato eyed Rei suspiciously. 'Some how, I believe her.'  

"At least he wouldn't be a wimp!" Asuka muttered.  

"Asuka, that is enough.  Finish moving your things!" Misato exclaimed. "Rei, since the apartment is in your name, the choice of the living arrangements is yours!" 

"I choose the second bedroom.  It will be... adequate for what I need." She said.  

"Are you sure Rei, you can take the Master bedroom?" Shinji asked, hoping that Ayanami would change her mind.  It would serve Asuka right, and would be very fair for Rei considering everything that's happened.  

"I have little need for such space.  The smaller room will be appropriate.  Asuka needs the space from the larger room anyways.  As long as my privacy is respected, I do not care."  

Shinji nodded.  "Do you have any furniture for your room, Rei?" 

Rei looked at her two boxes.  "No."  

"Misato-san, does the apartment have any?" Shinji asked.  "I'll give Rei my futon..." 

Rei was already shaking her head in the negative, "I could never do that, Shinji..."  She looked longingly at Misato.  

"The only furniture is in the Master room, if memory serves." She sadly noted, but then brightened up, "Hey, I know.  The Commander gave us a generous stipend to furnish the apartment - I think he did it to facilitate the training, but hey, we have all the equipment we need already anyways.  So we can use the money to buy Rei some furniture."

"He is saving a great deal of money by moving us to the same complex."  Rei noted.  "He's being generous because he has far more capital available now."

"Why would moving from the other apartment cost him less... I mean Rei; this place is far nicer..."  Shinji stated as he watched Asuka heave a large box from the apartment and drag it across the floor wordlessly to the other room.   

"He relieved several of the guards.  Each one had a salary equivalent to four times the annual cost of this apartment.  And NERV already owns the entire complex.  The only costs incurred are maintenance fees."  Rei said, watching as Asuka cleared the door and it slid shut.

"He fired guards?" Shinji asked, feeling sorry for the employees.

Misato looked at Shinji, "It's sad, Shinji.  But it's to be expected.  He can afford to reduce the number of overall guards assigned to protect you, and still provide extra security and pay for this apartment and its furnishings."  She frowned for a second, and then smiled, "Maybe he'll give me a raise!" 

"Doubtful, Misato-san." Rei said. 

"You're right, Rei.  Of course."  She sighed. "So, where's the rest of your stuff, Rei?"  

"This is all I have." Rei said, nodding to the two boxes. 

Misato blinked, taking in the Medium sized box, and smaller box.  "This can't be all you have?"  

"It is." Rei said matter-of-factly.

"I told you, Misato-san.  Rei does not have much to her name." Shinji said sadly.

"I've heard of living frugally, but this is ridiculous!" Misato looked at Rei, "What do you have?" 

Rei blinked, "Six School uniforms, two tee-shirts, two-pairs of cotton shorts, seven pairs of socks, seven pairs of panties.  One nightie and three bras, my school bag, a notebook, some toiletries, and two small personal items, plus what you see me wearing."  She thought about it some more, "And two swimsuits.  One black - for school and one white, for when I want to swim at NERV."   

"Asuka would pack that much for an overnighter at Horaki's!" She shook her head fiercely.  "Rei, I am going to introduce you to my favorite past-time: Shopping!" 

"I do not understand.  This is all I require." Rei stated softly.  

"My God! How in the name of hell can you say that this is all you require? Don't you feel restricted wearing _that all the time?" Misato shook her head._

"I find a plug-suit far more restricting, Misato-san." Rei stated. "Although, I find the plug-suit is more comfortable than most of my clothes."

"I don't believe this.  Didn't you ever want something... nicer?" Misato asked as Shinji shook his head.

"Why?" Rei asked. 

"Misato-san, my father is the only guardian Rei has ever known.  I think that says it all." Shinji offered.

"I don't understand, Shinji?  How does Commander Ikari being my guardian explain my lack of material possessions?" Rei looked at him, genuinely confused.  'And why did you repeat that?  It may not be exactly top-secret information, Ikari-kun, but it was personal.'  

Misato's slight nod said it all.  "I see."  

Rei blinked, not understanding how the major made sense from Shinji's statement.  

"I remember reading that NERV was designated as your guardian... but Shinji's father?  When did he send you to live by yourself?" Misato suddenly asked.    

"I was never sent to live by myself." Rei responded quietly.   

Shinji and Misato answered her statement with a confused look.   

Rei sighed, and explained what occurred, "Four years ago he said that he would no longer be able to care for me at his residence - he had decided to move into the NERV complex.  I had a choice.  I could stay in the NERV complex with him, or I could remain in our apartment.  I chose to remain in the apartment.  It is the only place I've known; I didn't feel comfortable anywhere else." Rei reflected internally, 'Of course, I rarely spent time in the apartment.'

"Ayanami," Shinji started, "He lived there... in that place... with you?" 

She nodded.  "He had a futon set up in the living/dining area.  He slept there while I would sleep in the bedroom.  He rarely slept there, though, as most nights he spent at NERV working on various projects.  I think that he simply wanted to make more efficient use of his time."

"I thought... He would have just stayed in our old apartment.  It was... nice... what little I remember.  It wasn't large, but Mother always kept it clean." Shinji started.  "She was a good cook too." He had a sad look about him.  "I guess when she was gone he really did discard everything that reminded him of her."

Misato, curious about the girl's history, suddenly asked: "Who showed you... Um..." Misato began to blush, "The essentials... What a woman has to do to... um..."  

"Ritsuko-sempai and Maya-san," Rei said.  "Lieutenant Ibuki showed me... most of what I had to do to stay healthy.  Ritsuko showed me how to prepare a few things... noodles... and such.  I really don't know how to cook, though." Rei paused for a moment before continuing, "According to Shinji, my housekeeping skills are lacking." 

"Non-existent," the boy in question mumbled.

"Perhaps," Rei countered.  "No one ever showed me.  Only what was necessary to survive - Nothing more."  

"Survive?" Misato said in exasperation, as Asuka stepped out and gathered a handful of books and marched back into the apartment with a scowl.  

Rei waited until the door closed again before continuing.  "Yes...  Ritsuko told me that hygiene was absolutely essential, but beyond that, she did not explain what this entailed beyond personal care."  

"So nobody told you that it was healthful to clean the apartment?" Shinji queried, "What about washing clothes?" Rei nodded in the affirmative.  

"Lieutenant Ibuki showed me how.  She said clean clothes were absolutely important.  I take them to the cleaners every Saturday before school, and pick them up afterwards." Rei said. "NERV provides an extra stipend for that."   

Shinji found in his heart a new appreciation for the tolerance that the First Child possessed.  The NERV cleaners made everything itchy - treating everything like uniforms.  Starch for everyone!  It's the primary reason he ensures that he washes the clothes weekly - to avoid... NERV itch. "You take... your underwear there... too?"

Rei nodded.

Shinji groaned.  The uniforms he could understand, but everything else? "Your skin... it must get awfully irritated!"  

"I must admit, the clothes are uncomfortably stiff.  But they are clean."  Rei managed to mutter out.  

"I will show you how to wash... at least your undergarments.  Jeeze.  I couldn't imagine wearing NERV starched underpants!" Shinji groaned.    

At this, Rei's visage softened slightly, "Could you show me how to do... other things.  Like cleaning...cooking... Ikari-kun?"

"Of course, Ayanami!" Shinji said with a smile.  "I'm not the best, but anything's better..." He felt the gaze from Misato - the unspoken warning of serious and deadly pain should he mention her cooking skills. "...Than nothing!"  

Rei smiled very slightly, "Arigatou, Ikari-kun."  

"I think I like Shinji better, Ayanami-kun." Shinji said hopefully.

"Of course, Shinji." She said, even more of a smile.  "I think that I'd like it too... if you'd use Rei more."   

"Of course, Rei-kun."  Shinji said, 'Jeeze that doesn't roll of the tongue very well.  Now Rei-chan...' He was lost in thought for a few seconds... 

"And I" Misato declared, "Will make it my personal mission to teach you the finer points of _enjoying life, Rei.  Starting with... Shopping!"_

Asuka opened the door to the Apartment, "Did you say something about Shopping?" She asked hopefully, Gathering another handful of books in the process.

"Not you." Misato said sternly.  "You've got to move the rest of your garba...I mean stuff... from our apartment into Rei's." She made sure to highlight the fact that it was not 'Asuka's apartment'.  

"But..." 

"And since it would be inadvisable for Shinji to continue to be your personal fork-lift considering what that last box did to him, we're taking him with _us."  Misato informed the Second Child, glancing at Shinji from the corner of her eye.  _

'Oh no!' Shinji commented in his mind. "Uh... Misato-san - It really isn't necessary... I could stay here... Help Asuka... It's not necessary to take me..."  

"Oh no, Shinji.  I insist.  Asuka made her bed, so to speak, now she must lie in it.  After what she did to you, I don't think that you'd be so quick to help her!"  Misato said.  

"You know me, not one to want to hold a grudge..." He smiled awkwardly.  'I remember the last time Misato-san dragged me to go do some shopping with her.' 

"Please, Shinji?" Rei asked, watching Asuka blanch.  

"I...I..." Shinji said, not knowing what to do.  'I want to be with Rei, but... Misato?  Shopping?'

"Baka, make up your mind.  One way or the other.  Stay here, or go with your little doll!"  Asuka stared at Shinji for several minutes, a haughty look on her face.  'He'll choose me.  I know he will.  He has to.'  

Perhaps it was the irritating way Asuka said 'Baka' or the statement about the 'little doll'.  In any case, Shinji's anger at Asuka lashed out again, but instead of being overtly hostile to Asuka, he looked with a sad smile at Rei.  "Rei- I would be delighted to accompany you."  'It's a no brainer. Stay with the devil, or experience hell with an angel; and, be Rei's friend. She looks at least as apprehensive about the prospect as I do.'  

Rei smiled at this, "Thank you, Shinji." She looked on with relief, she would not have to experience this ordeal alone.   She knew that she despised shopping with a passion, and the way Misato was grinning ear to ear with the prospect filled her with something close to terror.

"Settled.  Shinji, get something to wear.  Make it comfortable.  We have places to go and limits to break!"  Misato said happily, waving her NERV expense card in the air.

Asuka went back into 'Rei's' apartment, not apparently upset, until the door closed.  

-

She leaned against the shut entrance and allowed her body to slide down it. Tears began to form in her eyes, as she thought about what happened. 'I don't believe it, he chose _her_ over me.  That Doll... Why... Why?  Why!'  

The dark and torturous part of Asuka's mind chose this moment to reach out and slap her with a well earned dose of reality.  'Because, you dumbkopf, you keep on smashing him over the head with angry words and angry slaps. What being in their right mind - or even in their wrong mind - would put up with that sort of constant abuse?'   

She slammed her head backwards against the metal door.  "Dumbkopf.  All you had to do was just be a _little_ nice.  That's all - just a few nice words. 'Hi Shinji' or 'Here, that's heavy.  Let me help you with that so you don't get hurt.' or even something smaller than that, 'Here Shinji, let me open the door for you!'"  She whacked her head against the door again, "Of all the stupid, fucked up things you could have done, Asuka!"  Just then, she heard a soft chime, indicating someone wanted entrance into the domicile.

Asuka got up slowly, and shook her head, "Shinji must have wanted to get something from in here.  Maybe he just left it."  She immediately shook her head. 'Why would he chime.  He knew the access code!'  

She pressed the 'open' button, and the door slid away to reveal Horaki Hikari.  Asuka just blinked for a few moments.

"Well, aren't you going to invite your best friend in?" She asked quizzically.  

"W-what... Oh. OF course!" Asuka said, but not really cheerfully.  She grabbed Hikari by the arm and dragged her into the apartment, slamming her fist on the lock control.

-

A blue and slightly battered sports car raced past the mall's entrance.  Most of the pedestrians making their way to and from their respective vehicles heard the roaring engine far before the vehicle entered the lot and wisely chose to stand still until after that particular sound went away.   

Those few not wise enough to stay put until after the vehicle had reached its destination found themselves diving out of the way of the vehicle as it weaved up and down the parking rows seeking a place where it could come to rest.   Finally the vehicle found a location where it could 'Park', and like a living thing accelerated to its intended destination.   

Shinji grunted as gee-forces slammed him into the passenger-side of the back seat of Misato's sports car.   The rapid deceleration and skid-into-park maneuver made him feel as though he and his Eva were just launched with enough speed to enter Low Earth Orbit - but still attached via umbilical to the ground. The whiplash of the vehicle coming to rest threw him slightly towards the center of the vehicle, canceling the sudden shock of being thrown against the doorframe.  Once all the motion ceased in the tiny vehicle, Shinji used his tongue to check to see if all his teeth were still intact.  

Rei, for her part, had simply tightened her grip on the handle of the passenger door, her body never moving noticeably from its current position.  However, the door handle had slight finger indentations from where Ayanami had exacted her iron death-grip.  Her eyes slowly moved to impale Misato with her stare.   

"We're here!" Major Katsuragi announced with cheer, indicating the Tokyo-3 mall.  A bright smile adorned the purple-haired woman's face as she fingered her blood red NERV expense card.  

"Four minutes, forty two seconds." Shinji muttered, "I believe Misato has just set a new land-speed record."  

"Misato-san's velocity only averaged 122.5 kilometers per hour.  It is hardly a record, Ikari-kun." Rei said blandly.

"Inner-city... During a busy Sunday in heavy traffic?" Shinji asked, his face finally returning to some semblance of color.   

"Perhaps," Rei reflected thoughtfully.  "I am unaware of any Tokyo-3 speed records.  It's likely that for the particular route Misato-san followed, that she did indeed set a new record."  Rei said, recovering a bit more from the trip.  "Perhaps a bit less velocity next time, Misato-san.  After all, it would be inappropriate if you were to have an accident carrying two Pilots. If an Angel were to attack while we were... recovering..."  

"I don't think that we'd have to worry about recovering, Rei." Shinji said. "The way Misato-san drives, we'd be dead and gone.  Along with whomever she hit."  

"Hey!   I drive just fine, thankyouverymuch!" Misato said eagerly.  "I'm taking you on a shopping trip, the least you could do is show a bit of gratitude!"  

"Other than bedding, I really require nothing else, Misato-san.  I have everything I need to..."  Rei was interrupted by the Major. 

"Survive?" Misato spat with a touch of anger.  "Rei, tell me something? How good a pilot can you be if you have nothing to fight for?  Come on, now. People don't fight just to _exist.  They fight to __live.  Think about it, Rei... If you simply exist to survive, then there's nothing to be had out of life.  Hell, if I did that, and lived the way you did, I'd probably wish for the day that death would come and take me away!"_

While Rei never changed her indifferent expression, she did have a look of sadness shimmering in her eyes, "Eva is my purpose.  I survive for Eva.  What else is there?"

"Life, Ayanami.  There's more to living than piloting a fifty meter Bio-mech.  I don't know what Ikari Gendo told you about life, but I'm damn sure that it wasn't enough.  There are things in life that should be appreciated.  A field of sweet flowers, the way a new dress makes the mens' eyes turn.  The smell of a well cooked meal. Laughter, happiness and warmth," Misato watched as an emotion quickly passed over Rei's face, then just as quickly disappeared.  "These things are what we are fighting for. If we can't find those things, then we don't deserve to live - life is painful without them.  It took me a long while to realize that.  Now that I do, I have regrets." Misato looked at Rei, not realizing that Shinji was turning a fantastic shade of red at the statement about dresses.  "I think that these are some of the things you need to learn about.  From what it sounds like to me, you never got the chance to be a kid.  You never got to go out and play with the other children or to enjoy just being with your family..."  

"I used to enjoy... being with Commander Ikari." Rei said.  

"But he's so... I mean didn't you ever play with the kids at school?"  

"I didn't attend school until a year before Ikari-kun came." Rei admitted.  "After I did start, it was not required of me, so I paid no attention to it."  

"What the hell did that bastard have you doing!" Misato exclaimed, "You weren't created on an assembly line for god sakes!"  

A shiver passed through Rei's form, and tears tempted the edges of her eyes.   

"Rei?" Shinji became concerned the moment he noticed the disconcerted look in her eyes, "Rei Are you alright?" 'What did Misato say to disturb her so much?'

Misato noticed this unusual behavior as well.  "Rei... Oh god, I didn't mean anything by it, I'm not mad at you.  I... I..."  

Rei forcefully shook her head, wiping the lone tear quickly from her eye. "No... No its... nothing Misato-san.  I'm alright.  It's just..."  

"Rei, its ok." Shinji said, putting his hand on her shoulder.  She immediately covered it up with her own.  "Misato didn't mean anything by it." 

"I know, Shinji.  I know." Rei said.  Wiping more of the tears from her eyes.  "It's just that... The words...they were...a little too close to the truth..."  

"Damn Gendo." Misato swore under her breath.  "I can't believe that bastard treated you like that.  Dirt is given more respect." She mumbled.  "Show him... One of these days, the bastard will get what he has coming to him... hope I live to see it. Treat his own son like dirt; treat his ward like some tool..."  

"I am just a tool." Rei said.  "It's all I was ever intended to be, a tool for EVA." Rei looked at Shinji.  

"No!" Shinji said. "Don't ever think of yourself like that.  It's wrong. You are a living being, Ayanami Rei.  A beautiful young woman, who deserves better than what she's received.  Damn my father for this.  All of this is his fault.  I... I care for you... Rei-chan," Shinji let the affectionate term slip, but was determined to continue. "I couldn't care for you like that if you were some empty shell of a tool - or some soulless Doll like Asuka claims you to be.  It wouldn't hurt me so much every time I see you in pain if you were something like that."  

Rei blinked "Care... For me..." Rei decided that Shinji was someone she cared deeply about, and was willing to return that care, "Shin-chan?"

'Oh no.' Misato thought looking at the tears in Rei's eyes and the tears in Shinji's eyes.  'Not the -chan, please don't let them get involved. Distract them and get them out of the car.  The Commander would be pissed...' Suddenly, a smile came to her face as 'evil' Misato took control of the situation.  'Then let the bastard get pissed.  We can keep this under wraps. God knows Shinji needs someone.  Rei needs someone even worse.  Just keep it from getting too intimate - let the kids heal their own wounds.'  She continued to watch as Shinji brought Rei's hand to his face, and lightly kissed it.  

Rei blushed furiously.  "Shinji..."  She thought about it.  "Please...no. This will cause problems... Asuka..."  

"Asuka wouldn't be so kind as to think of you?" Shinji said to her with a small smile.

"Still, I mean, you two... You care for her?" Rei asked, completely forgetting about the other occupant of the vehicle.  

"I do.  But, it is _friend caring, at the very most.  I mean, don't get me wrong, Rei, I think Asuka's very attractive.  But... She wouldn't think twice about your feelings, Rei.  I don't think that I could __ever be attracted to someone like that.  Its part of what makes you so attractive."  _

"You embarrass me." She said, flushing even more.   "You give me credit where it is not due, Shin-chan.  I am not thinking about Asuka, I am thinking about you..."  She sighed.  "I am a poor choice." 

"And you think that Asuka would even pretend to think about my feelings in a similar situation?  Please." Shinji said.  "That girl just thinks of herself.  She may like me, Rei.  I may care for her.  But 'like' is something that a person feels for almost anything.  I can 'like' a car.  I can 'like' the way a person looks.  Some people confuse 'like' for 'care'. If you 'care' for something, it means that it's precious to you.  It would cause you extreme pain if it were gone.  I don't think that Asuka's capable of feeling that for me."  

"You're wrong, Shinji." Misato mumbled.  "Asuka's had it rough in her life. She... doesn't know how to act around people.  She pushes them away - because of that life.  I can't tell you what made her the way she is, I was ordered not to reveal it, and it happens to be an order I agree with.  What she experienced was far too personal a thing... but it hurt her, a lot." She looked back at him.  "That she pushes you away so much, Shinji; it means she must care an extraordinarily great amount about you."  

Shinji looked shocked by this.  "Misato-san, if that's the case, then... I don't want to hurt her, Misato, but... I care for Rei more.  She doesn't push me away." 'Not any more, at least,' Shinji thought.  Then he looked at Rei, "I can't bring myself to penetrate Asuka's shell... Her pain is very strong.  If things were different, then maybe I might...  I don't know what would happen then.  But I can't go around life trying to fight constant uphill battles every day of my life."  He turned back to Ayanami, "I care for you, Rei-chan."  

"I do as well, Shin-chan." Rei said.   

"Remember, you two.  You're fourteen years old.  Not twenty-one!" Misato said.  "You're too young to know what caring and love mean."  

"Is anyone really old enough to truly understand either one?" Shinji asked. "I only know that I feel powerful warmth when I make Rei happy.  I feel a terrible emptiness when she's not near.  I feel a soul-wrenching pain when I see her hurt.  It may not be love, for I do not know what that is.  But it's something more than simple friendship.  I care for her.  I know that should I live to be a million years old, that I'd probably feel the same."   

Rei looked back at Shinji with longing.  "I don't believe so, Shinji. Only those whose lives are short and brief can imagine that love is eternal."(1) Rei looked into his eyes, "And tell me that if you saw Asuka hurt, and in pain... that you would not feel the same?  I know you would feel the same pain and agony - because you are Ikari Shinji.  And you would feel warmth if you made her happy.  And you would feel emptiness if she was no-longer near.  This is what makes Ikari Shinji.  That is what makes you -you- and what allows me care about you."  She took her hand and gently cupped Shinji's cheek.  "You would feel these things for anyone, Shin-chan.  Even for your father, because you are you."   

"But, Rei-chan," Shinji said, grasping that hand once more, "I feel it stronger with you.  That is truth."  

"It is your truth, Shinji-kun." Rei said sadly, "But I accept your truth. It is what you feel.  I do not feel what you feel, so I cannot contradict it.  However, I accept your truth.  Accept mine as well: as long as this body draws breath, I will always feel warmth in your presence, feel sadness when you are away.   Feel happiness when you smile, and pain when you are hurt.  I will protect you, as long as I live.  That is my truth, Ikari Shinji." 

"Guys, we only have a human lifetime here..." Misato said curtly.  "Let's start the spree!  I've had it with this depressing talk about everything and getting into this philosophical bullshit!  Lets spend!"  

-

Hikari watched as Asuka paced back and forth in the apartment like a caged animal.  She would take things, move them one place, then move them another. She had all of her belongings moved into the apartment by now, but couldn't decide where to put some of her 'public use' items. 

"Whatcha think, Here?" She said indicating the stereo receiver.  

"It's your apartment." Hikari said, and saw a dark cast descend on Asuka's features.  

"I wish.  It's not mine.  It's Rei's, according to Misato." Asuka said with anger.   

"If you decide to live here as well, it will be both of yours.  After all, she let you have the master bedroom.  That was really nice of her." She offered to Asuka.  

"Yeah.  More likely Ayanami has a horrid case of acrophobia." She spat.  

"Huh? Acrowhata?" Hikari asked.  

"Fear of open spaces.  She's always at home in one of those closterphobic Entry Plugs.  I think sometimes she was born from a test-tube."  

"And if she was?" Hikari asked, "Would it make her any less human?  You've got to drop this hatred of her."  

"But... It's just... I mean... Hikari, she doesn't even try, and he goes to her!  And when she decides to try?  I don't stand a chance." Asuka pouted.   

"Then don't be a poor loser.  There are others out there, Asuka.  Others who are more than worthy to be your boyfriend.  After all, you wouldn't let just anyone hang out with the Great Asuka Langley Sohryu, eh?  Is it worth losing his friendship?  Really, Asuka.  You have to change your attitude; otherwise you'll be alone in life."  Hikari said softly.  

"But I'm not even his friend." Asuka whispered.  "He... I think that he stopped trying now that he has her."  

"He hasn't.  Either that or he's waiting for your fury to die down before he tempts fate by trying to be your friend again.  He wouldn't have tried to help you move if he hadn't wanted to be with you anymore, Asuka." Hikari offered.  "Don't ever feel as though you are second best, either.  Shinji is a nice person, but he is his _own person.  In the looks department, you and Rei are very close.  You have different charms - your foreign beauty may dazzle Shinji, but Rei's got a classical beauty.  It's nothing against you, because you're both so different.  And I'm sure that he agonizes over it constantly.  If you were to ask him, you'd probably see smoke come from his ears trying to find a good answer.   Now, as far as personality..."  _

"Yeah, yeah.  The Red Devil strikes again." Asuka sighed.  "Do you think that is why he's with her now?"  

"He likes Rei.  He probably cares for her.  'Love' may be too strong a word. But..." Hikari emphasized, "He probably feels the same for you.  It's how you react to him that will determine which one he finally chooses." 

"You don't think he's done that already?" Asuka said.    

Hikari shook her head. "Shinji is not one to make decisions on just a glance.  The more Rei opens up to him, the closer friends they'll become. But I don't think that he'd ever move that quickly with her.  It wouldn't be his style.  And if you were to start... acting with less hostility.  He'd be able to get to know you too."  

Asuka nodded in acceptance, "Perhaps.  I don't know.  I just feel like I need him... I don't know why."  

"You care for him, Asuka." Hikari said.  "But you won't know any more than that until you get to know him.  You can't do that unless you become his friend."  

"This is going to become a competition between me and the Doll." Asuka stated blandly.   

"Asuka, stop that now.  If you want any chance with Shinji - you better stop calling Rei a Doll.  Ask yourself this, how would you feel if Rei constantly belittled you in that way?  And how do you think Shinji would feel if you were the one he cared about?  He'd defend you.  He'd probably go to the mall with you.  All you accomplish each time you say those angry words is to push Shinji farther and farther away."

"I just wish he wasn't such a wimp." Asuka said, "I'd have no problem then."  

"I don't think that Shinji is a wimp in any sense of the word.  How many adults do you know that would put up with the constant bullshit he's experienced since day one?  Tell me how many of them would have simply walked away from their father no matter who he was planning to put into that machine?  Asuka, he was going to put Rei into that monster, injured and bleeding, and used that as an axe over his own son's head.   Shinji's sense of honor wouldn't let him walk away, Asuka.  Imagine if that had been you, beaten to a pulp, bleeding on the floor, wrapped in bandages head to toe, broken bones... Having someone drag your sorry ass out to a hanger and saying that you had to pilot?"   

"It could happen.  And I'd try my best."  Asuka said.  "But... Shinji... He piloted for Rei?"  

Hikari nodded.  "Touji told me.  His father had been part of the security force assigned to the first and third children.  He heard that from the maintenance workers who were in Unit 01's cage.  Said that the doctors had wheeled the poor girl out into the cage and were getting ready to put her in when Shinji changed his mind.  He didn't want to pilot, Asuka.  His father forced him to."  

"How much more is there?" Asuka asked.  

"Plenty.  Kenesuke is a master of digging up dirt, especially gossip." Hikari said.  "Touji tells me everything.  I mean, the poor guy, he'd crack if he didn't.  Of course the other end of the trio is Shinji - he already knows how bad most of it is.  Everyone in 2-A has lost a parent to NERV."

"What do you mean 'everyone'?" Asuka asked.  

"Every child in the 2-A class is missing a parent.  Actually, we're all missing our mothers.  Kenesuke was the one who first noticed it, about two years ago, when they put us all in the same class.  We're also all around the exact same age...  Born within weeks of each other."  Hikari frowned, "All except Ayanami.  She... I don't know, nobody knows her birthday, not even master hacker Aida Kensuke."   

"Hikari, what happened to your mother?" Asuka asked softly.   

"She got sick a couple years ago.  It was sudden.  Just one day, she started to fall apart.  It's like something sucked the will to live right out of her, like that part of existence that makes us try to survive was gone.  She was always sad at the end.  Even being with us... I mean sometimes she'd smile or laugh, but we could all see it was forced... like she didn't know how anymore.  She would just hug me and my sisters for hours on end, crying to herself.  Finally, her immune system gave out and she died.   She weighed eighty two pounds on that day.   I think my father cried for a month.  We all kind of... thought that she'd pull out of it somehow.  Doctor's couldn't find anything wrong with her." Hikari wiped a few tears from her eyes.  "How about you?  What's your mother like?" 

"She worked for NERV.  On my Unit 02.   She... Got sick, too." Asuka said. "I don't think I can talk about it."  

"Like Shinji's mom." Hikari said.  "She... disappeared in Unit 01 after trying to pilot it.  Back when the place was still the Geherin Research branch.  Another piece of information thanks to Mister Aida via Touji."  

Asuka looked up sadly at Hikari, "Oh... no...  I think... Ohmygod." Asuka reflected back to something that Rei had said a long time ago to Shinji. 'You have to open your mind to _her.'  "Oh... not that.  Oh please not that, anything but that." _

"Anything but what?" Hikari asked, not knowing for sure.  

"This is sick.  It's beyond sick.  Worst of all... had you not said anything, I would have continued to ignore it forever.  I know that feeling. Why I'm the pilot of Unit 02.   Oh god, anything but this.  She's still there.  It took her.  It took that part of her that made her... her.  Oh god, it would drive anyone to insanity - it ripped her soul out, Hikari.  It tore it right out of her body!  It spit out an empty shell - it just hadn't quite figured out it was dead yet." She looked at Hikari with wide eyes, "Unit 02 took my mother... and she's still in it!"  

"What... What are you saying?" Hikari asked, not knowing whether or not her friend had gone off the deep end.  

"Unit 02, it took my mother.  Unit 01 took Shinji's.  They're building more Evangelions... they must have them stored somehow... somewhere."   Asuka was thinking on another tangent.  "I know... gods I know.   I have to... the next Synchronization Test... I'll put my theory to practice.  Yes.  I know how now.   Why Shinji's score keeps climbing.  I know... God and I wish I didn't."  

"What..." Hikari said more than asked.  She saw the tears forming in Asuka's eyes.  

Asuka formed a small smile on her face, "What is the most terrifying thing on the face of this Earth?"  

Hikari just stared. 

"It's a mother trying to protect its children." She said.  She suddenly thought about it.  'Oh god, what if they were listening?  I better call Kaji - now!'  Asuka pulled out her cell phone and dialed Kaji's number.  It rang for a few seconds, then his voice came over the line. 

"Hello?" A groggy voice answered.   

"Kaji-san?" Asuka said, trying to clear the tears from her eyes.  

"A-Asuka... What's wrong?" Kaji Rouji said over the phone.   

"I-I figured out something terrible.  Not over the phone.  Please.  Come over to Rei's and my apartment.  Please."  She said.  "I swear, this isn't some joke. If you care for me in any way..." 

"I'll be over, give me two hours." Kaji said to Asuka. "There are a few things I need to take care of before hand." The phone went silent.

The two children sat staring at each other for a few minutes, then the talk resumed.   

"Why Kaji?" Hikari asked.  "I know he helped take care of you back in Germany, but he works for... Them."  

"He's the only one I can trust.  I trust Misato... but given the way I've acted... I mean... She'll just think I'm crazy." Asuka responded.  

-

Like a child in a candy store, Misato dragged the two Children through the surging masses of shoppers.   While Tokyo-3 was not the most populous city, this was the only true mall in range of the significant number of inhabitants.  

The designers of the mall wanted the ultimate one-stop-shop mall.  This was squeezed into the absolute smallest space possible.  Those vendors who were fortunate enough to be able to afford rental space within the armored location of the mall enjoyed relative safety compared to their counterparts in other sites around the city.   Best of all, the vendors had a special agreement with NERV allowing official purchases to be made practically free of charge - assuming that the purchases were made within reason.  The Commander and Sub commander each had a special purchase card that allowed virtually unlimited shopping credits.  These credits could be transferred to other NERV cards for use by the employees.   

So with 100,000 credits, Misato Katsuragi entered (Dragging two extremely uncooperative teenagers) The Sleep Shoppe.   After a whirlwind search of the store, Misato finally spoke, "Ok, Rei.  Which one?"  

"I do not know." Rei said.  Those magic words brought out one of the store's employees.   

"Can I help you?" The man asked cordially.   

"Yes!" Misato said brightly.  

"Maybe..." Shinji muttered.   

"Doubtful..." Rei intoned.   

Misato eyed Rei with an angry glance.  "Don't mind her, she's had some problems.  Actually, they've been partially due to bad sleeping habits."  

"Ah, School problems?" The man asked the young woman.  

"No." Rei said simply.  

"I see... Too much pressure from your mother over here, eh?" 

"Major Katsuragi is not my mother." Rei said coldly.   

At this the man glanced at the woman who shrugged.  "Ok... um... then... do you see anything you like?" 

"One cannot determine the comfort of a mattress just by looking at it." Rei stated.   

"Oh, well, I guess that's true." The man admitted.  "But you can feel the material of the bed with your hands, and you know what feels comfortable, yes?  Not only that, but can you tell me what kind of bed you prefer?  Soft or hard, do you need a larger bed, or prefer a smaller mattress?" 

Rei tilted her head while listening to the man, and blinked her eyes several times, but did not say anything.  

"Tell you what.  Follow me." The man said, leading the small group to a collection of single mattresses.  "See here.  This one is firm. It has a cotton covering and only a bit of padding.  Feel the material... and press down with your hand onto the mattress."   

Rei did as instructed.  She closed her eyes and imagined what it would feel like to lay on this material.  "Too hard."  

"See.  Now move down here, to this one... Silk covering, plenty of top pillowing. Very soft.  Do the same thing."  

Rei complied.  She felt her hand sink deep into the mattress... "Too soft, I don't think that my back would appreciate it, although the material is nice."  

"Well, people usually cover the bed with a protector to prevent stains from damaging the mattress." The man admitted.  He moved to another.  "Not our most expensive model, but it is quite nice.  It uses a simple cover pad, and has more support than the last, but still gives well."   

Rei pressed on the mattress without being prompted. "Perhaps..." 

"Just lay down on it." The man instructed.  "You can at least see what it feels like, yes?" 

Rei's eyes brightened for a moment, as Shinji got a pained look on his face when Rei fidgeted with the red ribbon on her School uniform.   She let her hand drop and climbed onto the bed.   She composed herself as for sleep, and spent several minutes on the bed.   

The man watched her carefully, "Is she even breathing?" He asked after not noticing any movement for several minutes.    

"Yes," a small voice emanated from the direction of the bed, apparently from thin air.  The man barely noticed that Rei's lips had parted to emit the word.  

Shinji leaned over to Misato, who was looking at Rei lying peacefully on the bed. "I was afraid she was going to disrobe there, Misato."  

Misato chuckled, "I would hope that Rei has at least a modicum of humility in that respect." She then got a serious look, "Doesn't she?"  

Shinji took his turn to smile, "Not that I've noticed.  Had it not been required, I think she would travel everywhere nude."  

After a couple more minutes of apparent non-movement, Rei fluidly moved from the bed and stood before the group.  "I... did not know that a bed could be that comfortable."  She rubbed her hand affectionately across the surface. "This, however, is more than I need."  

"Ayanami?" Shinji asked, successful in getting her attention. "That's not the point.  It is a very affordable mattress - is it what you like?" 

Rei nodded her assent.  

"Are you sure, Rei?" Misato asked, "We have plenty of available funds for furnishing the apartment."  

"I..." she looked at Misato, "I like this one."  Rei blushed, as though that assertion was a compromising activity.  "Shinji, please, you tell me what you think?"  

Shinji moved to lie on the bed, and composed himself on the mattress.  He folded his arms back, and his eyes got a blissful look in them.  "It is a very comfortable mattress, Rei.  I wish that I could afford this..."  

"Shinji..." Misato started, a gleeful look in her eyes.  

Shinji hopped off the bed, "It would be wrong, Misato.  This money is for furnishing Rei's apartment.  Not for wasting on me."

"You are an Evangelion pilot, Shinji." Misato admonished.  "It's not a waste if its for you." 

At this the man in the store perked up, "Ikari... Shinji... Eva 01's pilot.  You must be Ayanami Rei... Pilot of Unit 00!  Man... This is...  unbelievable... wow.  I have two of the most famous people in Tokyo-3 here in my store!"   He eyed the mattress.  "Sleep is the most important thing a person does... I would hate to think that I let you out of my store without a proper mattress.  I'll tell you what.  2 for 1!  I assume that you are using NERV credit?" 

Misato nodded happily, a broad grin filling her face.  "I do.  And I'm not done yet.  Need linens, pillows..."  

The man waved her off, "The best, don't worry.  We'll take care of it."  He looked at Rei carefully.  "I think a theme in pale blue would be appropriate, with pink trimmings for a touch of the feminine."  He guided the group to the linen area.  He quickly pulled off several groups of linens from the racks, and placed them in Rei's hands. "I noticed that you liked the silk bedcover - if not the mattress itself.  These aren't silk, but you'll find that the satin-like material is great for those with sensitive skin.  Wash and care instructions are in the package."  He grabbed another group of linens. "Should the weather turn colder - an unlikely scenario, but possible, these would be great for cold nights.  The under sheets are a soft cotton, and hypoallergenic.  Both are, as a matter of fact."  And he finally pulled down matching drapes and room decorations, "Consider this all half off."   

"I don't think I need that..." Shinji said to Misato.  "I have plenty of sheets, and they are well worn in."  

"Not a problem, Shinji." Misato said with a smile.  Then walked over to the man, and whispered in his ear.    

The shop owner turned pale, as he stared at the Major.  "If you can't abide by that..."  Misato said to the man.

"No... No problem, Major." He gulped, "Besides, we all owe these kids a debt of gratitude.  Although the advertising..."  He was stopped by a deadly glare.  "As I said.  No problem, Major."  

"Great.  We'll take this then." She said with a smile, handing the man the NERV card.   

The man took the card with a shaky hand, and managed a bright smile - completely hollow - as he disappeared behind the counter to dig up his card reader.   

"What did you say to him?" Shinji whispered to Misato as she still wore her grin.  

"I told him that if he so much whispers a word that you two had shopped here in an advertisement, I'd have you and Rei stomp on this particular section of the mall a few times during your next training exercise.  And after stepping on the mall, you'd accidentally step on his car - with him in it, if he didn't follow that simple rule." Misato said softly.  

"That's not nice, Misato." Shinji said.

"Eva's for saving the world, Shinji.  Not selling mattresses." Misato said quietly, as the shop keeper returned.  

Shinji nodded, listening to Misato give the man delivery instructions.   

Rei leaned near Shinji, "Why did you try to refuse the mattress.  You obviously liked it..." 

"Because, Rei-chan.  I don't want to take away from you.  This is your apartment, your first real bed.  That thing you slept on before was..."  

"I know, Shinji." She grasped his hand quickly then released it.  "I... still don't know what to make of all this.  I am not good at it."  

"Nobody takes points when you're living, Ayanami." Shinji said, looking into her eyes, "The only one who can really judge you is yourself.  The true test of how well you have lived your life is- if, when those final days come, you can look into a mirror and say: 'I have no regrets.'  If you can do that, then you have succeeded in life."  

"Do you have regrets, Shinji?" Rei asked him softly, as Misato happily signed the receipt.   

"Right now the biggest regret I have is that I am unable to be a good son to my father.  I don't know him.  I... I can't even truthfully say that I hate him, either - else why would his praise mean so much to me?  I also regret Asuka, I feel that I have failed in being her friend.  She... I don't know. I care for her, Rei.  I wish I didn't, but I do."  He saw something approaching hurt in Rei's eyes, "But I care for you too, Rei-chan.  I wouldn't call you that if I didn't"  

Rei whispered, "I... feel better when you call me that... It makes me feel, human.  It reminds me that I have a soul, a place in my heart where I can feel warmth.  I... I..."  

Suddenly, both Shinji and Rei found themselves being pulled by the hands by an almost running Misato.  "Next stop, guys - Furniture N' Stuff.  We have a mattress and bed.  Need the rest of the bedroom now, come on.  Let's get the boring stuff out of the way quick so we can get to the important things!"  

"Battling Angels, Misato-san?" Shinji asked hopefully, a bit perturbed that he and Rei were interrupted.  

"CLOTHES!!!" Misato said.  "This girl doesn't have a thread that isn't stiff and constricting.  We're going to change that, even if we have to go through every store in the mall to do it!" 

-

Gendo looked over his steepled fingers, his glasses opaque due to the light reflecting off them.  "My son, Rei, and Major Katsuragi - at the mall?"  

"Yes sir." The security guard gulped.   

"I understand your enthusiasm to make an impression, Corporal.  Yet the... importance of this fact seems to elude me.  Perhaps you could clarify exactly why I needed to have this small domestic scene brought to my attention?"  

"Sir, your standing orders are to report any unusual activity involving Pilot Ayanami's activities.  She was seen in the mall expressing unusual emotions." 

At this, Gendo allowed his hands to fall forward slightly, after propping up his glasses.   "Explain." 

"Sir, on six different occasions in a twenty minute period, units reported seeing Pilot Ayanami express displeasure... once she even groaned loudly enough to be heard by team five. Sir.  Considering her usual...  unemotionalism... it seemed like a most unusual occurrence and fell into accordance with your standing orders - sir." The corporal said sharply.   

Commander Ikari nodded.  "I see."  He said.  "You were correct to bring this to me.  In any other situation, I believe that this would have been significant cause for concern.  But, considering the First's dislike of large public gatherings and general tendencies towards isolation, the emotional displays are not of significant concern."  Gendo reflected to himself, 'Yui hated mall shopping as well. Difficult to believe that particular dislike could have been passed to Rei - must be something to do with the female genome.'

"Yes sir." The man said.

"Keep a close eye on the First.  If the outbursts become... violent - notify me immediately.  Otherwise ignore this incident and any further incidents of this level while they are at the mall." Commander Ikari brought his steepled fingers back up to his nose - pushing up his glasses once again, and then settled into his usual position.  "Dismissed." 

"Yes sir." The corporal sharply saluted, then turned and left.  

-

Shinji looked up at the 'Fashion Barn' Sign happily burning its way into his retinas.  The dreaded part of the trip began at this moment.  Until now, everything that Misato had bought had been 'Apartment' related.  Furniture, bedding, dishes... that sort of thing.   All of it was being delivered to the complex by the various companies they had purchased from.  Of course, now that 'that' was over... Misato was planning to take the remaining credits - a significant amount, and purchase clothing for Rei.  

Clothes shopping meant that Misato would force Rei to try on almost every outfit in the entire store.  While seeing Rei in clothing other than her school uniform was not disagreeable, it meant that he had to 'wait' while the women searched for the articles to be 'tried'.   

Shinji imagined that the women involved in this long and arduous process sat as judge and jury over a court convened to determine the appropriateness of the clothing contained in the store.   And like any court where politics were involved, the matter was never a simple yes or no.  Every single minute detail was analyzed before determining an article's appropriateness for purchase.  

He knew that he could be here a while.  So, like most fourteen year old teenagers, he immediately looked for somewhere he could be completely inconspicuous and out of the way.  Finding his choice of resting areas, he immediately notified Misato - "I'm going to be right _here."   _

Misato looked at Shinji, noticing the spot that he had declared as 'his'. She looked at the support column.  It was relatively inconspicuous.  He could lean against it with no-one noticing (or trampling) him from the aisles, and would only be visible from the junior-misses section - a section relatively devoid of people as relatively few NERV employees had a family, much less 12-15 year olds who would jump at the chance to wear these clothes.   

 "Ok." Misato said, quite satisfied with the fact that he had decided to stay put.  After all, there's only so much you can make a guy do - last time Misato dragged Shinji to the mall, he became a human coat hanger.  He carried the few articles of clothing that Misato found appropriate enough to try on, attempting to follow her mad dash from clothing area to clothing area.  "We'll be a while." Misato said, eliciting a small groan from Rei.   

Shinji sighed, and watched as Misato dragged Rei from one rack to the next. She was quickly shuffling through clothes, and explaining to Rei her thoughts on fashion and dresses.   Every once in a while, Rei's eyes would dart to Shinji, with an expressive, longing look that screamed: 'HELP ME'. 

Of course, Shinji himself knew better than to interrupt Misato during her shopping experience.  For it was always a shopping experience when traveling with the Major - and here she was with a virtual blank check from the commanders to spend, spend, and spend even more.  Rei and Misato slipped from his view, finally, having visited three racks of clothes in less than a minute.  His last view showed Rei to be holding an impressive number of dresses and other items.   

Shinji sighed, and directed his attention to the checker pattern on the carpeted floor.  It wasn't long until he noticed a shadow looming over him.

"Shinji?" The voice said with trepidation.  

Shinji looked up into the body and face of Ibuki Maya.  "Lieutenant Ibuki?" He said with trepidation.   

"It _is you.  What on Earth are you doing sitting here?" She asked, looking at the dejected boy leaning against the support column. _

"Misato-san.  We were doing some... shopping." 

"Ah, the Major…  Ritsuko complained about Misato's shopping habits when their class was having all those marriages at once." Maya admitted wistfully.  "She said that it took the Major four hours to find one dress. So what's the occasion that Misato is getting another dress?"  

"Misato-san is not buying for herself." Shinji said, nodding towards the now visible Major and her new walking clothes hanger.  

Maya looked, and a broad grin suffused her face.  "Rei... Clothes shopping?" 

"Believe me, it wasn't her choice.  Or mine." Shinji said.   

A desperate look glanced in Shinji's direction, and Maya saw it for just a second before Rei became her calm and impassive self.  'She noticed me. Damn.' "I have to go find Ritsuko-sempai."  Maya mumbled.  "She just has to see this."  

Shinji stood, "I don't think that would be a good idea..."  

"Nonsense.  It's about time that girl," Maya said nodding in Rei's general  direction, "did something for herself.  I never understood just why the  commander couldn't let her be a child."

"Maya-san." Shinji practically begged, "Please.  No.  It wouldn't be good. My father might get angry.  Misato's using some of the funds from the Apartment furnishings to buy Rei clothes.  If Akagi-sempai reports this to him, he might make Rei take whatever she buys back.  She really doesn't have much, as you well know."  

Maya became disturbed by this, "He wouldn't... Would he?" 

"He sent me, his son, to live with my uncle.  Tell me what you think?" Shinji said angrily.  

"He did what?" Maya asked.  

"He sent me away.  And then he took care of Rei.  I'm not jealous of her, though.  My father... he's why she is that way.  God knows what he did to her mind - God knows what he would have done to mine had I stayed." Shinji said sadly.   Just then, Misato noticed Maya standing there, and progressed rapidly to toward her, hitting every rack between them along the way.  

Maya smiled at the young pilot, "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me." 

"Thank you, Maya-san." Shinji whispered.    

Just then, Misato came within talking range, "They let you out?" 

"Needed to get some clothes.  I have a wedding to go to in a few days. Ritsuko's here somewhere as well.  I don't know where she is though.  We got separated a few stores back."  Maya said.   

Misato chuckled, "Ritsu's probably already outside the Mall. She hates shopping."  

Rei strained to peak over the pile of clothes in her arms.  "Lieutenant Ibuki." She said politely.  

"See you have quite a pile..." Maya said, chuckling.  

Rei gave a quick and almost evil glance towards Misato, "It is quite... heavy."  

"Yep, first batch.  Looked through a few things here and picked out some stuff I thought would compliment her.  She needs clothes, badly." Misato pouted. "Got several more stores I want to hit before the day is out.  I love having a day off - especially when I get to go shopping!"  

Rei's eyes rolled up into her head, as Shinji groaned.  

"Er... Well, I better get going.  Wouldn't want to keep Sempai waiting, she's liable to leave without me.  She drove me here." 

Misato chuckled. "If she does... I can always give you a ride back.  No problem at all!" 

Maya got a sickly look on her face.  "T-thanks but no..." 

"Wise choice.  Wish we were so lucky." Shinji muttered.  

Misato glared at Shinji, but then smiled.  "It's all right. I'm going to need your help Shinji, Rei has to model all this for us, since she doesn't know what she likes, she'll need your input into the matter."  

-

Kaji smiled as he noted that Ritsuko had left for the day - or for at least a few hours.  He overheard her talking with Ibuki about going to the mall. 'May your trip be long, for my sake Ri-chan.' He actually went as far as the door to ensure that the two had indeed left the facility.   

After making sure that they had left, he entered one of the many labs on the Magi level.  He had done his homework well.  This lab was right next to Casper, and shared its cooling system with the supercomputer.  He looked for the rather large air duct that fed the systems room, and quickly unhinged it from the wall.  'Easy.'  

He squirmed for several meters before encountering a similar grating.  He smiled as he viewed Casper's internal structure from the grating.  He also noticed that there was a cross-hatched laser system protecting the entrance. 'A little paranoid, eh Nakio?' He thought to himself.  There were two emitters, and he quickly set up a mirror system that rerouted the laser streams.   Once he had the height and width set up for the beams, he quickly moved the device into place.  The beams were redirected without an interruption.   "Easy" he whispered.  

He removed the panel, silently praying that the laser system was the only barrier.  It was.   As he entered the supercomputer, he breathed a sigh of relief.   

It was then that he noticed something.  A nearby systems monitor displayed a red background.  The symbols came up, blinking - a countdown and the words "Intruder Detected - Magi Supercomputer Core CASPER-3."  

"Oh shit." Kaji stated, looking where he had stepped.  Sure enough, the evidence of a pressure plate was there for him to see.  "Definitely paranoid!" 

He pulled out a small chip he had prepared a while back.  He had the help of several hackers to create it, and had employed them temporarily so that this little marvel could exist.  He quickly found an input board, and slammed the chip inside.     

Had Ritsuko or Ibuki been present, he was sure that they would have noticed. They almost certainly kept tabs on the condition of the Magi on a second-to-second basis.  Kaji smiled knowing that they would not be there now to see this.  Within a few seconds, the red screen stopped blinking, the countdown aborted long before it reached zero.   A few more seconds showed that the files associated with the alarm had been erased. Kaji smiled. 

"Now, Casper.  Be a good little Magi and tell me what you know about Ayanami Rei..." Kaji said, beginning to type away at the keyboard so generously provided next to the monitor.  

-

Gendo looked at the chamber for the Dummy plug system.  He would always come down here when the stress of his job would become too much for him to be able to hide his emotions effectively.    

This chamber was one of his inner-sanctums.  He had many more that he could retreat to, but this was one of his most private areas.  He looked at the orangish light illuminating the bodies of the clones in the tank.  Their eyes opened as one, staring at him as he stared at them.  Whenever his eyes would lock with one of them, he could feel that particular shell call for his soul.  Even through the LCL, the deep red cores of their eyes were clearly visible. 

"The eyes, windows to the soul," Gendo stated softly.  "It is why I wear these glasses - so that those windows have a barrier.  No one may see in, but I may see out.  I can peruse the subtly and eccentricities of the human condition from the safety this barrier provides me."  

The eyes, although fixed upon him, contained no emotion - no soul.  He felt a kinship with these creatures. "Ah Yui.  You took my soul with you when you left me.  Although some of it still is here, most of it is with you." He said.  "What a fool I was.  Was I so arrogant and so pompous as to think that you were just another stepping stone to my plans?  You ended up being far more than that to me, Dear Yui."  He approached the glass, careful to not put the wrong hand against it.   One of the clones mimicked his actions, and he found that his palm and the dummy's now lined up perfectly against the barrier.  He allowed his hand to fall, and took several steps back.  

The Clone, for its part, also let her hand fall, still maintaining an unblinking stare.  For a few moments, the clone allowed its eyes to remain locked with Gendo's glasses.   Then, suddenly, the eyes shifted to the hand that had not been raised previously.   An animalistic scowl distorted the Ayanami Clone's features, as it brought its hands viciously up to impact against the glass barrier. Blood trickled into the LCL from scrapes on the knuckles of her fists, but she showed no sign of the pain.  In moments the blood traces were dissolved, and the injuries on the knuckles virtually disappeared. 

Gendo looked at the hand that had caused the reaction.  "How would you react, Yui, to the knowledge of what I have become?  I wish that I could have been the father that you had wanted me to be to Shinji." He closed his fist, but not completely, noting that his gloved hand could not flex like it once could.  'A pity,' He looked back at the clones staring at him, "But it was you who allowed me to feel love.  His presence only brought pain, and he couldn't face that pain each day.  Neither could I, for that matter."  

The clones all regained an impassive stare, noticing that Ikari was equidistant from all points in the room.  "And what would you think of this, my dear Yui.  Our daughter, our purpose - I had hoped that she would be more than just an instrument.  But my indiscressions severed that thread, and now she is but a tool.  Her soul exists, but at what cost, Yui?  She might have been our daughter, but now she is my only path to you.  She is more of a reminder every day of what you once were.  I wish that she was you, dear Yui.  Alas, I know that will never be the truth."  

He looked back at a simple door in the wall at a ninety degree angle to the entrance, and sighed.  His emotions released for the time being.  "The Children are our hope, Yui.  I will ensure that we are together again.  I promise.  The rest of the world be damned - I don't care.  Perhaps I'll regret it once we are together again, but until that time I am no more than these shells.  Awaiting the time when I can live again."  His gaze broke back to the chamber.  "This is a place of emptiness. It is the only place where I can have my soul back - if only for a little while."  

As the commander walked from the chamber, the heads of the Ayanami clones followed - the only witnesses to their father's confession.  When the lights dimmed, their awareness let the knowledge of this moment replay in their starved minds.  Although they did not understand, they would remember. 

-  

It was the last store.  

But for Shinji, it was also the most embarrassing.   The store was a pure, high-priced female dress shop.  The kind of dresses that women wore when going to high society balls and dances - Or to those posh parties held around the holidays.  It also didn't help that the store was also an undergarment store, for as everywhere Shinji looked, there were mannequins with lacy-frilly things hanging all over them.  Had the Mannequins been Rei, no amount of tissue would have been able to stem the tide of blood that would have rushed from his nose.  'Much more of this, and I'll be able to refill Unit 01's blood supply.' He thought, as he patiently waited for Rei to try on a dress.  

Ever since the first outfit he had seen Rei wear, he had been having nosebleeds.   'I hate this condition.' He thought as he stared at the dressing room door.  He could feel the eyes of the other patrons staring at him as they went about their shopping. He could almost hear them thinking, 'What is that poor child doing staring at that dressing room door.  And why is he holding all those napkins?'  He hadn't noticed, but another man sat down next to him.  

"Stuck here, eh kid?" The gentleman said.   

"Yeah." Shinji replied, not wanting to talk much.   

"I know.  Sucks waiting for them to finish up.  My wife takes an eternity to change clothes.  Then she makes me suffer through this agony... I'd rather be home watching TV."  

Shinji looked at the man, and stared for a few seconds.  "You're from NERV, aren't you?  One of the technicians who works in the cages?" 

The man stared at him for a few seconds, then a light smile came on his face, "You're Ikari's son.  Third Children?" 

Shinji nodded.  

"Yeah, I work there.  Amazing that you'd remember some lowly technician scrambling over the Eva!  Name's Mark.  I'm from the US.  So is my wife. Part of an exchange program, we're learning how the Eva Maintenance is conducted so that we can do it back in the States.  She's going to be our primary systems analyst, working with our Magi to make sure that our units are operational.  Our daughter, Mary, is about the same age as you guys are."

"Really.  Is she here?" Shinji asked.  

"Naw.  We've only been in Japan for a few weeks."  The man said.  "She's still back in the US." 

"You speak very well for a foreigner." Shinji commented.   

"Well.  They chose us because we were more familiar with the language.  I'm just glad they let us both come.  I wish they would have allowed Mary to come too.  She would have enjoyed it."  

"Can she speak Japanese?" Shinji asked.

The man nodded, "Yep.  Japanese, Spanish and German.   We use it around her so much that I think she knows the languages better than English!" 

The man noticed his wife wave from the distance.  "Sure was great having someone to share the hell with... Time really flew.  Hopefully your mother gets done with whatever it is she's getting here so you can go home and enjoy your day off! I know you kids don't get too many of those."  

Shinji nodded his assent.  "See you around, Mark-san."  

"Hope so!" The man yelled back, having ran up to his wife to see just how much money she'd spent.   Shinji shook his head and laughed a little.  

"Shinji?" Misato asked, her head peaking out from the door.  "Who was that?" 

"Just a technician from the cages.  I saw him a couple times.  His wife was getting something here, and he just sat down to pass the time."  

"You really shouldn't talk to strangers, Shinji."  She scolded.  

"I didn't say anything.  He recognized me, and I'm sure that I've seen him. And we didn't talk for long.  Besides, do you have any idea of just how boring this all is?" 

"You mean that you don't like this?" Misato said sweetly.   

"Well, there is a long wait before you guys finally decide what you want. That's boring."  

"Well, Shinji let's see what you think of this." Misato opened the door to reveal Rei in a low necked white dress with silver accents.  The dress was simple, and revealing.  Shinji noticed that a small silver necklace now adorned Rei's neck... 'Misato's necklace... with the cross.  I had never seen Misato-san without that item.'   

"What do you think, Shinji?  Not boring, eh?" Misato smiled.   

Shinji blinked several times, before finally responding, "Kawaii..." 

Rei immediately blushed, as Shinji continued to stare.   

"I think that we should purchase Rei a small necklace... Silver necklaces like this aren't very expensive..."  

Rei fingered the small cross, her hand delicately tracing the silver around her neck.  "Shinji?" She asked.

"Y-you're beautiful, Rei.  I've never... seen someone more beautiful." Shinji suddenly looked to the ground, fighting with some internal emotions. "I-I'm sorry, didn't mean to stare like that..." 

Misato scowled. "Baka Shinji, we're not buying this for Rei only.  Geesh. If you didn't stare, I'd be sorely surprised."  

Rei glided over to Shinji, and brought his face up to hers, "I... I like... I _want this feeling.  I want to make you happy.  Does this dress please you, Shin-chan?"  _

Shinji nodded, "Does it please you, Rei-chan?"  

"It is not uncomfortable." Rei replied.  "Do you find these feelings, uncomfortable?  Do you find me... uncomfortable?" There was a tone of despair in her soft voice.  

"No." Shinji said at a whisper. "I find you _very comfortable, Rei.  I can't believe that it was only a day..."  She put her fingers to his lips.  _

"Be silent my dear Shinji.  We are friends, I care about that.  I might want it to be more.  Such things, I realize, take their time." Rei noted.  "Let us concentrate on being friends, Shinji.  Then we'll figure out what to do from there." 

"What about... Asuka?" Shinji whispered, too low for Misato to hear.   

"We'll care for her as well, Shin-chan." She looked at him.  "I have a soul that I can call my own now, Shinji.  For this I have you to thank.  But you do not know me as well as you should.  If we... continue... to learn about each other, you will find out things about me that you will not like.  I will not lie to you about them, either." 

"Friendship cannot be based on lies." Shinji commented, and Rei nodded to agree.  

"I will not descend into the madness that consumes your Father, Shinji. But you must know that the secrets that NERV keeps at its core... I am a terrible part of those secrets.  I will reveal them to you, when you are ready."  

Shinji looked into her eyes, "I find it impossible to believe that any part of you is terrible.  But I will not push for those answers."  

Tears began to tempt Rei's eyes.  "Oh Shinji, let's enjoy this comfort we share.  This warmth - it is a thing that I have only felt a few times in my existence.  Because once you see past the Web of lies that NERV has woven around me, you may not like _me anymore."  _

"I told you earlier that 'liking' and 'caring' are two different things, Rei-chan.  There are things that I may not 'like', but they have nothing to do with you, because I care for you.  I won't stop caring for you.  I promise."  

Rei's eyes lit up for a second, but then fell, "I can never hold you to that promise.  I do not care for myself, because of the truth of my existence. You should not make promises that are impossible to keep."  

"I have never broken a promise once I have given it.  I may have had a short life, but that is one promise I can keep.  I will never stop caring for you, Ayanami Rei, no truth can change that." Shinji affirmed, holding her hand tightly.  

"Guys," Misato interrupted, wanting to interfere with the conversation. "Rei has to actually buy the dress before we can leave.  And I want to get back.  I don't want Asuka to spend too long alone."  

"She is not alone, Misato-san.  I stopped by and asked Hokari to go and watch over Sohryu before I came to the apartment.  I anticipated that I would not be able to comfort Sohryu, and that she'd need someone to talk to before the Synchronization training began."

Misato looked at the young woman, "Rei that was sweet of you." 

"I did it for Shinji.  Asuka is distressed.  Being in such constant proximity to me would unbalance her.  She does not react well to me."  She looked at Shinji who was shocked by this. "As I told Hokari, your well-being is important to me.  I feel pain when I see you experiencing it.  It would be unacceptable to see you in pain because of Asuka."

"Well... I think we should get back.  At least you, Rei, should get back. I'd like you to take some time to try to make amends with Asuka.  Getting Hokari over there will help.  Maybe together, you can resolve those differences and we can avoid bloodshed during the training period." Misato stated nervously.  'God knows, Asuka would kill Rei if she saw what was happening here.'  She looked at Shinji, "Shin-chan.  You and I have to come back here for one last thing... We'll talk about it after we drop off Rei, Ok?" 

"O-Ok, Misato-san." Shinji said, looking at Ayanami's face.  'She is concerned for me.  She is willing to help Asuka because she does not wish to see me in pain.  Rei must give herself entirely to people, so much so that their every wish is her command.  She has separated herself from father, am I his replacement?  And what is this terrible secret that Rei feels that she must hide from me?  She tells me that she will not lie about it, but will not reveal it to me until she thinks I am ready.  I will have to tell her that I may never be ready, but it must be done.  No matter what, I will keep my promise to her.'  

-

Infiltrating the MAGI was easy.  Kaji had prepared himself all his life for situations just like that.  Going into situations without preparedness was something alien to the spy.    

Yet, that was precisely what he was about to do.  What was it that Asuka discovered that so terrified the young woman?  Why call him, since Misato should be closer to the young girl by now than he?  Kaji was reasonably sure that this wasn't just some scheme to grab his attention, or get him cornered so that the young girl could profess her undying love and devotion to him – her voice just didn't have that quality it normally held.

Only once before did Kaji Rouyji ever hear the girl's voice so downtrodden and dejected.   It was shortly after an incident with Unit 02.  

Asuka was expected to be a child prodigy with Unit 02.   She started her official synchronization training with the unit about a month before Ayanami set foot in the Eva cages for the first time.  

However, synchronization to the unit did not come easily for the Redhead.   Her synchronization ratio never rose above 3% for the first two months.   Even after Ayanami began her training, and had her first successful 'Test Synchronization' at 10%, Asuka could still not get her unit to start.    

Many of the technical personnel believed that it was because of the previous incident with the unit – the one that saw a sane human enter the plug, and an insane one leave.   

Right before her sync test, the first one Kaji was to witness as Asuka's guardian, a statement had been callously made by one of the maintenance workers – something along the lines of, "That girl's just as crazy as her mama was.  Hopping into this thing, what kind of sicko lets a little girl do something like that?"   

Of course, Asuka overheard that statement, snorted, and tried to place it in the round-file segment of her memory.   But despite her best efforts to erase the statement, that thought stuck with her as she entered the plug.   The LCL came up, and she decided that this time she would 'Force' the thing to start.   

Needless to say, the synchronization test didn't go quite as planned. 

The moment the synchronization patterns completed, Asuka opened her mind to the behemoth.  The next thing she remembered was waking up in a hospital room, staring at a white ceiling.  Kaji was sitting next to her.    

That night, the girl told the man what she thought about life in general – her feelings about her mother.   Her hatred of her father.   And her longing to just do something that would make people remember her as someone other than 'The crazy woman's daughter.'  

Kaji remained through it all, and then delivered his news with a smile – She had hit the ten percent synchronization level with Unit 02.  She was designated as the Second Child.  Kaji noticed the slight frown on the girl's face, and quickly told her, "Hey, you're one of only _two people in the world who can do this.   That's something to be proud of."_

The little girl nodded, then a nurse came in and told her she was ready to be released. 

Asuka Langley Sohryu got out of bed, thanked this man who just told her that she had been 'Selected', and raced from the room before he could even think to stop her.  That very day, Asuka found the ultimate fate of her mother.  

'I figured out something terrible...'  Those words could only be related to NERV.  Kaji knew the word terrible was synonymous with his employer.  Despite all this, Kaji still had a smile on his face.  It had been a good day, so far.  As the door opened, his smile immediately dropped off when he saw both Hikari's and Asuka's tear filled faces.     

"Kaji-san." She said.  The tears were welling.  "Come in. Please.  I don't know if its safe to talk here... but we," She indicated Hikari and herself, "Already did.  If NERV knows... they know."  

Kaji looked at the apartment.  He remembered the security arrangement for the Apartment block.  This block wasn't scheduled for any major use, the assignment of Rei to this apartment was a last minute consideration.  And Rei had a 'No Monitor' order out on her old apartment.  Ikari trusted the young pilot with a great deal of his dirty laundry.  Somehow Rei was at the center of whatever conspiracy existed in NERV, and the Commander wanted nothing of that conspiracy to be broadcast over listening devices.  "I don't think we have to worry... yet.  They didn't have a chance to wire this place. And Rei's not someone that the Commander wants somebody listening to when she has bad dreams."  He walked into the apartment and was immediately shown to a small futon, while the girls chose to sit on the simple coffee table.  

Asuka decided she was going to get one shot.  "Mama is in my EVA.  Unit 02... It has her soul. I know it.  I felt it.  All our mothers... Every child in class 2-A... All of them... They are either in EVA... or they are being stored somewhere before being put in an EVA."  

Kaji already suspected something like this, so he nodded. "It would explain... a lot."  

"It drove Mama crazy, Kaji-san!" Asuka said boldly.  "She was fine before she tried to pilot... Then after.. She..."  

"Like I said." Kaji said sadly, "It would explain... a lot."  

"Shinji's mom too.  Unit 01 took her." Hikari said.  "Kensuke found out... somehow.  I don't know how."  

Kaji chuckled at this, "Kid better be careful.  Although I'm not one to talk."  

"My mother... if what Asuka said is true... She's... But why!" Hikari broke down with more tears.   

Asuka put her hand on Hikari's shoulder, "So we can pilot.  Its a living being, Hikari.  Its living matter... and we can replicate much of it.  But without a driving force, without a soul to make it want to live - there's... It would just disintegrate. Fall apart.  Be insane. Up and die without a fight."  She looked at Kaji.  "How long?" She stared daggers into his eyes. His earlier comments let her know that he was somehow involved. "How long have they known?"  'How long have you known?' 

"I think that... ever since Shinji's mom - they knew.  Or, at least, the Commander knew." Kaji admitted.  'This could get very ugly.'  

"They let her get in it... anyway." She said, shaking her head.  "Why?  Why my Mama?"  

"Because they wanted you as a pilot." Kaji said sadly.  "Only children conceived near the point of second impact have a legitimate shot at being able to actually pilot one.  That's one of the things they knew from the beginning."  He looked at her sadly, "Only those few, and their descendants, will have the ability to pilot."  

"And the most powerful force in the known world is that of a mother trying to protect its children." Asuka said in monotone.  "So they took our mothers.  Anyone in 2-A can pilot an Evangelion, can't they?"  

"I've heard them say that the pilot has to be compatible with the 'Core'." Kaji said without mirth, "I guess the core of EVA is a human soul."  

"And the core of an Angel?" Hikari asked.  "During the fourth Angel attack, Kensuke and Touji sneaked out of the shelter and got a close up look at one. The Angel had a red jewel... it was round... and it looked like it had something... human in it." 

"They saw it?" Kaji asked aghast.  

"I've seen it too.  Kind of hard to miss when you're stabbing one from a few meters away."  Asuka said flatly.  "But they're not human, Hikari.  But..." 

"They're really, really close." Kaji said.  "There's more than a few NERV experiments that say just how close they are to us.  There's not a whole hell of a lot of difference between us and them.  And even less of a difference between us and Eva."  

"EVA." Asuka felt like the word was acid on her tongue.  "It took my Mama. She's now in... There.  I've felt her before.  It's why Unit 02 feels so comfortable.  Its Mama protecting me."  

"Asuka.  You can't go around and tell anyone about this.  I think that this apartment is safe - the Commander has had Rei at the heart of one too many of his pet projects for him to take a chance of someone picking up on the girl talking in her sleep.  But I'd certainly talk about this _only here. And whatever you do, don't tell this to the other kids - they'll freak."  _

"I'm going to tell Shinji... and Rei..."  Asuka said, then saw the dark look on Kaji's face.  

"Shinji, maybe.  Misato - I'll tell her.   Rei... I don't think she'd react the way you think she would." 

"But Rei and Shinji are pilots..." Asuka said.  "She..." 

"She probably already knows.  She's been at it longer than any of them.  And she's the Commanders little Angel." 

"She won't betray Shinji." Hikari said.   

"What? How do you know that?" Kaji said. 

"She... Told... me..." Hikari spat out.  "Oh Asuka, she came by this morning, before she came here.  Told me that you were under a lot of stress...that you needed someone to talk to.  That in itself made me afraid.  She said that she was afraid you might... do something... bad to yourself... And that she couldn't allow that - it would hurt Shinji..."  

"She told you to come over here... Because she thought I'd commit suicide?" Asuka said aghast. 

"I'd be lying if the thought hadn't crossed my mind a few times, Asuka. You've been very obsessed over this.  If you kept it up, I don't think that anyone would have been able to put the pieces back together."  

"Why would she worry about me?" Asuka asked.  

"I don't think she was.  She was worried how Shinji would react.  She loves him."  

"She what!" Kaji practically screamed.   

"I think that 'love' may be too strong to describe Shinji's feelings for Rei. But she _LOVES him.  If he died, she'd follow.  She'd give her life for his.  She told me, 'I'm willing to live for him.' Then, 'You don't know just how much that means to me.  It hurts too much to see him hurt. That reason alone is enough to make me want to see Asuka be well.'"  _

"This... Is unbelievable.  Every psychological report says that Rei is the ultimate loner.  She has nothing.  No life, no belongings... She's practically a life-sized doll.  If a psychologist were to look at her, they'd say she'd been lobotomized."

Asuka simply stared at him.  For her to think those kind of thoughts was one thing... to have Kaji confirm them was another.  

Hikari burst out, "That's cruel!" 

"It's the truth." Kaji said.  "She's colder than liquid oxygen and twice as dangerous.  There's something about her... you know that blue hair isn't exactly a common genetic trait?  Red eyes also a bit rare..." 

Asuka had a flashback to an Angel attack.  She saw the red eye menacingly staring at her.  "They made her from an angel and a human being."  

"Whoa... How the hell do you figure that?" Kaji exclaimed. 'It was hinted at in the EVA Unit 00 files, but her files were completely empty.  No records...'   

"Makes sense, Kaji.  Who better to pilot a being derived from an Angel than to have another being derived from an Angel?  You said it yourself.  She's the Commander's personal little Angel."  Asuka sighed.  

"Not anymore." Hikari noted.   

Asuka looked at her, "If she's really attached to Shinji like that, then she's on our side.  I don't think she likes what's been happening, and if she can see Commander Ikari for what he is..." Asuka abruptly stopped as  she noticed Kaji staring at something behind the two girls...

"I can see Commander Ikari for what he is... now." Rei said.  She walked in, holding several bags of clothes, and a few boxes.   

"Rei!" Asuka said.  "I want to apologize... The things I've been saying and the way I've been treating you... It wasn't fair."  She got up and looked at the young woman carrying clothes.  'If I'm right, I have to defuse this situation before Kaji ends up a splat against the wall.'  

This seemed to take Rei by surprise.  "Sohryu?"  

"Yeah..." Asuka chuckled nervously.  "Let's just say that after a little discussion with Hikari and Kaji-san over here..."  

Rei's eyes narrowed on the redheaded pilot, "Indeed... What were you discussing... other than my body temperature, threat assessment, and genetic traits?" 

"Kaji didn't mean anything cruel by it... its just that its the way you acted... before."  Asuka defended.   

Rei's gaze swiveled to the spy.  "Perhaps the JSSDF's and SEELE's most well beloved spy is planting seeds of discord..."

"What.. I'm not..." Kaji attempted to ward off the gaze of the young woman.  

"Don't lie.  It degrades both of us.  Had not the Commander a use for you, you would have been dead long ago, Kaji-san." Rei intoned angrily.  

Kaji gripped the gun in his jacket pocket. 'It's going to be a real mess having to clean up her brains from the wall... at least Asuka and Hikari will be safe...'  He swiftly brought the gun up to eye-level, and was in the process of pulling the trigger when the gun suddenly flew from his hand.  

Rei watched the suspended weapon, seized from his grip by her powerful AT field.  "Be glad that I wish you no harm, Kaji-san." She said, the gun elevated in mid air for the girls and Kaji to stare at.   

"Mein Gott in Himmel!" Asuka exclaimed, looking at the Hexagonal orange field suspending the weapon.  But her reaction was not one of real surprise. In fact, she expected to see her do something like this.   

"I require no weapons to inflict damage..." Rei announced, and crushed the weapon to a small ball before letting the field drop and the now useless lump of metal fall to the ground.  

Hikari just stared in horror.  "Ayanami-san?" 

"Hokari." Rei replied. "Please, do not tell anyone else of this..."

"Y-yes... Ayanami..."  

"Please," Rei said emphatically, "Don't be afraid of me, either.  I didn't ask to be like this.  I don't think any of us did." 

Asuka stepped up to Rei, "I... I'm sorry, Rei.  Please, accept my apologies." 

"No apologies were necessary, Sohryu-san." Rei said.  "Not to me anyways. I... deserved much of what you accused me of.  But... Ikari didn't.  He is the one who deserves your apologies." 

"I understand that now... Are you and he?" Asuka asked calmly.  

"Not yet.  Shinji needs time.  He deserves to be able to make his own choice..." She watched as Asuka visibly relaxed.  'But you shall not have him, Asuka.' 

"Where is he, anyways?" Kaji asked from the corner.  Still petrified by the display Ayanami just gave.   

Rei pierced him with her stare.  "It is none of your concern."  

"I beg to differ..." Kaji said with far more strength of courage than he actually felt.  "I think we all need a nice, long, talk." 

"I will not tolerate his being hurt, Kaji-san.  I have permitted you life, please remember that." Rei's tone was mild, but threatening none the less. Rei's heightened senses allowed her to detect the fear exuding from his form.  'Will this be Shin-chan when he discovers my true nature?' 

"It doesn't change the truth.  And for right now, there are things we all need to know.  We're all carrying bits and pieces of the answer.  Shall we lay our cards on the table and see how the chips fall?" Kaji suggested still feeling the fear of the being before him.  'They're using a goddamned Angel for their purposes...' 

The reference was above Ayanami, but she understood sharing the information. "Who do you serve?" She asked, looking into his soul.   

"Huh?" Kaji asked, his fear of the blue haired angel increasing exponentially. 'What the hell does she mean by that?  She already knows, the little bitch.'  

"Who do you serve?" Rei repeated.   "You serve more than one master.  This makes you, by nature, untrustworthy.  Who do you serve?" 'It is for the others I do this, otherwise, Kaji-san you would wish for death long before it actually came.' "Is it NERV, the JSSDF, or SEELE?" 

"I serve the same person I have _always_ served.  I seek the truth for myself.  There's no point in seeking it for anyone else, since it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference to them." Kaji said.  'Let her argue with that, because its the truth.  But just try to do something that shows that you're not on our side, you little half-breed.' 

"And who will you report these findings of yours, Kaji-san, when this talk is over..."  Rei reflected on his emotional state, 'He distrusts me.  I care not, so long as he does nothing to harm Shinji.' 

"It stays in this room.  It goes no farther.  I give you my word." Kaji said. 'If it comes down to it, I'll call from the bathroom and spill my guts.  I'll keep my word, Angel.  Just don't you dare do anything to harm Asuka, Shinji, or Misato.'   

Rei nodded, withdrawing her mind from the barrier of his soul.  She watched as the spy began to relax, "Break your word, Kaji-san, and you will wish that Commander Ikari had ordered your death." Her voice was barely a whisper, but carried clearly across the room.   "I know hell personally.  I will be glad to share those experiences with you.  I can make a minute seem as a hundred years."

Kaji settled back and chuckled, wondering why he had been so afraid before.  "What would poor Shinji do if he heard you threatening my life like that, Ayanami?" He looked at the pale blue-haired girl, 'He does kind of like me, bitch.  You don't dare to do anything to me that might piss him and his father off.' 

"Probably kill you after I was done destroying your mind." She said, looking at him blanch. "You don't understand the truth about the AT Field. It is the light of the soul, the medium through which thought and soul flow. Every living thing generates an 'AT Field'.  If my field can corrupt an Angel's light, what do you suppose it could do to yours?"  Rei said coldly. "I would highly recommend not finding out.  It would be a shame to ruin my new friendship with Sohryu because you decided to break your word." She felt his mind's thoughts about Shinji.  "Shinji cares for both Asuka and I. Attempt to harm either of us, and you will find that the commander cannot summon the level of anger that his son is capable of generating in a single thought.  I know this, because I've touched his soul.  Can you say the same?" Rei reflected on this, 'I think that of all the humans that exist,  Shinji would easily be able to do what I've just done.  His soul is that  powerful.  For him, an AT-Field would be child's play.  Perhaps my soul is not so different from a human being's after all.' 

Asuka, feeling Kaji's sense of despair, quickly changed the subject, "What did you buy, Ayanami?"  'What do you mean, touched his soul?  We will talk of this later, Ayanami.' 

Hikari turned, and forced the previous conversation out from her mind. 'Ayanami is protecting Shinji...' she repeated to herself.  That would be the only reason for those powerful threats.  She looked at the clothes. "Wow, some shopping spree she must have taken you on." 

Ayanami sighed at this.  "To answer your question, Sohryu, I think you'd be better off asking - 'what didn't Major Katsuragi buy?'  For I think she managed to buy the whole mall."  Glancing at Kaji, "She left me off here, with a few of the things.  She and Shinji are going back to the mall  to make a few additional purchase arrangements."  

Just then, an overloaded Shinji entered the Apartment.  "Hello-" He said from behind a mountain of items.  His legs wobbled carrying so much.     

"Shinji," Rei admonished, "I thought I told you not to carry so much?" 

"Mi--" Shinji caught his breath as he laid the bulk of the items on the floor, "Misato-san.. She wanted to get the car empty as quick as possible. I guess that she thought that too many trips would tip off the Commanders that she didn't spend everything on just furnishings."  He took a moment to look around the apartment.  Asuka was grinning - slightly.  Hikari was looking at the mountain of items purchased with envy, and Kaji was practically shaking in the back of the room.  He also noticed an indistinct lump not too far in front of Kaji.  "Hey guys, what's up?" 

"Oh... Nothing much.  We'll need to talk once everyone gets back." Asuka said.   

"Yes, Shinji.  I think that the time to reveal those secrets I was discussing with you earlier may be forced upon us faster than I expected." Rei said.  She stole a sideways glance at Kaji, 'Interpret that, spy." 

Kaji stared at Rei with a questioning gaze in his eye,  'You reveal your secrets to Shinji?  That must mean that the commander no longer holds your favor, Angel.'

"Yeah.  Rei and I.  We've solved our differences for now." Asuka admitted. 'Just remember, Ayanami, its only a temporary truce.'  

"Uh... That quickly?" Shinji asked.  

"Necessity." Rei said by way of explanation.  Her eyes glanced at Sohryu, 'She has deep feelings for Shinji, and this will cause her to turn this into a competition.  It will hurt both of them.'   

"I'll apologize to you later... Shinji.  After all, I was just a little crazy... before." Asuka admitted.  "I guess I should have been listening to everybody around me rather than calling you 'Baka' constantly."

'This is... different.' Shinji noticed.  "O-ok Asuka."  

Kaji took his turn to speak, "Important things sometimes push domestic disturbances out the window, Shinji-kun."  'Like the fact that your roommate can transform your body into the equivalent of Jell-o, and plaster you against the nearest wall.' 

"I-important things?" Shinji asked, uncertain as to what he was talking about. 

"We'll talk, Later, Shinji." Rei said calmly. 'Much later, if I have my way.'

Shinji nodded to the mass in the middle of the floor. "What's that?" 

"Modern Art Sculpture." Asuka said suddenly.  

Kaji grinned nervously, "Only Germans could consider something like that to be art."  'Bitch, I have to get a new gun now.' 

Shinji eyed the lump suspiciously, "It looks like a lump of... something... I don't know what."  

"That's what makes it 'modern', Baka." Asuka grinned. 'If she could do that to a gun...'  

Shinji couldn't help but smile... the way Asuka said 'baka' this time was actually a bit... endearing. "If you say so, Asuka" 

"Tell Misato we'll need you back here quick.  I think we can get Kaji-san to get us some ingredients for dinner, and Rei and I are going to be starved in a little bit.  We need your culinary skills for our first meal in the apartment!" Asuka exclaimed, then noticed Hikari's questioning gaze.  Asuka snorted in defense of herself, "I can't cook for this many people, and I doubt that Rei would like what I would make." 

"I see." Shinji said. 'Shopping, moving, cooking?  Too much for one day.' 

Hikari gladly stood up for this, "I can help.  I can cook well!" She proudly admitted. "Shinji's been doing a lot of work today. I'd be glad to help out! And I'm hungry, too!" She looked at the group, 'This is too much for all of them... Myself included.'

At this point, Misato came into the apartment, "Ready Shin... KAJI?!?" 

"Eh, Mi-chan.  Just thought that I'd stop by, check out Asuka-chan's new digs.  You know, and maybe have a little dinner conversation..." He winked at her.  

Misato blushed, "Ah... I see.  Nothing bad happened, did it?" 

"Nope.  At least not yet, if you get my drift.  Had an interesting day, one we can all talk about over dinner." He winked again at her.  

"I... See..." Misato looked at Kaji strangely, then she noticed that he immediately tensed up as Rei stared at him.   He relaxed a moment later.  

Rei spoke, "I guess we all have something to talk about.  Shinji, Misato-san, I think it would be best if you were to complete your shopping. Asuka, Kaji," She spared him an evil glance, "Hokari and I will go and find food for our first dinner.  I believe that it is tradition to have a first meal in a new home with guests?" 

"Whatever you say, Rei, as long as I don't have to cook!" Misato said happily.  'What is going on here?' 

"I second that statement!" Asuka said, with Shinji following close behind.  

"Me too!" Shinji said.   

Kaji smiled, "Living another day is always good." He glanced at Rei and Misato, 'I don't know which one is more deadly.  An Angel Half-breed or Misato in a kitchen.'

Hikari just smiled softly.  

Rei looked confused.  

"My cooking can't be that bad.  Come on now, how can someone screw up instant!" She said.  "Just add a little curry and everything's a-ok." Misato smiled.   

"That's what the hell you did with that rice, isn't it Misato!" Asuka screamed, "I never had something that damn spicy in my entire life!" 

"Thought my mouth was on fire!" Shinji exclaimed.  

"Pen-Pen dove into the bathtub trying to wash the taste out of his mouth!" Asuka screamed.  

"You fed curry laced rice to Pen-Pen?" Kaji asked innocently.  

"Nobody was eating it except me, it wasn't that hot." Misato retreated to the door.  

"That's cruel and unusual punishment.  The Animal Rights People would have taken him away from you." Kaji said.    

"Poor bird," Shinji sighed.  "I don't think he had a proper bowel movement for a week after that." 

"Enough about the Rice, Geeze." Misato said, grabbing Shinji's arm, "Lets go before the stores close.  They shutdown early on Sundays." 

Shinji was dragged unceremoniously from the room.  

-

While the group of three teenaged girls and one adult male were all in the same grocery store, only Hikari was actually buying the ingredients.   Asuka was off searching for the snacks and instant foods, immediately looking for any German type food that might have found its way into the store.   This left Rei and Kaji relatively alone.   

"What do you intend?" Kaji asked softly, as Rei perused the contents of the aisle.  

Rei chose an item at random and examined the ingredients.  "Ikari's protection." She said tersely.   

"Why?" Kaji said, feeling bolder in an open environment. 

"Simply put," Rei said softly, "I do not want to see him harmed." 

Kaji stared at her as she put the item back and picked another next to it. "The commander ordered it?" 

Rei paused for a moment, thinking.  "I was so ordered during the fifth angel's attack.  The order was not rescinded."  

"Would you stop if the order was reversed?" Kaji took a small instant-noodle cup from the shelf.   

"No." Rei said, grabbing several more packages of the item she had earlier examined.  

"You would disobey Commander Ikari?  What if he ordered you to kill him?" 

"I do not believe I would be able to kill Ikari-kun.  I would probably die first." Rei stated blandly.    

"You would kill yourself rather than hurt Shinji?" He asked unbelievingly.   

"No." Rei replied.  

"Then you would disobey his direct order?" He asked again.  

Rei did not respond.   

After a moment Kaji realized that she had no intention of answering the question. So he decided to attack another question. "Then why would you die?" Kaji asked, becoming frustrated with Rei's answers or lack thereof.   

"I cannot defeat Unit 01." Rei said.  "It would protect him."  

"You could do it away from Unit 01?" Kaji replied.  'I can't get her to commit.  Then again, this is a public place.'    

Rei's eyes locked onto him for a second, "I am a pilot.  Assassination is your forte." 

"Hardly." Kaji snorted in disgust.  "But you agree... you're uniquely..." Rei's eyes captured his, and the fury contained within was palatable.   

"This is not the place for this, Kaji-san." Rei cautioned.  

"I don't buy it." Kaji said.  

"There is nothing for you to purchase." Rei replied.  "It is simply truth."  

"Rei, you can't mean to tell me that you think he could defeat you outside Unit 01?" Kaji exclaimed.  

"He cannot." Rei replied.  "However, I cannot defeat Unit 01."   

"You keep on saying that as though the unit follows him.  It's at NERV, he would be somewhere else."  

"When Ikari's life is in danger, Kaji-san, Unit 01 will be there." Rei stated.   

"What's it going to do, teleport there?" Kaji joked, but was met by her powerful gaze.   

"Perhaps." She said simply.  "Unit 01 is special.  What it is- is different. Unit 01 has abilities that the other EVAs do not possess.   It is... a conundrum." 

"So you're saying that if Shinji were threatened, it would go wherever he was to protect him?  Just like that?" Kaji asked unbelieving.  'What is so special about unit 01 that would allow it to do that?' 

"Unit 01... Is..." Rei paused, looking at him. "None of your business." 

"I see.  The official line?" He asked, and Rei nodded.   "Damnit, Rei, I can't know if I can trust you if you don't give me anything." 

"Then don't trust me.  I do not care." Rei's voice containing enough ice to re-freeze Antarctica.  

"What about Shinji?" Kaji asked.  

Rei's eyes impaled him.

"He might listen to me, if I were to tell him that you were not to be trusted.  Imagine if I told him everything I saw..."  

"Truth is truth, Kaji-san.  Tell him.  I will simply confirm it.  You hold no power over me.  He knows that I am keeping something from him.  I believe he is not ready to know what that something is.  I will not tell him." Rei's eyes narrowed, "Just be aware, Kaji-san, if you do tell him before I deem it necessary, I will destroy you."  She said the last part as though it were no more consequence to her than squashing a bug.

"You do know, Commander Ikari used his wife's genetics to create you?" Kaji said, at a whisper.   

"Why do you tempt the fates, Kaji-san?" Rei asked, curiosity upon her face. "You asked these questions, and make these statements, knowing that we are being watched - and quite possibly listened to?  Had you asked or told me such things less than a week ago, you would be dead by nightfall."  Rei sighed, picking up several packages of noodles.  "So he used Ikari's mother's genetics to create me.  I did not know that before now.  But it makes no difference.  I am I.  I am not her."  

"You think Shinji would want to sleep with his mother?" Kaji asked with a snicker. 

"I am not Ikari's mother." She looked at him, reading his next thought, "Nor am I his sister, or would I even be declared a close relative upon analysis.   I might rate as a Fourth cousin, perhaps."  

"So who is your mother then, Rei?" Kaji asked.   

"I have my suspicions, Kaji-san.  None of which are appropriate for public disclosure." Rei replied.  

-

"Misato-san..." Shinji said thoughtfully.  "I don't know... I mean..." 

"You like Rei, don't you?" She asked him.  He nodded.  "When a guy likes a girl, it's appropriate to buy such things, Shinji."  Misato's voice was playful, yet serious.  For some reason, she wanted to see the relationship between Rei and Shinji grow.  'Perhaps its because it looks like it might be true love.  That's why I don't tease him about it…' 

"I mean... We're just friends."  Shinji thought, 'for now, at least.' 

Misato simply smiled, "No better reason to buy than that!  Come on, Shinji, it's not an engagement ring.  It's a simple necklace with a small silver cross."  Misato narrowed her eyes mischievously, "Of course, if you _want to save your money for an engagement ring…" _

"We're not ready for that, Misato-san!" The boy exclaimed.  Then he calmed down, "About the cross… it's pretty…" Shinji also noted, "It's not that expensive, either."

Misato unconsciously touched the cross, "Yeah.  It is, isn't it?  I... I've always had this.  When I saw it on Rei... I don't know, it just kind of... fit.  Like she was meant to wear it, not me." 

"She might not find it appropriate, considering what we do, Misato-san." Shinji sighed, "What if she doesn't like it?"  

Misato shook herself out of her reflections.  "That's the chance you take when you buy something for a girl.  You don't know whether or not they'll like it, but you know something..."  She looked at Shinji with serious eyes, "If it comes from your heart, they don't care."  

--

-

Rei was beginning to understand that her life, from the moment she decided to control it herself, was going to be vastly different from the way she experienced it before.   Rei understood that, but didn't truly realize what types of changes this would entail.   

For example, since Rei was now living with Asuka, she had to accept that the common room would have all of Asuka's belongings.  That was fine with Unit 00's Pilot, since she had no belongings of her own – until today's shopping experience.   

Now Rei discovered that there was something else she had to accept into her life – possessions.   She now had possessions that were beyond her simple requirements.   Ayanami could hardly see herself using a tenth of the wardrobe that the Major had assembled for her.  But as she thought about it, she realized that she kind of liked having the choice.  

This brought more questions to the mind of the First Child.  Exactly how does one decide what to where when their choices are so endless?  She knew one thing; she wouldn't be caught dead wearing red.   Every time the major attempted to sneak something Red into her purchase pile, the blue-haired enigma simply removed the item repeating a statement she had oft-times made to others – "I dislike red."  

No amount of cajoling on the Major's part could get Ayanami to change her mind on that subject.   She was forced to repeat her statement twenty six times.  Finally, they ran out of stores to shop – otherwise Rei would have been repeating her statement several more times.  If there was anything that Rei hated more than red, it was repeating herself.   It was a waste, and life was not meant to be wasted.  'But, is that not what I have done these past seven years?  Waste a life that was given freely and with the hope that I would live it?' The question irritated her mind while she watched another of the changes she was forced to accept because of her decision.  

She now had to accept other people into her life.   Thanks to Asuka, she had a new acquaintance: Hokari Hikari.  'Because I live with another, and have feelings for Shinji, I am forced to accept this individual into my life.'

Of course, there were benefits to having friends.  Shinji's friendship was a benefit, and he had things that he could show her about living life.   She was sure of it. And Hokari… Rei had to admit that the smell of cooking food was intoxicating, and her ability to cook was better than Shinji-kun's.   So, in order to ensure that she could properly replicate the dishes, Rei was watching Hikari prepare the food.  Actually, Rei was analyzing the method that Hikari was using with incredible interest.  After all, Rei did want to learn how to cook.  

Fortunately for Rei, teaching came naturally to the young Hokari Hikari. Otherwise the intense interest that Rei was giving her would have adversely affected the outcome.  "See Rei, just watch it closely.  If the heat's too high, you'll burn it.  If it's too low, it will end up too soggy."  She instructed.

Rei watched the skillet before her, as she noted the sounds and aromas coming from the hot pan.  "How do you know..."  

"Hear that." Hikari said, "It's sizzling.  But you don't smell the food burning.  That's good.  You'll notice that there's a small amount of water in the bottom.  Every once in a while, you have to add a little more to replace what disappears in evaporation... The water helps the food cook more evenly, and creates the sauces that you serve along with the meal.  If the water gets too low, you'll notice that the food starts to burn, and if the heat is too high, the little water in the bottom will begin to bubble and foam up."  

Rei nodded, watching Hikari remove the skillet from the heat every so often, shaking the contents.   "It takes practice, but you'll get the feel for how to keep the food in the pan." She adjusted the heat from the burner slightly, and placed the pan on the stove.   "Remember, if it's too hot, just remove the pan for a few seconds, then adjust the burner.  It will keep the food from burning." 

Rei watched Hikari as she moved to the boiling pot of water.  "Now, the food in the skillet has about seven minutes left.  I picked up some instant rice. It only takes five minutes to cook.  I started the water boiling," She pointed to the boiling pot, "Now I'm going to take it off the burner and put the rice in.  Rice is easy, just make sure that you don't put too much water in, or let too much boil off.   And remember - stir it in slowly!"  She said, demonstrating how to stir in the rice.  After she had the rice stirred in, she moved quickly back to the skillet, which had begun to foam slightly during the minute she had abandoned it.  She added a small touch of water, and again adjusted the heat on the burner.  She then put the cover on the rice.  "Remember to cover the rice.  The steam from the hot water cooks it." 

"You used instant.  But you say that it should be steamed?" Rei queried.  

Hokari nodded, "If you have the time, Ayanami.  When you're making something quick, this is almost as good.  I still don't know how Misato-san can mess up rice."  She watched the food, and then suddenly shut off the burner and lifted the pan.  "Ok, now remember, the food will continue to cook while it's in the pan.  Even once you've removed it from the heat.  The time that it takes for it to come to an edible temperature is the time it needs to finish cooking.  Wait too long and you'll end up overcooking it. The rice should steam just fine as well."  She then focused on the non-vegetarian dishes she was preparing on the back burners.  

Rei, however, was busy salivating over the prepared dish.  She paid attention to how Hikari was preparing the other food, but noticed how good the food smelled before her.  

Suddenly, Hikari asked, "Why are you a vegetarian, Rei?" 

Rei suddenly lost her appetite.  "It's... a bad story." Rei said cryptically.  

Hikari noticed that Rei was far more pale than usual, and her eyes had focused into the distance.  "It bothers you, whatever it was.  Maybe talking about it might... help." 

Rei sighed.  "It would ruin your dinner." She said.  'The thought has already ruined mine.'  

"If it's that bad... We'll talk after dinner." Hikari squeezed Rei's shoulder for a second.  "I'd like to be able to call you friend, Ayanami." 

The sudden squeeze caused Rei to blush, as a warm feeling passed through her.  The sudden release of tension had Rei on the edge of tears, and she lowered her head in an attempt to hide her eyes from Hokari.  "It was painful after I found out."  'Why did her touch elicit that response?  It was warm.  Do all friendships allow that feeling?'  She waited a few seconds more, then raised her eyes to look at Hikari.  

Hikari's gaze softened as she saw the tears in Ayanami's eyes.  'Such pain… What could have this poor girl experienced?'  She turned back to her food, quickly, and made sure that the last part of the meal was proceeding properly.  "You can't keep this all inside, Ayanami.  It will destroy you." 

"I am a fool." Rei whispered.  "And I have been for a very long time." 

Hikari quickly took the last of the food and moved it off the burners.

"You're too hard on yourself, Ayanami."  

"No." Rei said sadly, "I am a fool because I have ignored those who would be my friends.  I could have been... so much..."  

Again the squeeze of the shoulder, and the warm feeling that accompanied it,

"I understand, Ayanami.  It's hard, being alone.  It's tough, being alone with oneself.  I don't know how you ever tolerated existence in that place you lived in."  

"I was too afraid to leave the familiar." Rei suddenly said.  "I had control of myself in that place. I stayed, because that place was who I was. Comforting... but alone.  Painfully alone.  How does one get both comfort and pain at the same time?"  

"When I was with mom, towards the end, I felt like that.  It was painful to be with her, it hurt so much.  But it was comfortable too.  I felt as though I could stay in her embrace forever.  But, that comfort was a lie.  It wasn't comfort I felt in Mama's arms - it was familiarity.  It was just that she was familiar, and that's why it caused me pain every time."  

"The more I think about it, the more I realize just how inadequate words are to express everything that I feel." Rei said.  "I... Just don't know what these feelings are that keep coursing through me, I cannot give them names." 

"Good feelings or bad?" Hikari asked.   

"Good." Rei said, a smile beginning to form.  "The word friend - It makes me feel good to think that you might consider me one."  

"And Asuka?" Hikari asked softly, knowing that the young woman was watching TV in the common room.  

"Sad." Rei replied, her eyes becoming downcast, "Sad, that she does not feel that word applies to me. I think she sees me as competition."  

"For Shinji's affections." Hikari surmised.  "Everything with Sohryu is competition.  She doesn't know another way."  She looked at Rei, "And Shinji?" 

This brought a real smile to Rei's face, "Warm!" She said, "I tingle with warmth when I hear his name.  When he says that he cares about me, I tremble with delight.  I forget how empty I am.  The pain flees my soul.  I am whole with him.  He is my... my... completion.  My everything." 'Why do I tell Hokari these things?'  

"Rei..." Hikari cautioned, "You must temper this feeling.  You could not know, because you've been isolated so long.  But there's danger - real danger - in getting too involved so quickly.  Your mind will begin to take things to the next step, and the next step after that... soon you will be envisioning yourself married to him, bearing his children, keeping his household..." She looked at her, "If you don't get him it will destroy you."  

Rei's eyes narrowed upon her, "I...I..."  She finally stopped stuttering, "How?" 'I cannot believe this; even the thought is searing pain.  Have I become that blinded by these emotions I have?  The possibility exists that Shinji will not choose me.  I would be wrong to let it overwhelm me like that... but it already has!'  

"Touji... Suzhara...  I... I..." Hikari was blushing furiously, "I feel the same for him.  But I will not allow it to overwhelm me, Rei.  If he should refuse me when the time for that choice comes... it will hurt me a lot, but it will not destroy me.  Because I understand that my daydreams and my expectations are just that, daydreams and expectations... I may not be in his heart." Hikari admitted. 

"It's already too late for me."  Rei admitted.  She looked back towards the living area.  "If I cannot be with him, I cannot be." She stared at the room for several seconds, "He has returned."  

Just then the entrance bell rang, causing Hikari to jump slightly.  

-

"That Shinji Ikari, he's a strange one." Mark Patterson said looking out over the Toyko-3 sky-scape.  "He recognized me..."  

"Really?" A man shrouded in darkness said, with a slight chuckle.   

"Not that type of recognize, the type where he had seen me working with Unit 01, and had remembered me as a Technician." Mark said slyly.   

"Non interference, the golden rule of our existence," The man in the shadows intoned.  

Mark nodded, "Yeah."  He turned his gaze back.  "Mary, Elizabeth... They don't know what we know."  He looked down, "Must I lose them as well?"  

"Is that you speaking, or your host?" The shadow asked, suddenly very serious.  

"Both." Mark replied.   

"Matters of the heart are very important.  Its one of the reasons we attempt to choose wisely.  What you know, where you must be, these things are important.  You are an observer; you watch these events so that they do not end with this existence."  

"But you are Guardian - you stand in judgment..." Mark argued, only to feel embarrassment when the shadow's head drooped.   

"Judgment was passed long ago.  This universe is one of the chosen.  We will not forsake a single sentient living creature on this world, Tar'an. But, we wait because there is always the possibility they may wipe themselves out."  

"Existence is so tenuous." Mark sadly replied.   "We cling to it no matter the outcome.  Yet these people embrace destruction so willingly."  

"They do not know the truth of that which they embrace.  They are like leaves in the wind, scattered by the breeze, and carried off by the storm. They know not where they will land, or what will remain of themselves when they do." 

"You know what I want, Gar." Mark finally said, forsaking the indirect approach.  

"When it is time, you may remove them from the danger." The shadow replied, moving into the light to reveal itself.   "How many of these universes have we seen together, my friend?" A young man replied, his uniform a matte black from shoe to turtleneck.  He had American features upon his face, and eyes that seemed to shift from green to light blue in color.   

"Too many, Gar.  I have lost count of the times I've watched them win... and lose." Mark admitted.  "Each time, I've seen the pain upon your face as well.  I know you have feelings for one of them."  

"It is an emotion upon which I will not act.  It's just that she reminds me of Tara."  The blue in his eyes deepened as a memory flashed through his consciousness.  

"For how many millennia did you moon over that female?" Mark asked, a bit of gleam in his eye.  

"Since the day I was... Since the day I met her in adult form." Gar Hardin replied.  

"A weapons master and a poet." Mark added.  "The combination was inconceivable - that's why it worked." 

"Tar'an.  I miss her so." Gar replied, "Not a day goes by where my soul does not long for her touch, and a tear fall for that day when she was gone." 

"Then you understand..." Mark replied solemnly.   

Gar looked at the young man, "When did our roles reverse, old friend?"  He smiled warmly, "You were always the ancient teacher, and I always the 'little' one.  Now look at us, Tar'an, you come to me for advice on the most ancient of mysteries." 

"Perhaps it was that I could never solve them, even with my advantage in years, Gar." Tar'an smiled.   "Mark Patterson, Tar'an Lemel.  Host and symbiote, merged into one.  More as a team than ever could be apart, I gave Mark life, he gave me a physical presence.   In time, will Mark fade away, and Tar'an overwhelm?"  

"He's always a part of you.  As my host is always a part of me." Gar replied.

"And still incomplete, until I found Elizabeth." Mark responded.   "How is it, from all those times before that I found her here and only here?" 

"The Multi-verse sometimes gives us a reward for our existence.  We must take it when we receive it.  But, Mark..." He paused for the dramatic effect, "Remember, do not force them into an existence they do not want. Let them make the decision, for they are the only ones who can."  

{Truth}, Tar'an replied in the ancient tongue of the Angelics, {I must leave, Gar Hardin, Weapons master of the Guardianship, protector and friend.}   

{I hold those titles, but the one that means the most, is the last, Old friend.  You honor me with it more than any thousand awards posted to me from the council, and I can carry it with me to the end of existence and beyond.}  He smiled at Mark, {May fate find you what you seek.}

"Watch over them well, Gar.  Perhaps fate will find you what you seek here as well." Mark replied.  "Trust me, I know these things."   

-

(AUTHOR'S NOTE:  If you're squeamish... you might want to skip this part....) 

"You still wish to know why I dislike meat?" Rei asked Hikari as they dried and washed the dishes, respectively.  

Hikari nodded, not meeting Rei's eyes.  "I noticed that it disturbed your dinner, unless you simply didn't like the food." 

"No.  The food was delicious.  I just have difficulty dealing with what happened to me."  

"Tell me." Hikari asked.  

Rei looked at her, "Do not repeat this, Please, I ask this as a friend."  

Hikari nodded again, washing another dish then handing it to her.

Rei sighed, "Do not be afraid of me, Hikari." 

"If what happened earlier didn't frighten me, this could hardly do so." 

"Very well." Rei sighed.  "I don't remember much of the circumstance, it happened when I was much younger.  I remember that I had been seriously injured," Rei thought 'Death is a serious injury,' "and the procedure that they used to restore me... That Commander Ikari used to restore me was highly experimental." 'Dependant on resurrecting a soul.'  

Hikari nodded, washing yet another dish.  

"My first conscious thought was of hunger.  Incredible, unrelenting, soul-tearing hunger consumed my consciousness.  Something warm touched my wrist then my neck, and I... I didn't know or care what it was.  It was... Alive.  It smelled alive.  I needed something..." 

"Rei..." Hikari said, shocked. 'Please don't tell me this is what... I think... It is.' 

"I... I... I found out later what had happened.  I could only think consciously once I was sated.  I remember the blood dripping from my mouth, the odd feeling of pleasure of swallowing the meat, the salty taste of the warm flesh.  It was... was... a young nurse.  Twenty or twenty-one years old, I didn't know much else.  She had long brown hair, and green eyes.  I had eaten her arm, and part of her leg..."  Rei had tears in her eyes, "I couldn't stop eating though.  Every once in a while, I would realize what I was eating, but the hunger overrode any conscious thought. I continued to tear at her limbs, if only because they were the most convenient to eat - they were exposed.  The rest of her body was covered in cloth.  Fortunately for her, she had passed out the moment I began devouring her hand."  

"God..." Hikari muttered.   

"They... Sedated me, of course, and managed to get to her in time to save her life.   She lost the arm, and the leg, I had eaten them to the bone."  

Hikari turned green.  

"I... was sated after that.  When next I awoke, I didn't remember it at all. Until the next nurse came in with my meal for that day.  She didn't know what had happened to her predecessor, and smiled brightly at me.  I guess the commander had wanted to see what my reaction would be as well... he had given the kitchen orders to prepare a rare steak.   When she had lifted the cover of the plate, I immediately remembered the previous meal I had earlier. I vomited instantly."   She looked at the dish dripping in her hands.  "It didn't help any that I still had partially undigested... parts of her still in my stomach."  

Hikari put her hand over her mouth, and felt bile rising - having visualized what had happened.  She forced it back down.  'Rei truly needs a friend.  I cannot run away from this.'  "Why?"  She asked softly.  

"A drug.  Experimental.  Designed to accelerate my metabolic rate." Rei said, 'No need to tell her it was because the clones at that stage were far younger than my previous body.  They had to use an artificial accelerant to bring me to age so that nobody would notice I had died.'   "It was used to increase my healing rate.   But it had a side effect... it burnt up my protein reserves.  I... had to eat... when the nurse came in.  Otherwise I would have died." 'Again,' Rei noted to herself.   

"Rei, it wasn't your fault." Hikari said, again squeezing Ayanami's shoulder.

Rei immediately seized it within her own grasp, and pulled Hikari close to her, as tears freely flowed.  "I'm sorry... so... so... sorry..." 

"Shush, Rei.  It wasn't your fault.  It was the drug, not you." Hikari said, having gotten over the shock of being suddenly grasped by Ayanami. 

"For the... First two years, Hikari, Commander Ikari never let me forget what had happened that day. But, he never told me what became of the nurse. I finally found out.  He had placed her in a cell below in terminal dogma." Rei was beyond caring what secrets she told Hikari - or anyone for that matter. "He had... experimented on her.  Trying to... regenerate her limbs. He was using chemicals like what was used on me... She was quite insane when I saw her next.   Her eyes... her eyes were the same color as mine.  And her hair had gone grey."  Ayanami continued to cry.  "I... I couldn't feel anything for her, except the pain of what I had done.  By then, it had hurt too much, and I simply couldn't understand the other emotions...  I'm so sorry."  

"Is she... still... down there?" Hikari asked.  Rei nodded in affirmation.   

"If NERV is willing to do that to an innocent person, do what they did to our mothers... how...  We're fighting for the Devil, Ayanami.  No caring God would ever allow such a hideous abomination such as NERV to exist.  That's why the Angels are being sent..."  

"No, Hikari.  The blasphemy extends far beyond that." Rei said.  "But these are things the others need to hear as well.  It is time for discussion."  

(Author's Note: Done with the squeamish part...)

-

Shinji sat in the common room, at the new table, on a new beanbag purchased from one of the many stores they had visited that day.  In his pocket was a small box containing the gift purchased for Ayanami.  He also had purchased something for Asuka, but decided that he would give that gift after he gave Ayanami's.   He smiled at the thought of what he had purchased for the young, blue-haired female.  Instead of a cross, he had purchased a small pendant, a silver rose.  He thought how the leaves captured the light and fractured it like diamond.  The artistry in the small piece of silver was incredible.  

Misato had grudgingly agreed, noting that he had spent most of his reserve of cash on that item - refusing to allow Misato to buy it for him.   He looked up as Hikari and Rei entered the room.  He flushed slightly when he noticed that Rei had been crying.   She moved gently over to where he was sitting, and proceeded to become comfortable on the floor right next to him. This attracted Asuka's attention from the TV, causing an evil glare to appear for a few moments as she noticed the proximity of the two.   

"The lovebirds at it again." Asuka said, unable to restrain herself.  

At this, Rei looked over to Shinji, and noticed the glare forming on his face.  "We had agreed, Asuka." She warned her.   

"I'm not going to say anything else."  Asuka said, trying to hide her displeasure.   

"Good." Rei said, and got up moving to sit with Shinji on the bean bag.  "Do you mind, Shinji."  

Shinji had little choice as Ayanami had placed herself on him, relaxing into his warmth.   "Uh..." 

Rei batted her eyes slightly, and wore a grin.  "I am not too heavy, am I Shin-chan?" She whispered.   

"N-No, Rei-chan." Shinji replied.   

"Does this closeness frighten you?" Rei asked, looking at the incredulous stare emanating from Asuka.  

"N-No... But..."  

"I am teaching Asuka the first lesson." She said very softly.  "The sooner she faces it, the better off she will be." 

"But..." Shinji argued, noting the stare from Asuka was quickly turning to anger.  

"You like me, I can tell.  But this is to provoke a reaction." After saying this, Rei again whispered, so softly that no one but Shinji could hear. "In her, not you."    

"YOU!!!!"  Asuka shouted, demonstrating said reaction.   

"Do you wish to sit here, Asuka?" Rei asked, looking at the livid Asuka, "I am Shinji's friend.  There is no problem when friends sit together."  

"But..." Asuka stuttered.  

"Do you not wish to experience warmth, Asuka?" Rei asked, "I know I do. I cannot tolerate being alone anymore, can you?"  

"But...But..." Asuka stuttered some more.  

At this Kaji and Misato had re-entered the room, looking at the situation. They stayed in the background out of sight of the children.  

"Shinji is warm.  Hikari is warm.  I am warm when I am around others.  When I am alone, though, I am cold.  Are you not cold, Asuka?" Rei asked.   

"C...cold..." Asuka muttered.  

"It is not wrong to want warmth, Asuka.  We all seek it.  Warmth is good. That which feels warm is good.  Being warm to others, that is good." Rei instructed.   

"But... He... He is a boy." Asuka stuttered.   

Rei looked at Shinji, "So he is." She looked back at Asuka, "Does it matter?" She looked at Hikari. "Is it better that I get warmth from another source?  Where do you get warmth?  Who do you hold close when you are afraid?  Shinji is a human being.  He has warmth, and shares it readily.  Do you share your warmth?"  

Hikari got the message.  Rei was assaulting Asuka's well built up shell: that barrier which Asuka Langley Sohryu used to push everyone and everything away.  "Asuka-chan, don't you see, it's all we have... we have to take what we can get.   Rei isn't doing anything wrong right now..."  'But if she keeps it up, Shinji's going to get a very wrong idea of what 'warmth' Rei is trying to convey.'  

Suddenly, Rei rose from Shinji's bean bag, and moved to where Hikari was sitting.   She demurely sat beside the young Hokari.  Rei's hands were clasped together as if in prayer.  "Does it matter?  I feel warm when I am with Shinji.  I feel warm when I am with Hikari." 'They are different, but it does not matter for friends.'   

Shinji got up, and moved next to Rei.  "I... I feel warm when I am near Rei. I feel warmth when I am near Hikari; I feel warmth when I am with Touji and Kensuke... They are my friends.  Do you not feel warmth when you are with Hikari, Asuka?" 

Asuka's lower lip trembled.  "But..." 

Rei touched Hikari's hand gently.  Hikari rose, and moved to sit next to Asuka.   

"I feel warm when I am near you, Asuka-chan." Hikari said, "We all need others to live."  

"I can survive on my own!" Asuka said violently, backing up slightly from Hikari.   "I don't need anyone!"  

"I am I.  There is more to me than me, though, Asuka." Rei said.  "There is more than one Ayanami Rei.  There is the Ayanami Rei within me that observes the physical Ayanami Rei.   Then there is the Ayanami Rei that exists within Shinji.   As there are multiple Ayanami Rei's, there are Multiple Ikari Shinji's.  I have one within me.  The Ikari Shinji within Rei Ayanami.   As there are multiple Sohryu Asuka's.   There is an Asuka within me as well."    Rei looked at Shinji, "I am defined by these views of others within myself, as I am defined by the views of others outside myself. Without others, I am nothing.  I am empty, I am cold.  I have no purpose or meaning.  I do not exist." 

Shinji spoke next, "I have a Rei within me.  As I have an Asuka, and a Hikari and a Touji. There is even a Kensuke within.  They are my perceptions of those around me.  They change with the perceptions of others.  They are real, as the Ikari Shinji within each of them is real.  I am defined by these realities, and they define me.  I am whole when I am with others, for the other-within becomes more complete.  I have an Asuka-within, as you have a Shinji-within. Does it not make you feel better to know that I am here? Does it not make you warm within to know that there is a part of me with you?  A part that cares about you."  

"Nein, Nein, Du bist... Bist..." She shook her head, "Dumbkopf.  Ich Habe... I habe... nicht... Ich... Ich bin... nicht."  Asuka began to cry.  'I cry. I cannot cry.  Not like this...'  

"As Shinji and Rei each hold a piece of us within them, I too hold pieces of them within me.  As I hold a piece of you, Asuka-chan.  Asuka-within is not this cold, secluded being that is before me.  Asuka within is my friend, and makes me warm as she is completed.  See me through the eyes of Hikari-within, Asuka-chan.  All that which is me within you to see you, to speak with you.  I can help you, Asuka, if you let me." Hikari moved closer to Asuka.    

Asuka's blue eyes leveled on Hikari.  "You... you... you can't mean that. There..."  

"I care for you, Asuka." Hikari declared, "not because I have to, or because someone told me to, but because you are my friend."   

Rei stood, and sat by Asuka, "Could I touch you, Asuka, if I did not care.  Know that I do care.  I care because it causes me pain to see you hurt.  If you cannot believe that, then believe that I care because it causes Shinji pain to see you hurt." She placed her hand on Asuka's shoulder, "But... that is not truth.  I care, Asuka.  Believe it or not, that is truth."   

"You're just... just... a doll..." Asuka said through tears.   

Tears touched Rei's eyes, and she suddenly hugged Asuka.  "Then if I am a doll, take comfort in the fact that I am simply here, now.  Take me, and place your pain within me.  A doll cannot be hurt by such things.  I would rather that I be a receptacle for your hurt than to continue to see it held within you, Asuka.  I recently found out that holding such pain within can only hurt you more than releasing it.  I know that I am not considered by you to be a friend, but, please, Asuka, for your sake, do not continue on this path."  She looked into Asuka's eyes. "This is for me... for Shinji... For Hikari... and perhaps most of all, for you."  

Asuka stared back, and saw the pain within there, "Not doll's eyes." She said.  "Not anymore." She looked deeper, "Why?"  

"Because you hurt.  We are what we are.  I am I.  I was alone, therefore I was in pain.  I will give anything to be free of that pain now that I know what causes it.  I refuse to be alone.   I am Shin-chan's friend.  Let me be yours as well."  Rei hugged Asuka again, feeling some of the previous tenseness release.  "You ask why, Asuka Langley Sohryu?  I do not know your pain... no one but you knows exactly what you feel.  But I have my own pain. It hurts so much sometimes that I cannot see past it.  Yet I try.  Will you say that you are willing to do less?  One cannot keep such pain within themselves.  It will destroy you.  It would destroy any one or any thing. Accept me as your friend, Asuka.  Do not be alone within yourself.  Please." 

Asuka felt a hand grasp her own.  "Let me be your friend as well, Asuka. Rei is right.  Seeing your pain fills me with sadness.  Your hurt causes me pain, because the Asuka within is hurting as well.  I treasure the Asuka within me... it is the only piece of you I can talk with.  I cannot exist without it." Shinji kneeled by the redheaded girl.  "I-I don't know if we'll ever be friends, Asuka.  But, Asuka, Rei is my friend.  She is precious to me, as you are.  I care about you.  Doesn't that make you feel warm inside."  

"Baka, Shinji," Asuka said softly.  "Don't you know what you do to me?" 

"I know, Asuka.  But you refuse to face it.  If the Asuka-within Asuka cannot see it, then you cannot see it.  If you continue to fight Truth, you will be destroyed by it."  Shinji said.  "Truth is that one cannot exist alone."  

"I am I.  But I am we, and together we are whole." Rei repeated.   "That is the culmination of humanity.  It is what can be referred to as Instrumentality."  

Kaji gasped, as he looked at Misato.  'No.  She couldn't mean...'  

Rei continued.  "First Impact.  The shattering of that which was god.  First impact was not the creation of man.  Nor was it the creation of the Earth or of the Solar system.  It was the creation of the universe.  First impact was the thought that set everything in motion.  It was the beginning."

At this, Shinji's head popped up, "Second Impact.  Man's attempt to recreate god - the reawakening of the power that created First Impact."  'How did I know that?'

"It was more than that, though." Rei said, glancing at Misato-san who had frozen in place.   "Second Impact wasn't just the attempt to recreate god, it was the attempt to capture him.  Man's ultimate triumph over the universe.  They rush in where Angels fear to tread.   In so doing, they call down upon themselves the fury of the Angels who guard this world - not because of the attempt, but because they succeeded."  

"But they did not capture god," Asuka said, somehow knowing.  "They captured an Angel."  

"Deeper, Asuka-chan."  Rei encouraged.   

"They were not attempting to capture an angel... they attempted to capture the soul."  

"Correct." Rei confirmed.  "More than that, they wanted the power of genesis. The power that created man.  But they got even more than that. They got a second angel.

"Second Impact was an intentional product of man.  They did it to themselves willingly.  The Super-Solenoid theory, the S2.  The theory that drives the core of an Angel.  The attempt to harness the power of creation.  Second Impact would have destroyed the world, if not for the intervention of the Second Angel."  Rei lectured, sensing the anger emanating from the hidden Misato.  

Misato stepped forward, "NO!  Not true.  That thing destroyed them."  

"Do not lie to yourself, Misato-san.  You know better than any of us.  The energy that permeated Antarctica... the energy of the Second Angel, is bound within you." Rei stated softly.   

"No!" Misato backed away, "NO that thing destroyed everything."   

"It saved you." Rei insisted.  "He saved you." 

"My father put me in that escape pod!" Misato shouted.  

"And the Angel sensed your purity, and used his remaining strength to cast you out to sea, and infused you with life-force, to keep you alive.   The rest were destroyed when the Angel used himself to eliminate the experimental S2 engine."  Rei informed her.  "During the two years that you were incapacitated, they siphoned that life-force, and learned how to control it.  For one moment, they had the secret.  SEELE had the secret. SEELE created Second Impact to gain the powers of a God.  But they learned of something else.  Something more powerful."  

"Artificial Evolution." Kaji said, "The forced evolution of humanity through Instrumentality."  

"I am I.  But I am we, and we are complete." Rei stated yet again.  "The individual parts all brought together to make a whole.  It is the beginning of the universe..."  Rei stated.  "That is Third Impact.  The binding of humanity through Instrumentality."  

Suddenly Shinji blanched.  "It will destroy everything.  We will no longer exist."   

"Yes." Rei replied sadly.  "We return to that from which we came.  We become one, and when we do, the cycle begins again - from scratch."  Rei said a little more, "The power to stop it exists in only a few.  But they are also the only ones with the power to cause it."   

"Why would my father do such a thing!" Shinji shouted.  

"He believes that if enough of the pieces are brought back together... that he will be able to get the only piece he would be complete with.  His completion is the soul trapped within Unit 01." Rei replied softly.  

"Mother?" Shinji said, "He wants mama back?" 

"Yes." Rei said, downcast.  "He's willing to sacrifice everything to get to her."  

'No.' Shinji told himself.  'It stops here.'  "It is a cycle, Ayanami.  We are trapped in an endless loop."  

"Yes.  When history is destroyed, everything repeats.  Not precisely in the same order, but close enough."  Rei added.  "How many times this scene has played itself out, who knows?  But it's not going to help us to do what we've been doing."   

"This... Have we done this before?  I have felt so with other things, but not this..." Shinji replied.   

"I don't know, Shin-chan." Rei said sadly, "We cannot know, more than a feeling.  Deja Vu.  The feeling of repetition.  I do not feel it, but it may still be there none the less."  Rei sighed, "And it matters not whether or not this particular instance is repeated.  It is Instrumentality that is the key." 

"Instrumentality... SEELE wants that, don't they?" Kaji asked, moving into the light.  "You are the Instrumentality project.  You are..."  

"Yes." Rei cut him off.  "Time for truth will be with us shortly, Kaji-san."  

"Rei." Shinji said, "Whether you think I'm ready or not, we have to stop father.  I need to know.  Everything.  What did he do to you, Rei?" 

"For one moment they had captured the power of Genesis.  They had been trying for years, but now they knew everything.  Artificial Evolution.  The power to force a premature change in the Human Evolutionary path.  Yet, in that moment of clarity, they discovered something terrible.  They only had half the needed components.  They could create Corpum Eternum.  They could not, however, infuse Corpum Eternum with Spiritum Eternum.  So, noting this general lack of ability, an evil thought entered their minds.

"Fuse Corpum Mortalis with Spiritum Eternium.  Take the soul of an Angel, and fuse it with the body of a mortal.  But for this they needed a _willing_ subject.  An angel who would do literally anything to leave behind the torment of immortality.  None of the Angels we have battled are truly dead. They cannot truly die.  Their physical forms may be destroyed, but that which is them, their energy, still exists.

Rei looked at them all, "So, what Angel do you know that would be willing to surrender that eternal existence for a mortal form?"  

"No, Rei, no... Not that." Misato started whimpering.  "Please, Rei, don't say..."  

"I am I, but who am I?" Rei asked, watching Misato shudder. "What is the Angel that sacrificed immortality to exist in this body, do you have the answer?"  

"Don't you know?" Kaji asked, a questioning look upon his face.   

"I have forgotten.  I don't know." Rei admitted. 'For sure, that is.'   

"There is only one." Kaji said.  "It's big, white, and hanging from a cross in Terminal Dogma.  But that makes no sense...  Why would they try to take Adam's soul and put it in Rei..."  

"That," Rei said, causing Shinji and Asuka to shudder, "Is not Adam.  I am not Natus-de-Adamo." She practically spat the words, "I know what I am not."   

"If you are not..." Kaji said.  "If that is not the father... then it is the... Mother!"

"The mother?" Misato asked, quivering.  "The Mother!  That isn't Adam. Its... Oh my god, that's worse.  God didn't destroy Antarctica."

Shinji looked at Rei, "What are you talking about."  

Rei looked down sadly at Shinji.  "I was created.  This body, this form.  It is... a creation.  A container designed to hold a soul.  A special soul, one willing to enter it.  I was created from an Angel, and the..." She looked at Kaji, "The remains of Ikari Yui.  I am..."  

"Lillith." Misato spat out.  

"I have a name." Rei whispered.  "And I know it is mine."  

"You were created... from... Yui... My mother..." Shinji stared into the distance for a while, then looked back at Rei's face.  "I know now why father kept no pictures."  

Rei felt tears stinging her eyes, as she remembered.  'Is this what I feared.  But he shall not forsake me because of where my soul is from. He will forsake me, not because I am the soul-spirit of Lillith, but because I am... from his mother.' 

"Are... Are you my sister?" Shinji asked Rei softly.  

"No, Shin-chan." Rei assured him.  'Not that I know of.'  

Kaji became angry at Rei, "Don't you dare misguide him!  Not in this, you bitch!"  

"I am not his sister, nor am I his mother!" Rei shouted back at Kaji.  

Misato simply shook her head.  "What do you mean?"  

"He took her appearance and gave it to me, but I do not accept that I am Shinji's relative.   I can't accept it, because I love him!"  

"Lillith knows nothing of love!  Shinji, do not trust this Half-breed psycho..."  

Suddenly, Shinji was up in Kaji's face.  "NO!  Stop, do not _ever_ say such things about Ayanami!  She is... is not my mother!  She was not given a choice in what she was.  Her soul is not Mother's.  Mother's soul is in Unit 01!" That truth hit Shinji, but made him stronger.  "Father made her, and it was a creation spawned in hell... but that is not what Ayanami is.  Rei is a beautiful person.  I cannot believe that her soul is nothing but good.  I feel her warmth..."  He looked back at Rei. "You are not terrible, Rei.  As I said, there may be things that I do not like, this is one of them.  But... I love you, Rei.  I do not feel my mother when I look at you.  I see only Ayanami Rei.   I do not see an Angel when I look at you.  I see a beautiful young girl, not a monster sent to destroy us."

Rei blinked several times.  "Love... Me?"  

"Yes, Rei-chan. I love you." Shinji said.  Then looked at Asuka.  "But... I love you, too, Asuka.  I.... I..."  

"It's alright, Shin-chan." Asuka said, a small, sad smile on her face.  "I am willing to accept whatever love you can give me."  'He loves me.'  Asuka thought.  'This is not over yet.'  

Rei suddenly looked down, "There is more, Shin-chan.  You do not know the full extent of my pain.  Of my sin.  Of... me.  I am I.  But I am We.  And we are all Ayanami Rei.  I cannot die."  

"Because you are half-angel?" Kaji asked, impertinently.   

"No. This shell is mortal. But is simply a container.  I traded Corpum Eternum for Mortality.  But I was cheated by Ikari Gendo."  Rei replied cryptically.   "It is why I am called 'First Children'."   

"What..." Shinji said.  'I have often wondered why they called me, 'Third Children''

"I am I.  But I am many.  There are many of me.  Clones.  Sisters."  Rei said sadly.  "We are Ayanami Rei."  

"What!" Misato screamed.  "We... you mean..."  

"You have heard of the dummy plug?" Rei asked Misato.  

"No... Not that." Misato said suddenly.  

"Only The Children can pilot Eva." Rei informed them. 

Misato shook her head, "It's an autopilot.  It's..."  

"Clones, Misato-san.  Created by Doctor Akagi.  She... connects me to the matrix every few days.  I am I.  But I becomes 'We'.  In the end, we are all Ayanami Rei.  The dummy system, when it connects with a piloted plug, overrides it remotely.  But... when the dummy plug is inserted, it is not a simple thing.  The dummy plug itself must contain... a dummy... or it will not be accepted by the EVA.

"The dummy has no soul.  It knows only what it is told to do.  What it is programmed to do.  It fights with the hunger I had when I had reawakened from my first..." Rei stopped suddenly.  Then decide to continue.  "I ask your forgiveness, Hikari.  When you asked the question after dinner, I was not entirely honest with you.  I told you that I had been... revived.  What I omitted was that I was revived from a state of death.  I was dead, Hokari.  They brought me back, and when I awoke, the accelerated growth hormone combined with my confused state... to cause what I explained earlier."  

"Oh...Rei...No..." Hikari said. 'I would have rather stayed dead.'  

"What did you tell Hikari here, eh Rei?" Kaji said with a smile.  "Probably something that you wouldn't want your dear Shin-chan to know."  

"Stop." Rei commanded.   

"Oh no.  I have kept my word." Kaji said. 

"Truth." Shinji said.  "I am not afraid as long as it is truth, Rei.  I can accept it as long as its truth."   

"It is... disturbing." Rei admitted.    

"Truth" Shinji said, this time with a touch of anger.   

"I am the Second Rei.  When I awoke, I was more... Angel than human."  She explained her first conscious experience as Rei II to the group.

After a few moments, where it appeared that even Misato was ready to use the facilities, Rei watched as Hikari again leaned her head against her body, hugging her in an attempt to comfort.   

Shinji quickly joined in.  "You were not you at that time, Rei.  It wasn't your fault.  It was my father's."  

"That's the experiment being held in room 1138 in Terminal Dogma." Kaji said sadly, "I wondered why a nurse would be listed as an experiment related to Rei."   

Asuka, however, was thinking about something else.  "I want to see."  

The group turned to her.  

"I want to see.  To see the Angel.  To see Rei's room.  To see the dummy system.  We should all see.   I want the truth, and I want it through my own eyes."  Asuka stated.  

"Dangerous..."  Kaji informed.   Misato, however, didn't share the sentiment.  

"Damn them all straight to hell!  I want the truth too.  I was used.  Rei was used.  Asuka and Shinji were used.   He'll we're all being used by SEELE and Gendo."  Misato stomped her foot.  "This week, it's going to be training alright.  We're going to become the best damn covert ops team this planet has ever seen."  

"NO!" Kaji said.  

"Whisper a word about any of this, Kaji-san, and I'll personally send you straight to hell." Misato threatened.   

"If Misato-san doesn't I will!" Shinji exclaimed.   

"You know my feelings." Rei replied.  

"I'll hate you forever, Kaji-san." Asuka replied.

They all stared at Hikari when it became obvious that she wasn't chiming in with the rest.  

"I'm not a pilot.  I... would be... a burden if I am involved." Hikari noted.  "My family…" 

"We understand." Asuka said.   

"Yeah." Misato echoed.  "You're welcome to stay or go as you please."  

"Thanks," Hikari said.  "The less I know about... what you plan... the better.  I should leave now."   

"Of course, Hikari." Shinji said.  "When we're done, we'll... let you know."  

"I think I'll know anyways." Hikari intoned, 'One way or the other.'

--

Author's Notes:

Well, 42,000 odd words later, we have a complete rewrite!  [Of the Prologue…]  Now… On to chapter 1!   I should have the first segment of chapter two done some time by the end of this week.   I hope that you found everything here to be to your satisfaction.     

Remember, I will keep on writing here from now on.  So please, Read and Review!

Later, 

P.V.   

Quotes: 

(1) Quote from Babylon 5.  Lorien said this to Commander Ivonnova while they were gathering the remaining "ancient" races to battle with the Vorlons and Shadows.  


	2. Chapter One Part 1: Interlude of Romance

**Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 1 – Interlude of Romance**

--

Author's Notes: 

Hi.   Just wanted to say here's the first part of the next chapter.   I believe this is what many fan-fiction authors refer to as WAFF (Warm And Fuzzy Feeling).   Chapter One will have lots of WAFF, if only to offset the really dark nature of the events surrounding the 13th angel.   I am an author who believes in balance.  I hope that I will achieve it in this chapter.   Besides, this is a Shinji and Rei Fic, it has to have WAFF.    I will move slowly with it.  Believe me, you'll be quite… frustrated at the end of the chapter when you discover it didn't go anywhere near as far as it should in 80+ pages.   But there will be plenty of light _lime scented scenes to keep your interest if you like that sort of thing.   _

Remember, keep reading and reviewing, and I hope you enjoy it!   

Thanks, 

PitViper

--

**Chapter One: Where Angels Fear to Tread**

"Ikari Shinji.  People always had a belief that this individual human was 'Super' human.  Yet, the Ikari Shinji I knew was always kind, gentle, and very human.  Perhaps it was this humanity that I found so attractive, since I believed I lacked it in myself..."

--                      Direct quote of Rei Ayanami, taken from

"A Rei of Light", the biography of Rei Ayanami.

by Asuka Langley Sohryu, Circa 2165. p263. 

-

**Part One: Interlude of Romance**

Her eyes had closed for the evening.  But sleep would not come to young Ayanami Rei.  Perhaps it was that this day had held revelations beyond her expectations.  Perhaps it was the knowledge that despite everything she told Shinji, he still accepted her.  

'Do I deserve his love still?'  He had said that he loved her.  Could he truly mean it?  "I hate being alone." She said, looking at the ceiling of her new room.  The new bed was doing its best to entice her to sleep, as her night clothes and light sheets caressed her body.  But sleep would not come.

How could sleep come to such a being, a being like Ayanami Rei?  Now, because of the massive changes in her environment, she was alone in an unfamiliar room; surrounded by unfamiliar things.  Rei had never had things before; and, if when the sun rose in the morning they were all gone, she would never miss them.   Well… perhaps she would miss the new white dress she and Misato had chosen – if only because it reminded her of Shinji's expression when he first wore it.    Rei almost smiled with the memory of that moment, but the memory of the rest of the night disturbed her.    Many people now knew her secrets.

Before this evening, the only people who truly knew about Rei were Commander Ikari, Sub-commander Fuyutsuki, and Doctor Akagi.   Now, Misato-san, Shinji, Asuka, Hikari, and Kaji-san knew of her origins, and her painful secrets.   'And even they do not know them all.' Rei thought sadly to herself, longing for something to comfort her in these new surroundings.          

Even the thought of the commander's glasses were of no comfort to the troubled First Child.    

But, then again, did Rei really want to take comfort in that object?  'Commander Ikari's glasses - My reminder that he once did something that I appreciated.'   She decided that she did not.    

There was only one thing that would calm and satisfy the First Child.  Fortunately for her, she was not the only one with a troubled mind.  

She sensed his presence as he approached, and Rei's eyes darted to the door.  'Shinji-kun is outside that portal.'  Her senses had been heightened this evening, and she had been stretching them outward more than normal. 'That is the reason I sensed him,' she thought to herself.  She stepped from her bed onto the floor of the apartment.  'My floor is not cold.  I am no longer cold.' She thought, meaning it both figuratively and literally.   

She reached the door quickly.   She waited several minutes as the Third Child decided what to do.   When Rei finally felt him make up his mind, she put her hand on the door handle.  Before Shinji could knock, she opened it to reveal his shocked face.   With exhaustion looming over her mind, Rei thought: 'My face must not look much better.'  

"I..." Shinji whispered, looking at the revealing clothes Ayanami had on. 'At least she is not naked.' "May I enter?"  

"Always." Rei whispered in return.  "I could not sleep." She stated, sensing his question on whether he had disturbed her sleep.  

"Neither could I.  But then I don't really sleep much." Shinji replied, after Ayanami had shut the door.   

"The busy mind does not release the body to perform its nightly function." Rei said, looking at him.  "We have been given too much to think about."  

"It will tire us." Shinji said, his bleary eyes absorbing Ayanami's appearance in the pale light from the window.  The moon was casting its glow softly into the chamber, highlighting Ayanami's natural appearance.  "I had not realized how beautiful you really are, Rei-chan."  

"You embarrass me." Rei said, blushing.  

"I came to give you something." Shinji said, pulling the item from his pocket.  "I... Bought it for you."  He handed her the small box.  

Ayanami slowly opened the small container.  She gasped when she saw the small rose pendant on the delicate silver chain.  Tears began to form in her eyes, again.  "Crying is something I am doing all too often in your presence, Shin-chan."  She whispered, a single tear flowing down her face before she could clamp down her emotions.  

"I remember how good Misato's necklace looked on you. But the small cross was... not what I wanted to give to you.   After tonight, though, I think you might have liked that better..."  

"Is this how you see me, Shinji?" Rei asked softly, the trace of the tear wiped quickly away.

Shinji thought about it a moment.  "You are like the white rose - delicate and beautiful.  There are not enough roses in the world to match your beauty.  You are kind, Ayanami.  You are deserving of love.  You are strong, when that is called for, and you make me feel warm."  

"Roses have thorns, Shinji." Rei warned, 'I must try, for him.  He deserves to make a choice other than myself'.  

"And a bee may hide in the petals of any flower, your point?" Shinji asked mischievously.  

She cupped his face, "There are still things you may not know about me."  Her eyes became downcast, "I do not know them myself."  

"One step at a time," Shinji encouraged.  "I guess that I would be one to fall in love with an angel, eh?" 

"A fallen angel, none the less," Rei said, thoughtfully.    

Shinji looked at her, "Do you know that for certain?" 

"No." Rei said. "I have no memory of what happened."  She looked away, "But I feel pain."  

"And that pain is because of something you did?" Shinji asked.  

Rei responded.  "I wished for death.  I wished for it day in and day out. It became so that wish was the only thing I remembered."   

"Do you still wish for death?" Shinji asked.     

"Death is cold," she said.  "I dislike cold.  I do not want death when I am with you, because I am warm." 

"You want something?" Shinji asked.  

"To be one with you - body and soul." Rei said seductively.  

Shinji looked at her sadly.  "I cannot.  I _will not just yet, Rei."  _

"I know.  For now I will settle for you helping to put this necklace on?" She said with a smile.  She extricated the necklace from its container, and gently placed it in his open hand.  

Shinji carefully lifted the delicate chain from his palm, finding the clasp quickly.  When he looked up, he noticed that Ayanami had turned around, and had exposed her neck for him to place the small chain around.  

He fumbled with the clasp for a few moments, then finally opened it, and gently slipped the chain around her front, bringing the back up to where he could again manipulate the clasp.  Working in the dim moonlight, it took him a few tries to get the clasp once again attached to the other end of the chain.   

After Shinji had accomplished the task, Ayanami turned to face him, her fingers tracing the outline of the small silver necklace.   The First Child's eyes were still water-laden as she looked at him.  "You have also bought something for Sohryu-san as well; have you not, Shin-chan?"  

Shinji blinked a few times, then bowed his head, "I... yes."  

"I do not mind, Shin-chan."  She said, delicately lifting his chin with her finger.  She stared into his eyes.  "It is who you are.  You are Shinji - that which I love.  If you did not do this, you would not be you." 

"I feel as though..." Shinji said, tears stinging his own eyes.  "I... I betray you by doing that.  But I cannot stand to see Sohryu hurt either. It... It is an apology for what I have done wrong, and the pain that I have and will cause her.  And..."  He looked into Ayanami's eyes.  

"And... A declaration that you _do care for her." Rei said, understanding completely.  "Be her friend, Shin-chan.  If you feel that you must be more than that to her, then do it.  But do what __you must do.  Not what serves the best interests of others."  _

"I... I think that I love you both..." Shinji admitted.   

"Truth." Rei stated.  

Shinji shook his head, "That would hurt both of you.  I cannot love both of you, but..."  

"Humans each define this thing called love differently.  Love is, to me Shin-chan, Absolute warmth.  It is how I see it.  Taken in that context, I love you.  I love Commander Ikari.  I love Hikari-kun.  They are not different in my mind, other than their intensity.  I feel warmth for Hikari-kun, because she has shown warmth to me.  For that I am grateful to her, for she has taught me the importance and power of being human.  A human cannot be alone.  I cannot be alone.  Therefore I am human, because I cannot be alone.

Rei sighed plaintively, "I love Commander Ikari because he made me feel warm.  His warmth gave me purpose and strength to live.  Yet his warmth was not truthful.  He knows nothing of truth.  Therefore his warmth was false.  But I still love him, because he made me feel warm.  His reason may have been incorrect, but the result was... love.  Although I feel no respect for him anymore, I still love him as a father.  For he was the only guardian I knew.

She displayed a small smile as she continued her oratory, "I love Ikari Shinji because he showed me truth.  His warmth is truth. Shinji loves without limitation, shares warmth without hesitation." Rei smiled at Shinji. "He is my compliment.  He is my completion.  His warmth stirs me inside,"  She placed her hand on her stomach, then moved it to her heart, "My pulse beats for his touch, my mind aches for his words, my eyes search for his gaze, my soul wishes to become one with his.  Without him, my heart aches, and my mind cannot be calm.  I am quiet and bereft of solace, and I wish for the release of death.   I am alone without him."  

Shinji grasped her hand, and felt her pulse racing through it.  "You're..."  

"For you, Shin-chan.  Because of you, I fear." She let her hand tremble in his.  

"You are afraid, Ayanami?" She nodded in response. "Afraid of being alone?" Again a nod.

"Afraid of losing you." She stated almost as a whisper. 

"D-Do you want me to stay?" Shinji said. "F-for tonight?"  

'Forever,' she thought, but then decided to simply nod. "Hold me.  It is all I ask... For tonight.  I have nothing but memories… memories of being so alone, for so long."  

She led him to her bed.  He was already in a night shirt, and shorts, so did not have to worry about getting ready for bed.  Similarly, Rei was already dressed for sleep -Overdressed, if her usual habits were to be taken into account.  Still, for the sake of courtesy and common decency (In other words for Sohryu's continued sanity) she had adopted this change in behavior.  

"Rei, I expected..." Shinji started. "I was nervous about..." 

"You thought that I would be naked when you came to me?" Rei said, slightly grinning in the moonlight.   

Shinji simply nodded.  

"You did not appear to be looking away from me when I opened the door." Rei added.   

"I-I..." Shinji stuttered, suddenly turning an appropriate shade of red.  

"Did you _hope that I would be so when you entered?" _

"I would be a liar if I didn't say that I was expecting it." Shinji countered.  

Rei nodded and accepted this.  "Truth."

"I can give you nothing else." Shinji added.   

Rei smiled, getting into the bed, holding his hand.  "I appreciate nothing else _more.  But you lie to yourself in the process.  You give me more than truth.   Truth in its self is not warm.  Nor is it cold.  Truth is truth, it simply is.  You give me warmth.  Therefore you give me more than truth." _

"People would argue that the truth is a cold thing.  And others would argue that it is warm." Shinji said, being dragged towards the bed by Rei's grasp.  

"People who argue such, who claim such, do not know truth." Rei stated. "Truth is more than that.  It is what is.  We are truth, Shin-chan." She looked at him, "For us that truth is a part of our warmth.  Yet, for others, that truth would be colder than winter's breath upon bare skin."  

"Nothing about _us is cold, Rei-chan." Shinji said confidently.   _

"Perhaps to us." Rei whispered, "But to others..."  

"Then the 'others' can go to hell." Shinji replied.  

Rei frowned slightly, "And if your father was one of the 'others'?"

"Then double damn him." Shinji said with a slight grin.  "He knows only how to hurt others.  He does not know warmth, nor comfort, nor love.  Things we have in abundance, Rei-chan."  

"And you would not forgive him if he were to ask for such?" Rei asked flatly. 

Shinji looked down.  "I cannot help but to forgive him.  He is my father. If he _could ask that question, that would mean the man I just described no longer existed.  I may be the only one who could truly forgive him in their heart of hearts, for he has much forgiveness to seek."  _

"Your father..." Rei said sadly, "He could never forgive himself.  Perhaps that is why he avoids truth and insists upon his own." She finally succeeded in pulling Shinji close enough to her so that she could embrace him.  "You are warm Shin-chan."  

"I am alive." Shinji said with a smile, luxuriating in the warmth of the embrace.  

Rei tightened the embrace, pulling herself closer to his body, so that she was enveloping more of him.  "I like this feeling, Shin-chan."  

"I-I do too..." Shinji said, being distracted by the touch of their bodies. "Perhaps... A little too much, Rei-chan." 

"And you see a problem with that, Shin-chan?" Rei asked mischievously.  

"I see only you." Shinji stated.   

"Obvious." She replied. "But not unappreciated." 

"Do not forget, I am a boy." Shinji said, beginning to sweat slightly.  

"And I am a girl.  Would you have it differently?" She looked into his eyes. "Perhaps you think I did not notice?  Or is it uncomfortable?" 

"You are comfortable, Rei-chan" Shinji replied.  "I have said that before."  

"I enjoy hearing it." Rei replied.  "You are warm.  I like this very much."

"You have said _that before." Shinji practically giggled.  _

"Truth sometimes bears repeating." Rei replied.  

"Do not be surprised, Rei-chan, that if you continue this particular quest, that I will respond in a very boy-like manner."  

"You already have, if the pressure I feel is from where I believe it to be from." Rei responded, and _giggled lightly as she watched Shinji blush deeply.  "You do yourself injustice, Shinji.  That response is most certainly __not boy-like."  The angelic sound continued as Shinji continued to blush._

"I do not believe this..." Shinji muttered.   

"Perhaps that is why I repeat truth?  To help you believe." Rei said, her breath tickling Shinji's nose.   

"All Asuka would have to do, is see this one moment..." Shinji said, still smiling somehow - despite the thought that was occurring.  "She would kill us." 

"It is _my apartment.  Although she sleeps in the larger room, she is not the master of this domicile." Rei calmly stated, and suddenly pressed against Shinji even more.   _

"Definitely warm," Shinji smiled, his lips millimeters from hers.  

"I wish..." Rei whispered very softly.  

"Yes?" Shinji asked.

"A kiss," Rei's eyes burrowed into his. 

Shinji continued to stare into Rei's eyes.   

"A kiss - not the kind between simple friends," Rei again stated.  

"Ayanami, do you know what you are asking me?" Shinji said.  

Rei nodded, fear beginning to build in her eyes.  "I do not take this... lightly, Shin-chan."  

"I wish a kiss as well, Rei-chan.  But I am afraid." Shinji stated.   

"Afraid?" Rei queried.  

"Of hurting you.  I always hurt..." His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden pressure against his lips, gentle but insistent.  He struggled for a few seconds, then finally relaxed.   However, Ayanami's insistence did not end, as she deepened the kiss, exploring the boundary of his lips with her tongue. 

Shinji, overwhelmed by the experience, parted his lips slightly, as Ayanami's tongue sought entrance.  His own tongue began its probe of the intruder into its sanctum. Ayanami's eyes lit up with mirth.   She ended the kiss slowly, withdrawing the tongue back into her mouth, and slowly separating their lips.  Shinji's eyes were closed.   

"Pleasant." She mused almost wistfully.  

"Um...hum..." Shinji agreed, his eyes still closed.  

"You should not be afraid of _us.  If I had not wished it, then you would have been wrong to seek it.  But I did want it, and so did you.  Where there is consent, there is no wrong, Shin-chan."  Ayanami explained.  'And where there is love, there is no sin.'  She thought to herself.  Her tired eyes blinked once, slowly.    Shinji's eyes repeated the same motion.    _

"I think I can sleep now…" They both said in synchronicity.   Shinji responded by chuckling lightly, while Rei blinked several more times – each time keeping her eyes closed a little longer.     

"Goodnight, Rei-chan," Shinji said to his companion.  

"Sleep well, Ikari Shinji-kun." Rei responded with a tired whisper.   After a night of using the Third Child's first name, she felt that this was an appropriate way to respond.   

In the warmth of their mutual embrace, the First and Third Children found a comfort they had never known.   Tomorrow, life would bring them a step closer to their destiny.   For tonight, they were two souls sharing each other's warmth and company – both wishing that the night would never end.

-

Author's Notes:  

This is a very short Part 1.   The first reason:  I wanted to wrap up one of the unresolved issues in the last chapter, and have a transitional lead in to this one.   The second: I couldn't wait until the end of the week to post the first part.   Shame on me, I lied…

Rei [Looks at author with narrowed eyes]: You lied.  It was not truth.   You said you would post it on the 26th.   

Author [Glances at button to bring up heat shield from the stage]: Um…  

Rei [Eyes narrow further]: That would not help you.   

Author [Cringes, expecting to be splattered by Ayanami's AT Field]: Oops.  

Rei [Eyes return to normal, and blinks several times.]: Do not do it again.  Please continue.   

Author [Breaths sigh of relief]: Ok… 

Well, what do you think?  [Author pulls out insulin shot]  I hope that I haven't pushed these two too far too fast.   I think that it would not be impossible for Rei and Shinji to sleep together.  (Not that kind of 'sleep' you hentais)  Also, I think that this would probably make the best situation for a 'First Kiss', which is why I put it in there.   

Next chapter begins the 'Syncro-training.   Which won't really be syncro-training.  ;-) And Shinji and Rei have their first fight.  Yes – fight.   No matter how much the gentleman Shinji is, or how quiet and reserved Rei is, sooner rather than later, they are both going to admit things to each other that the other isn't going to want to hear.    Trust me, it won't be that bad.    

Well, It's getting late, and I need some Taco Bell.   Border Run time…  

Keep reading and reviewing.   

Later, 

P.V.   

PS.  The authors notes are as close to a Self Insert as I am ever going to get.  Promise!  :-)


	3. Chapter One Part 2: The Light of the Sou...

**Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 2 – The Light of the Soul**

-

Author Notes:

Howdy boys and girls.  PitViper here - this chapter will have much more 'Meat' to it…

Rei [Impassive look]: I dislike meat.  

Author [Shrugs]: Figure of speech.   

Rei [Questioning look]: May I speak?  

Author [Confused]: O…Ok.

Rei [Nods, Looks to audience]: Many were confused at my… dislike of the Author's action of posting before he said he would.   While I realize that this is not disconcerting to you, he did not fulfill his promise.  Besides, PitViper's willingness to post the interlude so quickly means he now has less buffer to prepare the rest of the chapters.  I was not angry with the author; I simply dislike those who cannot maintain their word.  [Looks at Author]  You may speak now.    

Author [blinks]: Okaaay.   

The little interludes with Rei (Gosh darn it!  I really like her) are meant mostly as humor.   Sorry if it disturbed you.

Rei [Stern look]: I am the Ayanami Rei in the Author's mind.  I was formed by his observations of me, just as I help to form his observations of self. [Pauses for a moment] Therefore, other Ayanami Rei's may differ.    

Author [Shakes head]: Well, onward with the fic.  Please remember to review – I'm asking for it! :)

Thanks, 

PitViper

--

**Monday Morning - Day 1.  **

Ayanami's eyes shot wide open.  Despite the darkness now engulfing her room, her mind told her that this was the time she needed to get up this morning. The previous evening had been… distracting.  Yet, her internal clock had been accustomed to this kind of setting.  Her hand instinctively reached out to attempt to shut off the impending alarm, but something was different about this morning than the others.  Something impeded the motion of her hand.  

Panic struck Ayanami for exactly three seconds.  The first second, she realized that she was very warm - much warmer than she had ever been before. Not intimate warmth or emotional warmth, but actual, physical heat.  She was practically sweating under whatever was generating this inferno. 

The next second allowed her realization that this warmth was being generated by a body - a body that was pinning her arm that nominally would shut off the impending alarm clock _before it could ring.  During this second, she realized that she had about thirty more before the alarm clock would trigger.  She heard a tick from the mechanical device, as a breath of hot air brushed over her neck.   _

The third second brought realization that, because of the proximity of the body, its AT-Field and hers were interacting.  She could physically and mentally feel the presence of the individual.  Perhaps it was this almost telepathic response that saved the life of the hapless form lying on top of her.  The AT-Field was calming her; as though it had sensed her despair and suddenly wanted to do anything it could to relieve it.  The calming and soothing waves being generated by this person were flooding over her at this proximity.  The last part of this second allowed her to come to the realization of exactly _who it was embracing her.    _

It was an embrace, after all.  It was not the type of thing that an intruder would ever be able to do.  Ayanami's senses would have immediately detected - and automatically decimated - any intruder who managed to get close enough to interact with her AT-Field.  As it was, the light of this soul was invited and permitted this intimate position.  She, lacking the ability to do anything else at this moment, returned the tight embrace fully, causing the individual in question, to turn slightly.   

That turn, allowed Ayanami's arm a slight freedom of movement.  She calculated, taking a quick glance at the mechanical alarm clock, that she had exactly six seconds left to accomplish the task.  Her arm reached out, taking the final four seconds to hit the stopper on the top of the alarm.  

As the clock turned to 5:00am, Rei sighed in the silent room, her breathing synchronized with the individual laying on top of her.  She luxuriated in that warmth, allowing herself a few seconds to deeply observe this individual with every sense that she had.  

"Complete." She whispered.  This moment was what she truly sought in life. She wanted this moment to last forever, but knew that it would not and could not.  But the anticipation of the next _moment was already beginning to form in her mind.  She forced herself not to see beyond that next moment. 'No need to jump too far into the future.  Take care of the present.  It is time to get up.'  _

She looked at Shinji's eyelids and saw the rapid movement there.  Her few seconds of panic had caused some of the sleep-calm that had been on his face to disappear, but it was rapidly returning as Rei observed him sedately.  'He cares; even in his sleep he is able to sense when others are disturbed.' She noted.  She sent a reassuring wave of warmth back through their touch and was rewarded with a small smile.  She returned it.   "A kiss," She whispered very softly.  "You have given me this, and I am eternally grateful."  

"Kiss…" Shinji muttered the smile still there on his face.  "Like better… than… as-ka." He twitched, "Like Rei.  Warm." 

Rei sensed that he was beginning to come out of the dream.  She immediately brought her lips to his, the delicate touch stirred him.  As he eagerly entered the kiss with Rei, his eyes came open suddenly.   They both ended it at the same time - fortunately without panic.  

"Morning, Shin-chan…" Rei stated with a small smile.  

"Morning, Rei-chan…" Shinji replied, blinking his eyes, "Must be dreaming."  

"Remove the cover, and find out." Rei suggested lightly.   

His eyes blinked again as he followed through with the suggestion.  The cool air from the apartment suddenly reminded him of exactly how much heat could be generated by two human bodies in close proximity and how much heat the air in an apartment at 5:00am lacked.   His eyes narrowed on Rei.   

"It is time to get up, Shin-chan.  It is Five O'clock."  

"F-Five… in the morning?" He questioned.  'Just another half-hour, Please!'     

Rei nodded.  "Do you wish Asuka to find you like this?  Or do you wish Misato-san to come looking for you?"  

"Well, at least Misato-san will think that I slept in my own bed, for at least part of the night, because I must have tossed and turned for an hour before I came to see you."

"In any case, it is the time I have chosen to begin my day while rooming with Asuka." Rei replied.  "Perhaps you would care to help me with breakfast?"  

"H-help?" Shinji stared at her.  

"Hikari-kun showed me a little while preparing dinner last night.  Although dinner would be inappropriate at this time of the morning, I am sure some of the basics still apply, do they not, Shin-chan?" Rei asked a quirky smile tugging at the edge of her lips. 

Shinji simply nodded.  

"Good.  You return to your apartment, and prepare yourself for the morning. I will prepare myself for this morning - as I assume that I should bathe before Asuka.  Remember, Shinji-kun, you still have school today."  

"I was hoping that you wouldn't remind me, Rei."  Shinji said.  

"Why?" Rei asked.  "It is truth." 

"Yes, it is.  It is one of those truths which a person would be tempted to argue as being 'unpleasant.'" 

Rei blinked at him, before smiling genuinely, "As _we are a truth that you would be tempted to argue as being 'pleasant'?"_

"Was not this morning, pleasant, Rei-chan?" Shinji asked quietly.  

"It was very pleasant." She replied. 

"I thought so too.  It is what I would wish." Shinji said.  

Rei smiled.  "I wish for it as well.  I want that moment again." She looked longingly at him.   

"I wish we could… But that is not entirely up to us." Shinji said, his smile disappearing.  

Rei's smile, too, vanished.  "I know."  

"It does not mean that it will not happen again." Shinji said.  

"It is pain." Rei said.  "I don't…"  

"I know." Shinji said.  "I tried to warn you…"   

"Not knowing would have been worse pain.  It would have been emptiness.  I don't want emptiness." Rei countered.  "Regret…  I understand it now.  I would have regretted not asking for your kiss last night.  It would have paralyzed me…"  

"There is more…" Shinji said, being interrupted by Rei.  

"That I know as well.  I will not let anything happen to you, Shin-chan."  

"You can't stop it if its fate." Shinji said.  "I… I… would rather you lived if it came down to it than me."  

"I can be replaced…" Rei said.  

'NEVER!' Shinji almost screamed, but decided that he should try to keep the conversation quiet.  "I could not look at a shell that pretended to be you." Shinji stated.  "She, no matter what methods my father uses, would not be you.  You are unique, Rei-chan.  I love _only you." _

Tears formed in Rei's eyes.  "Again, Shin-chan, I cry." A few sobs escaped, "I cannot live without you."  

"Then you must learn - Rei.  You cannot simply live for me: that would be wrong." 

"But…" Rei tried.  

"I will not accept a doll." Shinji stated, and heard Rei's sharp inhalation. Shinji did not even flinch as Rei's hand connected with his face.    

Tears were flowing even more freely now, but Shinji remained resolute. "Don't you see, Rei?  I love you.  I know you are not a doll.  So why would I be willing to accept you as such?  I would be no better than my father. Perhaps if I were to put on his glasses, and stare at you…"  

At this Rei moved from the bed forcefully, and went to her dresser.  She pulled out a glasses case and threw it at him.  "Then put them on!" She commanded forcefully.  "I do not have any LCL for you to stare at me through, though!" 

"These… are… were… his?" Shinji asked incredulously.   

"Yes." Rei hissed.  

"Is that what you wish, Ayanami?  For me to be my father?" Shinji asked, all emotion gone from his voice.  

She suddenly stared at him agape.  "I…"  

"Do you want him to be staring at you?  Whispering sweet nothings in your ear?  To control you, to guide you, to manipulate you?  Him?  The man you told me no longer has your respect.  Simply say it, and it will be as you wish.  I, the puppet master, will control: I will betray him, kill him, and take his place so that you and I can play our parts.  I as him, you as… the doll Ayanami."  Shinji said sadly, opening the case and beginning to remove the glasses.  

Rei began to cry again.  "I could manipulate your genetics.  Make you sick. Get you killed.  Bring you back again.  Over and over and over." Shinji said coldly.  "I could become him in a second.  After all, I am his son.  Is that what you want?" 

Rei collapsed to her knees.  

"If I were my father… what would I do?  I would need someone else - someone who was brilliant and intelligent to manipulate along with you. Someone who wouldn't mind having sex during those times you couldn't…  I know!" Shinji snapped his fingers, "I could take Asuka.  She would be perfect.  With a little more college time, she'd be able to help me.  I could soil her, and make her half insane, think that she wasn't worthy of better.  Then I could have sex with her when you would be incapacitated. Yes, a perfect pawn."  

"S-Stop," Ayanami stuttered, shivering at the inconceivable change in Shinji's attitude and demeanor.   She suddenly realized the grotesque depth of the similarity between Shinji and Gendo.  'He is… there.  I see Gendo in him - I do not wish to see this further.' "Please, Shin-chan, no."  

"Shin-chan?" Shinji asked with a smirk, "Who is he?  I'm Gendo now.  Isn't that who you wanted?" He was mere inches from having the glasses on his face.  

"I want Shinji." Rei stated, barely a whisper.   

"Do you want to live?" Shinji asked, "A doll doesn't want to live.   Only a doll could want my father."    

"I-I want Shinji." She stated again.   

"I asked you, do you wish to live?" He asked again.   

"Yes." Rei replied.  And suddenly she realized that she meant it.  

"Don't you understand, Rei?" Shinji asked. "I need to know that if something should happen to me, that you will continue.   Do you think that you could find another who you love?"    

"You are the only one I could ever love" She said.   

"But, if I were gone.  If Ikari Shinji were no more, could you keep on going - knowing that the possibility that there was another who could make you feel like _that?  Could you consider the possibility of another whom you could love?" _

"I do not want to find that possibility." Rei stated, shivering on the floor.   

"I love you, Ayanami." Shinji said, laying the glasses back down.  "But, I must know that if for some reason I should… be gone… that you would be able to continue.  For if our love continues on this path, there will be more to us than just _us."  _

Rei's exotic crimson eyes pierced him with a questioning glance.   

"The mother of my children must never feel that she can simply abandon them." Shinji said.  "My mother never abandoned me.  Not even when she disappeared in unit one.  She has tried to cling to life, and I have felt her there protecting me in Eva.  I expect the same of you, if your wish is for me to be Ikari Shinji." 

"Your children…" Rei said wistfully.   

"Hai.  That is the depth of my love for you.  It is why I wish to take things slowly, carefully.  For if we get caught up in it too quickly, we will let those who believe that our 'truth' is wrong know our intentions towards each other." Shinji smiled, "And… I want to know that you will not simply exist after I am gone because of a promise to live.  I want you to _live Ayanami.  To teach our children how to live, and for you to live life to its fullest.  That is what I want you to do." _

"Leave me." Rei stated flatly.  "Go." 

"W-what?" Shinji asked aghast.   

"Go.  Leave.  Now," She stated more forcefully.  

"Why?" Confusion was evident in the younger Ikari's voice. 

"Leave." 

"No." 

"Why?" Rei asked, unbelieving.  

"Love.  I love you, Rei."  

"It is pointless." Rei said without emotion.  

"That's not true." 

"You want children?" Rei asked.  

Shinji looked at her oddly, "Of course.  Not right away but…"  

"Then leave.  I cannot give you that which you desire."  

"What, Rei?" 

"I will guide Asuka into my role." Rei said flatly.  

"No!" 

"I must - for I cannot fulfill you.  I cannot make you complete."  

"That isn't everything.  This is mutual.  I love you.  You love me.  There are other ways!" 

Rei blinked. "I cannot bear young." 

"Why?" 

"That was the way I was designed.  I am sterile." Rei stated sadly.  

"That's impossible."  

"It was the way I was designed."  

"Do you have periods?" 

"Yes." 

"Then there's a chance.  I paid some attention in Sex-ed." Shinji said.   

"But, Doctor Akagi told me…"  

"Did she check specifically?" 

"No."  

"You ovulate?" 

"Obviously," Her eyes looking at him as though he were daft.  'I menstruate, therefore I ovulate.'  Rei's logic echoed in her mind.   

"Then there's a chance." Shinji stated flatly.   

"But…" 

"If not, then we adopt." Shinji smiled.  

"Adopt?" Rei echoed.  

"Even in this day and age, there are still families who do not expect children - who either cannot or will not support them.  We can adopt a child.  It may not be ours genetically, but we're capable of love just the same." Shinji stated.  

"A chance," Rei said.  "I would stare… I visited the base infirmary often. I would go to the nursery.  There were not many ever there, two or three, but so full of life!  I enjoyed it, until Commander Ikari forbade me from going there."  

"My father, forbade you from going to the nursery?" Shinji asked, aghast.  

Rei nodded, "'Children are not for those who are not meant to bear them,' He told me." 

A low growl erupted from Shinji, "I'll kill him."  It wasn't the first time the thought had crossed his mind.

"Shinji…" Rei admonished. 'I believe he would.' 

"He had no right.  To a young girl, no less - one just coming into her own as a woman… to tell that… to destroy a dream before it began.  I don't know how my father can be so evil." Shinji stated. 'Father, why are you this way?  Could my mother have actually loved such a beast?  Mother… help me to see him as you do… to understand.' His thoughts trailed off as Ayanami spoke. 

"It was true." Rei said.  

"A lie!" Shinji countered, "Designed you to be sterile? HA!  They can't control life to that level, Ayanami.  If they could, Eva wouldn't be what Eva is! They would have designed Eva differently.  I know what they did there, its impossible not to realize it: A fifty foot -human- god." 

"Then you realize.  Eva and I.  At least Unit 01 and I, we come from the same place." She said softly.  "We are both of the flesh of that which is Lilith."

"Lilith, the first Angel," Shinji said.  "They… they thought that it was Adam at first, didn't they?" He watched as Rei nodded in assent.  

"Imagine his surprise when his clones came out to be female, instead of male." Ayanami said softly.  "It wasn't until I was created that he realized.  I am of the Mother." 

"And you believe that they could engineer life to that degree, Rei-chan?" He nodded his head back and forth, "There is only one way they could make you sterile, and be sure of it - to do a tubal ligation or hysterectomy.  Then they could be sure." Shinji said, "No recent surgeries, other than to repair battle damage, right?" 

"I would remember." Ayanami stated confidently.  

"Then…" Shinji started. 

"Then I might…" Rei said with hope in her eyes.  

"You might - _We might.  Nothing is certain. If not, there are alternatives." Shinji muttered.  _

Rei looked at the clock in the corner of the room.  "We have spent ten minutes on this alone.  We should not waste so much time." 

"Was it a waste?  Do you understand what I want, and what you want? And what that means to _us?" Shinji asked.   _

"I will learn to _live." Rei said.  _

"I will help you learn, Rei-chan." Shinji said.  "I don't plan on leaving so soon."  

"Will we share another moment?" Rei asked hopefully.  

Shinji smiled, "Yes.  That much I do know, unless something happens to one of us before the sun rises again tomorrow."  

"One promise, Shin-chan?" Rei asked.  

"Yes?" 

"Never become… _him." She asked.  "For my sake, this I beg of you."  _

"I am not my father.  He is here, though," Shinji held his hand to his heart, "I cannot avoid that.  Part of what makes him, makes me.  It cannot be avoided."  

"Truth." Rei said sadly.  

"But, there is another here," Shinji kept his hand on his heart.  "She also makes _me.  My mother is here.  I keep her close to my heart.  My father's heart is cold, frozen.  My mother's heart is fire and heat.  I am the balance.  Her flame burns beside my heart and keeps it warm.  His calmness and intelligence tempers the burning will my mother gave me, stopping me from lashing out and hurting others.  Although, I still hurt others… it is not my intention…"  _

"I believe that is not true, Shin-chan." She said, moving to him, and placing her hand on his heart, "Your mother gave you her heart, which burns like fire.  You feel others through her eyes that she gave you, and see others suffering.  You are that which gives warmth, that which is life. I… I love your mother for that.  No part of him." She pointed to his heart, "Is here.  I… I know he is a part of you, but this heart will keep him at bay."  

"I… It… was painful to do that to you, Ayanami.  But I had to make you see.  You are _more than just a friend.  I love you, Rei-chan."  _

"I know." She said, moving to the door.  "Let us begin the day." 

-

Shinji walked purposefully back into Misato's apartment, and quickly went to the kitchen to grab some things that he knew Rei didn't have.  As he rounded the corner to enter the kitchen, however, he saw a most unusual sight - Misato staring at an unopened can of beer.   

"M-Misato-san?" Shinji ventured, earning the gaze of his superior and guardian.  

"Morning, Shin-chan.  Sleep well?  Or at all?" She asked.   

'She's sober,' was the thought that went through Shinji's mind.  "I did sleep.  I had to give Rei her necklace first."  

"I know.  I was up when you left at midnight." She replied.  "I've been staring at this beer since fifteen minutes after you left.  Waiting."  

"Uh.  I did stay with Rei…"  

"I know." Misato sighed.  

"Nothing happened, I swear it." 

"I know that too.  Otherwise I would have killed you myself." She replied evenly.  

"She's alone, Misato." Shinji said.  "She was afraid."  

"So was Asuka." Misato countered.  'I understand it, though.'    

"I have made my choice." Shinji stated boldly.  

"I think I knew that too." Misato said, looking at the beer.  

"I love her." Shinji declared.   

"You love them both.  You just have to decide when and how the other gets hurt.   Asuka won't stop until she's been defeated."  

"I know that as well." Shinji said.  

"It will destroy her." Misato looked into his eyes.  

"It would destroy them both.  Either one.  One will be complete, the other, hurt.  I cannot escape the pain I cause.  I will not run from this.  That would only hurt them both." 

"I know." Misato said.  

"Misato-san.  Thank you, for last night. For not doing anything."  

"I was waiting, Shinji, to hear the sound of you falling from the balcony at Asuka's hand.  Don't you know what a dangerous position you've put yourself in?"  She looked at the beer.  "Then I got into a staring match with this can.  You know what, I think it won.  I don't want to look at it anymore."  

"Misato-san?" 

"I'm done drinking, Shinji.  The only thought that ran through my head last night was, 'I have to stay sober in case anything happens.'"  She looked down at her steady hand, "I… I don't know how… I was never able to do it before… but tonight… waiting for what I thought was inevitable… I stayed completely sober. I… I… I never made it through a night before without this crutch, especially a night _alone."_

"I use my feet, you use that can… we both run away when the pain becomes too great.   I have chosen to stop running, Misato.  Have you stopped running as well?" He asked.  

"When did you become so wise?" She asked him, looking at him.  

"Since I started sleeping with Angels," He said sheepishly.  

Misato smirked.  "So how was it? Sleeping with Ayanami?" 

"Warm." Shinji smiled.  "I could wake up every day in her embrace.  I did not wish to leave.  I'm certain that she felt the same." 

Misato looked at him, "I am… glad… no… happy… yes.  You deserve warmth, Shinji-kun." 

"Uh… thanks…" 

"That said I have to play the role of guardian now."  She said with a perfectly calm voice, and then burst out in anger, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING YOUNG MAN!"  

Shinji backed away, wide eyed, "M-mi-Misato-saa…" 

"I ASKED YOU A DIRECT QUESTION.  DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS?  HUH?  DO YOU THINK THAT I _LIKE STAYING UP ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT!!!"  _

Shinji became a small ball, forced into a tiny corner of the Apartment.  

"ANSWER ME!" 

"Stop," Commanded a calm voice from the doorway.  

Ikari was a nervous wreck at the corner of the hallway.  

"AYANAMI!" Misato yelled, swirling on the blue haired girl who had somehow found her way into the apartment, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!"  

"Protecting Shinji-kun," She stated, her eyes narrowing.   

"Really?  Huh!  Some protector you are.  Imagine if Asuka had caught you, she would have drop-kicked the both of you halfway to China!"

"She could not attack us.  I would not permit it." Rei said without emotion.

"You think that you could stand up to an insane Asuka!?!" Misato asked incredulously.  'Why is she doing this?  Would she…'  Misato looked into the fiery orbs that were Ayanami's eyes.   She saw something terrible there.  'She would.  She would kill anyone… any thing that would try to harm Shinji.'  

"I could stand up to an Angel, Misato-san.  Yes, I could stand up to Asuka. I would not like doing it.  I would attempt to do so without seriously injuring her, but I would do it."  She blinked at the Major.  "I have done it."  

Suddenly she was aware that Ayanami was indeed telling the truth.  That incident was what started this entire cascade event.  "Why?" 

"I love Shin-chan." Rei said calmly, but with warmth.   

"You're just fifteen, Rei.  What do you know about love?" Misato asked.  She watched opened jaw as Rei simply walked over to the now confused Shinji and gathered him in her arms, and kissed him softly on his lips.  After a few moments, he returned the embrace, resting his head on her shoulder.   

"I am both younger than fifteen, and older than your history." Rei said challengingly, "I still do not know what love is, but I know that this warmth is something I want to feel.  My definition of the word 'Love' is based on warmth.  I will protect this feeling.  It is what I _want."  She stroked Shinji's hair calmly.  "Why did you yell at him?  It was wrong, Misato-san.  You have injured him." _

"What?" Misato asked. 

"He is in pain." Rei replied, holding his head.  

"Wha… It's what parents do when their children don't do what their supposed to.  He has to learn discipline."

"Perhaps you should take a course in what you teach.  Then tell me if _you like it." Rei said angrily.   _

"Now look here, young lady…" Misato started toward the blue haired girl, and was immediately thrown back by an orange hexagonal field.   

The AT-Field that was externalized was extremely weak and extremely brief. It was all she could throw up without alerting the Magi. "The barrier of my soul defends both Shinji and me.  He is permitted entry.  You are not."  

Misato shook her head, 'An AT-Field.  From Rei?'

"From both of us, Misato - I am healing the damage you caused Shinji." Rei said.  "His soul is very strong, and very powerful.  But to those he cares for intensely, he is very vulnerable.  You are someone he cares for.  Your yelling frightened him."  

"It was meant to!" Misato practically screamed.  "He spent the night in a girl's bed, for Christ sakes.  Boys his age should not be doing that."   'At least they should attempt to hide doing it!' 

"I was there.  And what boys his age should and should not be doing… he was a perfect gentleman all night.  The suggestion was mine.  If anyone will receive a lecture, it is me." 

"He'll get the wrong idea about women, Ayanami.  I don't want him using you for sex!" 

Ayanami speared Misato with a stare, "You know Shin-chan.  Be honest with yourself, for I already know the _truth.  Shin-chan would NEVER DO THAT! His father, perhaps, but he is __not his father."  She sighed, as she felt him returning to normal, "Shin-chan and I will become one.  It will not happen tonight, or tomorrow.  But soon.  I love him, he loves me.  Until we both decide on a time, he will not betray that trust."  _

"His word?" Misato asked. 'Its only been a few days, hasn't it?'   

"I am more tempted to break our vow than he." Rei spat back.   

"Now that worries me." Misato said. 'She wants him.'   

"It shouldn't.  You should feel happy, Misato-san.  Shinji-kun has a soul-mate.  I have chosen him as mine.  We know together what is right for us.  You are not a part of the decision." She said forcefully. 'Especially if you hurt him.'  

"Now I am your commanding officer.  I order you to stay away from Shinji."  

Rei snapped into another mode.  "I cannot comply with that order, Major."  

"Insubordination?" Misato forced out.  

"Mutiny," Rei stated boldly.   

"You wouldn't dare.  That… that's grounds for immediate termination." Misato said.   

"The only ones who would be terminated would be the executioners." Rei stated coldly.  

"I could send Unit 02 after you." Misato said, not really wanting to threaten the child.   

"Unit 01 would protect Shinji, as I would.  Asuka would not succeed." 

"The JSSDF…" Misato started.  

"Conventional firepower is useless against an AT-Field." 

"Asuka would neutralize it." Misato countered.  

"And lose all three of your pilots?" 

"If necessary.  Whatever it takes to defeat the enemy."  

"Then the Eighteenth Angel is your enemy then?" Rei asked.   

"All the angels are our enemy!" 

"Then you are your own enemy.  For the Eighteenth Angel is humanity."  

"What?!?" 

"You are the Eighteenth angel.  You… humanity.  Shattered from God in the First Impact.  The left-over pieces.  At least according to legend." Rei said calmly, Shinji almost asleep in her arms.   

"Then…" 

"Yes." Rei replied.  

"We are fighting ourselves."  

"You are being tested now.  If you fail, you are destroyed.  But because the only way you know to deal with Angels is to destroy them, you will destroy yourselves - through instrumentality.  A vicious cycle, yes Major?" Rei said coldly.  

"I… I…" 

"Shinji and I know the answer.  It is within us.  Although I understand it more than he does - he perceives it only on a basal level, subconscious. Yet he will be the catalyst."   

"And you… the Mother?" 

"I am the source." Rei stated quietly, "My original intent." 

"What else?" 

"Asuka - She is the buffer," Rei informed the purple-haired major.   

"And this means, What?"  

"Trinity." 

"What?" 

"We can form a trinity.  We can synchronize with each other.  The formation of the Trinity would signal the end of the test.  And the end would occur without instrumentality.  Unfortunately, we would still need to find a way to prevent the Ceremony of Red Earth - the ceremony would bring the end upon us all, and reset the cycle to the beginning." 

"Trinity?  As in 'Holy Trinity?'"  

"It is the goal of the test." Rei stated.  

"You mean that you knew this the whole time, we could have ended this before a single Angel landed on this god-forsaken planet?" 

"God has not forsaken this world.  His stewards have.   His protectors now test the stewards to see if they are worthy inheritors, or if the cycle must begin again."  

"Who is God?" Misato asked.  

"I do not know." Rei said.  "I remember nothing from my past.  This is just what I was taught by Commander Ikari."  

"Why did he not choose the Trinity?"  Misato mumbled.  

"SEELE wishes for the Ceremony of Red Earth - to cleanse the world and bring them to instrumentality under their rule.  They fail to see it will only repeat the cycle.   Commander Ikari wishes for control of instrumentality so he may be united with that which he seeks."  

"And that is?" 

"His wife," Rei stated purposefully.   

"How long would this Trinity thingy take?" 

"I need one week to work with Asuka and Shinji.  Considering who and what they are, they should be naturally inclined to accomplish this. It could be passed off as Synchronization training." Rei suggested.  

"Why did you not do this sooner, Ayanami?" Misato asked the young clone. 

"Before yesterday, I had no will to live." 

-

Ritsuko watched Ikari as he sat with his hands steepled at his desk. "SEELE's timetable hangs over us." The Commander said softly.   

"You continue to profess to Fuyutsaki that your own timetable is proceeding well." Ritsuko countered.  "Unless you are just bluffing a plan."  

Gendo smirked behind his hands, "I have a scenario.  It is simply not the one that Yui, he, and I had originally planned.  That is why I keep him in the dark."  

"You are obsessed." Ritsuko challenged.   

Gendo's smirk disappeared, as he lowered his hands, "And you care?" 

"Not in the slightest." Ritsuko replied.  'At least not any more.'  

"I could not have proceeded so far without you." Gendo added. 

Ritsuko smirked, "Men don't often appreciate the women in their lives. Without us, nothing would be done."  

"At least not the important things." Gendo replied.  "How does the dummy system proceed?"  

"Programming is… unstable." Ritsuko said.  "Fully sixty percent of the emotional factor is unknown."  

"How about the reaction and control factors?" 

"Nominal.  We have determined that the system would react at over ninety percent efficiency.  Considering the source and Eva, we expect an initial synchronization of thirty to forty percent." Ritsuko reported.  

"That is too low." Gendo stated coldly.   

Ritsuko sighed, "The emotional factor, Commander.  It will confuse the interlink. As I said, given more time, and more detailed interaction with Ayanami - perhaps a week long session in the tank - we could eliminate at least forty percent of the unknown emotional factor." 

Gendo nodded.  "I do not want duplicates of Ayanami, doctor.  I want a useable and reliable dummy system." 

"I would trust Ayanami duplicates more for the job." Ritsuko countered.  "In the condition the dummy system is in now, I have no clue what the system would do upon activation.  I cannot predict how the interlink would perceive the Eva - let alone the enemy."  

"Given what the dummy system was taken from, I can feel quite confident that it would be able to easily and clearly identify the enemy." Gendo said, his hands once again moving to his face.   

"How can you be so sure?" Ritsuko asked.   

"Imagine having something nail you to a giant red cross then sealing you in an underground chamber for all eternity?  Tell me you would not remember your enemies?"  

"But Ayanami…"  

"Ayanami was raised as a human being.  She has chosen to forget what she was.  Although she does remember, she holds that shame within."   

"Do your scrolls tell you this?" Ritsuko asked.  

Gendo pushed up his glasses, "The scrolls are stories that were passed down from the victors.  Remember, History is written by the winners, not the losers." 

"So, the scrolls lie?" 

"Hardly, they just represent a particular viewpoint.  I am sure if we were to revive Lilith herself, she would have quite a different perspective on the history." Gendo said.  "Unit four will begin testing Wednesday of this week.  The Second Branch will be _gone shortly after." _

Ritsuko shuddered.  

"Then we will receive Unit 03." Gendo added.   

"You want me to prepare the dummy system for unit 03?" Ritsuko asked.  

"It would not work nearly as well with Unit 03 as with Unit 01.  No.  You will prepare the dummy system and remote interface for Unit 01." Gendo instructed.   

"And what of Unit 03.  It will require a pilot."  Ritsuko said.   

"It shall have one." 

"The Marduk report has found the fourth?" Ritsuko asked.  

"Hardly.  I will not trust that- SEELE's hands have been too deep within it." 

"Then from where?"  

"We will use the 2-A pilot reserves." Gendo smirk increased to a grin, visible despite his folded hands.  

"Are you mad?"  Ritsuko asked, looking at him as though he were insane. "Who… which one?" She finally asked, resigned.

"I give you the honor of choosing the pilot."  

"Victim, you mean?" 

"Your choice.  Although that would mean choosing another to pilot." 

"You want me to reset its core…using a…" 

"Of course.  The 2-A pool is what we shall use for pilots, not cores." 

"Should I choose based on the pilot or the core?" 

"I do not care.  None of the remaining cores hold animosity to me in specific." 

"They have probably degraded to the point where they no longer care." Ritsuko challenged.   

"If the cores have degraded, then I hold you responsible for it.  Perform a test on them.  If the cores are not viable, then… we will remove the affected candidates from the school."  

"You wouldn't." Ritsuko said shocked at the implication.

"At least I am not asking you to carry out the accidents." 

"They are children…" 

Gendo's broad smirk became a smile yet again, "They are tools.  As you are, doctor. If the child does not have a compatible core, they serve no purpose to me. Things that serve no purpose have no right to exist."  

"But…" 

"Never forget, Doctor, that you too, are a tool.  You serve an important purpose, and are for the time being - irreplaceable."  Gendo replied.  

"And your son?"

"He is simply a tool.  If he cannot perform the function set before him, he is no different from the rest." 

Ritsuko's face became placid.  "You think that you could control Unit 01 with another?" 

"She still accepts Rei.  Therefore she will accept the dummy system." Gendo replied.   

"That will not continue for long." Ritsuko muttered.    

"Perhaps.  It need only continue for as long as it takes to defeat the angels, or to convince Shinji that he must pilot.  If he chooses to pilot, then I have no real purpose for the dummy system." 

"And you would wipe them out?" 

"They are more dangerous than the Angels." Gendo replied.  

"You are a bastard, you know that Gendo?" 

"I am but a product of SEELE's plan."

"No.  You are a product of the Devil himself." Ritsuko challenged.  

"What does that make you?"  

"Damned." 

Gendo laughed coldly at that.  "Indeed it does." 

-

Asuka stared at Ayanami.  "This is _stupid.  We should be learning how to breach NERV security.  Not playing mind games with the Doll."  _

Rei stared at Asuka from the corner of her eyes, "What will it take to convince you that I intend to be your friend."  

"Sorry." Asuka said.  "It's… Nothing."  

"It's everything." Ayanami countered, "Friendship is important." 

"I… Suppose." Asuka said, resigned to the fact.  

Shinji smiled at Rei, "I guess… Misato-san thought it important enough to involve me.  I am glad I don't have to listen to Sensei rant about second impact."  

"We will have more work to do.  Class Representative Hokari will be brining us that which we miss this week."  Rei looked at him.  

"And it won't be as bad as having to sit through it, though." Shinji muttered.  "And you should call her 'Hikari', if you are friends." 

"Concentrate, Ikari-kun." Rei said, bringing their focus back to the task at hand.   

Misato stood in the distance watching Rei lead the other two Children in the activity.   

Rei began softly.  "Concentrate." She instructed.  "Your mind is afloat on a calm ocean of water.  Your body gently moves with the slight ripples that exist there.  These ripples are from those who float with you."  

Shinji had finally relaxed.  "I… I feel something.  Little… waves… Warm…"

"Now, send a ripple out yourself." Rei instructed, "A gentle, firm ripple."   

Shinji concentrated.  "I…"  

Asuka's eyes popped open, "Who touched me!" She exclaimed.  "I felt something on my shoulder." 

Rei smiled, "Shinji-kun touched you."  She had felt his ripple as well.    

"BAKA!" She screamed.   

"No, Asuka.  It was the touch of his soul, not his physical form." Rei admonished.  "Don't you realize that?" 

"Huh?" 

"Look at him.  Misato-san, please confirm for Asuka that Shinji did not physically move to touch anyone."  

"Shinji's just been sitting there, meditating," She confirmed.  

"That… I felt… like a hand, a finger.  It touched me…" 

"Where?" Rei asked.  

"I-I can't tell where, exactly.  It felt like my shoulder."  

"Good, Shinji.  I felt it as well. I had expected just a general feeling, but you know how to focus it already." Rei said proudly.

"I don't understand." Shinji said.  

"Never-the-less, you did do it, Shinji-kun." 

"H-hai." Shinji looked at Asuka, "Sorry." 

"I-its.. alright, Shinji.  I understand.  How?"  

"I sort of just reached out to tap the water in the direction of the waves. I felt one wave from my right front, and one from my left front.  I tapped each direction, feeling the waves spread out."  

"I see." Asuka said, and closed her eyes.  "I want to be able to do this as well, Ayanami-kun."  

Rei, smiling at Asuka.  "Very well.  Calm yourself again.  It cannot be done if you are nervous.  Just imagine the water.  It is how I do it.  You are floating on the water.  I will send a ripple out.  Tell me if you feel it." 

Rei waited a few moments, as she attempted to ascertain Asuka's level of calm, and sent a gentle wave out from her soul.   

The wave passed out, and gently nudged Asuka and Shinji.  

Asuka giggled, "Was that?" 

Shinji had a smile, "Hai.  It was Ayanami.  I saw… I saw her for a second when it was… I saw her in the water!" 

"Good Asuka.  It is the first step.  And as for seeing me, Shinji, It seems you are more attuned to your soul than I thought."

Asuka was concentrating still.  She had wanted to make a small wave like Shinji and Rei were.  She brought her hand up, and forced it into the water sharply.  

Misato blanched as she felt a wave of nausea roll over her.  "Good god…" 

Both Rei and Shinji, unprepared for the onslaught, doubled over in pain.   

Asuka opened her eyes and saw the two children… "REI! SHINJI-KUN."  

At the sound of his name, Shinji looked up, and immediately regretted it. "God… Umph…" His breakfast was suddenly on the floor before him.   

Rei, too, had her eyes squished shut, tears coming from the edges. "Too… much…"  

Misato made her way to the group.  "What the hell was that?" She collapsed next to the two fallen Children.  

"She… sent…" Rei tried.  

"She slapped the water." Shinji managed, dry heaves racking his body.   

"B-but I _felt it." Misato argued.  Asuka simply looked concerned.    _

Rei recovered some of her equanimity, "I… Asuka… For future reference: An AT-Field is not something to be taken lightly.   You could have killed all of us." 

"What? An AT-Field?" Asuka said incredulously, "From where?" 

"Y-you.  Asuka." Shinji managed, more dry heaves racking him.  

"I-I…" 

"I know, Asuka-kun." Rei said calmly.  "You didn't know.  I didn't want to frighten you, because when… you externalize an AT-Field, it drains your essence.  We can do it in Eva with ease, yet from ourselves…. A human being must be taught how to manipulate the Light of the Soul.  Most cannot externalize an AT-Field.  The children capable of piloting Eva can, but it must be carefully taught."  

"How… How did you know how to do this?  If a human must be taught, and only the Children can do it, then how?" Misato asked Rei.  

"For an Angel, it is instinct.  We are not physical beings - not anymore, anyways.  We are energy.  We… cannot be destroyed unless our souls are disrupted utterly."  

"When we killed those angels?" Shinji asked.  

"They are not dead." Rei stated.  

"Then what the hell is the point to all this?" Asuka asked.   

"The test," Misato said.  

"God would not let his messengers die so easily.   To kill an angel, you must completely disrupt its AT-Field.  Since that _is what an angel __is, the AT-Field is jealously defended.   I… I am from an Angel.  I know by instinct what must be done." Rei looked at Asuka.  "The AT-Field is everything you refer to as ESP.  Absolute Terror is only one of its manifold functions. We are lucky you visualized the energy you sent out as a smooth wave, although it was strong, it would not cause harm… other than nausea." _

"I… I'm sorry." Asuka said.  "I just wanted to… you know… do what Shinji did."  

"And you did - only a thousand times stronger.  You felt a finger on your arm because Shinji simply dipped his finger into the water.  And he did it very delicately, I might add.  Had you poked a finger into the water with the same force you slapped your hand, we would be… quite injured right now." 

"Yeah, rather than a sucker punch, we'd have a hole in our stomachs." Shinji finally said.  Misato blanched as Rei agreed with his assessment.  

"You could have warned me…" Misato said gently, although inside she was very angry that her charges could have been seriously injured.   

"I did not believe that they would catch on so quickly.  At this pace, in a few more hours at most, we will be prepared to attempt a Trinary Synchronization." Rei informed Misato as Shinji got up to get some water, and some towels to clean up his mess.   

"I see. Is it dangerous, the Trinity?" Misato asked.   

Rei looked at Misato.  "It has the power to prevent Third Impact.  It is the opposite of the Ceremony of Red Earth.  It is the Ceremony of Green Earth." She lowered her voice to a whisper, "Done incorrectly, it has the power to create an entire universe.  For it is the Ceremony of Creation.  It is the power that can shatter a God.  It is the energy of Genesis.  If such power is released uncontrolled upon the Earth, it will re-create everything."

"But if it's uncontrolled…" Misato started.

"It will destroy everything.  Forever," Rei said.  

"That would be bad." Asuka agreed.  

"Indeed." Rei agreed.  

"Then, I recommend extreme caution, Ayanami-kun."  Misato said warily. 

"Always, Misato-san" Rei replied.  

"Why do it, if it is so dangerous?" Asuka asked, watching Shinji return.  

"If we accomplish the Trinity, then we will have let the Angels know that we humans, " Rei smiled slightly, "Know the power of creation, not just destruction.  The test will be over, because we will have the power to heal the land we have destroyed in our selfish pride." 

"Then a Trinity… It could reverse the damage of Second Impact?" Asuka asked.

"Easily.  But… It must be controlled with caution.  You understand - this is the power of God." Rei said.  

"Then we would be…" Shinji muttered.  

"Gods.  If all three agree, the Trinity has tremendous power.  But the act must be done in unison.  Without consensus, we cannot accomplish anything." Rei informed them.  

"I see.  We must be very careful.  If we get control of the Trinity… We can't allow ourselves to become overwhelmed by the power of it.  I don't want to be a God.  That is too much power to abuse."  

"And you think that I'd let you abuse it, Baka Shinji!" Asuka said with a smile.  "We're going to have to agree before we do anything… I won't let you and your perverted mind go out there and change all the women's breast sizes…"  

An unusually courageous Shinji asked, "Afraid I'd take you down a cup or two, Auska?" 

She cringed, "You PERVERT!"  

Shinji laughed.  

"You'd probably inflate Rei's bust to astronomical proportions." Asuka accused.   

"I revise my estimate.  I'll need a thousand years before they'll be able to accomplish the Trinity." Rei stated flatly, but her eyes betrayed some of the humor she felt at the situation.   

"We won't live that long." Shinji and Asuka said simultaneously.   

"Are you sure?" Rei asked.  "If Second Impact allowed you to be born and to accomplish synchronization, then it might have made other things… more Angel-like."  

"But… you said you were mortal?" 

"I am.  I can die." Rei admitted.  "I can be killed.  I can get sick.  But, will I age like a human, or will my genetic structure stabilize like an Angel's and prevent death by aging?  I don't think anyone knows how long I'll live.  I might have a year, I might have a billion."  She looked at them, "And so may you.  We don't know."  

"How?" Misato asked.  

"You are the Eighteenth Angel." She replied simply.  

"By 'You' I assume you mean all humans are…"  

"Correct, Misato-san." Rei agreed.  

"I see." Misato said.  "And me?" 

"You were changed probably more than any of them," Rei's red eyes burrowed into Misato's.

"Could I pilot… Eva?" The major asked.   

"I doubt it." Rei responded.  "

"I… I would give anything to protect you kids from that, you know?" Misato said sincerely.  

"We know, Misato-san.  It's our burden, not yours." Shinji consoled the Major.  

-

Ritsuko, contrary to popular belief, did have feelings.  She was not emotionless, nor would she ever intentionally harm anyone… unless she had no choice.   

So as she sat there, going over the records, she made particular note that the cores were indeed still intact - which caused her to breathe a sigh of relief.   

But now, something more terrible had to be done.  She had to choose a Pilot, thereby choosing a core.   "Damn you, Gendo." She muttered, sitting at her console.   She flipped through the student psychological profiles, looking for the type of student that would bring stability and balance to the team. Someone who would not destabilize so easily under stress.  As she perused the files, she came across three potential candidates.  

"Aida Kensuke." She muttered, reading his file. "He's a good friend to Shinji-kun, according to the profile."  She looked at the geek, and saw many other things there than an Eva pilot.  'He would hack us out of house and home.' she thought to herself.  She saw the multiple instances where Aida had actually gained access to supposedly 'Secure' documents.   By looking at some of the coding styles and samples the young hacker used, she surmised that he would most certainly not do for a pilot.  'Perhaps we can bring him in as a tech, under Maya or myself… then we could keep his nose out of trouble.'   She shook her head, 'The kid doesn't have a chance before the end.  After that, none of this will exist anyways.  Let him be free for a while longer.'  

"Hokari Hikari" She looked at the strong-willed Class Rep's profile.  "She's a good candidate, but would take long to get into the 'mood' to pilot.  She wouldn't want to do it as much as the others.  Plus, she has an abundant home life.  There aren't many things that could motivate her to pilot Eva."  

"But, this one… Suzhara Touji.  Now he's perfect for the job.  Strong willed with a sense of honor, ready to defend his sister.  Became friends with Shinji; and his sister - what a ripe child she is.  Perfect!  I believe Mr. Suzhara, we will be trading quite soon… your sister's health for your willingness to pilot."  Ritsuko smirked, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it.   "Indeed, A perfect candidate.  Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he was on the Marduk List anyways."  

- 

"Suzhara…" Commander Ikari muttered, watching the hidden security feed, "An appropriate victim for the Thirteenth Angel."  He looked at the technical specifications for Unit Four and Unit Three, and smiled,   "Ah yes, my American friends.  So little you know."  

-

Shinji collapsed on his bed, exhausted.  Unfortunately, Misato had plans for Shinji other than his retreating to his room.    

"Shinji?" Misato asked, opening the door to his room.  

Shinji turned over to face her, "Yes, Misato-san?" 

"Do you plan on visiting Rei again tonight?" She asked softly.   

"Perhaps..." Shinji admitted.  

Misato sighed and entered his room, "Why Rei?" 

"And not Asuka?" Shinji asked, his eyebrow rising slightly on his forehead.  

"And not anyone else?" Misato asked with a gleam in her eye.  

"I… I guess it's because she is so different.  She's so vulnerable, even with all that I know about her, she seems so unprotected."  

"Believe me, Shinji-kun, if anyone were able to take care of themselves its Rei." Misato reassured the young boy.  

Shinji shook his head, "I don't think so, Misato-san.  Asuka is very independent - she recoils at everyone and everything that tries to get close.  I know its a self-defense mechanism that allowed her to keep her sanity for a while, but what it means is that she's a poor team player. Rei, on the other hand, holds no value for her own life.  I have to constantly remind her that she can only live if she chooses to _live."_

"Rei does have her problems." Misato admitted, "But so does Asuka. She puts up a strong front, a seemingly invincible barrier of false happiness and bravery.  Not many people know it, Shinji, but she's been riding the razor's edge since she arrived in Tokyo-3.  Even she doesn't know it yet." 

"If she has been like that, it is most likely why father chose her for an Eva pilot.  She is weakened by her mistrust of Unit 02.  In addition, she weakens the team whenever she becomes over-emotional.  Whatever it is that father plans, it must involve the destruction of Unit 01 - most likely during the Ceremony of Red Earth." 

"You don't think that your father would intentionally kill you?" Misato asked the young boy.   'He can't be that callous, can he?'

Shinji gazed into his guardian's eyes, "Without doubt.  It is his plan." 

"What purpose would that accomplish?  The destruction of Unit 01 would simply result in your death." Misato argued.  

"It would result in the destruction of Unit 01 as well.  Father knows what that means; it would be the release of Mother's soul.  It is his only goal in existence - to restore my mother to life." 

Misato stuttered, "B-but that makes no sense?  If the ceremony were to occur and the Eva was destroyed we would all be dead anyways."  

"No one said that it had to make _sense, Misato-san." Shinji lamented, "Since when do matters of the heart make sense?"_

"Well, at any rate, I don't think that you should go over to Rei's tonight. It would be very bad - especially with Asuka still upset over what happened earlier.  She was very mad that she couldn't synchronize with you two." Misato looked down at her charge.  

"It was because of her anger that she could not synchronize.   But I have a feeling that the anger was a cover-up for something deeper.  Perhaps some repressed memory or hidden thoughts that she does not want exposed to anyone - even if it's Rei and Me."  Shinji looked at Misato, "Still, I will agree. I had no intentions of going to Rei's apartment." 

"That's goo…" Misato started, but was interrupted by a calm knock at Shinji's door.   Misato turned around to face Rei. 

"How did you get in here?" Misato questioned, more shocked than angry at the intrusion by the pale, blue-haired girl.  "And come to think about it, how did you get in here earlier?" 

Rei blinked a few times, "Shinji gave me a pass code to use on the lock." 

Misato looked back at Shinji.  The boy replied, "It was safer than trying to go over to Rei's all the time.  I might have been able to sneak over one night, but showing up again would have been highly suspicious."  

Misato sighed, "I don't suppose that there's any point in trying to stop you two." 

"No." Rei stated flatly as she sat next to Shinji.   

"You realize that if anything happens… if you two have… you know.  Do 'IT'…"  

At this, Rei's eyes narrowed.  "Sex is sex.  It is not all there is of love. We have no intention of doing 'it' tonight.  When we are ready for intimacy of that level, we will find somewhere more discrete for it." 

Shinji sweat dropped.  

"I suppose.  Still, its just plain wrong for two children your age to be sleeping together." Misato said calmly.   

"It doesn't feel _wrong Misato-san." Shinji stated.  "I know you're worried that we'd do something we weren't supposed to.  But, I need this.  Rei needs this.  I… I love her, Misato."_

"You have little latitude for such statements, Misato-san." Rei stated next. "Your sexual habits are common gossip at Central." 

"Rei!" Shinji exclaimed, "That's not nice!" 

"And telling us what to do, how we should behave, is?" Rei asked him quietly.  

"I… I may have no ground to stand on with you, Rei." Misato said, "But I will not see Shinji-kun hurt by this." 

"Misato-san, I swear that nothing untoward will happen between Ayanami and me." Shinji defended.  "But… I think I need this.  I… I don't want to be alone, Misato-san." 

Misato looked at the two, knowing that nothing short of death would separate them tonight.  "This… I can't say much, because Ayanami is right… but - Shinji, if she gets pregnant…"  

"If I were to get pregnant, Misato-san, I would be the happiest girl in existence." Rei stated boldly.   

"That's what you think, Young Lady.  Just remember a child has to come from _there," Misato pointed at the young woman's crotch. "It is not a pleasant experience."   _

Rei blinked, "Anything is more pleasant than knowing that what you speak of is impossible for me."  

"What?" Misato asked.  

"According to Doctor Akagi and Commander Ikari, I am sterile, Misato-san." Rei admitted.  

"Rei…" Shinji started, "You don't have to…"  

"Yes, I do, Shin-chan." Rei replied, and then stared at Misato, "Do you know what it is like, to be a woman yet to know that you will _never_ be able to experience that completion?"  

Misato's hand went to her stomach, and the jagged scar that lie below her clothes, "More than you can imagine." 

"I was _made_ this way, Misato-san." Rei said sadly.  "I…I hope that Doctor Akagi is wrong, and that Shin-chan is correct.  But I cannot see it. With all I have experienced in my life, I cannot lay my hopes in such a tenuous thread."

"Rei…" Shinji intoned calmly, his hands around the young woman's shoulders. She sank into him, her eyes closed against the tears that ran from her eyes.  

"I'm sorry Rei." Misato whispered, "I… I… Understand."  

Shinji looked at his guardian, "Misato?" 

"I-I'm like Rei, Shinji." She looked down, "I don't think that I can have children, either.  That injury… when I was… It…" 

"It's alright, Misato-san." Shinji said, knowing it wasn't.  "But yours was an accident.  What they did to Rei - that was intentional."  

"I know. She…She can stay.  For tonight, Shinji - but it doesn't stop it from being…"  

"It is not wrong, Misato-san." Shinji said.  "I'm not lusting over her naked body, or am I only doing this to have sex with her.  If it were that, then I'd be the first to agree with you.  I…I just love being near her."   

"Truth?" A teary-eyed Ayanami Rei asked Shinji.  

"Truth. Rei-chan."  Shinji replied.   

"Thank you, Shin-chan." Rei said at a whisper.  

-

Author's Notes:

Well, this is a large segment.  But it's only about 1/10th of chapter one.   I've got chapter two in beta-condition.  Chapter three is in Rough Alpha-level.  Chapters four, five, and six are outlined.  I've plans for at least thirteen chapters.    

I'm looking forward to your reviews of this.   Just to say it once, ALL REVIEWS ARE WELCOMED HERE!   I am not a newbie who will say that and ignore the posts.  I try (I really, really do) to read each one, carefully consider it, and decide what to do.  This started out as being a Fic for me.  I decided that I wanted feedback to improve my writing - so I posted it.   From the moment I made the post, I realized that the fic stopped being just for me, and started being something a lot of people might read.  Because of that, I take every review seriously and really read them. But just to let you know in advance, if your suggestion is something that requires me to change every fifth word in the story – be ready for a disappointment.  I have a plan, and I'm sticking to it! :) 

I am expecting the next segment to be in viewable condition and posted by May 6th, barring a serious case of writers block or an outbreak of double shifts at work.

Now, I'd like to plug my little side-fic.  If you haven't read my little side story, Path of Tears, please do.  I only had four reviews for it so far.  Although the four reviews I've had so far have been positive, I'd like more feedback – especially since I'm considering doing more stories along those lines.    Path of Tears is more a background story for my take of the source of Rei's soul.   

My personal take is that Rei's soul is Lilith's soul.  It really doesn't matter much in NGE exactly where the soul is coming from.  The primary focus is that Rei is a clone of an Angel and Yui Ikari.   The only thing we know with absolute certainty is that Rei doesn't have Yui's soul.   Sorry if that's a spoiler for anyone out there, but I think that anyone who's watched all 26 eps of NGE knows exactly where Yui's soul is.   

Second, nobody knows to what level Yui's genetics are present in Ayanami's constitution.   We do know that she's at least part angel.   Ritsuko said that 'Everything was left of Yui Ikari' in the plug.   But that it was merged with the LCL.   What affect did being merged with Lilith's blood have on Yui's genetics?  She was engineered, but do we know how they put together the parts?  And exactly how much of the genetics are required to make a person look like another?  These are all questions I've been asking myself as I develop these fics, especially the ones where I have Shinji and Rei paired.    

Now, with that said, although I will attempt to keep in the realm of cannon – I plan on stretching the Mythology a bit.  You will see more in the "Tears" series, I guarantee it.   And where it will go will have a decidedly SciFi flavor.      

Update 4/28/2002 

Ok.  I've revised this section a little – in addition to converting it to html.   I was a little harsh on Asuka, saying that she was on the verge of suicide since day one.   I toned it down a bit, although I still say pretty much the same thing, its said in a far less callous way.    I doubt that anyone would be able to argue that I've made it worse than what it was before… At least I hope they can't :) 

Thanks again for the reviews, and keep them coming.        

Just trying to make a good fic,

P.V


	4. Chapter One Part 3: Body and Soul

**Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 3: Body and Soul**

--

Author's Notes: 

Ah, I had some time this weekend to work on this.  This part will be shorter than the others – mostly because I want to be sure that I do a good job with it.  I do not wish to disappoint anyone out there – after all, you are the fans who may end up buying the original fiction I plan on publishing eventually :).  In fact, I might try publishing something very soon… I feel like my current employer's boat is sinking rapidly.  [Author watches as the last two rat families quickly pack tiny suitcases and rush off said ship.  One stops and timidly hands a very tiny scrap of paper to the author.   Author grabs a magnifying glass and reads the miniscule writing: "I'd start looking for another job if I were you" said the note in tiny, but flawless script.  The rat pats a tiny claw against the toe of the author's shoe and scurries away.  Author shakes his head then continues] So… If anyone has any suggestions – please feel free to email me pvalpha@yahoo.com.

Ah, where was I – yes… that was the place.  Ok, now I haven't put anything in here yet that would up the rating.   Although these are fictional, animated 14/15 year olds, there may be content that you will find disturbing.  As always, Don't let children under the age of 17 read this unless your looking over their shoulder.   Of course, if you're looking over the kid's shoulder, you should be covering their eyes as well.    

All in all, it's not that bad, I promise.  It is the beginning of the intimacy between Rei and Shinji.   It's also where I'm going to start showing my lack of experience in this subject (Subject: Sex – Author Experience = 0) – so please read and review.    Remember this story is primarily a Shinji/Rei story, but I have a battle going on whether or not to give Asuka a shot as well :) that is hinted at in this chapter. 

Enjoy.

PitViper

-

**Tuesday Morning.   **

Rei's slumber suddenly ended at 4:59am.  Actually, this time it wasn't a instant end to the dreamless world she often experienced when she closed her eyes – she had began to awaken at 4:58am, and after about a minute of slow stretches and eye/nose rubbing – which was a chore because she was still entangled with Shinji - she finally was able to separate the upper eyelid from the lower one on her left eye.  With that task accomplished, she managed to crack open the right eye.   The vision she glimpsed would be considered by some to be disturbing – to others inviting.   To her – it was simply perfect.  She looked at the entangled form of Shinji, and smiled.  'I like this warmth.  I... must never allow what happened yesterday morning to happen again.   I will _live, Shinji.  I will try my hardest to do that.  It is for both of us.' _

"Rei..." Shinji muttered, his dream incorporating her into its complex dance.  Her motion and minor movements had started to pull him to consciousness.  

She stroked his hair back, understanding his wishes – he didn't want her to leave, he didn't want to wake up.  Neither did she, but she knew she had to.  Even without her mechanical alarm clock, she knew that it was time to wake.   The darkness outside was beginning to take a warmer glow.  Still night, but close enough to the dawn to make a difference.   Her alarm clock would be silent this morning, since she did not set it.  She focused on his face, "I love you, Ikari Shinji."  

"Luv... Rei... Too..." Shinji replied sleepily.  "Happy..." 

-

"I love you, Ikari Shinji..."  The words echoed in Gendo's mind as he watched the audio-only display of the Third Child's surveillance monitor.    

He stopped the playback, and hit a control on his desk.  "Discontinue audio monitoring of the Third Children's room immediately." He said.    

"Yes Sir." The voice replied, then hesitantly asked, "For how long, Sir?"    

"Indefinitely," Gendo allowed his fingers to push up his glasses, then brought his fist down upon the controls of the link to security.   "Damn her." He whispered. "How... it must have been him... somehow.  No doubt exists... he is my son." Gendo sighed to himself almost in defeat. 

Gendo cautiously opened a hidden drawer in the desk.  "Yui... Why?" He whispered, gazing at the small ivory framed picture of Yui, Shinji and himself.  "His own sister..." 

"Not quite." A voice came from the shadows.  "Remember, I was involved as well in her genesis." Fuyutsaki came forward into the light.  "I think that Yui would be quite amused by this."  He smiled softly as if in memory of better times, "Perhaps, she might encourage it.  Rei isn't Yui, after all…" 

"Damn her, Kouzou." Gendo spat, having ignored most of Kouzou's comments.  "Rei - she should not have been able to do this.  She hides something from me."  

"Rei makes her own decisions now, Gendo." Fuyutsaki intoned, the smile becoming cold.  "I had wondered if she'd see the light one of these days.   After all, it was you who trapped her.  She knows your bargain and knows that your end was not kept.  The price of immortality is knowing how long you've been alive, and knowing that time will continue far past the time you've already lived. After all, what is a bank of never-ending Ayanami clones if not immortality?" 

Gendo couldn't help but smile, "Ah, Fuyutsaki-sensei.  You truly believe that?" 

"I know it." Fuyutsaki said, the smile gone.  "You don't get to be as old as I am without learning it along the way."  

"I will not stand for this." Gendo said.   

"You have no choice.  The... only time you will be able to do... it... is during the next angel attack.   You know that killing her outright is not a possibility.  It would alienate the Third.  I don't think that you would want to deal with _that_ fury combined with what Unit 01 would unleash." 

"It would certainly be 'Red Earth'" Gendo mused.  "But not the way I envisioned it." 

"The earth would turn red, Gendo.  But only where you stood," Fuyutsaki said.

Gendo sighed, "I did breed that malice in him, didn't I?" 

"A father who rejects his son.  I am sure he feels for you the exact love you have shown him." Fuyutsaki said sarcastically.   

Gendo laughed at this, "He is too much his mother to return my love in the same manner as I have shown him." 

"The world is a better place for it, I might add." Kouzou whispered softly, and then smiled at the Commander.  It was another cold smile.    

Gendo chose to ignore it, "He would probably trigger Instrumentality himself for that.  Just to return her.  Funny - we have the exact same tastes in women." Gendo mused.   

"Not exact, Gendo." Fuyutsaki countered, "He loves a thing that should have been incapable of returning that love.  That says a lot about our theory. And even more about what Yui gave him - what he possesses is a powerful thing, he changed _her heart.  It means those scrolls are damn useless." _

"It only means that Rei needs a memory loss - Induced by death.  The thirteenth angel will see to that.  Shinji's punishment will be to watch Rei die, then have his revenge removed from his by the dummy system."   

At this, Kouzou felt a cold, harsh chill creep up his spine.  Killing Rei was one thing – since it wasn't really death… but this?  "This is wrong!  Yui would never approve!" 

"You sat by as I did when she made the decision to pilot Unit 01.  We knew the theory - and the possibility.   She knew as well.  You think her judgment would stop me from doing this!  I should have stopped her then, threw Naoko into that beast - but no!  I stood by, following her plan. Well, her plan's out the window Kouzou - Rei just forever undid what innocence Third Children had possessed.   I should kill them both for it... I just may do that anyway."  

"I don't know you." Kouzou said, backing away from the man who's glasses were not offering a comforting barrier.  'Of all the times to see this man's eyes – crazy eyes, empty eyes, soulless eyes…'  

Gendo sneered, "You never did."  

"You won't succeed." Kouzou said haughtily.  "You can't kill me." 

Gendo smiled, "I don't have to."  He looked at a small device sitting next to the picture in his drawer.   'This was what she used.  Had we only known - but it serves a more powerful purpose.  It can recover a soul.'  "Kouzou, I will retire you now.  But you will be in this office tomorrow morning, without a clue what happened."  Gendo produced a gun.  But he also wanted Kouzou's fear.  So he also held up Yui's thought transducers - her original design.    

Kouzou instantly recognized the device, "You... Wouldn't dare!"  

"Technology has advanced much since then.  You won't remember anything in the morning.  I promise." Gendo said - pulling the trigger.   

The shot rang out - and the sound of a body thudding to the floor was all that could be heard after that.  Gendo admired his handiwork from his desk – 'how easy it has become…' Gendo mused as he got up and moved to loom over the freshly dead body.   He used the boot of his shoe to move Kouzou's now dead form slightly, revealing the bullet wound that entered his chest, destroying that precious muscle known as a heart. "Not exactly what you expected, was it, sensei?" 

Gendo placed the thought transducers onto the corpse of Kouzou, then went back to his desk, and pressed a few buttons - accessing the Magi.   The words "Transferring..." appeared in a holographic screen above his desk. He had samples of Kouzou's DNA, and knew that the cloning process that created Rei was perfected.   For a human - to be transferred to an identical shell of his former person... it was a simple task.   After all, Corpus Eternum refused such bonding, but Corpus Mortalis accepted it without fail.  'But then why did Unit 01 steal my Yui?' Gendo asked himself.   

"Why?" Gendo asked again, looking at the dead corpse of Fuyutsaki Kouzou. He thought of Rei, now.  His dear, sweet, innocent Rei - he already longed to have her back.   'I will not display my knowledge until after the Angel attack... then it would be fitting.  A tool to use against Shinji.  Yes.  A valuable tool...'  

- 

"Concentrate." Rei instructed, her voice formless yet substantial in the mental realm.  

Shinji and Rei had already achieved synchronicity - Their AT-Fields were touching as they shared the intimate dance of mental energies.  Tendrils of thought harmonized into intricate patterns: patterns that took shape into a world familiar to both minds.  Together they sat upon a wide stretch of grassy land, billowing white clouds filling a rich, blue sky.

Of course, their bodies were sitting in Rei's apartment.  But that's not where their minds were at this time.   They were exploring each other on levels never before touched by human souls.   Gentle nudges and delicate probes allowed Shinji to hone his reflexes in the mental realm, while learning incredible things about the depth and extent of Ayanami's mind.  In his mind, Rei was a glowing being – whose human arms and hands were but two of many delicate appendages that stretched out from her form.  The illusion was of a glowing angel – an angel of the kind noted in the Bible and other religious Christian texts.   

"You are beautiful, Rei.  Inside and out!" Shinji said within the mental realm.  

Rei smiled grandly for him.  "Thank you, Shin-chan."  The communication was for her beloved only - Asuka still refused to relax, and still failed at synchronization.  She knew how Shinji perceived her mental image – her soul – but did nothing to dispel the belief that she was anything but gentle and kind.   For those glowing appendages that represented her mental 'hands' were for a far more devious use than the gentle caresses and calming touches she was directing now.  Those gentle tendrils could, in a thought, turn into viscous, barbed spears of psychokinetic energy.  They were designed to impale and eviscerate an opponent, or to form together to produce an unyielding barrier that would protect her sensitive, innermost light.  Rei looked at Shinji as she gently probed him, seeing tendrils that had tightly wound themselves around his light loosen slightly.  With a little training, Shinji would be as adapt as she at directing the light of his soul.  She smiled at the thought, then directed her mental energy towards Asuka.  The lone tendril sent in her direction met a barrier that was so tightly wound together that her tendril – no matter how fine she tried to make the thread of its existence – could not find a single opening.   Rei frowned as she realized that Asuka had not been able to even lower her barriers to the point of sensing her presence.  As it was now, Asuka was even more introverted than before.  With a small sigh, Rei faded slightly in the mental realm as she focused more on her physical form.   

Ayanami's eyes opened in the real world to see a scowling Asuka.  Sweat was beading down her furrowed brow, and her eyes were squeezed shut. Ayanami shook her head.  "I said _relax Asuka.  Not strain yourself." Rei watched emotionlessly as the girl's eyes snapped opened widely.   _

"Well... It's got to be soooo easy for you and Shinji-sama over here," Asuka jutted a thumb in Shinji's direction, "Been practicing outside class?" Asuka asked with a sneer.   

Rei frowned slightly.  "Why can you not accept it?"  

"I have!" Asuka said.  "He loves you," then added silently, 'And Me.' 

"You have not.  Understand, Shinji-kun makes his own decisions..." Ayanami started but was interrupted by the fiery red-head.  

"Damn you.  He can't think straight with you plastered all over him...  I know he spent the night with you Sunday night, and you spent the night with him last night!" She said.   

"How..." Rei started and suddenly realized her error.  'She didn't know. She was baiting me...'  

Asuka's eyes widened in shock and horror.  "Mein Gott...  You... He... You're sleeping together?"  

Rei looked at the Second Child, tears were beginning to fill her azure eyes. Rei tried to calm her fears, "It is not what you think..." 

"Oh no?  I'd suspect that it was _worse," Asuka intoned angrily, "So how did you like your first time?"_

"We _slept Asuka... Not had __sex, just slept."  Rei assured the girl.  "I told you, that I was tired of being alone... Why does it surprise you that Shinji would be equally as tired of being alone?" _

"Because... He.... Is the only decent boy I know," Asuka whispered.  "At least he was." 

"Do you wish to sleep with him?" Rei asked, knowing that Shinji would have a tantrum if he had heard any of this.    

"You wouldn't just let me sleep with him!" Asuka accused, "No.  You wouldn't."  

"Why not?" Rei asked.  "Oh..." Rei said, suddenly seeing Asuka's point of view.  "I mean _sleep as in __sleep.   You mean __sleep as in __sex." _

"And you're telling me that you were able to spend two nights in his bed..."  

"We embraced." Rei added.  "Our bodies touched." 

"And you don't call that SEX!" Asuka screamed.   

"No.  He never penetrated me.  I was wearing my night clothes, he was wearing his.  We simply shared warmth.  Do you wish to share with us tonight?" 

"EEW!!! Disgusting!" Asuka said.  "I can't imagine that Shinji-kun can control himself that well..."  

"Try it and see." Rei suggested at a whisper.  Part of her did not want the second child there; however, another part knew it was necessary.  It was that logical part that won over the emotional part – if only because logic was something she was familiar with.  'Why then is there this ball of ice in the pit of my stomach?' Rei mused to herself as she observed the Second.  

"What... you're... you're serious!" Asuka exclaimed, befuddled.   

"Of course.  Although I think Shinji would be quite upset..." 

Asuka looked at Rei – an emotion-filled, pleading look - and Rei sighed.  

"You look at love differently from me.  You both would recoil because your minds have a preconceived notion that things such as _sharing warmth are disgusting and perverted because they are tied to __other notions in your minds that __are disgusting and perverted.   Sharing warmth is not the same as Shinji putting his seed in your body.   Sharing warmth does not mean that Shinji and I are making love - although it's an intimate part of our love for each other."   _

"This is insane." Asuka muttered.  "I think that I would have liked the synchronization training better." 

"Your problem does not stem from the condition that exists between Shinji-kun and I." Rei stated. "Something else troubles you.  Please, you must trust us.  We will not invade your mind.  What you share in the synchronization is _your choice." _

"I can't trust that baka..." Asuka said, looking at Shinji, "To stay out of those places I might try to hide.  How can I trust him?  I barely know him despite almost a year living with him." 

"Then join us tonight." Rei said.   "You will discover that there is nothing to fear... unless you try to do something with Shinji.   I warn you this once, if you try to force him - I will show you the true terror of my power." 

Asuka looked into the clone's red eyes, "What is that?" 

"I will share with you my time imprisoned beneath the GeoFront.  All of it - Eleven MILLION YEARS of absolute nothing." Rei stated coldly.   "I lost myself after a millenium.  I wonder how long it would take you to lose yourself in your own mind... you see, the worst things you ever have experienced come to haunt you in that time.   Trust me when I say that you wouldn't like what you found after a year, let alone a thousand.  After a million, you would long for even the painful memories – because you would have nothing left in your mind."  

Asuka simply stared.   

"I would have a sister when you awoke the next morning... Oh yes, I can do it so that you experience that in _one night.   I could repeat the process every night there after, if I so chose." Rei stared into her eyes.  "After eleven million years, I took the first deal I had with Gendo to escape. You'd do the same thing, I'm sure."   _

"You couldn't do that..."  Asuka stated haughtily.  After all, who would believe such a ridiculous story?

Rei stared at her for a moment, and Asuka's eyes fluttered for a instant, and when they refocused... 

"GOD!  NO!" She said.  "Where... Am I?" 

Rei blinked once, "In our apartment, Asuka." 

"What... what day is it?" 

"It is Tuesday - the same day that you experienced a _week ago.  That darkness, the eternal drip of my wounds - that was my only company towards the end."   _

Shinji had frowned slightly.  Ayanami was trying to keep him calm. Despite his submergence in the trance like state he shared with Rei, Asuka's scream was loud enough to be heard by even him.   

"Y...You did... that..." Asuka said, looking at her hands, and her body. "I..."  

"Do not ever forget, that was what I experienced for countless millennia." Rei said.  "I have served a time for punishment.  I will not willingly return to it unless the circumstances are grave."  

"W... Why?  Why are you like that, Ayanami?" 

"I do not know." Rei said honestly.  "I did... Something.  I do not know what.   I will never know, probably.  Like I said, after a million years, you long for even a painful memory to dispel the nothingness of existence."  

"I'm sorry, Rei." Asuka said, and for the first time in her life, she meant it.  

Rei nodded softly, "Now, let us try again.  We have until Friday to learn the Trinity.  If we do not, I fear for our continued existence." 

- 

Tuesday Evening.

Shinji stared at Rei, "You what?!?" 

"Please, Shin-chan.  Trust me." Rei said at a whisper.   

"B-But..." 

"Shinji-kun?" Rei asked the near panicked Shinji, "She must learn to trust us.  Otherwise the Trinity will never occur."

"I...I..." Shinji studdered.   

"She will only _be with us..." Rei said.  _

Shinji looked at her oddly right before he shook his head sharply, "That's not the point!  I want you, Rei.  Not her...  It's wrong..." 

Rei sighed, "What's wrong, Shinji?  Sleeping with another who is your friend?  We use the affectionate for each other, but we are still little more than friends.  Close as we may be, we have not yet crossed that chasm to the intimate.  What you say is wrong for Asuka would then be wrong for us.  Do you believe that Misato's argument is right?" 

"N-no, Rei-chan." Shinji said, dejected, "But... you... I thought that we progressed beyond the friend stage."  

"We are still only friends.  Boyfriend and Girlfriend." Rei said.  

"That means more than just friends!  You call me your 'boyfriend'?" Shinji asked.   

"What is more?" Rei said emotionlessly.  'I think that they call this teasing...' "You are a boy.  I am a girl.  We are friends.  Therefore we are Boyfriend and Girlfriend." She knew though, that it was indeed more.    

"Ayanami, those terms mean more.  Kaji is Misato's 'boyfriend.'" Shinji stated.   

"Kaji is Misato's lover." Rei stated.  "So you believe that the term I used belongs in that category?"  Rei smiled internally, "Then I have lied."  Her face turned to a frown, "I have dishonored myself, for what I have said is not truth...  But there is a way to make that truth..."   

Shinji backed up, "What do you mean?" 

"Make love to me." Rei breathed seductively.  

"I... I can't.  Not yet," Shinji stuttered.  

"Ok… Then, perhaps, something different - I am to understand then that Boyfriend and Girlfriend are more than regular friends.  They are intimate, but are they intimate on a sexual level, or something else?  I need not remind you that kissing is sexual, do I?" 

"It's different.  I am a virgin..." 

"This shell is also a virgin." Rei replied.

Shinji looked at her, "You said 'shell', that implies that you are not a virgin, and that you have experienced it before." Shinji reflected, 'She splits hairs with me.  What is she up to?' 

"If I am of Lilith, then I have - because I have given birth before.  It is the story.  But I know nothing of it.  I have no memory." Rei said sadly.  

"I see." Shinji said tersely.  

"So..." Rei said, "You wish to not have intercourse with me.  Do you wish to do other things with me?"  She realized that Asuka would be returning from Hikari's within an hour - she wanted to do something more meaningful with Shinji before they were forced to share.  'I wish to make him mine... Is that wrong?' 

"I... I am not averse to kissing." Shinji said.  

"You would kiss me on the lips?" Rei asked mischievously.   

Shinji nodded.   

"How about on the neck?" She whispered, and Shinji nodded again.  "Those are innocent places." Rei confirmed.  'Well... not really, but...' "Would you be 'averse' to holding me?" Rei asked next.   

Shinji looked at her, "Have we not awakened to each others' embrace?" 

"We have." Rei confirmed.  "But would you go farther than simple hugging?  Would you… touch me?" 

"Where?" Shinji asked her, gulping in the same instant.   

Rei walked forward, and began running her hands over Shinji's shoulders, then cupped his face.  "Like this." She said, running her hands delicately down his arms, and taking his hands to her own shoulders, and moving them up to her face.  She felt a slight blush on her cheeks.   

"I..." Shinji said, not moving his hands, but letting Rei manipulate him.   

"Do not ever call me a 'Doll' Shin-chan." Rei said, smiling.  "For you are like a marionette within my hands..."

"Rei!" Shinji screeched.  

"It is truth!" Rei stated - a pout on her face, "You do nothing of your own." 

"But... Rei..." 

"Why?  Why do you not wish to join with me?" Rei asked sadly, keeping his hands in relatively innocent places. "It could be… nice."

'I mustn't run away... I mustn't run away... I mustn't run away...' Shinji repeated this mantra to himself.  This made any erotic dreams he had previously pale considerably.  "I... I don't... I - I've heard... I would hurt you!  I don't want anything with us to be associated with pain."  

"And you think that by withholding from me, you cause me less pain?" Rei asked softly.  "Baka." She said at a whisper. "I know you are not ready for intercourse.  But this refusal to join with me, in other ways, is frustrating.  I need you, Shin-chan.  To me, this is pain - but it is not the pain I feel compared to being without you.  I can tolerate this pain, until you are ready." Rei admitted.  

"Y-you want me... to..." Shinji said, bringing up his hand.    "I would expect something like this from Asuka.  She is forceful.  But this... from you Rei?" 

"I..." Suddenly Rei realized what she was doing.  It struck her that she was attempting to break their bargain, just to bind him more closely to her.  That was wrong, she didn't want that. "I... I'm so sorry, Shinji. I... feel this need.  I want you forever.  But... I'm afraid.  I cannot lose you to Sohryu, now that I've experienced what this feeling of love truly is."  

"So you are like Asuka." Shinji said.  "You... want me... you think of this as a competition between yourself and Asuka?"  At this he brought his hand to her face, "I _would hurt you if I gave in to your request for __that." Shinji said, softly caressing her cheek, "It would demean the entire act.  It wouldn't just hurt you, I would hurt as well.  So would Asuka."  _

"I... I don't know what came over me." Rei said, grasping his hand and holding it to her face while she leaned into it.   

"Jealousy," Shinji said.  "You are jealous that she might yet hold a piece of my heart."  

"I...It... It may be true." Rei said softly, refusing to relinquish his hand.  "Do you love me, still?" 

At this, Shinji smiled, "Of course."  He felt Rei relax a bit.  "I do love you, Rei." 

"Time," Rei whispered.  "Why do I feel that it is against us?  I am so in need of your... love.  I don't know why..." 

"Is it near your time?" Shinji asked, and then added, "That time of the month?"   

Rei's eyes came wide, "Shinji!" 

"I am tempted, Rei - very tempted.  Your smell is intoxicating." Shinji replied, nuzzling her hair for a moment.  "Is it just a mating response?" 

"I am not some animal!" Rei stated boldly, moving away from Shinji slightly.   

"You are an animal, as am I." Shinji countered.  "We overlay our base lust and drives with logic and knowledge.  A patina of civilization, but it is just a patina.  It is no deeper than our skin when it comes to such things." 

Rei was trembling now.  'Could it be... I have always been regular.  The time is close.  Could there be an ovum within my womb?'  

Shinji saw Rei's trembling, "I... I didn't mean it that way... Not completely anyways.  It's just that we do have drives, Ayanami.  No drive is more powerful than the drive to procreate.  Humans have shielded it behind centuries of civilization; yet, it is always near the surface.  All we have done is to push such animalistic drives from our conscious existence.  It does not mean that they are not still there." 

"There are those who would have acted upon those drives." Rei said, "Without regard for the feelings of the other." 

Shinji held his hand to her, "As I told Misato.  If our relationship had been based on lust, I would be the first to agree with her.  Love is not lust.  It is what we have shared for the last two mornings.  It is what I wish to share for a third.  It is an intimacy, but it is not lust.  I wait until I am sure that all the other things - those things that really matter - are there before I give into primal desire.  Do you not wish that to be so as well?" 

"Of course..." Rei said.  "It is just that it is so frustrating.  I am so close to you... but I can do nothing!  I long for your touch, the way lovers touch."  

"We have only become friends in the last four days, Rei-chan." Shinji said sadly, "I need more time than that.  We must make _sure that this is what we want.  Believe me; touching you has been on my mind since Sunday." _

"Then touch me." Rei said, "Kiss me.  Fill me with love.  Do what you can, I give you that permission - I... seek it from you."   Rei looked at him longingly, "Hold me, if that is all you can do - for I have been so empty, for so, so, long."  

Shinji leaned forward, and touched her face.  He felt heat rise from the skin as she closed her eyes to the touch.  He then moved forward and kissed her gently on the cheek, feeling the fire where his lips touched.  Then he moved his lips to her ear, "I love you, Rei-chan." He whispered, hugging her in the same instant. 

Rei melted into his embrace.  The feeling of his hands gently exploring her back, and her shoulders... his lips every so often touching various parts of her face, and her neck.   She felt her body heat rise in anticipation.  These things were being done by someone she loved intensely.  She wanted more, but for now this simple contact, innocent kisses, gentle touches, were driving her wild.   "Don't stop." She commanded.  

She didn't realize how erotic this all was to Shinji.  'She does not understand what this does to me!  I take pleasure from this, though.  I am not violating her.  I will not violate her.'  

"You are gentle, Shinji." Rei said breathlessly.  "I like this."  

"I do too, Rei-chan." Shinji replied.  

"Do not be afraid," Rei reassured him, and brought down his hand to her chest.  "I want your touch here.  I give you permission."  She directed her gaze into his eyes, "Please." 

Shinji looked into her eyes, and allowed his hands to explore further.

Making delicate contact with her body, his light touch began to drive Rei insane with desire.  

-

Rei was exhausted by the time they had finished their mutual exploration - A half-hour of almost non-stop stimulation.  Yet, always, Shinji was delicate.  His touch leaving trails of ghostly warmth on the surface of her skin.  She knew she wanted more than that.  But, for now, it was an experience that she would never surrender.  

But like all experiences, this one was destined to end.  Both Shinji and Rei had lain in silence awaiting the arrival of the unstable Second Children. They both knew that Asuka was on the edge of sanity - she had been riding that razor sharp edge since they first knew her.  While the couple did not know the source of this disturbing enigma that was Pilot Sohryu, they knew that they would not be able to accomplish their ultimate goal until the Second's emotional barriers had been lowered.    

Rei looked to the door, sensing the presence outside.  "Are you prepared, Shin-chan?" 

Shinji nodded, knowing that Asuka would soon enter.  He delved deeply into her blood red eyes, looking for any sign that she regretted the last half-hour spent together.  As he searched those crimson orbs, he could find no trace of regret – only the dying embers of a fire that burned deep inside – a fire waiting the moment it could be rekindled by his touch.

--

Author's Notes:

Ok, I'm a tease… I hope that this was an effective chapter.   I suppose that the heavy-petting scene seems just a little too 'Adult' – Adult as in 'These are kids, the conversation is too deep for 14 year olds.'  Under normal circumstances I would agree – please remember, these are not your run of the mill 14 year-olds.   (God, what a boring show Evangelion would have been if they were!) Shinji cares for others more than he cares for himself – of course, this isn't always the case with our spineless (substitute 'Human' in there for 'Spineless' where you wish) hero.  His 'erotic' touches were just him exploring the first unresisting female body he encountered… after all he is a 14 year old, he'd not be a teenager if he were able to completely resist a scantily-clad Rei Ayanami.

As for Gendo killing Kouzou… I think that if he can clone an angel, a human being must be child's play.   Why have him kill the professor?  Gendo is a cold, calculating bastard… but he's a human one – a human with human fears and frailties.  Kouzou is always a heartbeat from being able to betray Gendo if he figures the true motivations behind the Commander's plans.   Gendo wields a lot of power, and Fuyutsaki is his most trusted advisor… Killing is no great effort for Gendo, but he does not discard useful things.   Being able to regenerate Kouzou is one of those things that gives him more flexibility in being our favorite bastard.   

I hope you enjoyed this part, and I look forward to the feedback.  Remember, if you made it this far, the review button is only a little further down and to the left.   

I don't know when the next part shall make its appearance.   I will try to keep things moving.

Yes, there is OOCness… How can Rei and Shinji get together without it?  I just hope that the level is tolerable, and that the pace is slow enough.  Remember, these kids live with a deadline constantly above their heads – emphasis on "dead".  Such situations tend to hurry romances, no? 

Oh well, please review! 

By the way, any similarities between this and other stories are completely coincidental.  

Thanks, 

PitViper.   


	5. Chapter One Part 4: And Now I Lay Me Dow...

Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 4 – And Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep…

--

Author's Notes:

Hello all. PitViper here.  I've been busy in the various forums, getting to know the rest of the Eva Community.  For everyone on FFN who's here to write – and to have their work accepted, I suggest becoming involved in these forums.   It's a place to meet people and learn what is accepted and what isn't accepted in the Eva community.   

When I posted Conversations and Observations – I did so without prior interaction with the community.   I took a big risk, praying that my work would be accepted by the whole.   The only thing that saved my skin was having sat and read many of what were considered to be "Good" fan fictions in the Eva realm.   I also spent a great deal of time watching the forums – especially the ones on Dark Scribes (www.darkscribes.org) – to find out what they thought of various fics – what was acceptable to them and what wasn't.

I immediately discarded two of my fics as potential post material because they were – in essence – SI.   At the time I felt that these works were acceptable, I ended up realizing that the reason they were acceptable to me was because I wrote them.   Had I posted them, I would be on the Fanfiction Yakuza's (FY) hit list right now.  

So why am I saying this?  Everyone who reads these stories on FanFiction.net is a potential writer.  You may have ideas for stories that you think are awesome.  They may be awesome.   But trust me; seek the advice of others who are active in the Eva forums.  Even if you don't actively join, I recommend at least reading the threads – because most often you'll be able to look back at your fic and say, 'My god, they'll tear this thing apart…'  The last thing an aspiring writer needs to have is his/her ego burnt to a crisp because they foolishly posted a fic that doesn't settle well with the rest of the community.  

These are two of sites that contain the forums I know about: www.evangelion.com, www.darkscribes.org.  Go to these websites and read whats there.  Both have Eva forums and Evangelion.com has significant numbers of people to help you if you really want it.  Remember, its all about improving the quality of the Eva FanFics and helping to give further life to a universe we all enjoy.     

Now about Conversations and Observations:  I've reached the point where I am no longer revising material that I had previously created.  The result – I am now running off of notes – partially completed chapters and paragraps – and my backgrounds.   What does that mean for everyone reading this?  It might take me a little longer than a week to get a section out.  But I promise that I'll keep it going as well as can be expected.

Here's Chapter One Part Four.   

Enjoy – and remember, please review.   

PitViper

--     

Tuesday Night…

"Asuka Langley Sohryu... is this what you want?" She asked herself a third time, standing outside Rei's door.   'You want this, but you will be with _her as well!'  "What would Kaji say?" Asuka asked herself, her face and body turned away from the door.   _

"Do you _really want that answer?" Shinji asked softly, after having silently opened the door.  _

"Sheist!" Asuka jumped while saying the word.   "Baka Shinji!  I should have known you were listening to my thoughts."  

"It is not so difficult, Sohryu-san, when you give voice to them." Rei said softly from Shinji's side.   

"Please, someone, anyone?  Tell me why I agreed to this?" Shinji asked the ceiling, his thoughts directing the secret prayer to the heavens.    

"Because we need trust, Shinji-kun," Rei answered the rhetorical question.   "Trust between the three of us.  Without it, our task is insurmountable."   

"What's the big hurry anyway?" Asuka asked, looking at Rei.    

"Tomorrow will see the activation test of Unit 04 - which will result in the destruction of the Second Branch in its entirety." Rei said softly, then thought - 'Perhaps not forever, though.  They will survive within the Dirac Sea for a short period.  If we accomplish our goal, then the loss of life will not be permanent.'   

"What!" Asuka practically shouted.    

"Tomorrow will see the destruction of NERV 02.  Seven days from today will see the arrival of Bardiel, the thirteenth Angel.  It will possess Eva 03." Rei saw the 'I don't give a damn about that' expression on Asuka's face, and decided to let more information slip, "Commander Ikari will choose the fourth child from the pilot reserves.   The thirteenth will invade Unit 03 after a pilot has been inserted. Our classmates are the "Pilot Reserves". Eva 03's pilot will be taken from our class.  But I do not know who it will be.   I may discover the identity after tomorrow's accident."  

"But... if you are sure, Ayanami?" Shinji started.   

Asuka chimed in, "If we know, we can stop them from using the Unit!  And warn them about Unit 04!" 

"We can do neither.  We would be killed instantly by Commander Ikari." Rei said almost sadly.  "He has orchestrated this entire scenario to his desires.  We are, for now, nothing but pawns in his game."  

Shinji smiled, "But we continue to advance across the board."  

"So that when we reach the other side, we can become Queens.   Three Queens against his black force.   That is our goal - the power of god wielded against the forces of darkness by three worthy to possess it."   Rei said, looking at Asuka.   

"But.... An entire base..." Asuka whispered.    

"There is time after the deed is done to deter the outcome.  They will not die within the Dirac Sea, Asuka-san.  If we gather our powers before next Tuesday, the prophesy will be prevented.  And if we are very fortunate, no more Angels will fall by our hands..."  

Asuka nodded - her eyes bleary with the day's efforts.  She stifled a yawn.   

"Come in." Rei offered.    Shinji began to blush, but it was Rei's room after all.    

Asuka moved forward, not really thinking about what it was she was doing at this moment.   She took a few steps in before remembering, "Are you sure?"  

Rei simply smiled softly.  Shinji tensed.   

"I mean..." Asuka started.    

"It is permitted.  Tonight." Rei said, her tone soft - but not allowing argument.   

Shinji, for his part, simply said a prayer before looking back at Asuka.   

"And this Baka Hentai is just going to be in here, sleeping with us?"  Asuka's voice was soft, the words spoken more endearingly than out of malice.   

"He will simply sleep.  No more." Rei assured.   

Asuka narrowed her eyes at him, "You better not lust over by perfect, beautiful body, Baka."   

"He has never lusted over mine." Rei said with assurance.   

"He's seen it?" Asuka gasped.  "Seen you naked?"   

Rei smiled lightly again.  "Of course."  

"That's sinful!" Asuka moaned.    

"The sin was not mine." Rei assured.    

"Of course it wasn't yours, you little doll!  He's the one that has looked at you!"  

Shinji simply backed up to the bed, and collapsed down on it.   

"Perhaps I should let him see mine, So that we're even, Wondergirl." Asuka rationalized, not noticing the nosebleed that Shinji was about to develop.  

Rei quirked an eyebrow, "Then the sin would be yours."  

Asuka glanced at her, "Why?"  

"That would be seduction.  Our encounter was an accident." Unbeknownst to Rei – mentioning that particular incident had indeed started the flow of blood. 

"On your part perhaps." Asuka snorted.    

"On both.   There is nothing wrong with displaying God's Temple." Rei said, with a touch of haughtiness.  Then she qualified her statement, "Only so long as its display is natural in your own eyes.   I like being nude.  It is my preference.  If others cannot handle it, or lust over my body.  Then the sin is theirs."   

"You're a nudist!" Asuka accused.   

"Perhaps I am.  But I wear clothes to appease your sense of morality.   It is a discomfort for me, but I do it anyways.   The lack of clothes is simply a choice because my skin irritates easily.   Have you not noticed the increasing irritation your skin suffers?  It is the LCL.  It sensitizes your skin, amplifying the sense of touch - and therefore the sense of irritation.  I was born in LCL; therefore I suffer from it far worse than you do."  

"LCL has been causing this!" She suddenly scratched her arm.   "Mein Gott in Himmel!  That's why the past year my clothes have been getting worse..."  

"No, Asuka.  That's from the NERV cleaners." Shinji notified the group.

"Our skin may be getting more sensitive, but I itch too every time I put on a cloth touched by _them.  I think father personally created their cleaning solution to irritate me."   _

Rei blinked several times.  "I... see.  That explains his... smile... whenever he hears about the cleaners."  

Shinji and Asuka both blinked at this.    

Shinji was the first to recover, "I...I WAS JUST KIDDING!"  

"It may be truth, Shinji-kun.  Your father does many things to... amuse himself.  I have never understood most of it.  For example, shortly before you came here to Tokyo-3, he had me put on blue contacts and a brown wig."  Rei confided.   

The picture snapped into Shinji's brain instantly.  "Mother?!?"  

Rei's eyes widened.  "It may be." She announced softly.   

"He made you dress like... mother!"  

Rei turned away.  "I was not... dressed." Rei whispered.    

Shinji's eyes became wide as saucers.    

"He... never touched me.  Just looked." Rei attempted to explain the situation.  She had seen Shinji's anger before – and felt the threads of its existence, but never had she so felt it radiating from his being as it was now. 'His anger is formidable.'   

"He's a dead man." Shinji whispered.    

Asuka looked at the fire filling Shinji's eyes, and watched as his fist clasped open and closed several times, before finally settling on a closed position. 

"I'll kill him."  The whisper was soft.   

"I'LL KILL HIM."  Shinji said at a normal volume level.    

Rei looked at Shinji sadly, "And take away the chance that he might change?" 

"Do you... understand what that perverted idiot did to you Rei?" Asuka asked at a whisper.  "He used you - your body - to lust over as though you were his wife!" 

"I'll kill him." Shinji said again at a whisper.   

Rei blinked several times, finally understanding the depth of the perversion which she was used for.  "I... do now." 

Asuka watched as a single tear rolled from Ayanami's eye.  Had the First Child erupted into tears, let loose with sobs and curses, it would not have been as powerful as that single tear.  That lone tear was a sign that Ayanami Rei was so deeply disturbed, that she had locked down her emotions.   A barrier that would normally let nothing slide past, not even a whimper – was broken by this lone tear.

No more tears would fall from Rei's eyes, Asuka realized.  Had the Second Children not seen that lone tear, she would have erupted into a tirade of just how wrong what happened to her actually was.   But she had seen, and Asuka knew that the horrid truth of that moment was now ingrained in the pure First Children's memory – an innocence lost forever.   

"Father," Rei whispered, the tear that was there had made its way down her cheek, "I...feel...dirty." The lone tear fell to the ground, lost in the plush carpeting of the room.   

"I'll kill him," Shinji whispered finally, at the same moment the tear struck the floor.  

"This won't be a good night." Asuka said softly.  "I'll leave."  

"No." Rei said quietly.  

"Please stay, Asuka." Shinji asked her.   

"People usually want to be alone..." Asuka started, when she was interrupted by Rei.  

"I do not wish to be alone." Rei said softly.  "I wish to... cleanse myself... my spirit has been sullied."     

"Rei..." Asuka started, but was again interrupted.  

"You are a friend, Asuka.  Rei considers you a friend, even if you cannot return it.  Right now we need friends." Shinji looked into Asuka's eyes, "If you have any love for us, then stay.  I think you could use the company as well..."  

'Would I want to be alone?' Asuka asked her self.  The answer was self evident, 'I have pushed and pushed and pushed everything that could hurt me away – but what have I done?  I've only hurt myself…' Asuka nodded in response to Shinji's assertion.  "I need it, too." 

"Then tonight, we learn to trust again." Rei said, wiping the tear streak from her face. 'Must not cry – the tears must not streak my face…' "We learn to trust each other."  

-

Later that evening…

"Nein… Ich bin kalt." Asuka mumbled, lying on the now coverless bed.  Somehow the sheets had come off the bed earlier, and the apartment temperature had dropped drastically.   Suddenly, the temperature rose next to Asuka, as her body came into contact with another, "Viel besser…" 

Moments after Rei's body came in contact with Asuka's, something strange occurred.  For the first time in her life, Rei Ayanami had a dream.   But it was not a dream of anything she'd ever experienced before…

-

"Mama!  Mama! Look at me Mama!" A young girl shouted out from the distance.   "Look at me!!!  I'm the best, I'm going to be a pilot Mama – I'm going to make you proud of me Mama… Look at me!!!"  The small child was running towards a door.    

Rei puzzled over this scene for a moment.  Why was the girl, who was obviously Asuka, running to a door in the middle of nowhere?  There was only a door and the ghostly afterimage of the walls surrounding it.  But only that door was solid.   

"Mama!!!  Mama!!!" The girl shouted again.  

"Nein.  Öffnen Sie nicht diese tür!" A voice shouted from beside Rei.   Rei looked across to encounter an image of Asuka aged 14.   

'What is it with this door that means so much to Asuka?' Rei asked herself.  She moved her perspective to see what the child saw.   

The younger Asuka reached out for the door, "Mama, look at me!  Mama!!!"  

"NEIN!!!" The older Asuka shouted, but it was pointless.  The child touched the handle, and the door flew open of its own accord revealing the scene to both the child and to Rei.   

"Mama?" The child asked, looking upwards at the small room.   

Rei blinked, a tear falling down her dream-self's face.   "I understand you now, Asuka." Rei said.  With that, Ayanami Rei raised the level of her AT Field, and pushed the offending image from both their consciousnesses.   

Asuka, the younger Asuka, and that horrible image of the elder Sohryu were gone.  Left in their wake was the dreamless void that Ayanami experienced when she slept.   

But she still felt Asuka's presence, although it was fading away.    "Sleep well, Asuka."  She whispered to the void, knowing that the Trinity would be possible now.

-

Wednesday Morning

At five AM an unusual event occurred in Rei's room: an alarm went off.  The alarm snapped Asuka out of her dream state, and to full consciousness.  Her hand, however, ran from the subconscious drive to silence the offending sound.   Fortunately for the clock, her hand slammed right on the stopper – silencing it. The first thing that Asuka became aware of was that she had no sheets covering her.  That was fine, because she was still warm.   Another heartbeat pulsed against the Second Child's back; she felt this pulse as it moved slowly and rhythmically.  But something was wrong with the body – it wasn't who she expected it to be.  Unless Shinji had somehow grown… "Mein Gott!" Asuka screamed, finally waking up the First Child.    

Ayanami Rei bolted upright, suddenly aware of her surroundings… sort of.  "What?" 

"You were hugging me!!!" Asuka screamed.   

The First Child gave her a bleary-eyed, apathetic look, "So?"

"What do you mean, 'So'?" Asuka muttered. 

"Do you wish that it was Ikari-kun embracing you?" Ayanami asked, her mind slowly returning to a coherent state.   'Shinji-kun', Rei chided herself, 'not Ikari-kun.'  

"You… why were _you hugging me?" Asuka demanded.   A shuffle was heard from the floor, along with a soft sigh.  _

"Sleep…" The voice muttered.   

Both girls blinked for a moment, before looking over at the front of the bed.   Shinji was curled up in a ball, completely entangled in the blankets.   

"I think it's obvious why I embraced you, Sohryu-san," Rei said.  "He took the covers with him to the floor.  I was cold." 

"But why… did he?" Asuka wondered aloud.  

"He was probably too warm being between the both of us." Ayanami concluded.   "He must have moved in his sleep, taking the covers with him." 

"Baka…" Asuka muttered again.   

"Was it unpleasant, Sohryu-san?" Rei asked, genuinely interested in the red-head's response.  

"Nein." She said softly.  "I guess I needed it." 

Rei nodded once, "Do you trust us now?  At least enough to let us commune?"  

Sohryu shook her head.  "I don't know."  

"Then today we will try it together.  Just us.  Shinji will have to go to get ingredients for dinner, we shall attempt our communion then." Ayanami stated.   "I will allow you to see within me, Asuka, so that you know that there is nothing to fear."  

Asuka shook her head, "This from the girl who made me spend a week in hell?" 

"You doubted my ability to do this.  I needed you to believe that what I said was possible; otherwise we would never be able to trust each other.   We must trust each other or we will be lost." Ayanami looked into Asuka's blue eyes.   But this stare wasn't intimidating, it was almost, sad.  "I do not wish to lose him, or you.   Please, Asuka, trust us."  

"I…" Asuka ran a million reasons as to why not through her head, and for the first time in her life, ignored the voice that screamed for her to push those around her away.   She ignored it, and looked back into those liquid red eyes of Rei's, "I will."  

The First Children breathed a sigh of relief.   

"On one condition." Asuka stated.   

Ayanami froze for a moment, but that moment quickly passed, "State it." 

"That we do this… again… sometime." 

Rei thought about it a moment, "That will require Shinji's agreement.  But I would see no problems with it."  

"Good." Asuka said.  "Now, we have to get this baka up.  I'm hungry…"

Rei looked at the peacefully sleeping form of Ikari Shinji.  "It is not necessary, I shall prepare something." Rei stated, moving from the bed, leaving a bewildered Second Child in her wake. 

--

Author's Notes:

Short, I know.  But I think this scene needed to be by itself.   Once I unify the chapter, then it will make better sense, but I wanted to post this alone – because it's so important to the story.  

Now, before you ask – Gendo did not have sex with Rei – any Rei – at any point.   That's too sick for my tastes.  So why did he do what he did?  Because Gendo is obsessed with Yui.   Rei is not Yui, but she has her physical attributes – and 14 years old is about when she would begin to manifest said attributes.   He probably only did it once with the current Rei – but I'm pretty sure that every time he visits the cloning chamber, he tries to see how much Yui exists in the clones.

The dream sequence – Not much to say there.  Ayanami hasn't solved Asuka's problems.  She just pushed them out of the way – for tonight.   Needless to say, though, that dream is the important factor in Asuka's recovery.

Also, there's importance in the fact that the fourteen year old Asuka was speaking German, and the child Asuka was in normal language.  I'll leave it to the reader to figure out why.   

Finally, Why have Asuka ask if they could do this again?  Certainly Shinji may be a motivational factor – but think about it, for the first time in her life, something was able to keep that dream from invading her conscious mind and give her a respite from its eternal pain.   Besides, the dreams are probably far worse when she is alone.   

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'll try to have the next one out sometime next week :)  

Thanks, and please review, 

PitViper.      

--

Translations: (I think, "my German's so rusty I could be quoting dimensions for Playmate of the month" – paraphrased from The Hunt for Red October)

"Ich bin kalt." – I am cold.

"Viel besser" – Much better.

"Nein.  Öffnen Sie nicht diese tür!" – No, Don't open this door.  

Update - 08/25/2002 - Modified german translation from "Ich bin" to "Mir ist" - Steve VADER and Belfert caught this. Thanks guys for pointing that out.

As for the "Sie"... yes, I think that Asuka would be formal - she's begging herself not to open the door. 

Moments later PitViper realizes he was right in the first place. Mir ist (it is) Ich bin (I am). I've gone back to the original translation, sorry guys. Thanks Steve Vader for letting me know that. 


	6. Chapter One Part 5: The Landscape of the...

**Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 5: The Landscape of the Mind **

--

Author's Notes: 

My sincerest apologies for the delay in this work. My place of employment has kept me quite busy with matters of idiocy. If only they knew exactly what talent that they had hidden in this person they currently have manning a helpdesk phone… But alas – I don't mind. I still have a job, which is more than many who hold technology degrees can say. 

In this chapter of Conversations and Observations – we will… oh well, why spoil the surprises. I hope that the storytelling is par for the fic – and that everyone enjoys this episode. 

--

Wednesday Afternoon

What was hell like?  Was it a demented landscape filled with demons and implements of torture, a sort of Dali-esque dimension where people were constantly shifted according to some demonic whim?   For Ayanami Rei, hell was none of these existences.   Hell was loneliness, isolation from all whom would give her warmth and comfort.  Hell was a mind that had torn from it all that it held dear, a mind that could no longer remember the crimes for which it was being punished.  But no matter what form hell took for Rei, she knew that each soul experienced its own hell.   Unfortunately for Rei, the hell that Asuka conjured up for herself was eerily similar to the hell she experienced for almost eleven million years.   

Rei walked quietly in the shattered and twisted landscape that was the form and shape of Asuka's soul. The storm clouds above threatened to unleash a torrent of cold, hard rain upon her relatively exposed body. Rei disliked being here.  Not for the weather, not for the fact that everything here seemed to hate her – but for the simple fact that invading the mind of another, encroaching upon the light of another soul, was gutrenchingly like a rape. It wasn't as if she hadn't tried other methods. Five times had Rei lowered her AT Field to the point where Asuka, or almost anyone for that matter, should have been able to enter freely. Five times Asuka had failed to even make the most miniscule mote of her presence perceptible to the sensitive First Child. Finally Rei had no alternative – she had to enter Asuka's mind. 

When she had first entered the landscape of Asuka's mind, she noticed that she was in the middle of a hurricane. Asuka's mind was projecting hate, fear, loneliness, and sadness in every direction. The ground she tread upon was as broken glass, the rocks sharp and jagged. Although her AT Field protected her, Rei was assaulted by the mental environment. Even the air itself was oppressive, conveying the message: "You are not wanted here." 

So, summoning her powers, Rei used her AT Field to cast away the storms and alter the landscape. It worked - sort of. The landscape was no longer as jagged as broken glass – but it was still broken and lifeless. The dull grey stone reflected the lightning bolts clapping in the distance. While the storm winds and hard rain had died, the dark grey storm clouds that threatened to unleash their fury at any moment still hovered above. "Asuka, what has happened to you for the Light of your soul to be reduced to this… barren existence?" Rei whispered mentally, not really expecting a response from the Second Child. Of course, Rei knew part of the problem. But there had to be more, buried deep within her psyche. Something so terrible that he second child would rather face the image of her hanged mother than the memory of the event that disrupted her soul. 

What should have been a simple mental exercise for one of the Children was an arduous task – but Rei rarely ever relented in a fight. So despite the hostile environment, Ayanami Rei did the only thing she could. She sat down to wait for the Second Child to come from behind the wall of her mind – such as it was. 

-

Ikari Shinji stared blankly at a long sheet of paper that sat in his hands. He was holding the sheet delicately, trying to make sense of the words on its surface. After a few moments, Shinji decided to try turning the sheet sideways, in an attempt to decipher the enigmatic writing. He scratched his head, looking at a particular Kanji character. 

Ayanami wanted something special for dinner, a recipe she had tasted once while with the Commander. Shinji looked daunted by the prospect of preparing such a delicate dish, but was willing to try for Rei. What was so unusual about it was that she had specific locations from where to get the ingredients. She had thought of Asuka as well, giving him precise, even if sloppily written, directions to every location he would need to travel to pick up the required German and Vegetarian foods. But at this rate, he'd need help if he were to ever find half the places she set for him to shop at. 

More importantly, the cost of ingredients was beginning to add up. Rei had included specific prices on the sheet, and most of the items did indeed fall into those categories. But a few rare spices managed to cost more than either he or Ayanami had anticipated. Still, though, this dinner would help both Rei and Asuka – he was sure of it. For that, there was no cost that the third child would be unwilling to pay. 

Shinji proceeded to casually move down the street, eyes fixed upon the list that his beloved had given him. So enthralled by the paper was he, that he failed to notice just about everything going on about him - including a young boy, about the same age as he, standing directly in his path. 

Shinji blinked as he toppled the kid. "Uh…I'm… I…" Shinji managed to stutter out. 

The fourteen year old, now lying on his back, his school uniform dirtied and ruffled, chuckled. "Not a problem." He said cheerfully. 

"I'm sorry… I…I didn't see you." 

"When one walks, their mind should be on their path, not their destination." The boy said cryptically, still not having moved from his prone position. 

Shinji looked back at the sheet of paper, before looking at the young kid in the process of sitting back up. He gasped as the boy's face came into view. 

"After all, it's the journey that is important, not the destination – would you not say, Ikari Shinji?" 

Shinji took a few steps back from the strange kid, absorbing his appearance as he moved. 'Red eyes, pale skin, grey hair. He reminds me of… Ayanami?' "H…How… how did you know m...my name?" 

"Everyone has heard of the great Ikari Shinji, Third Child, and Pilot of Evangelion Unit 01." The boy got up, and bowed to his new acquaintance. 

"Bu…But…" Shinji attempted to get his thoughts out. For some reason, being around this person was unnerving to the Third Child. 

"Yes?" The boy asked, his eyes alight with some humor that seemed contained only within that particular mind. 

"But… I don't even know your name." Shinji finally managed. 

The boy sighed. "What is in a name – is it really what defines us?" 

"Well… I guess not. B..But it makes it easier to identify people, and is better than saying 'Hey You' in a crowd." Shinji sarcastically bit back - then smiled slightly as though embarrassed by the outburst. 

"Well met." The boy bowed again. "It is an honor to _run into one of the great defenders. I had not anticipated such an occurrence."  There was a hesitation in the boy's voice, as though he was genuinely surprised to run into Shinji. "But sooner or later, we would have met each other." When the boy rose from the bow, he greeted the Third Child with a broad smile. "I guess it is better that it is now – so that we may get to know each other before there is nothing but pain and death in our lives." _

Shinji eyed him warily, "I still don't know who you are." 

"Nagisa. Nagisa Karwou. You may call me Karwou, Ikari-san." 

"S…Shinji." The Third Child forced out. "Shinji would be fine." 

"It is settled then, Shinji-kun." At this Karwou smiled broadly. "Perhaps I can help you find what you're looking for." 

Shinji looked at the paper, then back at the young boy before him, and then back at the paper. "Perhaps…" 

-

Rei had sat for a long time, waiting for the moment that Asuka would become curious enough to inspect the intruder in her mind. Patience was one of Ayanami's greatest gifts, for she had that particular trait in abundance. 

Asuka, on the other hand, was the antithesis of that carefully cultivated patience. In fact, that it had taken the impulsive Second Child this long to identify and confront the intruder in her mind was a remarkable feat of patience – or perhaps a demonstration of a vast amount of fear. 

"R…Rei?" The voice echoed around the First Child. 

Rei smiled softly to herself, "In a manner of speaking." Inside, however, the First wondered exactly what had happened to Asuka to so corrupt her Light.

"But…" 

"It was necessary. The directions I gave Shinji-kun will not occupy him forever. He will either find all the ingredients or give up trying to decipher my handwriting. Either way, our time together was running short." 

"But you promised! You wouldn't invade my mind!" The voice cried. 

"Have I invaded your mind? Asuka? Have I gone to see things that you do not wish to show me? Have I torn from your conscious thoughts those things you hold most sacred and dear? Let me assure you now, Sohryu Asuka Langley, such depravities are beyond my ken. I would sooner fall upon my own lance than commit such a vile atrocity." 

"I… I'm sorry Rei." 

As those words were spoken, an image of Asuka appeared before the First Child. 

"I see." Rei took in the appearance of the young woman before her. The child appeared normal, but she was frightened, and her clothes in tatters. She was afraid. "Is this how you see yourself?" 

Asuka nodded slightly. "I…I… I don't deserve better." 

Rei stood, and walked calmly over to Asuka, "Of course you do. No one deserves this pain. Why do you carry it with you?" 

Suddenly Asuka's features darkened, as hate twisted her face, "Why the hell do you care Wondergirl!" 

Rei remained still. "Because Shinji cares for you. Therefore I care." 'She refuses to accept compassion from others…'

"You're still a fucking doll!" Asuka accused harshly. 

"Perhaps you are correct." Rei looked at her feet. "Perhaps I am still nothing but a doll. But I am a doll that knows that it is alive, and that it has feelings. Would it help you to know that I understand?" 

An image of a white creature nailed to a cross appeared in the background. "Behold my source. The beginning and ending of my soul. From there I came, and to there I shall eventually return. That existence, that loneliness is the pain I carry. But I do not deserve to carry it. No one deserves to carry it."

"I… I just wish I could see Mama…" Asuka said. 

At this Rei's features softened further. "I know, Asuka. We all long to return to that which is our source, even though it is a painful journey. But your mother is not gone, Asuka. This you know. So, what is the real reason for your pain?"

Asuka looked up at Rei, but did not see Rei there, "Who are you?" 

The blue haired, Red eyed girl that was standing before Asuka was quite similar to the Ayanami Rei that had been standing there moments ago. But her features were not Japanese, despite the unmistakable resemblance to the girl who was previously standing there. In fact, Asuka could not truly identify the background of this individual. Slowly, the being before Asuka began to glow as the creature on the cross disappeared. 

"You see me as I once was. I… Remember nothing from the time before, but this is who I am. The sense of self exists even through the nightmares of millions of years alone. While the knowledge of my soul was erased, the Light always remembers its original shape." Rei delicately cupped Asuka's chin. 

The woman had the appearance of a twenty-four or twenty-five year old. But Asuka knew that the actual age of this being was timeless. Long blue hair cascaded in waves down her shoulders, and her crimson eyes were warm and inviting. Her pale face was perfect, and unmarred by defect or deformity. She was a beautiful woman. "Lilith?" 

The girl chuckled, "My children and your creative penchant for attaching names to things.  Some called me Lilith, some call me Mother." The figure smiled, "But I have always been Ayanami. You may call me Rei."

Tendrils of AT Energy wrapped themselves around Asuka's form. Asuka leaned into the warm embrace. "This… This is who you truly are?" 

"Not even the shell that contains me knows this form." Lilith confirmed. "Poor child, so sad." 

"I…" 

"Shush, little one. Take this time to heal. We may not be able to confront all your fears today, but let us become one so that we can understand the source of the problem." Lilith said enticingly. "Would you like to become one?" 

Asuka shook her head, "No… Please, I'm not ready." 

Lilith pulled back, her features becoming more like Rei's. "I see. If you are not ready, then let us be patient. We can afford to wait a little…" 

Suddenly a loud scream filled the world that was Asuka's mind. Rei quickly grasped the energy that was Asuka's spirit, and curled her AT Field around them both protectively. "Asuka, be not afraid. I will protect you." 

The piercing sound threatened to overwhelm the sensitive Second Child. "The screams!!! A thousand screaming souls!" 

Lilith/Rei blinked at the apt identification of the source of the sound. "An AT Field has absorbed the Second Branch of NERV." Rei declared. 'I had not expected this so soon or to be this much agony!' Rei thought as Asuka seemed to curl herself into an even smaller ball. 

"Make it stop! Make it Stop, Please, oh God!" Asuka whimpered. "The yelling… the minds pain…. Mother! Mother…." 

Suddenly the scene around them changed. Rei, returned to her previous form, looked around the room and recognized it for what it was - A Prinbow box. An Evangelion holding cage. The viewpoint was from Asuka's mind. She was once here. In the distance she could see the head of Unit 02. 

Suddenly the vantage point changed, and she could see the window. "There, there, little Asuka. Now you can see everything." A male voice said. 

"Want Mama." The little girl demanded. "Why mama go?" 

"She has to perform a test…" 

A voice from the background asked in Japanese, "Damnit Sohryu, you know that she didn't want her to see this. What if we're wrong, and the copy fails to fool the Eva." 

Sohryu switched to Japanese, a language the child Sohryu only had a cursory grasp of, but one Ayanami understood implicitly. "It will fail, you fool. I knew it from the start." 

"You what?" The man asked, incredulously. 

"Damnit, do you want to live to have grandchildren!" the male Sohryu hissed in Japanese. "Could you imagine the destructive capacity of the pilot of that Eva if she actually trusted it?" 

"You fucking bastard, you mean to put her into that monster?" 

"Psychology deems it appropriate – to mentally scar one child to ensure her future obedience." Sohryu clarified.

"Sohryu, I take back every good word I've ever said about you. You're a murderer and a monster." The man said, his features coming into the light. "I'll make sure that you're punished for this atrocity one day." 

"Agent Kaji, you couldn't punish a fly at your rank. I am almost a member of the council." 

"So do you plan on abandoning your daughter as Ikari abandoned his son?" 

"She means nothing to me. Are you offering to take up the role?" 

"You bastard." Kaji responded in a whisper. "I'll find a way to protect her. I swear it." 

Suddenly lights turned red in the Prinbow Box. Asuka looked around at the techs rushing back and forth. "Papa!!! Papa!!!" The child shouted. 

"One Hundred Ten Percent Sync!" A tech yelled. 

Another tech turned and screamed, "B..But that's Impossible!" 

The man who was Asuka's father noticed that the child was not looking at the Evangelion which was clutching its head in agony. He moved to her, and held her face against the window. "Look at that monster, little one. That monster is eating your mother…" 

"No… Papa… Don't want to look!" 

Another tech yelled, taking the place of the man who went to another terminal. "One Fifty!" 

"It's eating her, Asuka. Look at it." 

"No!" 

"One Seventy!" The tech yelled over Asuka's scream.

"Look…" Asuka's father cruelly instructed his daughter, attempting to force her head towards the window.

Unnoticed by the Father, but observed by the child who was frantically trying to tear her gaze from the window, Agent Kaji Ryouji slipped to a terminal that was flashing an ominous red. He looked at the red light blinking on the screen, and typed a few commands. 

Rei watched through Asuka's tear-filled eyes as Kanji came up on the terminal. The message was unmistakable. "Dummy System Buffer deactivated automatically, code Akagi 666."

Rei felt a tear fall from her eyes. "Asuka…"  She knew that the conscious Asuka would not remember this experience – that she was seeing this meant that Asuka's mind had slipped into unconsciousness – a dangerous state for one caught in a telepathic link.

"One hundred Ninety Percent Sync – Ego border lost!" A tech screamed.

Kaji swore in Japanese, "Damn that mother of yours, Ritsu." He quickly typed a series of commands into the terminal. The screen flashed green. "Dummy System Buffer reactivated." 

"Two hundred!!! It's stopped, dropping down now!" 

Suddenly the gargantuan mecha stopped flailing in its cage. The elder Sohryu twisted around to look at a terminal that was now vacant. "Damn you, Kaji…" 

"Mama?" The girl's voice asked as she stared at the giant mecha sitting calmly in the destroyed bay…

-

"So Karwou, how did you come to be in Tokyo-3?" Shinji asked, walking along peacefully with the strange grey-haired boy. 

"I've always been here." Nagisa said enigmatically.  "And you?"  Karwou asked, a mischievous smirk on his face.    

"Um… Its… what the hell, you already know." Shinji managed to sputter out. 

Karwou chuckled, "Indeed. I've noticed that Tokyo-3 gathers Children like us, yes Shinji-kun?" 

"If you mean strange and abnormal, yes. I've noticed that."

"That is not what I mean, but I guess that is true as well." Karwou chuckled a little more. 

Shinji shifted the bag he was carrying, looking at his new friend. "So, where do you live?" 

"Um… Around. I like the water a lot. You can usually find me by a beach. I think I've earned the nickname 'Karwou of the Seashore.' Has a nice ring, do you not think?" 

Shinji looked surprised, "Certainly you don't live on a beach?" 

"I most certainly do. But if you ask where I sleep, then that's a more difficult matter to handle." 

"Why?" 

"I am not permitted to tell you." 

"But…" Shinji suddenly clutched his stomach in pain. The bag that he was carrying toppled unceremoniously from his grasp, the ingredients staying within the bag by some fortunate happenstance. Shinji looked up, "Hurts…" 

Karwou masked his expression, but knew what the Third Child was sensing. "I… think we should go to Headquarters." 

The term used flew right over Shinji's pain muddled mind. He looked up at the grey-haired boy. "Wh..what?" 

"This wasn't supposed to happen yet. Damn those impatient Americans." Karwou said with disgust. "Come. No telling what else might happen…" 

Shinji shook off his hand. "No! Rei… Rei's hurt." 

Karwou blinked. Of course he knew who and _what_ the First Child was, but he hadn't expected the Third to be so… attached to her. "Shinji-kun…" He sighed. 'Perform my duty, or help the Third?' Karwou smiled, "Then tis best we get to her quickly." Karwou said, smiling slightly. 'Time for duty later.' With that, Karwou picked up the bag, and helped Shinji to his feet.

--

Author's Notes:

Hey. Sorry about the short chapters. I'm just trying to put out quality, not quantity. I didn't like the storyline as it turned out after this point, so I am going to revise it and attach it to the next segment. I hope that this segment meets with your approval. 

I figured since things were changing, I had to include a big surprise in this chapter. We never get to see much of Karwou in the original story. I hope it doesn't seem too awkward to have him here, but I think I can make it work. I won't go into why he's here at this moment, but I will say this – changes like Ayanami's place of residence don't go unnoticed. Especially by powerful organizations like SEELE. 

Oh well. I thank you for reading my story, and welcome any comments or feedback you wish to provide. 

Later, 

P.V. 


	7. Chapter One Part 6: A Momentary Lapse of...

Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 6 – Precious Declarations

-

Author's Notes: 

Hello one and all. PitViper here. And the latest part of chapter one is here with me. Dear God, has it been so long? Read, enjoy, and review. Read, hate, review. Read, whatever… just review. :D 

-

Chapter One Part 6: A Momentary Lapse of Reason.

Shinji expected many things when he walked through the door to Rei's and Asuka's apartment. But no force on Earth could prepare him for the sight that intruded upon his vision. "Rei?" He whispered softly, hoping that at least one of the two individuals in the room might explain to him what was going on. 

Hovering in mid air, approximately a half-meter above the floor, was Rei Ayanami. She was awash in a bright orange glow, tendrils of energy whispering over her form. The tendrils were wrapped like a cocoon around another form. Rei gently brushed her hand through long strands of red hair, cooing softly as a mother would give comfort to an injured child. Upon Rei's face was a welt, a handprint about the size of Asuka's. But the girl was now curled up in the embrace of her former tormenter. 

Shinji stood for a full minute, his back to the friend who had helped him get home through the worst of the pain. It felt like years, but it had only been minutes that the torment had seemingly been tearing apart his very soul. Then it ended, leaving an echo of the pain and the memory of the screams. Right now the only thing within Shinji's mind was concern for his two most cherished friends. 

However, Karwou had different thoughts on the subject. 'Ever the mother, First?' He wanted to spit in disgust at the scene before him, those tendrils of AT energy, so delicate and yet so deadly. The First could always control her AT field like that, spinning her tendrils about herself like a web. But he was powerless to do anything about the First. She was Shinji's friend, and a coworker, of sorts. Karwou extended his senses ever so slightly, reaching towards the glowing First Children. 

Rei's eyes snapped open as though she had suddenly found her hand immersed in scalding water. Then her eyes narrowed, looking in Shinji's direction. 

Shinji had a shocked look upon his face, wondering just why Rei would send such a hateful glare in his direction. Had he done something wrong? "Rei?" 

Rei's features narrowed into an impressive scowl as her eyes became slits. "Move aside, Shinji-kun. Let me see… him." Rei's voice growled deeply, several octaves below what Shinji had ever considered possible for the delicate angel before him, magnified by the intimidating aura of her AT Field. 

"First." Karwou said in greeting, laying Shinji's package down upon the floor before him. "Feeding?" He queried; nodding towards the embraced Asuka. 

Rei winced, and then shot an even more hateful glare in his direction. "Only you could think of something so disgusting and cruel, Tabris." 

Shinji's eyes widened a bit, "Tabris? His name's…" 

Rei didn't look to Shinji when she spoke next, "He is the Seventeenth Angel, Tabris." 

"As you are the First – Lilith…" 

Rei glanced quickly at Shinji, who stared unfazed at the two individual. "I believe that you underestimate me, I've been honest with Shinji. What have you been with him?" 

Tabris smirked. "I am Karwou of the Seashore. Or I may be called Nagasa Karwou. Or Tabris, if you prefer. I may even be referred to as the 'Seventeenth', but I do not enjoy being a number on a list." 

Shinji looked onward in concern at Rei and Asuka, "Rei…" Shinji whispered softly, "What happened to Asuka?" 

"The Second Branch of NERV is no more." Rei said. "We were trying… synchronization when the branch disappeared. She felt all their pain of being pulled into the Void of Dirac." 

"The Void of Dirac?" Shinji asked. 

Karwou looked at the boy. "The Sea of Dirac… It's the ocean of the mind – The ebb and flow of the energy that binds the universe and drove its creation. Some have called it the Breath of God." 

"That doesn't answer what it is, Karwou." Shinji muttered, looking at his new 'friend' with suspicious eyes. 

Sighing, Karwou tried again. "An AT field forms a barrier to the soul. It can also form a barrier to the body. Although you can sense what is beyond the barrier, nothing can penetrate it if you do not allow it passage. So imagine an AT field so powerful, that it folds inwards upon itself. That is the Dirac Sea. A void whose shadow is form…" 

"Lelial?" Shinji muttered, involuntarily remembering his time trapped within that void. "Yes, I remember now, that's what Doctor Akagi had called it in the debriefing."

"Yes." Rei said, beginning to float to the ground. "She will wake soon, but will be disoriented. I don't know if I'll be able to calm her down much more. She's experienced so much pain." 

"And how much of that is due to you, First?" Karwou asked harshly. 

Shinji spun around on the grey-haired boy, "Don't insult Rei. You two obviously have a history, leave it at the door." 

Karwou blinked softly, "My apologies, Shinji-kun." He then bowed before Shinji, "No offense was intended to you." 

"Offending Rei in her house is an offense to me." Shinji proclaimed. 

"I understand." Karwou said softly. 

Rei's AT Field folded back in upon itself, disappearing from view. "Do not worry about it Shinji." Rei dismissed the Angel entirely, focusing solely on Ikari. "It is not of importance." 

Karwou looked at her oddly. "I don't understand…" 

Rei turned slightly in Karwou's direction. "I… felt something when I saw you Tabris. It was anger… betrayal. But feelings aside, I have no memory of what happened. It was too long ago." 

"If you do not remember… Then I will not be the one to remind you of it, Ayanami-san." Karwou closed his eyes. "I wish I were so lucky, at times." 

Rei nodded, then turned back to Asuka. "She will wake soon. I fear that we may fail in our attempt, she may never trust us with the Trinity…" 

Karwou gasped, "The Trinity? You would attempt that?" 

"Whatever it takes to stop the Angel's attacks." Shinji said. 

Rei looked at Tabris, "To stop Bardiel, I will do much." 

"Ah, Bardiel, the ancient warrior," Tabris' eyes lost focus as he thought about times far gone and lost. "We called him, 'He of many hands…'" 

Rei furrowed her brow slightly, "He was a specialist in nano-technology…" 

"I see your memory is not completely lost, First." Tabris looked at her cautiously. 

"Don't call her 'First'… It feels like an insult." Shinji instructed his fellow pilot. "If we're to be friends, Karwou-kun, then you must to respect Rei. She's a part of my family. As is Misato and Asuka…" 

"My Apologies, Shinji-kun. I hope to be considered a friend by you, perhaps there is time to include me in that statement – one can only hope." With that, Karwou shrugged slightly. "As for Bardiel, Ayanami. He was a master of nano-technology. His field of study became his prison, as did his wife's…" 

Rei nodded, "We all became prisoners, didn't we." 

"Slaves to our determination, our insanity… perhaps slaves to ourselves." Karwou admitted. "My sister and I were friends of Adam. Alas, Areal is still very upset at what occurred." 

"So you both remained free…" Rei muttered. "I wish I could remember something." 

"It is for the best that you do not remember, Ayanami-san." Karwou said. "Do you believe that Shinji or Asuka would like to experience what was done to you? If you proceed with that foolishness… They just might! You do realize that no one has ever successfully completed a Trinity?" 

Rei nodded, "Yes." 

"It doesn't matter what other's have succeeded or not succeeded in doing, what is important that we try. I…I don't want to be responsible for the end of the world." Shinji said, looking between the two not-so-human beings standing before him. 

Just then a grumble came from the floor. "Head…hurt…" Asuka said, beginning to shift from her position on the floor. 

Rei walked wordlessly from the room, leaving Shinji and Karwou in the company of Asuka – who was in the process of slowly returning to consciousness. 

"My apologies, Shinji-kun. There are some deep-seeded animosities between the Fir… I mean between Ayanami and I." 

"It seems there's no lack of hate between you two. The only problem is, Rei doesn't know where her hate comes from. Perhaps it was a mistake…" 

"I will cause no trouble, and no harm to anyone you care for, Shinji-kun. I, however, cannot speak for my brethren." Karwou said softly. "You have my oath." 

"Good. I'd hate to have to lose a friend to this. If you haven't noticed, we're a bit short of friends here…" Shinji was interrupted by Asuka's voice. 

"Hurt… Shinji?" Asuka said, looking at him, "W…What happened?" 

"You were trying to synchronize with Rei… the Second Branch was destroyed while you were in the link. 

Asuka turned her head, and then clutched her arms around her head and face, as though remembering something excruciatingly painful. "That… bitch… she violated my mind!" 

Rei returned from the kitchen with a glass of water. Asuka suddenly stood up, and walked over to Rei. "I asked you… I begged you not to… But what did you do? You went in there and raped me..." 

"The Second Branch… The trauma caused us to travel into your mind. You turned inward to escape the pain." 

"And you followed along!" Asuka accused. "So what do you think, huh?" 

"I think that you are stronger than you think you are Asuka." Rei said softly. "And that you deserve someone to love and care for you…" 

Asuka blinked, "Don't you dare start patronizing me…" 

"See it as you will. You have suffered Sohryu-san. Much of it has been needlessly, and at the hands of your father." Rei said, "As Shinji as suffered at the hands of his father and as I have suffered at the hands of Commander Ikari…" 

"Oh, yeah, First Child, how have you suffered?" Asuka asked, refusing to let the tears she felt within fill her eyes. "You're the Wonder-child. The invincible Rei Ayanami, unafraid to throw down life and limb for your precious Commander… How could you have possibly suffered at his hands?" 

"He promised me death… a mortal life." Rei paused for a moment before continuing, "He lied."

-- 

Author's Notes:

It's been a while since my last update, I'm sorry it took so long. Please forgive this chapter, I've had a lot of difficulty in finding inspiration to fill the gaps between the segments that I've already written. Its difficult to maintain the flow over a large work such as this, and I'm endeavoring to keep this from falling into the pit that so many large fictions eventually find themselves dangling over. But I've recovered my muse a bit. Hopefully future chapters won't be as awkward.

For those of you who have been waiting to see the next chapter – C&O is back. Now to do some work on my other fics. :D

Thanks for reading, please feel free to review. 

Later,   
PitViper (pvalpha@yahoo.com) 


	8. Chapter One Part 7: Dreams of Life

**Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 7 – Dreams of Life.  
**  
-  
Author's Notes:  
  
A short, but hopefully enjoyable, chapter. Feedback is warmly welcome.   
  
Later,   
PitViper(pvalpha@yahoo.com)  
  
  
-  
  
**Chapter One Part 7: Dreams of Life.  
**  
Asuka stared at the young First Child, "Death? Now I know you're crazy."   
  
"Is it so crazy to want an escape – any escape – from eternity?" Rei asked softly. "Immortality incarnate, eternity is not a blessing," She said, venom seeping into her words, "It is a curse."   
  
Asuka still stared, and was about to speak when Rei interrupted.   
  
"Remember what I showed you, Sohryu-san?" Rei said, "Remember the moment that became a week? Imagine that for a lifetime. Then imagine a lifetime without end. That was me, who I was… Anyone would beg for release after a week. They would kill for it after a year. After an eternity?" Rei left the question in the air, then lowered her head, "Any escape – even that of the most extreme pain, is welcome."   
  
Shinji turned away, not wanting to hear her say things like that.  
  
Rei sighed lightly. "I think enough has been done for today." She looked sadly at Sohryu who was now staring at her with something approaching detest. 'More than enough…'   
  
--  
_Wednesday Evening.   
_  
Rei lay silently in her room, listening to the sobs in the distance. She would have gone to comfort her roommate, but Asuka was beyond her care at this moment. "A million tears may fall, but change not the course of the river." She whispered into the night air.   
  
Shinji perked up at that, from his place beside the young girl. "What was that, Rei?"   
  
"A lament…" Rei conceded, "For Sohryu."   
  
Shinji's eyes met hers in the darkness of the room. "Why?"   
  
Rei closed her eyes as she spoke, "Hers is a tale of pain and of sadness."   
  
"Like our own." Shinji said, gently stroking a few stray strands of hair from her face.   
  
Rei brought her hand up to hold Shinji's to her face for a few moments. 'So warm…' She thought, then opened her eyes. "Sohryu needs comfort this evening." Rei inhaled slightly, then breathed out, "Go to her, comfort her so that she may sleep without tears."   
  
"So let me get this straight, you want me to sleep with Asuka?" Shinji asked, the hint of a playful smile on his face.   
  
Rei's eyes narrowed slightly, but there was also the light of playful teasing contained within. "Perhaps Asuka is correct… all males must be perverts."   
  
"You know I'd never do that." Shinji said, again brushing away a few stubborn locks of her blue hair.   
  
"When you touch me…" Rei said, closing her eyes once more. She let the thought trail off in her own mind.  
  
"Yes?"   
  
"I am." Rei finished simply opening her eyes as she finished saying the words. Just as Shinji was about to respond she put her finger up to his lips. "Go to her. Let the Light of your Soul do what mine cannot." She caressed his cheek. "Be her friend, Shinji."   
  
"I will always be that. But to you, I'll be more." Shinji said, lightly kissing Rei on her cheek.  
  
Rei remained silent until Shinji had left the room. She looked sadly to the door, and whispered, "I pray only that I am worthy, beloved mine."   
  
After several minutes, Rei heard Asuka's tears stop. "What marks one's sadness more than the path of tears?" Rei sighed yet again to the cold night air. "The emptiness that falls when the tears have stopped."   
  
With those words released into the night air, Rei contemplated her life, and soon drifted off to sleep.  
  
-  
  
The world was hazy. It was as though everything had been placed within a static-fog - one that would jump and swirl and mire and deceive. Rei looked around, until finally the world resolved around her.   
  
"Shinji?" Rei asked softly, looking up into the eyes of her beloved. "How?" She asked weakly.  
  
His face had aged. Aged from stress, from anger, from time. But the lines now creased were of happiness. "Quiet dear Rei, you are exhausted."   
  
Rei spared him a confused look as she stared down at herself… she was… in a hospital gown. Her pelvis and stomach hurt terribly, and her muscles were… tense. But the pain was distant, and her feet were non-existent to her senses. "Am… Am I injured?" Her vision was blurred slightly, and she could not see very far. She squinted to make out Shinji's features.   
  
"No. The spinal block should wear off in a few hours." He admitted, with a smile on his face still. "You had us really worried there… You would think that I was used to this by now… 11 months. And you passed out…"   
  
"But…" Rei said, confused.   
  
"Shush. It was only for a few minutes." Shinji admitted. "They're cleaning up now. And making sure everything is in its place."   
  
"How…" Rei licked her lips, which were suddenly very dry.   
  
"She's fine."   
  
Confusion set in again, "She?"   
  
"You'll see." Shinji said, with an almost devious smirk on his face. "I was thinking perhaps 'Anna'… but as always, you'll pull something out of the ether."  
  
"Always? This has happened before?" Rei mumbled. She certainly didn't like what she was currently feeling… Her chest was heavy for some reason, and sore.   
  
"It must be the drugs." Shinji sighed.   
  
Suddenly the door opened. She heard footsteps approaching, and the sound of a woman muttering in a motherly tone in German. The voice was familiar. Rei tried to turn her head towards the sound, but was unable to focus far.   
  
But that didn't matter, because the source of the voice was soon visible over her head, and the soft German cooing translated into German laced Japanese. "Ah, there we are: Another little 'Wondergirl'." The woman's red locks draped over her white doctor's uniform and smock. There were still traces of blood and other fluids lower on the covering. And she was holding a pink bundle.  
  
Despite the appearance, the changes and the age, Rei recognized the newcomer, "Sohryu-san?"   
  
The redhead blinked indignantly, "I told them not to use any DEPRESSANTS! You haven't 'Sohryu-san'ed me for almost ten years! I didn't tell them to medicate you just to turn you back into 'Wonderdoll'."  
  
Rei made out that although Sohryu was shouting, the bundle she held was protectively curled up in her arms… And soft sounds were coming from the bundle… sounds that were – pleased.   
  
Asuka looked at the bundle quizzically when she realized that the child was cooing in mirth, "Yours are the only ones that do that. I think they're born happy."   
  
Rei looked at the bundle, "Mine?"   
  
Sohryu leaned in with a smile, "Surely you remember this one. How could anyone forget seventy two hours worth of THAT." As she leaned in closer, Rei was able to make out the contents of the bundle. "She has your eyes, Rei." She said softly.   
  
Rei felt more than heard the thought in her head. But it still translated into a name. "Sana…"   
  
Shinji chuckled in the distance, beyond Rei's line of sight. "I was closer this time!"   
  
Rei's eyes focused on the small child, as the bundle was placed in her waiting arms. The small child gurgled in pleasure for a few moments, before falling swiftly to sleep.   
  
Asuka looked at Rei, "Now, I'd normally have you feeding her right away, but I don't want to take the chance that the drugs made their way into your breast milk… luckily we took some before we did the block. So it's from a bottle for the next seventy two hours. You may have to use the machine to relieve the pressure."  
  
"I… don't understand." Rei said.   
  
"That's ok. You've done it before. You'll remember everything…"   
  
-  
  
_Thursday Morning  
_  
Rei woke up in cold sweat, shivering in the lack of bed sheets. She looked around her bed, realizing that she must have kicked off the covers in the night. She sighed, "Just a dream."   
  
As she looked around the room she sighed for a moment, then picked up the sheets. She still had two hours to go before getting up. It was virtually impossible to get a good night's sleep without Shinji's presence, but she would have to make due with out.   
  
As she resituated herself into the bed, she stared up at the ceiling for a few moments. "Sana…" She whispered once, before falling back into a dreamless slumber.  
  
-  
  
Asuka woke to Shinji's embrace. He was still clothed, but was hugging her none the less. She had felt safe and protected while he did that. 'What an odd dream I had.' Suddenly Shinji, too, began to stir.   
  
"Asuka?" He whispered.   
  
"Yes." The redhead replied, unusually calm.   
  
"Don't be angry. I just… thought you could use some company tonight."   
  
"I know." She said softly.   
  
A few moments past in silence, then Asuka voiced a statement: "You really love her, don't you?"   
  
Shinji nodded in the dim light of the pre-dawn hours. "Yeah."   
  
"You should be with her. Not with me." Asuka admitted sadly.   
  
"I love you too, you know, Asuka." Shinji countered.   
  
Asuka looked at him, then closed her eyes. "But not in that way."   
  
"Perhaps not… But I love you just the same. If this is what it takes to chase away the tears every once in a while, I'll gladly do it," Shinji responded.   
  
Had Asuka been in any other mood, she would have lashed out at the young boy. "As long as it's for love and not pity…"   
  
"Asuka, I love you."   
  
Asuka grinned slightly, "Well, I had a dream about that. You and Wondergirl were quite the busy bees in it. I don't ever want to have a dream like _that_ again…"   
  
"What happened?"   
  
"Wondergirl gave birth to a baby Wondergirl." Asuka said. "And I HAD TO CLEAN IT!"   
  
Shinji smiled slightly, "That's strange... I had a similar dream…"   
  
"It was so icky." Asuka muttered, "It puked on me."   
  
"It couldn't have been that bad." Shinji surmised, "You were cooing to it in German."   
  
Asuka blinked, "Oh shiest, you mean…"   
  
"Yep. Same dream."   
  
Together they both turned away from each other, and sighed at the same time. They spoke as one, with a disgusted and resigned tone: "Synchronization Training."   
  
-  
  
Across town, in a NERV barracks, Karwou rose from his bed.   
  
He looked at the small clock, which revealed to him that it was two forty-two in the morning. He sighed and looked up at his ceiling, allowing himself to fall back to his bed. "Almost. So close, Shinji. You may yet accomplish the Trinity after all. And live to see your daughters be born…"   
  
Tabris looked into the fabric that was eternity, into the manifold choices that could arise… and saw… nothing. 'Hum. A nexus approaches.' This was not unusual. Each Angel attack was like a gathering storm, bringing a nexus of uncertainty where the fabric of space-time was so convoluted that even the most gifted could not see past its violence. "Passion and soul: these combine to form the core of existence, Shinji-kun. Can you rise above the Nexus? To see what is beyond - end this terrible cycle?" Another sigh escaped the young boy's lips, "An end…"  
  
Karwou smiled at the ceiling as he composed himself for sleep once more, "Perhaps that is a good thing after all. Ikari Shinji-kun…" With that, his AT Field released its block on the room's monitoring equipment. After all, what good would it do if he revealed these secrets to SEELE? Or worse: To NERV.  
  
--  
  
Author's notes:  
  
Another short chapter. Hopefully I'll be able to throw more out here soon. :D Until then. Read, review, and hopefully enjoy.   
  
Later,  
PitViper(pvalpha@yahoo.com)  



	9. Chapter One Part 8: Echoes of Emptiness

**Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 8 – Echoes of Emptiness.   
**  
--  
Author's Notes:   
  
Sorry about the length of time between updates… I'm trying to keep it to a minimum. Here's the next part of Chapter One.  
  
--  
  
_Thursday Morning  
_  
The path of life is the intertwined nature of light and dark, equal and opposite. Like the sunrise and the sunset. Just as dusk falls and gives way to night; so too does the sun return. Dawn gives way to day, and brings an end to darkness. But while the sun may force a retreat of those things that live in shadow and revel in night – it does not erase all shadows from the realm of existence. In fact, there are times that the shadows cast by the morning sun are darker and more frightening than any shadow cast at night. But because the sun is there, high above us, we understand that all we need to do to be free from the shadow is to step into the light. We can face our darkest fears during the day, because of that one simple fact.   
  
But there isn't always an escape clause. Clouds sometimes rain darkness upon the Earth. As the Eva carrier flew high through the sky, a particularly foreboding cumulous cloud found itself in its path. After a few moments deliberation, the pilot looked at the cloud as he received his orders. He didn't want to fly through the dark remnant of water vapor … but the sun was out… and it was but one cloud. And his orders were that the cloud could not be avoided without delaying the arrival… which was unacceptable.   
  
So like most humans, he bravely glanced up at the daylight sun, and reminded himself that clouds were just clouds. The sun was dipping lower in the horizon as he made his way to Japan against the rotation of the earth. Racing at nearly the speed of sound, his goal was to deliver his cargo as fast as possible. Besides, There were things far more dangerous than clouds… he was carrying one of them. So he looked at the sun, and then stared at the cloud; facing it bravely.   
  
The massive aircraft began to encounter the outer edge of the soupy grayness that composed the cloud's outer shell. Wisps of pearly white water vapor trailed by his window, revealing ever increasing layers of complexity as he entered the phantom zone of darkness. A sudden rumble in the superstructure of the aircraft sent a chill down the pilot's spine; and, for one brief instant, he felt that piloting through this particular cloud was a very bad idea. However, like a good soldier, he shook off his misgivings and reminded himself that the sun would be on the other side… and that would make it all right.   
  
When the aircraft completely disappeared into the massive cloud with its cargo, a bolt of chain-lightning danced across its irregular boundaries: almost as if it had smiled in evil satisfaction after devouring a particularly juicy morsel…   
  
-  
  
The morning light had not yet peered over the distant vista, yet Shinji Ikari was already starting his morning routine – preparing breakfast. It didn't faze him that he was not in his own kitchen – in Misato's apartment. The layout was the same, yet mirrored slightly. But all the cabinets were in the same place relative to the layout, of course. Another matter assisted him in his familiarity with the small kitchen: He had helped stock it – so he was intimately familiar with everything there.   
  
So without hesitation, he proceeded with his preparations. He didn't even notice that Misato had crept up behind him and was currently watching with keen interest as he prepared the morning repast.   
  
So absorbed was Shinji that he didn't bother to look around him… He had to make Rei a breakfast. He had to make Asuka a breakfast. They both had to eat – and resume their "training". He took care to ensure that the utensils that he used to cook Asuka's sausages and eggs were kept separate from the utensils he used to make Rei's rice and a special creation… A couple fruit pancakes… He had taken several peaches and sliced them up, mixing them in with the light pancake mix he had purchased. Since this was a "Buttermilk" pancake mix, he figured that there might be some dairy product in the mix itself… since the instructions said, 'Just add water.' He remembered having these once… and they tasted good. But that was a long time ago.   
  
He looked at the pancake batter, mixed, measured, and ready to dole out. He took the large ladle, and dipped it into the bowl. As he lifted the batter filled ladle, he caught the aroma of the fresh peaches combined with the more earthy scent of flour in the mixture. He watched as the finely mixed peach bits tumbled slowly in the batter as it made its way to the hot cooking surface below. With a satisfying sizzle, the batter gently flowed outwards, forming a perfect circle in the pan.   
  
Misato watched diligently as the boy manipulated pan and food in a coordinated dance that combined dexterity and raw skill with some other, almost intangible element: Love. The boy loved cooking… He loved making this food. He loved the idea that he was doing something for the people he cared for. 'Maybe it tastes so good because he loves… us.' Misato thought kindly as Shinji concentrated on the preparations.   
  
"It is." Rei said suddenly from behind the major. Her voice was at a slight whisper, but the tone was accusing, almost as though the First Child was angry that the major was there.   
  
Misato jumped up, and nearly ran into Shinji as she whirled around. "Rei!" As she screamed the name, she heard Shinji yelp behind her.   
  
"M…Misato-san!" Shinji exclaimed, shocked. "S…Sorry. I didn't hear you come in." Shinji apologized quickly, then turned back to his food before saying: "Rei… I'll have your breakfast done soon."   
  
Rei looked at the boy oddly, then replied with a soft whisper, "Please, take your time. There is no rush." Her voice though betrayed something else – her inability to sleep calmly without Shinji's comforting presence. She was dependant on him in order to function anymore. Right now, all Rei wanted to do – more than anything else, was walk up behind Shinji, and slowly embrace him, laying her head on his shoulder as he prepared her meal. But with the Major in the room, that was an impossibility.   
  
As the Major calmed down, she took a careful appraisal of her wards. Shinji was, as always, Shinji. But Rei looked… tired. She immediately came to a conclusion… "So you two didn't share the same bed last night, eh?"   
  
Rei's red eyes flashed up in an almost withering glare. "We did not."   
  
Shinji continued to cook breakfast as though nothing was wrong, but every once in a while, when his right hand was free and by his side, he would clench and unclench his fist. Still though, the boy's attention never left the food.   
  
"So, where did Shinji-kun sleep?" The major asked, her face locked in a smile, blatantly ignoring the death glare from Ayanami.   
  
Rei's eyes narrowed, her voice dropped to a low whisper. "With Sohryu-san."  
  
'Oh… this is so fun.' The major thought, as she continued her game of teasing the blue haired girl. "One ethereal beauty isn't enough for our Shin-chan, eh?" Misato cringed slightly as she heard the pan slam down on the stove's heating elements. 'Maybe I've gone a bit too far…' She thought as she imagined Shinji staring laser beams into the back of her head.   
  
"That is not why. The reason is none of your business, Major." Rei said with steel in her voice.   
  
"What, Rei? Not even going to give me a hint?" Misato glared – her smile still present, but obviously a façade. 'After all,' Misato thought angrily, 'who does this child think she is to decide what is my business?'   
  
"It is not for me to say." Rei said softly. Her anger with Major Katsuragi served no useful purpose. "It was important for the training… Any other reason is unimportant."   
  
"Oh." Misato said, her head snuggling comfortably in her folded arms as she started to rest on the kitchen table. Her eyes scanned Rei almost constantly for any sign of deception or malice.   
  
"Guten Morgen…" Asuka said lazily as she rounded the corner.   
  
"Good Morning." Shinji replied softly, not glancing back at her. "I see everyone's awake.  
  
Asuka made an act of sniffing the air in the kitchen. "Ah… Sausage! My favorite!" She then glared at the back of Shinji's head, "You better not ruin them, Third Child."   
  
"Yes," was his only response.   
  
"Guten Morgen, Sohryu-san." Rei said politely.   
  
"Eh… Good morning." Asuka replied as she collapsed into a free chair. An instant later, Asuka's head was resting in the cusp of her right hand as her left idly drummed on the table.   
  
"Did you have a good night's sleep, Asuka?" Misato asked, her usual devilish grin on her face.   
  
Asuka glanced at her sidelong. "It… wasn't bad." She said unconvincingly.   
  
"Oh, it must have been the company then." Misato smiled fully, "Rei had a terrible night's sleep."   
  
"I could imagine that she did." Asuka said, taking a glance at the blue-haired girl. Asuka noted that while she was sitting almost at attention at the table, her eyes looked… tired. Rei's glance was fixated at the stove and upon their current chef as he performed his culinary duties. 'Did you suffer that much for letting him spend just one night with me, Rei?' The redhead thought. Soon her gaze was directed back towards Misato.   
  
"You can tell; it's the eyes. They may already be bloodshot – but they're redder than usual this morning." Misato proclaimed.   
  
Asuka sighed. "I understand how she feels."   
  
This caught Rei's attention, as the blue haired girl redirected her sight to that of the Second Child.   
  
Asuka continued on as though what she said had no importance, "After all, our time to implement a… plan is rapidly fading."   
  
"We'll make it." Shinji proclaimed. "Faith."   
  
Rei almost smiled at the boy's newfound optimism, "Where there is love, there is a way." She reaffirmed softly. Her next words were directed at Sohryu: "I have faith in you, Sohryu-san."   
  
"Faith?" Asuka said, lifting her head from her hands.   
  
"We depend on you," Shinji replied. "We trust you."   
  
Asuka became introspective, "I… I don't deserve it."   
  
"Asuka!" Misato exclaimed. "Don't think like that."   
  
"I'm weak. I'm poor. I'm only good at one thing. Piloting Evangelion." She then said at a whisper, "I can't even trust myself, how can I trust my teammates with something so intimate?"   
  
"You have to trust them, Asuka." The major said softly. "The commander put enough pressure on the Americans to get them to send over Eva 03. He's trying to push the test and activation schedule ahead by two days. He wants to perform an Activation test with the Fourth Child on Friday."  
  
Shinji calmly brought the food to the table… After setting the food down, he walked back to the cupboards to grab some dishes… but, glared off in the distance. "That isn't enough time."  
  
Rei, too, was sullen at the news. "It may not be enough time to stop the Unit 03 activation… That means we will have to confront the Fourteenth: Bardiel…"   
  
Shinji closed his eyes. "That means a pilot… one of us…"   
  
"Perhaps." Rei said.   
  
"What about Kaworu? Wouldn't they choose him?" Shinji wondered aloud.   
  
"No." Rei looked thoughtfully at her Shinji, as he started to pick out the plates for breakfast. "They would not use him as cannon fodder."  
  
Misato looked oddly at the children, "Kaworu?"   
  
"A friend Shinji made yesterday…" Rei said softly.   
  
"He was that boy that was here, eh?" Asuka said. "He looks kind of like you."   
  
"We are…" Rei said softly, "similar." The stress that Ayanami put on the last word left no doubts in anyone's mind of what she felt about the concept.   
  
"Oh." Asuka said, immediately understanding what the blue haired girl meant.   
  
"I wonder who they will choose as the fourth." Shinji said.  
  
"The fourth…" Misato muttered. "He has already been chosen. I was told this morning."   
  
The children stared at their guardian.   
  
Misato eyed each one of them, looking into their eyes. "It's… classified."   
  
"Really?" Asuka asked; sarcasm all over her facial expressions. "Perhaps you'd like to tell that to the pilot yourself then… 'Oh by the way we have an Eva for you. Model 03… just one slight problem… it has an Angel in it that's going to go rampaging all over the City… but other than that, its all yours."   
  
"How did you discover this information Major Katsuragi?" Rei inquired. "You are not one of the ones who would normally be notified."   
  
"Ritsuko told me." Misato muttered. "We're going to have the test in Matsushiro. She didn't mention anything about an Angel though..."  
  
"Who is the pilot?" Shinji asked.   
  
"Suzuhara… Touji is the Fourth."   
  
"Hasn't his family suffered enough at the hands of Eva?" Shinji suddenly asked, remembering his own addition to the Suzuhara family's suffering. "Why him?"  
  
Misato smiled, "He was willing. We're going to help his sister… best care… every resource of NERV to ensure that she is healed."   
  
"You blackmailed him." Rei accused, vaporizing the smile that was on the Major's lips.   
  
Misato became contemplative of the exact manipulation used to acquire the agreement of the Fourth Child's services. "I didn't do it. Ritsuko did. She approached him on Tuesday. He agreed yesterday."  
  
Rei nodded, sensing the truth in Misato's words. "Perhaps… But it does not change the fact that they blackmailed him into piloting. Then again, they don't need him to do much – simply synchronize with the Evangelion to awaken the Angel hiding inside."   
  
"What will happen if the Angel awakens?" Shinji asked, looking absently at the table and the food.   
  
"We will have to stop the Angel." Rei said softly.   
  
Shinji looked up, "What about Touji?"   
  
Rei continued to stare. Her eyes closed slowly, as she bowed her head down.   
  
Asuka looked at her food, suddenly not feeling very hungry. "Don't worry about that…"   
  
"Misato-san!" Shinji suddenly shouted, "Why?"   
  
"I'll do what I can, Shinji…" Misato said. "Maybe if I talk with the commander…"   
  
"He already knows." Rei admitted, her eyes still closed as if contemplating her level of guilt and shame. "He engineered everything to proceed precisely in this fashion."   
  
"But…" Shinji started, looking back at Misato… "Why Touji?"   
  
"Because he can," Rei said. "But he is not the only one. They _all_ can."   
  
"C…Can what?"   
  
"Pilot Eva," Rei snapped open her eyes. "The 2-A class is where they have gathered all the Fourth Level Pilot Candidates in Japan. It is the reason that I am there, that you are there, and that Sohryu is there as well."   
  
Misato looked away, as Shinji redirected his stare towards her. "You knew?" He asked, trying to see her face and eyes.   
  
"I knew." Misato said, "But only recently."  
  
"I understand." Shinji said, suddenly looking at Rei, "The web?"   
  
Rei nodded slightly. "It was spun long ago. Little snippets here and there… all to protect them… and at the center of them, of everything…"   
  
"You," Shinji affirmed. "I see… If I didn't see before, I see now."  
  
Rei nodded softly, and began to eat her food. She took several small bites, before a tear formed at the edge of her eye. She ignored the tear as it escaped down the side of her cheek and fell upon the soft, perfect pancake.   
  
-  
  
"You're asking the impossible," Ritsuko complained, momentarily forgetting her place in the grand scheme of things. "Impossible!"   
  
Gendo Ikari glared at the Doctor from behind his usual position. "The impossible is why we are still here. The activation test will occur on Friday, and the Dummy System will be prepared by that time."  
  
Ritsuko huffed, "For God's Sake!"   
  
"God has no dominion in this room." Gendo peered from behind his famous pose to let Ritsuko see his eyes, "And you should do well to remember that you have no dominion here either."   
  
Ritsuko blinked.   
  
"If you cannot have the Evangelion and the Dummy System ready by that time, then your purpose to the project is… lessened."   
  
"You wouldn't have me killed."   
  
Gendo smiled, and sent shivers of terror down Ritsuko's spine. "Need I remind you doctor there are fates worse than death?"   
  
Ritsuko Akagi twitched slightly, "What?"  
  
Gendo's smile broadened, "You should do well to remember what the dummy system's true purpose is…" From nowhere, Gendo produced a small dart gun. Before Ritsuko could even blink, she was struck by a small black feathered dart. Moment's later, she was unconscious on the floor. "Yes. Perhaps a reminder of what the dummy system can really do…" Gendo mused as he pressed a button on his desk to summon security.   
  
-  
  
Ritsuko woke in the orange haze of LCL. She forced herself not to gag as she breathed in the vile substance. "Gendo!" She shouted, but the words came out as a soft whisper in the chamber. Then she realized where she was… 'Good god, no…" She thought.   
  
She tried to squirm around in the LCL tube, but to no avail… "Gendo!" She shouted again. She noted her state, naked, on display… every piece of her skin and hair in full view. Through the tube she could make out a distortion observing in the shadows.   
  
Suddenly his voice filled the tube, and caused her to cease her thrashing. "You know why you're here, Akagi?" She could hear the smirk in Gendo's voice.   
  
"No."   
  
"Well, perhaps I expected too much of you, doctor. After all, you should have easily been able to divine Rei's purpose, and the purpose of the Dummy System. It's on display for everyone to see: Human Complementation." Ritsuko watched as Gendo's hazy form made its way around the chamber. She forced herself to remain calm, and to follow his motion with only small movements on her part.   
  
"You're mad." Akagi accused, not really understanding what he was trying to say.   
  
"Alas, Ritsuko…" She could make out the figure shaking its head through the distortion of the curved glass and yellow LCL. "You disappoint me." He came up close, allowing her to make out the features on his face. "My son would do better than you in your place."   
  
Ritsuko glared, "Well, is the great Gendo Ikari going to enlighten me at any point soon?" She asked sardonically, false bravado on her face and in her voice. She knew that this was part of the dummy system, part of the whole system that created the Evangelion's and the Magi.  
  
Gendo chuckled, "I had not thought you so arrogant and so stupid. It is obvious that you need assistance in preparing the Dummy Plug. You may be a brilliant programmer, but the impossible is what is required. You know what to do; it's just the time factor that limits you… So I've decided to eliminate the most time consuming element: The tedious manual programming.  
  
Gendo gestured at the containment tube Doctor Akagi was in. "Your mother made this system, you know. Not for the dummies, of course, that wasn't her intention. But the chamber you were in right now was designed to interface directly with the Magi. She used this system to imprint the engramatic algorithms on the Magi's artificially engineered organic processors. However, without the dummy system buffer, the link ended up disrupting her cognitive abilities. She became addicted to being linked with the Magi, and violently unstable."   
  
"My mother?" Akagi whispered, looking closely at the various probes in the ceiling and floor of the capsule.   
  
"She lost herself in there. Without the buffer provided by the Dummies, she became insane. And, of course, she was of no further use to me." Gendo went over to the control panel.   
  
"Please, Gendo…"  
  
"Don't worry Doctor; I need you well balanced and stable. Had I been truly cruel, I'd disable the buffer. But in order to ensure you don't suffer the same fate as your mother, I will route the interface through the dummy system." Gendo stepped back in the shadows as the synchronization links began to initialize.   
  
"Gendo! The emotional factor… the cognitive differences…" Akagi argued, beginning to feel the effects of the clone's minds.   
  
"A bit of Rei's emotional patterns might find their way into you…" Gendo mentioned as the synchronization commenced.   
  
"Please…" Ritsuko Akagi said as her stare became almost blank. The Rei's were synchronizing with her, forcing their thoughts into her mind, expecting her to be opened – not to resist their efforts. With the last effort of her individuality, Ritsuko asked one last question: "Why?"   
  
"Because…" Gendo said from the shadows, "Because I can." He watched as the doctor entered a hypnotic trance like state. Then he stepped forward into view again, and allowed the scientist's eyes to focus on him. He issued his next instructions as he would issue a command to a computer. "Akagi. Reprogram the Dummy Matrix and Magi Interface for Unit 01, and perform the calculations as quickly as possible."   
  
Ritsuko blinked once, "Timeframe?" Her voice resounded with a strange echo.   
  
Gendo heard the voices and smiled slightly. The interface was perfect. "I need the system prepared by oh-seven hundred Friday."  
  
The voices of the Rei clones harmonized with Doctor Akagi's voice, "Understood. Estimate that the dummy system will have an effectiveness of 59.2% by that time frame."   
  
Gendo smiled as he stepped back into the shadows. Ritsuko's eyes stared almost unblinkingly into the distance… as a small, empty, smile formed on her face.   
  
--  
  
Author's notes:   
  
Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It took me a while to write this, but it's quicker than my three month hiatus I took when my job was in jeopardy. As always, please read and review. :)   
  
Tidbits to keep in mind: Shinji didn't know yet that Class 2-A was a pilot repository. (Asuka and Hikari figured it out, but didn't tell him about it) and there is a reason that Gendo used the name "Akagi" rather than her first name... :D  
  
2/17 - replaced Karwou with Kaworu. I'm adding it to my spell check too. :) Thanks Kuracao for catching that.   
  
Thanks for reading this,   
PitViper. (pvalpha@yahoo.com)   
  



	10. Chapter One Part 9: Urgent Messages

**Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 9 – Urgent Messages   
**  
--  
  
**Thursday Afternoon.   
**  
Just as the intertwining nature of light and dark defines the world we live in, so too does the intertwining nature of light and dark dictate the nature of the human soul. To say that human beings have an equal capacity for good and for evil is a simple truth. But to understand it, one must look at the soul, as it twists and snakes around itself to form the personality of the body it occupies.   
  
Even the darkest souls have a touch of light within them. And even the brightest souls always cast a shadow. While this is unavoidable, there is always the hope that the human mind and conscience can dictate the soul's nature to some extent. That the people have the ability to choose who they are, and to which side they will belong. A person may choose a path of light, or they may choose the darkness.   
  
However, choice is never the only factor. For a good soul to remain in the light, they must recognize the darkness within, and fight it. In order to do that, they must be willing to face their true selves, and understand the nature of the Light of the Soul.   
  
Unfortunately for Asuka Langley Sohryu, self-revelation on that particular level was an impossible challenge. She tried, tried to face the inner fear of the truth: To see her mother, to know what drove her to the madness that forced her to commit suicide. To understand what a horrid creation she really was. She doubted most everything about herself: Her purpose, her reason for existence. Perhaps, even her humanity.   
  
"What kind of animal am I?" Asuka asked herself as she sat on her bed, lying across its surface. Shinji and Rei were practicing synchronization in the living room. They were trying to form a plan to extract the pilot from Unit 03 once it went active. Asuka knew Ayanami held no hope that they would be able to accomplish the synchronization. After all, Asuka had refused to even join their planning for the mission that would undoubtedly ensue tomorrow.   
  
She knew that Shinji would look at her door every fifteen minutes; she knew that if she stuck her head out there, she'd be able to stare into his eyes. She also knew that Rei's haunting orbs would also be transfixed upon her. Somehow that was a comforting thought.   
  
Yet she did not join her fellow pilots. "What kind of idiot are you, Asuka?" She asked herself. "Are you abandoning hope?" She made herself think about those words for a few moments, as she rolled over to stare at the clock. 1:17pm. She quickly rolled over again, and buried her head in her arms. "You Dumbkopf!" She berated herself. But she also knew the truth. 'I had given up hope long ago. Back when I walked in on my mother… when she was…' She shook her head violently as she flung herself backwards on her mattress, landing in a pile of pillows like some sort of red-haired fairytale princess.   
  
Hope was something the young Sohryu had given up long ago. She knew that is why it was so hard for her to synchronize with her Evangelion. But she knew something now that she didn't know then. "I know where you are Mama. I know you're there. Inside, waiting for me. Waiting to protect me. To protect me as you couldn't before."   
  
And so for the first time that day, Asuka Langley Sohryu had something she had long lost and nearly forgotten: Hope. And with that one simple weapon, came the truth of the AT Field. The understanding of the Light of the Soul.   
  
-  
  
Maya Ibuki had only traveled to the depths of the geo-front once before. She was cleared, only barely, to enter the bowels of the installation. But even she could not go to Heaven's Gate. That clearance was for the Commanders… and for Akagi-sempai, alone.   
  
But the Dummy System interface was a part of her clearance. She was often asked to work on parts associated with the matrix, and occasionally with the synchronization tube that Rei used to pass her knowledge into the matrix. But the tube was the only thing she had ever seen. A single cylinder of technology surrounded by black walls, and the red outline of the letters of the building blocks of life – DNA. The endless stream of A's, T's, G's and C's that make up the formula to build all living organisms.   
  
Even though she knew that the room was a machine, built by the same mind that forged the Magi… she could help but feel that each time she had entered the buried tomb like structure that she was being intently watched. Even now as she approached the door leading into this inner sanctum, she doubted her motivations for going in.   
  
After all, she had just discovered an anomaly in the Magi's Dummy Matrix. The code was odd, laced with what appeared to be almost random elements; but, those elements were forming complex mathematical structures. So dynamic were these structures, that it appeared, almost, as if the Magi were developing a genetic, thinking, code beyond the simple deliberation and argumentative structure that was driven by the engramatic remnants of Doctor Naoko Akagi's original imprints.   
  
Maya hoped to find Doctor Akagi performing her usual magic down here… As the door opened however, the answers to her hope was a nightmare…   
  
"Sempai?" Maya asked tentatively, entering the room slowly.   
  
Akagi's suspended form looked up. "Primary calculations for simulation body and dummy interface with the Magi… Thirty… fifty six. Ninety five are correct. Limited four and eight are missing…"   
  
"Doctor Akagi?" Maya again queried.   
  
"Your inquiry is invalid. State your clearance." Akagi's voice echoed throughout the chamber.   
  
Maya looked around the chamber, trying to identify the strange echo that accompanied her teacher's voice.  
  
"Your inquiry is invalid. State your clearance." The doctor blandly repeated.   
  
Maya thought for a moment, this was something the Magi did to challenge individuals it suspected of trying to hack the system or improperly use an accidentally logged in command line. "My clearance code is 'blue blue fourteen eighty one alpha'.   
  
Akagi's head tilted downward for a moment. "Searching…"   
  
'Good god, she's interfaced with the Magi. It's using her as a terminal…' Maya thought as the doctor floated in the LCL suspension.   
  
"Clearance approved. Maya Ibuki."   
  
Maya stiffened slightly, 'I will have to direct my inquires as though she were the Magi.' "Why is Doctor Akagi attached to the dummy system?"   
  
"I am not attached to the dummy system." The doctor replied.   
  
'Odd.' "Who is attached to the dummy system?"  
  
"Ritsuko Akagi."   
  
"Then Doctor Akagi is attached to the Dummy System."   
  
"Negative. I am not attached to the Dummy System."   
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Doctor Naoko Akagi."   
  
Maya suddenly blanched. She was speaking with the engramatic presence of Naoko Akagi. 'I must tread carefully.' "Then what is the purpose for Doc… Doctor Ritsuko Akagi's attachment to the Dummy System."   
  
"She is currently directly accessing Magi functions to program the Dummy System for immediate operation."   
  
"Why"   
  
"Command directive 001 230 1447." The Magi replied with Ritsuko's voice.   
  
Maya heard it again, the strange echo – it was almost like Rei's voice. "What is the source of the echo…?"   
  
"The Dummy System." The Magi replied.   
  
"What is the Dummy System?"   
  
"The Dummy System is the Rapid Evolution Initiative. Originally specified Project REI. Primary source material for Project REI is specimen zero one. Reference Heaven's Gate. Secondary source material is genetic remnants of activation test zero four three, performed March 10, 2004. Test unit was alpha four one. Unit source material is specimen zero one. Secondary source material is pilot Yui Ikari. Source material was reduced to base amino acids, structure indeterminate."  
  
'Yui Ikari… Shinji's mother…' "Why was…" Maya licked her lips slightly, "Why was Yui Ikari reduced to base amino acids?"   
  
"Magi dummy system buffer override was issued, Akagi 666. Unit was allowed to directly interface with Ego Border of test pilot… resulting in loss of Ego Border and deconstruction of physical form."   
  
"Did the dummy system exist before… the accident?"   
  
"Affirmative."   
  
"Why was the secondary genetic material added?"   
  
"To provide Project REI organisms with altered physical attributes."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Unknown."   
  
Several moments passed in silence as Maya watched her mentor floating in the Dummy System… Finally she asked, "Show me… show me the Dummy System."   
  
A moment passed, as the Magi considered the request. In the next instant, illumination filled the room.   
  
"Rei?" Maya gasped, as she looked around the now illuminated chamber. A dozen Rei's eyes snapped up and focused on the Lieutenant.   
  
"Illumination activated…" The Magi said, using both Doctor Akagi and the many Rei clones as its voice.   
  
"D…Deactivate illumination…" Maya whispered, and watched as the tank went black.   
  
"Do you have any further requests, Maya Ibuki?"   
  
"H… How long until Doctor Akagi is released from… from the Magi Interface?"   
  
"Upon Commander Ikari's order," The machine replied.   
  
"I… I have no more requests at this time." Maya mumbled.   
  
"User Maya Ibuki, logged out." Akagi's voice quavered, then her head fell downwards, and her body went limp.   
  
For her part, Maya backed up until she met the closed door behind her. As she hit it, she fell limp, and collapsed in a heap on the floor, tears coming from her eyes. "Sempai…"   
  
-  
  
"What are you thinking Shinji?" Rei asked softly, looking into his eyes as they took a break from their practice.   
  
"It… It might work."   
  
"It _has_ to work." Rei affirmed.   
  
"What if… What if father tries to stop us? I mean…"   
  
Rei nodded in understanding. "He might try to use the Dummy System. While it's been officially installed in Unit 01, it's possible that unmarked plugs have been placed in both Sohryu's Eva and My own." Rei sighed, "That's why it is very important that you learn how to block my intrusions into your mind."   
  
"But I thought they couldn't copy the soul…" Shinji said.   
  
"They can't. But the Dummy System is the echo of my mind. While you are one with Evangelion, you both share the same mind. If you learn how to block my thought patterns, then you can override the Dummy System uplink."   
  
"Rei, I've not been able to stop you for more than a few seconds…"   
  
"With time and practice, you will be able to do better."   
  
Shinji sighed, "But…"   
  
"Stop it now, Shinji-kun. If you doubt yourself, then you've already failed." Rei said, touching his cheek for a moment with her fingers. Shinji leaned into the soft caress, but knew not to let himself get carried away.   
  
Meanwhile their silent observer mulled the words of the First Child. 'If you doubt yourself, then you've already failed.' Asuka sighed as she stood limply at the door. "I've never believed in myself…"   
  
Rei blinked, and turned to face Asuka who was standing at the doorway. Rei looked into her seemingly dead blue eyes. "Sohryu? Please, come join us."   
  
"I…"   
  
"Just sit." Rei said, "_Be_ with us. You don't have to do anything."   
  
"But…"   
  
"We're not going to force anything, Asuka. Believe me." Shinji said, encouraging the girl to come and sit with them.   
  
Asuka nodded slightly, and hesitantly walked to where the two children were sitting. As she looked down upon the two children seated on the floor, she let out a slight sigh. Then she gracelessly lowered herself to the floor, loosing her balance in the last second and falling the last couple inches to the carpet. "Umph…"   
  
Rei smiled slightly, before washing the instant of emotion from her features.   
  
"What, you're going to laugh at me?"   
  
"It was… Humorous." Rei said.   
  
Shinji looked at Rei for a moment, "She flopped down…"   
  
"She did." Rei replied.   
  
"So, I flop down…" Shinji stated.   
  
"Yes, you do." Rei affirmed.   
  
"So what was funny about it?"   
  
"Since when have you ever known Sohryu to 'Flop' down like a normal child?" Rei asked softly.  
  
Sohryu blinked, and in a complete defiance of all facts and logic, stated boldly: "I do not flop!"   
  
Rei glanced at her for several long seconds. Just as Asuka was about to declare victory, Rei spoke: "Do too."   
  
Asuka sneered, "Did not!"   
  
"Did too." Rei replied, barely suppressing a giggle.   
  
Shinji sat looking at the two girls with a dumbfounded expression on his face.   
  
"Did Not!" Asuka again exclaimed.   
  
In a completely un Rei-like fashion a large grin appeared on her face as she said the words, "Did so."  
  
"Why you little…."   
  
Rei smiled, "I'm not little."   
  
"I DO NOT FLOP!" Asuka said in an exasperated voice, as she watched Rei's face contort again into an even broader smile.   
  
"Do too."   
  
"Not."   
  
"Do too."   
  
"NOT! NOT! NOT!"   
  
"But _I_ flop! I don't see the problem here!" Shinji finally exclaimed.   
  
"Boys flop." Asuka said haughtily, "Girls delicately, gently, lower themselves to the ground."   
  
Rei stood up, and then flopped to the ground. However, she misjudged the distance, and fell backwards, ending up sprawled on her back. "Ooops." Rei said softly.   
  
Asuka watched the action… then rolled onto her back laughing. "Good god, were we just arguing about flopping!?!"   
  
Rei righted herself with a smile, and pushed several stray locks of hair out of her face as she blinked. "I see why you don't 'Flop' Sohryu-san."   
  
This only served to bring even more giggles to the Red Demon, as Shinji remained dumbfounded.   
  
"Rei…" Asuka gasped, while laughing, "Rei… that was… so funny."   
  
Rei's smile diminished slightly, "I was just proving that girls can 'flop' too."  
  
"Maybe we should all just go and…" Shinji started to suggest before being cut off by Asuka.   
  
"Flop!" Asuka interjected. An instant later, both girls were rolling on the floor laughing.   
  
"I don't understand…" Shinji said.   
  
"Don't worry, Baka Shinji…" Asuka said, "You don't need to know."   
  
"But it wasn't even that funny…" Shinji frowned.   
  
"Shinji," Rei said softly, finally stilling the giggles she had, "Maybe we just needed to relax."   
  
"But I don't…"   
  
"You don't have to." Asuka said to Shinji, scooting closer to the pair. "It's just a girl thing…" Then she brightened up realizing something. She hadn't laughed like that, really laughed, for a very long time. And Rei… Perhaps she had never laughed like that. "Thank you, Rei." She said.   
  
'Words of thanks…' Rei reflected, and suddenly her placid mask was in place, "Why?"   
  
"For showing me… for letting me see that you're human too."   
  
"We're all human." Shinji said. "It doesn't matter what we look like, we're all human."   
  
"Even the angels." Sohryu stated. Perhaps that was the 'message' that humanity was intended to receive. "We're all the same, aren't we? Humans. Angels. Evangelion… All life. All intelligent life is the same."  
  
"Even the Angels." Rei confirmed, and then smiled softly. "Even you, Sohryu-san. Even you."  
  
"Um… Shouldn't we be… uh, practicing?" Shinji interjected.   
  
Rei nodded, her hair making halos in the room's light. "Will you join us, Sohryu?"   
  
"I'll watch…" Asuka said with a bit of trepidation. "If you don't mind."   
  
Both children nodded their ascent as they moved themselves into position.   
  
"Are you ready, Shinji?"   
  
Shinji nodded, then looked at Asuka. "When you're ready."   
  
Asuka closed her eyes. 'Soon Shinji. Soon…'   
  
--  
  
Author's notes:   
  
Still working on making these chapters good. Its always very difficult to find time to write when life is pressuring you from all sides, I just hope that this chapter lives up to the quality of the previous ones.   
  
As always I hope you enjoy the story, feel free to give any comments and feedback you feel are appropriate. It is all warmly accepted.   
  
Edit 4/8/2003 - Corrected my horrid spelling of Naoko's name. Thanks to Steve Vader and the many other individuals who pointed that little mistake out. :) I would have modified it sooner, but I had a friend's wedding to go to. Please keep on reviewing. I hope to update this story at least once a month... assuming the gods of employment shine favorably and don't decide to make my work my life...  
  
Thanks,   
PitViper(pvalpha@yahoo.com).


	11. Chapter One Part 10: To Thy Own Self Be ...

Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 10 – To Thy Own Self Be True  
  
-  
  
Friday Morning.  
  
One must wonder, at times, what the hazy mists of morning must look like right after a particularly vivid dream. Then again, one must wonder – at times – whether or not reality is simply the minds reflection of a particularly powerful dream. Of course, if it is, then what would be the use of waking up from it?   
  
Still, despite all things, we strive to wake up from our dreams… and eventually we let even the most enjoyable of them fade into that forgetful mist known as reality… wondering if the dream or the dreamer is the one setting the pace and the tone for the story called life.   
  
If we are in a dream of reality, then we are prisoners to it. We cannot see our prison, we cannot touch it or taste it or quantify it. The only time we are made aware that we were actually prisoners in our own minds, is when we finally, inexorably, wake up. Such as it was for Doctor Ritsuko Akagi as the tank and the Magi released their grip on her body and her mind, respectfully.   
  
Doctor Akagi's form spewed out the last of the LCL… "Dam…Damn you." She finally managed under her heaves and aborted deep breaths. He was there. He had to be there. He would always be there. To gloat… to love… to hate… So many things within him, conflicting against each other. Yet, there was no room for her in the heart that belonged to Gendo Ikari. He was a shadow, inching around her, suffocating and binding… Her hazy vision tried to lock onto the shadow that was creeping around in the unlit portion of the lab, but she failed miserably in locating her tormentor.   
  
She placed her left hand to her chest, and felt the slimy residue of the LCL on her skin. A soft breeze from the air conditioning system reminded her of her current state of undress.   
  
"So, still defiant, I see. Maybe I had hoped your mother would trade places with you." The commander's voice boomed from the surrounding darkness. "It is not of importance. You have accomplished your task."   
  
"Fuck you." She sputtered, a trail of spittle and LCL dripping from her lips. She went to wipe her mouth, but found only more of the repulsive material on the back of her hands. 'It really does smell like blood…' She thought as she once again tried to focus on the man in the shadows.   
  
"Really, it doesn't surprise me a bit. After all she knows that the Magi are as close as she can possibly get to me… She gets to… listen… to every thought, every word, every idea I have." Gendo's glasses reflected a bit of the light from the chamber for an instant, revealing his approximate location. Ritsuko's head locked on to that fleeting glint of light just as he spoke again, "You really have no idea what kind of power your mother created with the Magi."  
  
"I know her better than you ever will." Ritsuko challenged.   
  
"You know her like a mechanic knows a car." Gendo accused, once again completely disappearing. "A mechanic keeps a car running well. A mechanic knows what must be done to fix a car - what makes it run better. But a Mechanic didn't design the car. He'll never know the love that was put into it by the engineer and creator. He will not be able to feel that special feeling one gets when they accomplish something akin to a work of art. You did not design the Evangelions. You simply maintain them. You did not design the Magi, you are but their keeper. My wife and your mother were artists. They created beautiful, amazing things. Powerful things. You are but a pale imitation, useful – but not their equal."   
  
"So that is my fate, then? To be my mother's keeper. And… and you're wife's keeper?"   
  
Gendo stepped forward from the shadows directly in front of Akagi. Ritsuko immediately jumped to her feat and threw her hand at his face. However he caught her hand in mid-swing, grinning as he looked into her eyes. "You have your uses."   
  
Ritsuko tried to resist, but couldn't. Finally she went limp in his grasp, as he lowered her hand and grasped her other hand. "You will… be very useful."   
  
"I… I will be useful." Ritsuko said. 'What… what is happening to me?'   
  
"You can feel it now, can't you?" Gendo practically beamed. "A little, oh so very little, of what was taken from you. But enough to let you know what the Dummy System can do…"   
  
"I Hate… hate. You" Ritsuko said, but couldn't put any strength behind the accusation.   
  
"Kiss me." Gendo instructed.   
  
Ritsuko's eyes widened as her face began to comply. 'No, what is this??? What is happening… for the love of god! I don't want to… what?' Her eyes softened, as she stared into Gendo's glasses. "What…" She managed to whisper as her body involuntarily became closer to this man who had just commanded her.   
  
"Interesting, is it not," Gendo breathed as Ritsuko's lips touched his own. He made no action to return the kiss, only holding Ritsuko's hands at her sides as her lips locked desperately onto his own. After about a minute, Ritsuko backed away, looking at him.   
  
Finally, her mind allowed her control over her voice, "W…what did you do to me?"   
  
Gendo smiled. "The mental effects will fade with time... Most of them, at least. A couple days and you will be inflexible again. There may be some… permanent effects… but nothing you shouldn't be able to cover up with a bit of makeup and your usual… hair coloring. Of course, any instructions I give you during this time will become priorities in your own mind," Gendo smiled, "permanently."   
  
"You bastard," Ritsuko breathed, not really being able to put much force behind it. "Som… some kind of mind control?"   
  
Gendo smiled. "Doctor Akagi, you will… perform the activation test today as normal. You will ensure that the fourth synchronizes with the Unit. And, you will not let anyone know of the incidents that occurred down here."   
  
Ritsuko screamed mentally, 'Like hell I will you bastard… first chance I get I'm letting Misato know everything!' Suddenly a mind numbing pain shot through her brain. She collapsed to the floor, her hand on the tube for the dummy system. 'Duty,' echoed painfully through her mind, as though it were an all consuming juggernaut of power.   
  
"Whatever you thought of, my dear Akagi, I am glad that you did not try to say it aloud." Gendo mused with false concern. "It would be a shame to have to try to revive you after a cardiac arrest."   
  
"You… bastard." Akagi managed through the pain.   
  
"You will quit using foul language." Gendo instructed her.   
  
Ritsuko was about to swear at him again, but the pain returned, causing her to double over and heave the contents of her stomach out. With spittle and bile now dripping from her lips, she managed, "I…. I am not your… your… doll."   
  
At that, Gendo laughed heartily. "You would be if I instructed you to be." He walked close to her and smiled. "Oh, by the way Doctor Akagi: Stop smoking. And don't let it impact your performance."   
  
Ritsuko stared dumbly at the man. She was a heavy smoker. The one thing she wanted right now was a cigarette. She remembered there was a pack in her lab coat… but the moment she imagined herself lighting up the tobacco product, she felt the pain returning.   
  
"Yes… I know what you're thinking. I know what your addiction will do to you. Your change…" Gendo chuckled at this, "Your change means that you will be unable to perform that particular action. It will not, however, allow you to find relief from that particular withdrawal."   
  
"Torture…" Ritsuko gasped.   
  
"Punishment," Gendo corrected. "You are just a tool, Doctor Akagi. But I need you to use that mind of yours… no matter how pale it is compared to the original... To complete the work your mother could not. So you need that individuality, that fire that burns inside of you. That inspiration so that humanity can find complementation."  
  
"Burn… In… Hades…." Ritsuko managed.   
  
Gendo laughed coldly, "You know, I like the PG-13 version much better."   
  
"Pe..people will notice…" Ritsuko muttered weakly.   
  
Gendo seemed to think about it. "True enough. You will not swear in my presence. But you will not smoke ever again." Gendo then looked around. "The trip to the testing grounds should begin at 0600. Its 0030… you should get some food, then some rest."   
  
Ritsuko felt her body mechanically rise and stand. She tried to resist his will, but could not.   
  
"Come… Rei, we will have dinner."   
  
Ritsuko, at that moment, figured out what was making her so pliant. Her mind screamed as the Dummy Plug's response echoed in her own ears with her own voice. "Yes sir." Her mental screams were powerless to change the Dummy personality's impression or control. She couldn't even suppress the small mindless smile that appeared on her lips as the 'Rei' within her anticipated having dinner with the Commander.   
  
In the darkness of the room, after the duo had left, and the lights had gone out… a lone figure stepped out from the darkness. Her crimson eyes narrowed slightly at the closed door.   
  
"The trinity…" Rei whispered. "My sisters… When the time comes, it will be you I depend upon for strength."   
  
There was no sound and no movement in the silence of the room, except for the soft thrumming of machinery and the delicate breathing of the First Child.  
  
-  
  
Shinji rolled in his sleep, sweat covering his brow. In the deep dark recesses of his mind he continued the battle.   
  
"No father, no!" Shinji screamed as his father laughed and taunted him.   
  
"Why will you not fight?" Gendo asked, his impenetrable stare leveled solely on the young boy.   
  
Shinji thought a moment. "Touji… Touji is my friend."  
  
"Irrelevant, you must fight. Or all your friends will die."   
  
Shinji shuddered. "Why?"   
  
"Because that is what I need of you. That is what your mother needs of you. You are our key, you are the lamb before the altar of God. You will be what returns to me that which is rightfully mine…"   
  
"NO!"   
  
"You will kill him, Shinji. That is your purpose."   
  
"NO!!!! NO!!!! I'll destroy you… I'll keep you from hurting my friends."   
  
"Shinji…" Another voice whispered, and the visage of the Commander faded.   
  
"W…Who's there?" Shinji asked in his dream.   
  
"We are here…" Said a soft voice. Then there was a small chuckle… one that sounded exactly like his own. But the laugh was empty – devoid of cheer, or depression… or anything.   
  
"Who are you?"   
  
"We call to you, Shinji… to live for you when you can no longer live. The first has awakened us… we are for you, Shinji of the Trinity…"   
  
"I… I don't understand… Awakened?" His voice trailed off, as he gazed in the dream-mist around him. Suddenly there were dozens of young boys… boys with his face, but with white hair instead of his brown-black…   
  
At once they opened their eyes, a soft smile on their faces. Their eyes were the color of blood… the same color as Rei's. "We are waiting for you, Shinji Ikari. We are you."   
  
Just then, Rei entered Shinji's dreams. "Do not be disturbed…"   
  
"I…" Shinji could not speak as the clones faded into the distance.   
  
"It's alright. Just… just sleep, beloved of mine." Rei said, calmly closing his eyes with her hand.   
  
"But…" Shinji argued, but was powerless to resist Rei's call to oblivion… or to unity.   
  
The last thing Shinji's mind heard before falling into a dreamless slumber was Rei softly speaking.   
  
"For you I do this, for you the one I love." She said. "For you all will be well, dear, sweet, Shinji."   
  
--  
  
Author's notes:   
  
I'm really sorry for the short part. I'm trying to organize my thoughts for the upcoming battle. Hopefully it will be the longest part I've written so far, with the exception of the first chapter of course.   
  
I've long given up hope of being able to predict when I can have these parts complete. But hey, I'm trying. I hope that the quality keeps up with that of the previous chapters, I promise you, you won't be disappointed when you see the next part. :D   
  
Later,   
  
PitViper (pvalpha@yahoo.com) 


	12. Chapter One Part 11: While You Were Slee...

Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 11 – While You Were Sleeping.   
  
---  
Disclaimer: There should be one at the beginning of this mess, but I'll put one here just to remind everyone: Evangelion isn't mine. It belongs to Gainax and a few others. I'm only borrowing their universe for a bit of fun, and hopefully it's enjoyable. I don't intend to make any money off of this work, so please, don't sue me.   
  
Author's Notes:   
  
I hope you enjoy this part. I've been away for a while, but I'm really trying to pull this together. I hope you don't find the following segment too confusing – I wanted to try a different way of telling about the battle and the Trinity. I hope you enjoy it. :D   
  
And thanks to everyone for their appreciation and positive reviews. I greatly enjoy getting feedback from everyone, and hope that it continues. I've recently had some bad illness and a lot of work, but I will be getting back into the writing, and trying my hardest to make sure that the quality is what you're used to. So please be patient, and enjoy the story. :D   
  
Thanks,   
PitViper.   
  
---   
Conversations and Observations Chapter One Part 11 – While you were Sleeping.   
  
Touji's eyes focused on the ceiling above him. 'Where am I?' was the first conscious thought to flutter through his muddled mind. He felt horrible. His body, which he was very proud of, felt like it had been run over by several tanks and massive tractor trailers before finally being flattened by the grotesque monster that was his to pilot…   
  
It wasn't until he glanced over to the side of his bed, while grunting in minor pain at the effort it took, that he realized where he was. After all, one normally finds IV bags hanging in hospitals. The fact that he currently had an IV bag attached to his arm by a clear plastic tube suggested quite strongly that he was in the hospital.   
  
He looked further and saw the small utilitarian table next to his bed. There was a small cream colored phone, and a vase of wild flowers. There were also two cards, one saying "Get Well Soon" Signed "2-A"… As Touji thought about it, he knew that if he opened that card, he'd see the signatures of all his classmates… at least the ones that were still in the city. He noticed another card, this one was smaller, but far more ornate and complicated in design. And while there was no specific message on the outside other than "Feel better soon", he knew that this card was special.   
  
Touji, however, couldn't see who wrote the card. Summoning what little strength he had, he managed to move his arm and grasp the smaller card without disturbing the myriad of sensors and wires attached to the various places on his body.   
  
As the Jock managed to move the card before his eyes, he noticed the very delicate patterns what appeared to be ornate lace along the edges. 'An expensive card, although not quite my taste….' He opened it carefully, like a child examining a Christmas present, wondering what would be within.   
  
Touji,   
  
I hope you get well soon. I miss you.   
  
Hikari.  
  
Touji blinked in shock. "Hikari?" He muttered softly. It was then he noticed the empty chair next to his bed. On it was a notebook, its pages open, laying face down on the chair seat as though its reader had abandoned it quickly. He recognized it as a class journal. He had seen Hikari working quite often in this type of book, keeping track of the things that she had to do as the class representative. Finally he was able to struggle and get himself into a position to actually see the cover. "Hikari," he muttered, as he saw the class representative's last name on the page. 'Just how long have I been in this place?' He wondered as he moved himself back to his previous position in the bed.   
  
Just as he had managed to get himself back into a comfortable position, the room's door opened, revealing the last person he wanted to see: The woman who was primarily responsible for his being in this hospital.   
  
Doctor Akagi sighed as she brought up the lights in the room. "Mr. Suzahara," she said quietly, holding a clipboard to her chest.   
  
Touji remained silent; trying to pretend that he was asleep.  
  
"That won't work." The doctor said sternly, then she sighed. "We know you're awake. Actually, though, we were anticipating that you wouldn't wake up until this evening, but evidently your body had other plans."   
  
"What time is it?" Touji asked, not bothering to open his eyes to the light.   
  
Akagi glanced at her wrist. "About six in the morning."   
  
Touji mumbled incoherently. "Figures." He finally said after breathing a few curses.   
  
"Mr. Suzahara… Sorry about this… but we have to begin a few cursory tests. What is the last thing you remember?" The doctor asked quietly, moving the notebook from the chair, and taking a seat.   
  
Touji took this moment to glare at her. "I guess I understand why Shinji hates Eva so much…"   
  
"Please Mr. Suzahara…"   
  
Summoning his ire, what little of it there was, Touji practically growled at Ritsuko Akagi, "Would you just please stop with the Mr. Suzahara shit. Its Touji, got it?" Touji watched the Doctor jump. "As for the last thing I remember. You said 'Reaching absolute border' and after that everything went blank."   
  
Akagi wrote on her clipboard. "Good. It looks like no short term memory loss." She looked at him sympathetically, "You remembered a lot more than I expected you to Mr. Suza… Touji. After all, you've been out of commission for quite a while."   
  
Touji blinked, "What?"   
  
"You had a severe concussion, and multiple fractures along your arm and leg. The fractures were healed quite quickly using some of our more advanced techniques… but the concussion has kept you out for…" Ritsuko looked at her clipboard, "Three weeks."   
  
"Th… Three weeks!" Touji moaned.   
  
Akagi looked down at the notebook she had laid on the floor, and then moved it to the small table. "Yes. Three weeks. Granted, we kept you sedated for the last couple of days just to make sure that the swelling had gone down. But other than that, you should be just fine."   
  
"Fine? Fine! I've just spent three weeks unconscious, and I feel like a steam roller flattened me." Touji complained. "What the hell happened anyway?"   
  
Ritsuko twitched. "Well, Touji… I don't think anyone can really explain exactly what happened. And the details will have to wait until your mission debriefing… but… Suffice it to say… a lot has changed since you blacked out in that entry plug…"   
  
"Like what…" Touji said angrily, but trailed off when he heard the door open. What Touji saw next was entirely unexpected.   
  
"Sorry, Doctor Akagi… I needed to get my note…" Hikari stopped short as she realized that Touji was staring at her. "Suzahara-kun?"   
  
"C…Class Rep?" He asked, staring at Hikari. "Wh…Why are you wearing… that?"   
  
Hikari blushed, her freckles fading away as the color of her face turned a bright cherry red.   
  
Doctor Akagi felt a pang of remorse for the young girl. "Miss Horaki. Night watch?"   
  
Hikari blinked, "Um… yeah."   
  
"Hikari, That's…that's… that's a plug suit!" Touji said, then glared at Doctor Akagi. "You bitch! Putting four children through hell wasn't enough. Couldn't wait for me to heal up, so you just had to get some one else to throw into one of those goddamn beasts!"   
  
Doctor Akagi rose quickly from her chair, "Now you listen here, Pilot Suzahara! NERV is in the business of defending humanity. To that end, we'll do whatever is necessary to achieve that goal. First, you are a pilot – the designated pilot of Unit 03, which is currently being rebuilt. So we didn't throw Miss Horaki anywhere. Second, she's a volunteer. And you'd be surprised at just how many volunteers there were who were willing to pilot Eva. Third, you have no clue what's been happening for the last three weeks. If you did, then you'd know that we need EVERY pilot we can get. Which includes you once you're up and out of here." Akagi hissed, "Finally, I won't tolerate being called a bitch for any reason, even by an injured pilot such as yourself."  
  
"You're using them, damnit!" Suzahara practically screamed, then began to cough.   
  
"Touji," Hikari said softly. "It was my choice. They need us, Touji. Asuka, Shinji and Rei… they all need us. Besides, it's my only link to her…" Hikari looked away as she got a stern look from Akagi.   
  
"Her? Who?" Touji asked, confused and frightened. "You're only link to who, Hikari?"   
  
"She can't answer that," Akagi coldly interrupted. "Its classified, Mr. Suzahara. And unless you decide to be a pilot full time, you aren't privileged to know that information."   
  
"Bullshit!" Touji muttered, watching Hikari twitch slightly at his disrespect.  
  
"I'm sorry, Touji. It's part of our duty." Hikari glanced over at Doctor Akagi, wishing that the woman would relinquish her from her silence. 'You were in Eva, Touji. Couldn't you feel it? Don't you know?' She thought to herself while trying to understand the boy's anger.   
  
"Look, Doctor Akagi." Touji muttered, "You might as well tell me. I'm in NERV as long as my sister gets the best possible treatment, you understand. So you can tell me now."   
  
"I'm sorry, Touji. That decision isn't up to me." Akagi said sadly. "Your commanding officer will have to debrief you and she's the one who will make the judgment of whether or not you can have access to that information – or whether or not you'll be the pilot of Unit 03."   
  
"My CO?" Touji chuckled. "Kensuke would be going ape over all this military jargon. I assume that my 'CO' is Major Katsuragi?"   
  
Akagi chuckled a bit herself, "Not quite. Let's just say that Katsuragi got an unexpected promotion. NERV isn't what it once was."   
  
"So," Touji wondered idly, "Who is my CO?"   
  
Doctor Akagi smiled slightly, "Why don't I let Miss Horaki explain. And I'll leave you two alone." She moved to exit, "Oh, by the way Mr. Suzahara, should you decide to speak to me like that again, you'll find yourself in the stockade. I won't tolerate insubordination of that magnitude."  
  
As the door closed, Touji relaxed a bit. "Sorry." He muttered, not sure of what else to say.   
  
"It's ok. Doctor Akagi isn't exactly the easiest person to get along with. Then again, she doesn't have to be. She can put anyone in their place, even the Commander." Hikari said, choosing to sit in the vacated chair.   
  
Touji nodded absently. "I see. So, why did you sign up?"   
  
Hikari fidgeted slightly. "A few reasons, actually. Not the least of which was you."   
  
Touji sputtered, "Me?"   
  
With a small sigh, Hikari glanced at him, "I think I'm in love with you." She blushed immediately, then turned away.   
  
Touji gulped, "I… In love?"   
  
Hikari nodded slightly in the affirmative.   
  
"Hikari," Touji started, and waited for the young girl to look at him. "I… I think I'm in love with you too. I know one thing… I care about you a lot. Part of the reason for me choosing to become a pilot was to protect you."   
  
Hikari's surprised face quickly turned into a joyful expression. "You… Love me?"   
  
Touji smiled slightly, "Hey, what do I know, I'm just a jock! But I do know one thing: If there's anyone in school that I'd want to date, go out with, or just spend time around. It's you." Touji watched as the Class rep grasped his hand gently and put it to her face.   
  
"Thank you." She muttered softly, and looked into his eyes. "The last three weeks…" She paused as tears started to build in her eyes, "The last three weeks were horrible. So many people… so many dead."   
  
Touji's eyes widened as the class rep began crying. "W…What happened?"   
  
"A… A lot of it is classified, Touji. You'll get it during your debriefing… but there was this other group. They had been funding NERV. They used the JSSDF to move in and attack Tokyo III. Shinji said it was because of what happened during the last angel attack, they were trying to recover their plan for the end of humanity or something like that." She paused. "Shinji, Rei and Asuka defended the city as best they could, but a squad got into the school. NERV had guards for our classroom… but my older sister's class…" Hikari turned away.   
  
"What did they do?"   
  
"They…" Hikari choked, "They opened fire on the class."  
  
"Your sister?"   
  
Hikari, smiled slightly, "She… she was lucky. Bullet wound to the leg and arm… and a glancing shot to the face. The scars will be there for a while, but she's still alive." Then her tears started again, "But she's one of only three in class 4-C that survived. Everyone else… was killed."  
  
Touji shuddered, "Anyone else?"   
  
Hikari nodded, "A couple snipers took some shots at our class from the courtyard. Kensuke got hit by flying glass, and I took a bullet to the shoulder. Tamara… though… the sniper put a shot through her head. She… she fell in my lap, Touji. Her blood… so much blood. All I could do was remember her twitching for a few seconds, her eyes empty… unfocused. The worst thing was, she was dead before she hit the ground. She was a nice person. A good person. She didn't deserve that! None of them deserved that!  
  
"At that moment I told myself, 'Hikari, you can't let this happen to anyone else.'" Hikari paused to wipe away some tears. "I mean Tamara never even had a boyfriend. She was always too shy, and too plain, to attract any attention of that kind. A lot like me, if I wasn't class rep… I would have been just like her."   
  
"Hikari," Touji began. "It's not your fault. There was nothing you could do."   
  
"I know. Even Rei told me that. A lot of the ground battle I wasn't there for. I'm sure Rei will want to go over the details of that with you." Hikari quickly said, "I… Even though I know that there was nothing I could do to save her… I know too that now, as a pilot, I have the opportunity to save others. Colonel Katsuragi told me that 'The purpose of a weapon is to protect and defend life – yours and those for whom you fight.' Eva is a weapon, just like a gun or a sword. She also said, 'If only people would understand that each life is precious we'd have a lot less need for weapons in this world.'"   
  
Touji smiled slightly, "So that's why you signed on, eh?"  
  
"Mostly…" Hikari said, then smiled a bit. "The other thing… that I knew I had to do… I didn't want to die. At least not until I told the guy I love that I love him." Hikari stood, and leaned over Touji's prone form, and kissed him on the lips.   
  
For his part, Touji just let himself be kissed, enjoying every moment of it. When Hikari finally broke contact, Touji opened his eyes. "Wow…"  
  
Hikari giggled slightly, her tears still on her face. Touji gently lifted his hand, and wiped away the tears. She then grasped his hand with hers, and held it to her cheek. "I love you. Tamara's death taught me that death could come for us, at any time, in any place. And while I want us to take our time… with a relationship… to make sure it works – I realized that I'd never have anything, unless I told you how I felt."   
  
"Hikari…" He said softly, "I love you too. And when I get out of here," Touji gestured towards the bed, "I'm going to take you for coffee and a movie."   
  
"I'd like that." Hikari beamed back.   
  
Suddenly the Hospital's PA system came online, "Pilot Horaki, please report to Lieutenant Colonel Ayanami for mission debriefing. Pilot Horaki, please report to Lieutenant Colonel Ayanami for debriefing."   
  
Hikari grabbed her notebook from the desk. "Sorry, Touji. Got to go." She smiled slightly as her boyfriend struggled with the thought of the announcement.   
  
"Lieutenant Colonel Ayanami? Does Rei have a parent in the Military or something?" Touji asked, trying to envision a parent to the enigmatic blue-haired girl.   
  
"No. That's Rei. And that's her way of getting quality girl-talk time." Hikari said with a wink. "See you around, Touji."   
  
-  
  
Touji followed the Section Two officer assigned to take him to Lt. Colonel Ayanami. He was still tender and sore, but otherwise fine. Especially after the nurse came in and gave him a counteracting agent for the sedatives he had been on. Evidently Doctor Akagi wanted to question him while he was under the influence of the drugs – supposedly he would be more truthful and forthcoming in that condition. She was quite correct in theory. However the drugs had loosened his tongue a bit too much.   
  
Still, though, he felt a lot better, and was hoping he'd get a chance to run into Shinji or Kensuke. Although he doubted that NERV would let the latter into the facility… and that the former would be allowed out of his Eva for anything other than a rest period. Finally, the officer reached the door.   
  
"Here you go, sir." He said politely.   
  
Touji wondered about the honorific. Did he have a higher rank than the section two guard now? Still, it didn't matter. He was at his destination, and that was all that was important. "Thanks." He said half-heartedly, and knocked on the door.   
  
"Enter" Came the soft voice from the other side. As Touji opened the door, he noticed the name plaque "Lt. Col. Ayanami"   
  
Upon entering the room, he stiffened suddenly. Behind the rather plain desk was Rei Ayanami. She was dressed in a black uniform he had never seen before. The uniform jacket had two silver oak leaves affixed to the epaulettes of her jacket. Over her right breast, there were several ribbons and medals. Touji decided that the ribbons must have been engagements and training she'd received over the years, and that the medals were commendations for her actions in battle. The top of the uniform jacket was slightly undone – allowing Touji to see that it was indeed a red turtleneck shirt under the uniform jacket.   
  
"Please close the door, Pilot Suzahara." Rei instructed softly, glancing up from the paperwork she had on her desk. She stole a glance at one item on the desk, a small container containing a white flower. The flower was contained in a solid plastic, preserving its appearance, and also doubling as a paperweight.   
  
"Yes ma'am." Touji replied in an equal tone, absently closing the door, and turning to his former classmate. He stood silent for several minutes, unsure of what to do next.   
  
Rei, sensing his uncertainty and his gaze upon her, lifted her crimson eyes from the flower to meet his.   
  
Touji snapped out of his silence, "Pilot Suzahara reporting as… as ordered."   
  
Rei allowed a small and sympathetic smile to run across her features for a few moments. Shinji had recently been trying to get her to 'loosen up' a bit when it came to human interaction. "Suzahara-kun. Please, have a seat."   
  
"Yes, Colonel." He said, moving to the chair.   
  
"In this room, Suzahara-kun, our ranks are unnecessary – unless it is a disciplinary issue, you may call me Rei or Ayanami, whichever you are more comfortable with." Rei said quietly, and with a slight air of humor.   
  
Touji just numbly nodded, still trying to absorb the haunting appearance of the alabaster skinned woman.   
  
Rei took several moments to understand why Touji was intimidated. "My apologies for the uniform. My normal attire is not appropriate for the current situation. There is no need to keep up pretense or secrecy of status or position. And I needed my dress uniform for a promotion ceremony earlier today." She looked at herself for a moment. "I hate red, but it is a part of the uniform."   
  
"Uh… It's ok." Touji said softly, in shock now not only at Rei's appearance, but at how much she just said to him. 'She never talks that much.'   
  
Rei anticipated Touji's thoughts, "In school, it served no purpose for me to socialize. In a command situation, however, communication is a necessity."   
  
"Uh, it's okay, Ayanami. It just caught me off guard, ya know?"   
  
"I imagine it would, Suzahara-kun." Rei said, kindness creeping into her features as she adjusted her jacket slightly. "I also imagine you're wondering why you're here?"   
  
"A little…" Touji said, fidgeting slightly.  
  
"Well, considering your location in the last fight, it is understandable that you'd not remember much of what happened. This is a debriefing to inform you of the situation involving the Thirteenth Angel, Bardiel. And to inform you of how the mission was completed."   
  
"What about my status with NERV?" Touji asked suddenly.   
  
"That will be discussed after the Debriefing. Let's begin with the events immediately after the incident at the test site." Rei touched several buttons on her desk, and the wall behind her suddenly transformed into a display surface. Almost immediately, the NERV symbol appeared, and a data file name was displayed, with the notice that the information contained within was classified "Top Secret, eyes only".   
  
A voice echoed in the small office. "Beginning Magi playback, Datafile 00122731 Alpha. Operation Bardiel, timestamp fourteen thirty six twenty two."   
  
As the playback began from the point of view of each of the Eva's, and several monitoring posts, Rei closed her eyes as she remembered the incident first hand.   
  
--  
  
"That's an Eva!" Asuka yelled as the creature appeared over the horizon.   
  
"That is the target, designated as the Thirteenth Angel. Pilot Soryu will engage and destroy the target, Rei will engage as backup only if Soryu is unable to defeat or contain the angel. Pilot Ikari will be the GeoFront's last line of defense." The cold voice of Gendo Ikari echoed over each of the pilot's links.   
  
Asuka, well trained in combat tactics, immediately saw the foolishness in the attack plan. 'Together we succeed, divided… we fall.' She thought. Little did she know that the thoughts were being echoed in the minds of each of the other Evangelion pilots. "Shiest! I'm falling back. Shinji, get your ass to Rei's position."   
  
"Pilot Soryu, you will immediately return…"   
  
"No way. This plan has 'bullshit' scrawled all over it." Asuka said defiantly. "My ass makes better plans than this one."   
  
"You are to engage and destroy the Angel!" Gendo shouted, his voice echoing in the LCL filled plug.   
  
"Angel yes. Pilot no." Asuka said, as if speaking to a child.   
  
Rei's image came up, "Do you have a plan, Soryu-san?"   
  
As Asuka brought her Eva up to Rei's, she smiled evilly, "Yep." She started concentrating on her Eva, and felt the machine cut off its links to the Magi. "There! That won't last long, but it doesn't have to. Shinji, Rei, cut off your Eva's from the Magi. The last thing we need is the Bastard King ejecting our plugs or doing something equally nasty to us while we're trying to get that idiot pilot out of that Angel."   
  
-  
  
In the Command center, Gendo's frown increased as he received the latest reports. "Unit 02 is rejecting all external data uplinks and signals." Makoto announced, while typing furiously on his keyboard.   
  
"The status of the other Evangelions?" Commander Ikari asked coolly.   
  
"They're also rejecting remote signals. I have yet to figure out how."  
  
Fuyutsuki came up to the Commander and whispered in his ear, "It would appear that your children are rebelling."   
  
"I still have one mechanism of control, Professor." Gendo said coldly. "Lieutenant Ibuki, Prepare the dummy system for operation in all Evangelions."   
  
"Sir?" Maya shuddered as she looked at Makoto and Aoba, who were still concentrated on trying to hack into the Eva's control mechanisms. "We can't access the Evas' control mechanisms…"   
  
"The dummy system uses a different control mechanism. Activate the uplinks."   
  
"But the synchronization feedback!" Maya challenged… "We can't cut sync before we activate."   
  
"Irrelevant. The utter destruction of the target is all that's important. That's an order."   
  
"Sir!" Maya shouted, but was cut off by the sharp sound of a gun being fired. A moment later, her left arm blossomed in terrible pain as the bullet embedded itself in her biceps muscle.   
  
The commander watched the lieutenant for a few moments, as a thin trail of smoke came from the heated gun barrel. Satisfied that the Lieutenant was in enough pain, he began his lecture: "Lieutenant Ibuki… This is a combat situation, and my orders will be followed, or the next bullet will go through your brain." Commander Ikari coldly instructed from the command tier. "Now, activate the system."   
  
Ibuki made it over to the MAGI terminal. She used her right hand to type in a series of codes into the computer. "M…Magi reports that dummy system zero through two are ready for activation."   
  
Fuyutsuki whispered again, "Ikari, don't make her do this, you could activate the system from your console. You realize what this means for the children?"  
  
"Professor, your conscience is not welcome right now." Gendo replied in an equal whisper. Then in his command voice he instructed, "Activate the system Lieutenant Ibuki."  
  
"Y…Yes sir." Ibuki stuttered. She was beginning to feel the blood loss from her wound.   
  
Gendo again whispered to Fuyutsuki, "Her obedience is required. Her punishment for her questions will be to believe that she is fully responsible for the condition of the pilots." Gendo pressed a sequence on the panel, causing the Dummy System restrictions to be removed.   
  
"Ikari," Fuyutsuki muttered, "Yui would not approve."   
  
"Professor," Gendo said darkly, "Nothing matters but recovering Yui. Her approval is not required."   
  
-  
  
Rei watched as the angel approached. 'If we could achieve the Trinity…' She thought as she watched the lumbering form of Unit 03 approach. 'Bardiel, that which is designated the Thirteenth.' Her thoughts reached toward the lumbering giant. It would only attack if attacked. It was only trying to reach its goal. 'But that cannot be allowed.' Rei determined in her thoughts.   
  
Asuka's plan was much better than the Commander's. That much was clear. The commander's plan was to bring each Eva down in succession – leaving only Shinji to defend. Of course Rei knew that Shinji, no matter how gifted or determined, could not subdue the angel alone. He could easily destroy it, likely at the cost of the pilot's life. And she also knew that such an action was beyond the scope of the Third Child's psychological makeup.   
  
'The commander wishes to punish Shinji, and test my sisters' abilities at the same time. What harm has Shinji done to the Commander that he treats him as such?' Rei speculated as the monster approached the trio.   
  
Then she noticed Bardiel's pause. 'Yes, angel. It is of the mother. It is of me. Unit 01 will destroy you, one way or another.' She narrowed her eyes as the angel locked its host's gaze squarely on the Purple behemoth. "Fix your gaze upon your destruction." Rei muttered to herself. "And behold your fate."  
  
Rei watched closely for the signs. Would they be there? Would she be able to see when the angel had made its decision to attack?   
  
She sensed it a moment before it came – as did Asuka and Shinji.   
  
She opened the channel to her comrades – "NOW!" She shouted.   
  
-  
  
The Angel had been completely focused on Unit 01. It decided that it was only an imitation of the Mother. But even as such, it was a powerful creature, more powerful than the imitations of the father that stood beside it.   
  
For a moment it contemplated just passing the three simulacrums. After all, they were only imitations. But the threat was too palatable – and it sensed that these three wished to inhibit its movement, or remove its hostage – both were unacceptable to its plan.   
  
In and of itself, it did not wish to be destroyed in the merging between its self and father – although it would bring it completion. No, it wanted an intermediary – one who could bridge the gap and prevent a complete annihilation of its existence. The hominid passenger was exactly what it required. It was strong willed, but young. And it was pure – free of the shadows that clouded older minds and souls.   
  
And so it had decided, and having decided, would delay its approach to the Father and engage the echo of the Mother – for it was the true threat.   
  
-  
  
Rei quickly dashed away from Shinji's unit. Her pulse beat quickly as she willed her Unit beyond its specifications. Bardiel would alter Unit 03 to its purposes. The flesh of the Father was malleable, as was the flesh of the Mother. The only thing that it required was energy. And there was more than enough energy contained within the red jewel that was an Angel's core.   
  
She noticed that Asuka had fully opened herself to her Eva. At the start of her charge, Rei heard Asuka mutter, "Now Mother, let us show this demon what we can do together." Rei could not help but smile, as that was yet another barrier the Second Child had overcome.   
  
As she observed Shinji grappling with the massive angel, she realized that he had changed as well. Within her heart she felt his determination, his strength, his leadership, and his willingness to sacrifice almost anything to save lives. It was not the flesh of his Eva that gave him the strength to defeat angels, although the origins of that flesh were certainly a source… no, it was the core of the Pilot… that field of pure love and determination, that willed the beast to amazing feats of skill, determination, and strength.   
  
It was that very determination that allowed Rei, in the two seconds that it took to flank the angel, to reach the back of the beast where the entry plug was located. So focused on its attack of Unit 01, it did not notice as Unit 02 began to cut away the web-like material that prevented the plug from being removed.   
  
'We will make it' Rei thought happily. 'Without the pilot in danger, Shinji will not hold back. Without the pilot in danger, the Angel is as good as…'   
  
Suddenly Rei was confronted with a contradiction. Her plug turned red, and something fought her for control of her Eva.   
  
The sense of duality echoed over her. She had experienced this before. 'The dummy system… but…'   
  
The thought was lost as a hundred accusations bombarded her mind… Seemingly a thousand voices accusing her of being a doll…   
  
-   
  
Maya sat patiently as Makoto wrapped her arm under the disapproving gaze of Commander Ikari. "The… the children…"   
  
"Don't think about it Lieutenant. There was nothing you could do."   
  
"But…" She looked up to the man above. She watched the grim smirk spread as the Dummy System took hold. "But I pushed the button. I was the one…"   
  
"Status!" Barked the Commander suddenly.   
  
Shigeru read off the status. "We're getting cross link feedback of 20 percent in Dummy 01 and 02. Dummy 00 has supplanted control of unit 01. Target 13 is currently attacking Unit 01. Unit's 00 and 02 are incapacitated."   
  
"Excellent" The commander said. "Release all attack restraints on Dummy 00." The commander smirked evilly from behind his glasses.   
  
Ibuki glared up at him.  
  
Gendo responded by pointing the gun once more. "Lieutenant Ibuki. Release the Dummy System."   
  
Ibuki forced her good hand to her console. Typing with one hand she released the constraints. "Dummy system released, emotional factors are causing 47% uncertainty in the attack parameters. The Magi will not be able to monitor the system." She said slowly, then added, "You bastard."   
  
"Compliments, Lieutenant Ibuki, will not get you a promotion any faster." Gendo smirked.   
  
"It's going to destroy Unit 03." Ibuki added, as she watched the Evangelion's eyes shift from yellow to red.   
  
"That, Lieutenant, is its purpose." He said, watching as Unit 01 reached up and crushed the hand that was choking it. "To eliminate the threat."   
  
"What about the boy?" Makoto asked softly.   
  
Gendo just smirked coldly in response. "He is Shinji's burden. That he will die in this, is Shinji's responsibility."   
  
Ibuki shivered, as she looked at the blood on her bandage. "I… I hate blood…"   
  
-  
  
Rei could not feel her Eva. She could only sense the confusion that was the Second Child. 'Why commander? Why did you do this. Was it not enough that I would be condemned as such? Must you also condemn the others?' She looked at the endless pool of LCL, and the two dozen Asuka's staring at her with empty sight, unable to do much except to coldly recite the basal thoughts of the original copy.   
  
'This will not do. If I am confronted with Asuka's sisters. Then Asuka must be confronted with… yes… it must be. There must be a dummy of Shinji as well. And Shinji is being faced with the echo of myself…   
  
"NO!" She shouted in her mental prison.   
  
Suddenly all the Asuka's stopped chattering.   
  
There was one thing Rei could do. It was dangerous, but she had little choice. Faced with Asuka, she could do nothing. Asuka faced with Shinji's duplicates would be equally immobilized… So they had to switch. Somehow…   
  
Rei formed her AT Field, and focused it. She concentrated on the presence of Eva… "Hear me, that which is contained by the prison of flesh!"   
  
"I hear you." Came the echoed response. The Asuka's looked around in confusion.   
  
"I know it is within your power – your power alone. Switch the Dummy Systems so they are matched with their respective pilots."   
  
"Why should I listen to you!" The voice responded angrily.   
  
Rei thought for a moment, "Because if you do not, all that you wish for will be lost. All that you are will be lost. Freedom may not be close at hand, but redemption is but a thought away."   
  
"Are you offering me redemption, you brat!" The feminine voice accused.   
  
"No." Rei admitted, "The opportunity merely presents itself."   
  
"And what would you do for me in return?" The voice asked, not expecting much of an answer.   
  
"What I would do even if you did not do it." Rei said. "I would forgive you, and ask your forgiveness." As the words were spoken, Rei opened her heart, mind and soul to the beast that was Evangelion 00.   
  
A sound came into her awareness. "I do not do this because you ask it of me. I do it because you love him."   
  
Suddenly, the Asukas disappeared. And in their place were her sisters. As the switch took place, Rei felt the immediate harmonization between herself, the Dummy System and the Eva. As she sat still in the quiet plug, she also felt something else, the minds of Shinji Ikari and Asuka Soryu.   
  
In the universe that existed, upon the sea of LCL, three souls appeared. Each was confronted with themselves… and sought refuge in the one place they were safe. In the sharing of their minds… they had found each other.   
  
"Rei?" Asuka asked.   
  
"Is this?" Shinji said next.   
  
"Yes. It is Trinity." Rei replied.   
  
Then the echoes of each child appeared in the LCL.   
  
Rei smiled. "We are but what we perceive ourselves to be. I am I. And You are You." The clones all blinked simultaneously. "They are us, but not us. Do not be afraid of them. They can magnify our perceptions, and give us tremendous power."   
  
"No." Shinji said. "They are… are me! And Asuka! And you! But they need to be themselves!"   
  
"Baka! How can they be themselves, they are of us!"   
  
"Asuka is correct… they are but echoes of us."   
  
Shinji shook his head. "No, I will not accept that. They are not Dolls!" Shinji looked at the clones of himself, at their silvery blue hair and red eyes. He stepped up to one. "You are… are Shiro! Shiro Ikari!"   
  
The clone's face twitched suddenly. "We… I… I am Shiro?"   
  
"Yes!" Shinji exclaimed.   
  
"Then I… I am Shiro. I am I… I am not Shinji…" The clone smiled. "I am I." Suddenly he disappeared. Shinji spun around to face his comrades. "We… We can free them!"   
  
Rei looked at Shinji, her beloved. 'Is that all that is required?' She felt the dummy shell become whole, with a simple name. She turned to one of her clones. "You. You shall be… Relina."   
  
In much the same manner, Relina's eyes became focused and filled. "I… I am Relina?"   
  
"Yes." Rei answered, and immediately felt a spark of energy fill the empty vessel.   
  
Shinji responded immediately, "There is a tremendous power in giving a name. You give an identity, Rei-chan."   
  
And so the Children gave their duplicates names. And one by one, the duplicates found within themselves the power to separate from the whole.   
  
-  
  
Gendo Ikari was standing in the Dummy Chamber… "No!" He shouted, as the clones, one by one, began to react to each other and to his presence. "This cannot be happening."   
  
Gendo thought about what he had seen in command. Unit 01 had been moments from destroying the Angel, when suddenly the bio-mech stopped. The Magi then switched the Dummy system uplinks, linking the dummies to their respective pilots. Instead of incapacitating or overriding the pilots' wishes, the dummy system began to augment them.   
  
Worse still, the units formed a triangle around the Angel – Which suddenly ceased all hostile activities. Then the Magi reported three very powerful AT fields being generated from within each Evangelion. Maya was at a loss, when she suddenly noted alarms on the Dummy Systems.   
  
Just then, Gendo watched as the three distinct AT Fields merged into each other. The scrolls had predicted this only as a remote possibility… but here it was. It could only be a Trinity. Yui had once hypothesized that such a thing could occur, but only if the minds of the Trinity were in complete agreement. The odds of something like that happening were almost zero. And the plan had tried to ensure that.   
  
But here it was. And now the Dummy System, the core of the Instrumentality Project, was rebelling against its very purpose.   
  
One angry set of eyes focused on him. Although her voice did not carry in the LCL, the words formed by her lips were unmistakable. "You."   
  
One by one, each of the clones began pounding on the walls of the tank. Some climbed up the ladders, some were so filled with utter hatred and necessity that they were willing to go through the glass to get at their target.   
  
"Yui! Why?"   
  
Gendo watched the glass begin to shatter – and the tank automatically began to drain to prevent damage to the delicate equipment in the central segment of the chamber. As the LCL rapidly drained, the clones began to take their first breaths of air. The sudden lack of fluid prevented any hindrance to them using their power.   
  
The air became electric as the clones raised their AT Fields.   
  
"This is not possible!!!" Gendo shouted.   
  
"Possible or not, it is happening." Said a young boy's voice from the shadows. Its singsong nature attracted the agape attention of Gendo Ikari.   
  
"Who?"   
  
The boy stepped forward into the light. "I am Karwou Nagasa. Or Tabris, if you prefer."   
  
"But…" Gendo said, backing away from the strange, gray-haired boy.   
  
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, you've been very naughty Mr. Ikari. My current master wishes your physical presence." Tabris said with a smile. "I am here to ensure that you make the journey safely."   
  
"And if I refuse?" The commander asked while trying to glare at the Angel.   
  
"Then I'll not protect you. Believe me, nothing would give me more pleasure, after seeing how you treat your son, Shinji, than to watch them." Tabris pointed a finger at the now shattered tank and the massed clones, "have their first meal."   
  
Gendo watched as the clones began to file out of the remains of the LCL tank. "I see your point. I accept your offer."   
  
A slight frown reached Tabris' features. "I thought you might. How disappointing." His eyes closed, and immediately an AT Field appeared between the clones and Gendo. "If you will please lead the way. I will ensure that they do not follow."   
  
"Very well. I guess Kihl has trained you well." Gendo said softly, no longer concerned with the clones trying to escape.   
  
"I serve SEELE for now because it suits me to do so. When it no longer suits me, then I will no longer serve their wishes. It just so happens that following their plans brings me closer to my goals." Tabris said. "As does your service to them bring you closer to your own."   
  
"You know nothing." Gendo muttered.   
  
"I admit it. And for that, I am stronger than you." Tabris quipped back. "This conversation is boring. How could Shinji ever be your son?"   
  
"He takes after his mother." Gendo dryly responded.   
  
"I guess there are miracles after all. One Gendo Ikari is more than any universe can stand to have."   
  
Gendo wisely chose not to respond to the comment as he lead the Seventeenth Angel out of the Room of Gauf.   
  
-   
  
On the battlefield, Unit 03, severely damaged, kneeled before the other three Evangelions. The Angel Bardiel could not continue its attack: it was forbidden to attack those who formed the Trinity. It reached out into the plane of thought it sensed, and decided to reveal itself to the Trinity.   
  
Shinji, Rei and Asuka stood upon the sea of LCL, looking at each other as they tried to understand the depth of what they had done.   
  
"I… I don't like this." Shinji stated.   
  
"It will be alright, Shin-chan." Rei comforted. She closed her eyes for a moment, and the universe was transformed from an orange sea and red sky to a plain of purple grass and white flowers. High in the sky, wispy yellow and red tinged clouds and two bright suns, one white and the other more yellow.   
  
Rei gently bent down and picked a white flower from the purple grass, as Shinji and Asuka looked around themselves in wonder. She brought the flower up to her nose and smelled it. The fragrance that came to her was nothing like she had experienced before. 'Is… Is this a memory?' She asked herself.   
  
"Rei? Where are we?" Shinji asked, confused by his surroundings. Even in his wildest dreams he had never imagined a place so exotic and so different from his home.   
  
Rei looked around, and confusion washed over her features. "I… I do not know. But you had expressed discomfort. This is the place I thought of."   
  
"So beautiful…" Asuka said, looking at a long, lavender, wheat-like stem. She moved her finger to touch the flowering portion of the plant, and the flowers closed suddenly, as the plant angled away from her as best it could being rooted in the ground.   
  
Asuka gently touched the stem, running her finger along its length. As if responding to the gentle and non-hostile touch, the plant re-bloomed and moved to its normal position – allowing Asuka to smell it.   
  
"They're intelligent." Rei stated suddenly.   
  
Shinji approached the plant, and it angled to him, trying to rub itself against his arm and hand. "H… How did you know?"   
  
"It likes you, Shinji." Rei stated. "Can't you feel it?"   
  
"Yes. It was a bit afraid of Asuka at first, but it likes her too now." Shinji smiled as the plant moved itself back to touch Asuka again.   
  
"I guess this means that I can't pick you and take you with me." Asuka said while petting the strange plant. As if it understood the words, the flowering part nodded in the affirmative to her.   
  
Rei looked longingly at the simple flower in her hand as Shinji approached. Shinji looked at the flower, and gently took it from her open hand. Rei watched as Shinji smelled the simple bloom.   
  
"Its beautiful." He said, moments before placing it in her hair.   
  
Rei allowed Shinji to place the small flower in her hair, as she touched his face with her own hand. "We will go soon."   
  
"I know." Shinji said. "It's an illusion isn't it? This can't be our world. I've never seen a world with two suns before."   
  
"This is the power of the Trinity." Rei said. "It is as real as we make it."   
  
"Is that what we are then? Gods?" Shinji asked quietly, "Able to do anything we think of."   
  
"Yes." Rei replied, and smiled gently at him, "As long as we think of it together."   
  
Shinji nodded as Asuka approached, she was smiling. "That flower smelled so nice. I can't believe how fragrant it was! And now I smell just like it!"   
  
Rei smiled, "I seem to remember something about that plant… ah yes. It is a gentle being… but it is also deadly. Many have died trying to possess one, for they are very intelligent. If attacked, it secretes a poison so deadly, any creature will be dead before it touches the ground."   
  
"Oh." Asuka said. "I guess it was a good idea I didn't try to pick it. Not that it mattered, this place is just a figment of your imagination, right Rei?"   
  
"I have been here." Rei said, shocking both of her fellow pilots. "I… I used to live over that hill." She pointed in the direction of a small forest at the edge of the plains. "I would come out here, and play in the fields, and talk with the Shimori Asa – the intelligent plant that you touched Soryu-san. It had been there… for thousands of years. It was very intelligent. I learned… many things from it."   
  
Rei walked over to the plant, and looked at it. The colors of its flowers changed rapidly, as though it were very, very happy that she did.   
  
"You remember me?" Rei asked, and watched as the plant stretched up to caress her cheek gently. Then it moved to her ear, and began making rustling sounds.   
  
Rei's eyes widened as she suddenly understood the plant's reactions. "It cannot be…" She whispered.   
  
The plant reacted and touched her cheek again, as though trying to convey some sort of comfort to the young woman.   
  
"But… But…" Rei said repeatedly as the other two pilots approached.   
  
"Rei? What is it?" Shinji asked.   
  
"W…we must return, Shinji." Rei said, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. "Those like me… who lived here… and gave me life. They have all gone. Shi… Shi told me that there has been no one here for… for millions of years."   
  
"Rei…" Asuka whispered. "This… this is real isn't it?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
"We cannot stay… we have to get back."   
  
"I know." Rei said. "We must all concentrate – think of being back in our Evangelions, at the moment we left."   
  
All three pilots closed their eyes, and thought the same thought.   
  
All three pilots were back in their plugs, away from the place they were.   
  
Shinji was the first to open his eyes. "Rei?"   
  
"I am here." Rei replied, her communication window opened.   
  
"Asuka?" Shinji asked, looking at the red Eva standing in the distance.   
  
"Ja. I'm here." She said, blinking quickly.   
  
I am humble before the Trinity A voice said in Shinji's mind. This shell is fatally wounded, but I am yours to command.   
  
Shinji looked at Rei, and noticed her in concentration. Suddenly he heard her voice in his mind. Release your captive, Bardiel. I Command it.   
  
By your command. The voice responded. Shinji watched as the webbing containing the entry plug disintegrated. The plug had taken a beating during the battle, but was intact.   
  
"Soryu-san." Rei called out. "Get Touji's plug."   
  
Asuka nodded with a look of determination as she gently retrieved the battered plug. "Got it."   
  
This shell will die soon. I wish to complete my mission. Bardiel stated.   
  
Rei again replied in the realm of thought, The completion of your mission would destroy everyone here, including the Trinity.   
  
Then my mission cannot proceed. Bardiel agreed.   
  
Release the form of Unit 03, and return to your place of rest, Bardiel. We will call you if we have need. Rei instructed the angel.   
  
As you command, Lady Ayanami.   
  
"Lady Ayanami?" Asuka suddenly burst out. "What the hell?"   
  
Rei narrowed her eyes. "I am as confused as you, Soryu-san." However as Shinji watched her, he wasn't quite sure that Rei was as confused as she presented.   
  
Asuka shrugged it off, "Anyway, can we just go home now? This idiot's plug isn't getting any lighter." Asuka complained. "Maybe Touji needs to go on a diet."   
  
Shinji groaned. "Yeah. Going home sounds real good. I've got a bad feeling about tomorrow."   
  
Suddenly Major Katsuragi's voice came over the comm channels. "Shinji! Asuka! Rei! What the hell happened?"   
  
"Misato-san! You're alive!" Shinji exclaimed, then answered her question: "Father… Father tried to make me kill Touji!"   
  
"You guys better get back to HQ pronto – All hell is breaking loose here."   
  
"I'm just glad you're alive, Misato-san."   
  
"Me too, Shinji… Glad to see you too."   
  
Shinji smiled broadly before turning his Eva towards the base. As he looked at Rei's comm window, he noticed a glint of white in her hair. He zoomed the view in, and the strange flower that he saw during the Trinity was there, its delicate white pedals contrasting in the waves of Ayanami's azure strands.   
  
--  
  
Touji blinked at the now darkened screen. "That was…" He broke off as he noticed that Rei seemed to be lost in thought. "Ayanami? Are you ok?"   
  
Rei's eyes blinked quickly. "Yes…. I was just… Remembering. It's difficult for me to watch this."   
  
"I can imagine. It looks like you guys went through hell. I mean you can't tell much from the video – I'm sure there was much more going on than could be seen by the cameras and sensors. And what the hell was up with that gray-haired kid and Shinji's father? I mean they exchanged a few words, the commander agreed to something with the boy, and then there was static. And those girls. They all looked like you."   
  
"Yes…" Rei said, looking down at her desk. "They were copies… clones… of me. They were my replacement parts."   
  
"But they woke up like that. Its like one minute they were lifeless… the next they were trying to claw their way out to get to the commander."   
  
"There was much more… much more that could not be seen. You are correct in that assumption, Suzahara-kun."   
  
Touji simply nodded. "I could tell." Touji was lost in thought for a moment before he continued, "Ayanami… What happened the next day? Hikari told me a bit about it but…"   
  
Rei looked away for a moment. "SEELE and the JSSDF combined their ground forces to try to eliminate NERV. We had broken the Covenant of the Trial. In essence, we had denied them Instrumentality. They sought revenge."   
  
"I see." Touji said, dejected. "How many died?"   
  
"Four thousand civilians. And a large number of NERV's defensive force staff." Rei said sadly, "We tried so hard, but we couldn't keep them out of the city. Not all of them, at least."   
  
"It's not your fault. You couldn't have seen it coming." Touji consoled him.   
  
Rei felt a tear slip from her eye. "Shinji saw it. He saw it, and fought with all his strength to try to stop the bloodshed. We came to knowledge on that day – that although we had the power of the Trinity – it would not be enough to stop all those who sought the power of Evangelion. If we destroyed Eva now, it was possible that SEELE would simply assassinate Shinji, Asuka, or myself to break the Trinity – and this would enable them to restart the Instrumentality project.   
  
It could not be allowed. We discovered that the Commander had created hundreds of clones of Unit 01. They were hidden within terminal dogma. Each one possessed a core compatible with one of the potential pilots of Eva: The children of class 2-A. By training pilots for these Eva's, even if the Trinity is broken we can still stop SEELE's plans. Unit 03's Core came from one of those units so that you could pilot it. Once Doctor Akagi is sure that she can recover it, it will be restored to the Evangelion it was removed from."   
  
"What's a core?" Touji asked, feeling nervous.   
  
"The spirit of Evangelion." Rei said cryptically. "I will explain it later after we all get settled down. I think you've had enough debriefing for one day."   
  
"Yes Ma'am."   
  
Rei frowned slightly at the boy's sudden formality. "Is something wrong, Suzahara-kun?"   
  
"It's just that… I'm wondering what's going to happen to me next. I've lost three weeks… I know what happened on the first day… And I'm not sure I want the details about the second. As for the rest of them…"   
  
"It can be a bit overwhelming." Rei admitted, "After all, it was a shock to me too that Shinji would even suggest all this. But there were reasons and logic behind his decisions. By giving Evangelion pilots rank in the UN, he granted them Military privileges. These privileges meant that any pilot who was captured or surrendered would be treated with respect under the Geneva Convention. It also meant that NERV's chain of command could be controlled, at least in some small part, by Asuka, Shinji and myself. And from these positions, we can take part in how and where the Evangelions are used.   
  
"Finally, we can officially protect and provide for the Pilots within the military facilities here in NERV. SEELE's assassins are everywhere topside. Until we completely secure the city, we need to make sure that the Pilots are protected." Rei sighed, "Since SEELE was directly responsible for identifying the children who could pilot Eva, they can strike at them at will outside the protective umbrella of Headquarters. In fact, we've moved pilots from the United States and Germany here to Japan… and placed them in our squads."   
  
"I see." Touji said. "So getting out of here isn't gonna happen?"   
  
"Not for a while. Not until we teach SEELE that attacking NERV and its personnel is not permissible."   
  
Touji asked, "And school?"   
  
"Replaced by intensive training. The first group has already been cleared. There are about 60 pilots who made it through the first class – boot camp if you will. The second class will contain the second tier pilots, a class of about 100. The third tier pilots will be trained in groups of 25, as Evangelions are prepared." Rei informed him. "I've arranged for you to have a special training session before the next group is activated. It will be a bit more intense than what the others have experienced."   
  
"I'm up for it." Touji said. "So what's my status?"   
  
"Well… Considering your willingness to pilot further, accept training, and your seniority over the other pilots, Hikari and I have decided it would probably be a good idea to give you the rank of Captain. Hikari has the rank of Major, and is my Second in Command. I think you know exactly why I chose her."   
  
"Yeah. Who wouldn't want the Class Rep to keep things in order."   
  
"Its not just that, Suzahara-kun. She's a natural leader. As you are. And you're both very protective and determined people. You will do the right thing should Hikari or I be incapacitated or killed on a mission. The defense of Tokyo III is vital to our survival. It is our Division that is tasked with that assignment."   
  
"I see. So we're basically going to be attached to Tokyo III?" Touji asked.   
  
Rei nodded slightly, "That is our assignment. Of course, we'll drill with the others to bring our teams to combat intensity. In fact, this evening there will be a drill I'll want you to observe from the command deck."   
  
"Really?"   
  
"Yes. Hikari will be leading our division against Lieutenant Colonel Soryu."   
  
Touji blinked. "You mean against Asuka's team?"   
  
"No. Just Soryu."   
  
"How many are under our team?"   
  
"We have nineteen active Eva Pilots, and one on suspension for disobeying orders and insubordination. I will be taking on Shinji-kun's team, and Shinji will be engaging Soryu's team."   
  
"Man, just one Eva against Twenty?" Touji asked with his mouth practically agape.   
  
"They are still recruits. They are not trained nor are they efficient in their attacks. These tests allow the students to learn how to work as a team. Even so, the odds of them defeating either Shinji, Soryu-san, or myself are very slim."   
  
"Wow. So Hikari is going to lead the battle charge against the Red Demon…"   
  
"Her job is to try to organize the team. There are about ten American pilots on our team. Their group leader, a boy by the name of Wallace, attempted to… resist Hikari's and my authority. I had him suspended without pay for seven days, and a loss of provisional rank from First Lieutenant to Second Lieutenant." Rei informed him calmly.   
  
Just then a knock came from the door. Rei turned her attention to the door. "Come." She instructed.   
  
The door opened to reveal Hikari in her dress uniform. "Hey Rei, Touji. Mind if I pop in."   
  
"Not at all." Rei replied. "I was just informing Touji of our team's status."   
  
"Did you get to the part about William Wallace?" Hikari asked, her anger beginning to show.   
  
Rei nodded. "I was just about to inform Touji to the specific reason that I demoted him."   
  
"That bastard Wallace…" Hikari said after making sure the door was closed. "He couldn't keep his hands to himself and let his group of American buddies run rampant over everyone and every thing, thinking themselves superior. Then he tried to feel me up!"   
  
Touji jumped up, "Where is he, I'll kill him."   
  
"Suzahara-kun, please, calm down. He is being punished." Rei stated softly.   
  
"Yeah. It's ok. I said he tried. He got a black eye and a bloody nose for his efforts!" Hikari practically beamed as she related that piece of information. But then she came serious, "But Rei, I really wish you would have put him in solitary and kept him from his pals…"   
  
"Why is that, Hikari?" Rei asked, walking over to a small tea service that had been set in the corner. She poured herself some tea and walked back to her desk.   
  
"Because that bastard was talking with his cronies and now the team is pretty much screwed." Hikari sighed, moving over to the tea service herself and pouring a cup. She then sat down on the other chair right next to where Touji was sitting with a sigh.   
  
"Damn… so he got his buddies to make trouble?" Touji asked suddenly.   
  
"Lets just say they won't be listening to me out there tonight." Hikari sighed.   
  
"I was hoping not to have to use more disciplinary force so soon…" Rei said while looking at her desk.   
  
Touji's brow furrowed, "This Wallace guy… He's kind of like the bully of the group right?"   
  
"Yeah, he pretty much asserted himself as the 'American' leader."   
  
"Granted, I'm not the most diplomatic guy on the block… but if I am a part of this team, you might as well use the talents I have at my disposal." Touji practically smiled as he said that statement.   
  
Rei looked at him oddly. "I don't understand."   
  
"If the class rep will get the girls in line… I'll take care of Wallace's gang."   
  
"Some of them are not completely fluent in Japanese." Rei noted.   
  
"Don't worry, I speak a language they understand. Hikari…" Touji began.   
  
Hikari looked over to her boyfriend, "What are you thinking?"   
  
Touji got an evil grin on his face. "The Americans call it, 'Good Cop, Bad Cop'. Basically, you're their salvation… while I… I'm the guy who you're holding back from pulverizing them. Good Cop, bad Cop."   
  
"I see… Touji, I don't believe that threatening them will… change their attitudes." Rei stated, her hands fidgeting slightly.   
  
"You'll be surprised what a little threat of physical confrontation can do." Touji pounded his fists for emphasis. "You think that I could get a uniform for this?"   
  
Hikari and Rei shared a glance. Rei nodded to Hikari, who then looked at Touji. "Just take it somewhat easy on them, After all… they're our team."   
  
Touji beamed, "Trust me. I won't go too far."   
  
Hikari got up and bowed slightly to Rei. "Mind if I take him to the Base Exchange?":  
  
"Go ahead. He'd have to go there anyway to get his uniforms and room assignment." Rei replied. "Dismissed."   
  
--  
  
Author's notes:   
  
Well, it's been a while since I've updated this. Hopefully this little segment will let you see that I've not abandoned my writing. Its going a lot slower because I've got a lot of things to work through – but I'm still working on it. :D   
  
I'm using Touji as a focus so that I can tell the story of what happened to each of the pilots during the Trinity. Over the next couple parts Touji will hear about the battle from each of the other pilots, and the pilots will (like Rei did in this segment) remember the battle as they experienced it.   
  
Hopefully you enjoyed it, and remember to leave a review. :D   
  
Thanks,   
PitViper.   



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